Chapter 5: 3 Blades, 2 Bodies, 1 Spirit

Their fill-up went smoothly as Ben predicted and it was only a short jump to his little clearing in open space. They jumped outside of his coordinates and flew into range manually, preparing for attack, but when none came, they stilled the ship until it was virtually stagnant in space and shut a majority of the ship down.

"I don't know how long we will be in here," Rey explained to BB8 kneeling on the floor outside of her room, which had been prepared for a several-day meditation. "I need you to keep an eye on the scanners and jump us out of here into rebel space if anything happens. We may not be able to come out to help you so it's going to be up to you to keep us safe ok?" She asked and he buzzed and whirred an affirmative butting up against her arm affectionately. Ben watched the exchange silently from the doorway looking down on the pair, but when the little droid rolled over and butted up against him as well, he bent and placed a hand atop its head patting it gently.

"Are you ready?" Rey asked seeming a little unsure. If she thought she was nervous about binding her kyber crystals to her force signature, it had nothing on the way he was feeling. He had built a lightsaber before. A pure, sleek blue replica of the one that his master, Luke, carried at his hip each day. They kyber crystal had been recycled from an old saber, not chosen of his own, but his atrocities at the temple, all the hate and rage and fear and betrayal he felt, had cracked the stone within just as it had cracked him. He had been forced to add vents to expel the excess heat escaping the crystal and had decided that a cross-guard would suit his needs well. In many ways, it felt like Kylo Ren had been born from a kyber crystal. That was completely false of course, it was he who had turned to the dark side and broken the crystal within his saber, but part of him still expected his new crystal, tucked safely in the protective cases, would turn as red and angry as the last baring his soul as the un-redeemable loss that he was.

"Not even a little bit." He said reaching out and helping her up off the floor, "Let's get started."

They had agreed that it was best to meditate in the same room since the crystals had responded to them only when they were nearby, but they separated on opposite sides of the room each taking their respective crystals in hand and focusing to the exclusion of the other.

Ben found his attention slipping however; not in the way that an itch or an interesting thought draws one away, but the farther he slipped into meditation, the farther he seemed to slip into her. With a shake he cleared his head once more, but he could feel the cold metal of the floor under his fingertips despite the fact that his hands rested palm up loosely atop his knees as he preferred when meditating. Cracking open an eye he could see her with her hands pressed into the ground, crystals resting on each of her knees and realized that she was slipping into his mind as much as he was slipping into hers.

"Rey," He said and she frowned at him peeved at the interruption, "You're slipping into my mind." He informed her.

"And you're slipping into mine." She countered, that little dimple between her brows puckering as she furrowed them at him.

"I don't mean to be. It's just the deeper I fall into meditation the more we seem to merge." He admitted.

She sighed and rubbed her eyes, "I know, but… I don't know, it feels…"

"Right?" He asked studying her reaction, but she only nodded still looking frustrated and confused.

"Rey, there hasn't been a dyad in the force in generations. We have no idea how this is supposed to work for us. Maybe we are supposed to do this together." He suggested.

"It's worth a try," she admitted, "It certainly wasn't working the other way."

He nodded and came to join her sitting directly in front of her and placing his hands palm up before her. She placed her crystals in his left hand and then took his, placing it in his right. Her small palms came to cover the crystals, her fingertips brushing the heels of his hands lightly as their breaths evened out and they both sank deeper into their meditation.

They were truly in each other's minds now and falling quickly. Ben could sense the things she was sensing and soon memories started flashing before him both foreign and familiar as they danced and intertwined with one another. It was as if their minds were at war, fighting for dominance, gasping to prevent suffocation by the other consciousness invading their spaces.

"Relax Rey," he thought to her, "Let me in and I will let you in. There doesn't have to be a winner and a looser. We can coexist like this together. We do it all the time, this is just our consciousnesses fighting against being merged."

He felt her relax before he heard her reply, "We're already one." It was slow at first as their minds began to come together, like gears slowly lining up for the first time. It felt like days, in reality it was several hours, but eventually, the gentle ebb and flow of their consciousness cease, the give and take ended, and the waters settled enough for them to fully mix together. In that instant he felt a rush of Rey sweep over him and was glad that he had learned long ago to disconnect his mind from his body during meditation, because the sensation was one of pure bliss. He felt as much as he heard her breathy moan and had to choke back his own vocalization as the purest sensation of satisfaction and pleasure he had ever felt overwhelmed him.

It lasted only a few minutes, but as the relief of finally being whole for the first time in their lives began to ebb, they recalled why they had joined thus, and their mind turned to the crystals in their hands. Pulling on short strings of their joint consciousness, they teased them out of the greater mass and led them carefully to each of the crystals. Each was different, unique, both alive and sentient, but inanimate and inorganic at the same time. They fed themselves into the crystals, reflecting on who they each had been as individuals, the decisions they had made, and who they would be moving forward as this singular entity sharing two bodies, but one spirit and one way with the force. Slowly, the crystals learned them, reacted to them, became one with their force signature and developed into fully realized kyber crystals.

When the crystals felt almost as if an extension of themselves, and could take no more of them, Ben and Rey pulled away from them not breaking their bond to one another. Rey felt Ben's fear that he would open his eyes to find a glaring red crystal in his right hand, and Ben felt her confidence that he would not. She felt the irrationality of his fear, knew his knowledge of the ways in which kyber crystals were made to "bleed" red, not made in the way that they had just done, but still she did not think less of him or think him silly. She respected his fears, understood what founded them despite their lack of logic, and stood in the shadow that he was too weak to fill lighting it from within and giving him the strength that he needed to move forward.

When their minds were finally their own, Ben opened his eyes closing his hands firmly around the crystals and placing them to their sides without looking at them. He had eyes only for the other half of himself. Her hazel eyes were pouring into his and he reached a hand out to place it gently against her cheek, but his own insecurities stopped him. Everything he had seen within her had only served to convince him of how perfect she was and how flawed and imperfect he was. He wanted nothing more in the world than the woman in front of him, but he deserved nothing less. Still, the foray into their joint mindscape had taught him many things. He had seen himself through her eyes. Seen her trust and faith in him, her compassion and even desire for him and it gave him the assurance he needed to do what he would have been unable to do before.

Ben reached out taking her face in one of his large hands before leaning in, hesitating only an inch away from her lips, giving her the chance to draw away, before he kissed her soundly and with a resolute purpose he had not previously possessed. She was kissing him back instantly, leaning into him, one of her hands coming to wrap behind his neck as he gathered her closer with his other arm.

He had been barley hanging on to life the last time he kissed her, but this time he was fully in control of his senses and every move of his lips, every pause to look down at her and study her face, had intent behind it. He had spent his whole life serving one great purpose or another, but there was only one true destiny that mattered to him anymore and now that he was on the path to realizing it, he had no intention of letting it go and it seemed, neither did she. Rey gave as good as she got, kissing him back with a rapturous intent, one hand holding him firmly by the back of his neck, the other curled under his arm to grasp his shoulder from behind as she used it as leverage to pull herself up to his kneeling height. He could feel the echo of her contentment, her desire, but the was also a sliver of nervous trepidation about where this would lead. It was eased by her trust for him pulsing through the bond and he soothed it gently with his mind mirroring it on her person by stroking her cheek with his thumb and gently grazing his fingertips up and down her back. He had no intention of taking this too far; they had plenty of time later. For now, he simply wanted her to know how much she meant to him.

She began to shake slightly in his arms, from nerves or from adrenaline, he wasn't completely sure, but it didn't matter. He drew back tucking her head against his chest and wrapping her in his arms his cheek coming to rest atop her head. "Shhh," He hushed smoothing her hair and settling them more comfortably.

"Ben," She said tugging on the front of his tunic, her gaze transfixed on something over his shoulder as her adrenaline induced shaking continued, "Ben… look."

He turned still keeping an arm wrapped around her to see their three kyber crystals lying in the middle of the floor where he had left them. They were exactly as he remembered them, except now they were each a golden amber color in the bright overhead light. His own hand was shaking now as he reached out and picked up his own crystal holding it up to the light and peering at the color that shown through. It truly appeared gold, somewhere in the no-man's land between orange and yellow and he could only imagine how it would look as a blade. She reached out beside him and held up one of her own side-by-side to his; the color was identical. "Two bodies, one force between us." She repeated turning in his arms beaming up at him. His returning smile was broad and bright as he laughed and pecked her on the lips in celebration.

They had been meditating together for nearly two days, so they ate and drank while Rey caught up with BB8 then cleaned up in their private bathrooms before preparing to sleep before making any attempts at assembling their lightsabers. Even just the distance between their rooms was producing the stretching feeling in their bond and Ben tossed and turned for a long while as it pulled against him. He felt across the bond and found that Rey was likewise struggling, but there was a note of stubbornness in her mind maintaining her resolve not to seek him out to alleviate the strain.

Ben had no such interest in denying himself her company, and while their co-dependence troubled him considerably and was certainly something they needed to address, he was exhausted and the only thing he could think of that sounded better than sleeping tucked away in his own bed, was falling asleep tucked against her in hers.

Slipping a loose shirt on with his pants, he crossed into the hall and down to her room knocking on the door. She used the force to open it and he let himself in coming to sit on the bed beside her. "I know you are troubled by this tugging sensation as much as I am." He told her and she pursed her lips not looking at him. "We must address this issue, but for the time being, we both require rest. Please, may I at least sleep on the floor in here?" he asked hoping the floor wouldn't be his only option.

"Don't be silly." She said her eyes flicking to the spot beside her. Following her gaze, he noticed that the sheets had already been folded back, and an extra pillow had been added to supplement the two already crammed under her own head in preparation of his arrival. "Just…" she said sounding a little unsure.

He reached out softly tucking a lock of loose hair behind her ear and said softly, "I assure you, my only wish is sound sleep for the both of us." She nodded and Ben carefully climbed into the bed beside her resisting the urge to curl up against her back where she slept on her side.

Instead he lay on his back as he usually did and gazed up at the ceiling trying to ignore her. After a few minutes she let out a low frustrated groan and rolled towards him letting her forehead fall against his upper arm, her curled up knees grazing his hip. Ben tried to hide a small smile, but when he raised an arm to let her huddle up closer she curled in, resting her head at the junction between his shoulder and chest, her arm flopping out over his torso, and her leg skimming down his own if not fully crossing over it. With a contented smile Ben let his head drop towards her, his nose skimming her scalp and his arm wrapping warmly around her shoulders as they finally began to drift off to sleep.

Ben awoke with Rey's head nestled against his chest, one of her legs firmly wrapped between his own. He was completely content to lay there for the rest of the day, but he needed the bathroom, and he feared that his morning harness, currently pressing into her thigh would put her off. He allowed himself a few more short minutes snuggled into her, running his nose through her hair and memorizing the feel of her against him, but eventually he extracted himself gently settling her head on a pillow despite her muttered protests and made his way into her bathroom to relive himself.

When he returned, she was gazing up at him sleepily from her spot in bed, her hand resting in the rumpled place he had left behind. He had intended to settle in at the desk beside her night stand and work on something until she woke, but her small smile and sweet sleepy gaze drew him in like honey and he returned to her bed slipping back in beside her and propped his head up to look at her.

"Sleep any better?" he asked and she buried her head in her pillow with a slight blush, but after a moment nodded. He chuckled and brushed her hair back from the side of her face tickling her cheek a little with a finger hoping she would turn to look at him.

He wasn't disappointed, and soon her large hazel eyes were gazing up at him a small smile pulling at the corner of her mouth. "I think I was just really tired from the meditation," She said glancing around briefly, "I slept better than I have in a long time."

"Sure it wasn't the company?" Ben teased dancing his fingers along her side.

Rey snorted shaking her head and said disgruntled, "The company snores."

"I do not snore." Ben protested shaking his head.

"Oh ya? Your last bed partner tell you that?" She asked with an eyebrow raised, but when a dark look was her only response, she smirked at him and said, "Then she was being nice" and turned away from him with a snicker.

"No," He said pressing up behind her and leaning over her so he could still see her face, "I was always being watched on the New Order bases. I've seen videos of myself sleeping, and I don't snore Miss." He said goading her ribs with his fingers where he had learned she was ticklish and causing her to squirm away from him.

"Not so popular in the bed partner department then." She jibed squirming away from his fingers, but never leaving the buffer of warmth that he radiated under the covers.

Ben was silent for a moment looking down at her his emotions through the force suddenly feeling more serious. When he spoke, the joking was gone from his voice, but it was soft and honest, "Rey, I won't say I haven't had sex with other women. It wouldn't be the truth and frankly, I'm nearly thirty, it would probably sound a little sad. What I can tell you is that you are the only women I have ever shared my bed with."

Rey looked up at him for a few moments, eyes wide and thoughtful before she pointed deliberately down at the bed they were currently laying on and said, "this is my bed" looking around pointedly as if he was missing something obvious.

Ben couldn't help himself, he laughed. A full-throated laugh that almost hurt it had been so long since he had experienced and buried his face in her abdomen shaking his head at the woman beside him. He knew better than to be frustrated with her for pushing off what he meant to be a serious conversation. She had considered and catalogued what he had said, she would address it when she was ready. "So it is." He agreed sitting up and smiling down at her. "Freshen up and let's meet in the main area for some breakfast." He suggested.

They spent the next two days pouring over the schematics for their lightsabers and putting them together using nothing but the force. They were both nearing completion and taking a break for lunch when Ben looked over at Rey across the table and took a deep breath, "Rey, I need to tell you something." He said his eyes down cast and the food in his mouth tasting like sawdust.

She looked at him expectantly over her own provisions and he sighed, "Everyone always assumed the Knights of Rey were the five Jedi students in training that came with me when I destroyed the temple. They weren't." He looked up from under his hair and lashes to see her studying him with a curious attitude and continued, "I chose the Knights of Rey from amongst First Order forces in training when I first joined the order. Snoke wanted me to recruit force-sensitive individuals from his forces and develop a special strike squad. I was to recruit and train them for special missions, but they were never Jedi, nor were they nearly as strong in the force as any the Jedi Order would ordinarily hope to recruit. Snoke had been killing off all of the truly powerful force users for too long."

"If the Jedi students that followed you weren't the Knights of Ren then, where are they?" Rey asked. No hint of judgement or accusation in her voice, only curiosity.

"You have to understand Rey, I was in… I wasn't in any state of mind to think clearly. I did what I thought was best at the time… They weren't all as old or advanced as me. They ranged in age from seven to nineteen, but they were all powerful with the force if not well trained. I didn't know about the dyad then, shit you would have only been nine or ten, I was worried that one of them would out-shine me one day and that Snoke would choose them over me." He rambled his head in his trembling hands, fingers splayed out in his hair.

"Ben," Rey said softly coming to stand between his knees where he sat at an angle to the table forcing him to look up at her with her nearness. She stroked the hair back from his face sending waves of forgiveness through their bond and said, "It's ok Ben, just tell me what happened."

Ben sighed and leaned forward resting his forehead against her abdomen, his hands clenched together in his lap as her own came to cradle the back of his head, sifting softly into his hair. "I knew of a planet that had been wiped out by the first order a few months before hand. My mother had told me that they had been able to rescue the few survivors, but that it was too close to a First Order out-posting to go back for the supplies. I flew the five of them there and dropped them off. I told them I was going to the Snoke to secure their place and that I would be back for them as soon as it was safe… and I never looked back."

"So there are other force users out there right now?" She asked gazing across the room as she stroked her fingers through his hair comfortingly.

"Maybe, if they survived this long." He agreed, "I removed the planet's information from all of the New Order's records and since the resistance blacklisted them due to the proximity… as far as I know there have been five souls stranded on that planet for a decade."

"We have to go look for them. See what they have learned. Bring them into what we are doing. They can be the first group that we begin training with and from there we can search for more force sensitive children to help." Rey said her excitement growing.

"Rey, even if they're still alive… after what I did to them…" Ben said letting out a heavy sigh somewhere into her midriff.

"Hey," She said tipping his head up to look at her, "That's as good a reason as any to start with them. We have a chance to make this right." She encouraged him brushing hair back from his face gently as she studied the pain in his eyes.

"I'll be lucky if they don't kill me on sight," He said, but his voice was resigned, "I'd deserve it."

"Well then I guess it's a good thing we'll have these fancy new weapons to hold them off with until they can see reason." Rey said giving him a comforting smile. "Tell me about them." She encouraged sitting across from him still holding his hand.

Ben sighed but complied mixing his verbal explanation with images and memories as Rey nibbled on the end of her lunch. "Lango was the oldest apart from myself and was 19 at the time." He explained showing her a memory of himself looking up into the face of a muscular young man 3-4 inches taller than Ben himself with sandy blond hair. He was heavily built and in the process of throwing large rocks over his head at Ben as the latter used the force to throw them to the side.

"I can see why you were intimidated by him." Rey said considering Lango's substantial physique.

Ben glowered at her slightly with pursed lips and said, "He wasn't the one I was worried about. Lango was like a brother to me. He had came to stay with Master Luke not long after Mother sent me there. He was abandoned by his family and we shared a since of… comradery… loss over our situations different as they were. He started to do a little better once Marianna came to stay a couple of years later. She was 16 when I left them. I don't know what happened to her family. She never spoke with me about it, but I think she confided more in Lango." In his mind's eye, Rey could see a thin pale teenaged girl with long red hair and a tall frame that always seemed to stand half inside Lango's shadow. Ben's memory painted her as plain and unworthy of much notice, but Rey could see a silent strength within her that contrasted her delicate beautiful exterior.

"Inem'zerak was a Twi'lek boy who was about twelve when I left them. He was strong with the force, and his family sent him to train with Master Luke only about a year before we left." Ben showed her an image of a boy with dusky blue skin that idolized Ben. He followed him around the temple learning little things from the older boy and pretending to be Ben Solo out on great adventures across the galaxy. As a young man, Ben had found the child more annoying than charming, but Rey could feel the threads of regret looking back on his memories of the child. Rey smiled at the memories of the child squeezing Ben's hand in reassurance.

"The one's that scared me were the twins." He admitted a feint shiver running through him. "I knew that together they would be more powerful than I could ever hope to be." Rey saw two little girls no more than five or six, identical from their dark bronzed skin and chalk white hair down to their perfectly replicated faces, complete with empty eyesockets.

"Miraluka?" Rey breathed in surprise having heard of their kind before, but never seen a living example.

Ben nodded, "At least half, probably more." He agreed, "On their own they are each powerful force users, particularly in mental manipulations, but together they are far stronger than I was, particularly then. The only way that we might overcome them even now is through the power of our dyad bond and the advantage that our training brings us. They were discovered as infants when a group of Nightsisters. When the Nighsisters were eliminated, they were brought to master Luke since none of their own kind could be found so that he could train them. As it stood when I left them at seven on that abandoned planet, they had little control of their mental abilities and had a habit of reading any unshielded mind they came across. It was a mess, even for Master Luke. I was right to fear them. With his affinity for mental manipulation, Snoke would have taken them under his wing likely driving them to execute me to take my place. They're the ones I am most worried about. We can defend ourselves from the others, but we must work on protecting our minds from the twins."

"What are their names?" Rey asked studying his memories of the girls. Ben had been legitimately scared of them, of what they might find within him… and of what they might find to be lacking.

Ben only shrugged, "I do not know if they have begun calling themselves something different now, but they once went by Mira and Luka. Since they had no names they were aware of and refused to abide by any name that Master Luke or any of their care takers gave them, we mostly called them by their race or simply as the twins. Over some time, one began to call the other Mira and the other to call the first Luka so we used those for names until they were old enough to understand that Miraluka was their race, not their names."

Ben could feel Rey's sadness at the story of the young girls and squeezed her hand softly. "They found a family." He assured her, showing her memories of Luke playing on the grass with them, of the identical girls laughing with Inem'zerak, the Twi'lek boy, and of the whole group of them gathered around a dining table eating. Rey smiled at that memory in particular as one little girl sat upon Ben's knee as he carefully guided bites of food into her waiting mouth, her soft hair brushing against his arm. There were faces at that table too that she didn't recognize, ones that brought Ben pain and she assumed they were some of the students killed when Ben brought the temple down.

"We can help them." She assured him smoothing her hand over his skin comfortingly. Ben nodded not looking at her and she could feel his trepidation through their bond. "Let's finish our sabers and fuel up, then we'll go to them."

Ben agreed and they set back to work.

Ben finished his lightsaber about an hour before Rey finished her own, but he waited patiently, enjoying watching her work, guiding the force with her slender fingers until each detail of her new weapon was perfect. He knew she had finished when he felt her concentration and dedication turn to a flash of uncertainty. It fled just as quickly as it had come, but still, she had coursed through her for an instant just as it had coursed through his own veins ever since he put the final piece in place.

"Are you ready?" he asked her his voice low.

She nodded and picked up her staff in both hands, smiling as the metal touched her bare skin for the first time. Ben leaned forwards and grasped his own blade handle in both hands taking in the metal cross-guard and every etch and detail they had planned into it. He couldn't help but smile at how right the weapon felt to him and looked up to see if Rey was ready to deploy their weapons, but to his confusion, her back was turned to him and she was carrying her staff out of the room.

He felt the pull of their bond once she was more than fifteen or twenty steps away and hurried after her lightsaber in hand. She led them to the empty cargo bay where they had sparred previously and she pulled out a pair of workman's gloves tossing him a pair as well. Unlike her weapon, his lightsaber only held an electric field on the cross-guard thus preventing him from needing to use gloves to fight with it, but he accepted them anyways and put them on, the rough texture reminding him that they should re-fuel somewhere with a nice textile or leather marketplace.

When he looked back up at her, she was smiling at him, her saber held out before her, hands positioned over the spindle which would ignite it. Ben covered the button on his on saber with his thumb and nodded. They ignited their sabers together and a warm yellow glow was added to the fluorescent hum of the cargo bay.