I can't believe I've never written a Dear Evan Hansen story. It's probably my favorite musical, it's certainly my dad's favorite musical, though we've both only ever heard the soundtrack. The message is so powerful and the ending is so heartbreakingly beautiful. So I wanted to make my first Dear Evan Hansen fic a tribute to the mother/son relationship Heidi and Evan have.

Enjoy!

Okay, so Evan wasn't the best at Christmas. He wasn't the worst… Okay, so Evan was the worst at Christmas. But he'd been working extra hours at the Pottery Barn, putting just a little bit of his check aside so he could save up to buy his mom a Christmas gift. Like, a good one. That would be a first for them. He tried his hardest, from year to year, to be good at gift-giving, but he really wasn't.

He had an employee's discount at Pottery Barn though, so you better believe he was going to get his mom something from somewhere (anywhere) else. This year was supposed to be special. He worked every day among these shelves and there wasn't anything special there. She'd done so much for him, given up so much for him, she deserved more than his employee discount.

So the perfect present search began. He was kind of nervous about it, actually. This past year, when he'd felt so alone after the aftermath of the Connor Project, his mom had always been there for him. He felt like she owed her for the love and understanding she had shown him. He felt like he owed her for her insistence that he keep trying, keep going despite how many times he wanted to give up. She was the only one who had consistently been there for him after he'd ruined all of his friendships. And now he wanted to make it up to her.

"What do guys get their moms for Christmas?" He wondered aloud, sitting in his car and scrolling through Amazon.

"I could get her a nice sweater…" He mumbled.

"No. Nope. No. Bad idea. Too basic and I don't know her size… There are a lot of better ideas," he convinced himself.

"Okay, what are better ideas? What did I used to get her?" Stupid paper things. He used to make things. When he was a kid. He hadn't gotten her anything like that in years. He felt a little bit bad about that. He regretted all those years he'd spent feeling bitter toward her. If he could, he would've taken it all back.

"I could just ask her," He mused, then shook his head.

"No, it won't be a surprise if I ask her… I have to figure this out myself. What do women like? I wish this could just be spelled out for me. It would be so easy if I got a sign. If I could intercept her letter to Santa." Evan didn't even know what he wanted for Christmas, he'd exclusively been stressing out about this present thing. It didn't really matter what he got this year as long as his mom was happy.

"I wish I could ask anyone. But I'm not on the best terms with any women. I guess I could ask one of my coworkers. But… That would be awkward. I don't know them that well and they might get the wrong idea or report me…" Evan wished he was better at making friends.

"I just have to go with my instincts, right?" Something caught his eye as he was scrolling, he ordered it without a second thought, and then he just had to wait.

He was nervous even after his present was gift-wrapped and placed underneath the Christmas tree. What if his instincts were wrong? What if she hated it and had to pretend she liked it? Like with all those crappy homemade gifts he'd gotten her in the past. He woke up early Christmas morning like he did when he was a kid but instead of running into his mom's room to wake her up he just sat on the couch in the living room and fretted in solemn silence. And then she woke up.

"I shouldn't be surprised that you're up before me on Christmas," his mom laughed.

"We don't have an elf on the shelf anymore so I wanted to guard over your present myself."

"Thanks, Evan. Do you want to have breakfast first?"

"Uh, I think I'd like to do presents first."

"Okay, grab one of your presents then."

"Actually, could you open yours? I… I tried my best."

"I'm sure I'll love it!" She accepted the gift with a smile and unwrapped it to reveal a beautiful, intricate music box.

"Oh, Evan, it's gorgeous. It's perfect and I love it."

"I know that I wasn't the best gift-giver in years past…"

"Are you kidding me? I have loved every single thing you've ever given me. I still have every trinket, every ornament, and every card that you ever made for me." Evan was touched.

"I thought they were stupid," he admitted.

"No, they couldn't be stupid, they're from my son." She wrapped her arms around him and he hugged back, doing his best not to cry.

"Okay, now it's your turn. Open up your presents." But that hug and bit of affirmation was the best present that he got.

I've been doing a 12 days of Christmas challenge every day since the 14th. Tomorrow, for Christmas Eve, I will be releasing a Percy Jackson story and for Christmas, Teen Titans! I hope everyone has been having a fantastic Christmas! I hope everyone who is traveling for Christmas has safe travels, I hope your gift-giving is successful, and a happy new year.