Preface
The Truth About My Past

Queen Iduna
Summer, July 1826

The warmth of the hearth spread to every corner of the quiet drawing room. The bright colors of a flickering sunset cast shadows of objects in its path across the lavender embordered carpet.

Queen Iduna sat curled up on the sizable settee placed against the large floor-to-ceiling windows that dominated the far wall. Her legs bent under the soft fabric of her royal purple skirts; the tips of her shoes poked out under the hem. Her back pushed into the throw pillows as her arms held the hardcover book. Her beautiful, handmade, burgundy scarf was draped over her slender shoulders. When she took a deep breath in through her nose, her scarf slipped off her shoulder and down her arm. She reached to pull it back up. The feelings of comfort and of love returned to her. Her mother's love wrapped around her.

Iduna set the spine of her book in the gap between her thighs. All thoughts of continuing to read forgotten. She reached with her free hand to part the beige embordered curtains. Deep memories of her mother took her away.

The Northern Lights shone brightly of blue and green across the firmament. The peaceful light bathed her with its sensation through the gap in the curtains. Her eyes closed with a deep breath. Iduna let the quiet atmosphere seize her. The memories became alive.

The smell of the fresh forest air teasing her nose. The sound of the flowing creeks rushing over rocks in her ears. The tall whisks of the greenest grass tickling the palms of her hands.

When her eyes opened again, she watched the gentle flow above her.

'I miss you. I really do.'

A loud pop from the burning wood caused Iduna to turn her head from the window. All remembrances of her family gone. Her back straightened from the relaxed slouch against the throw pillows. The fire popped again in the metal grate surrounded by stone. Iduna noticed the flames had gotten smaller since she had entered the room over an hour ago.

Letting the curtain close, Iduna closed the book in her lap before getting up from the plush couch. Without tripping on her gown, she crossed the small space between the couch and hearth. She held her scarf around her shoulders with one hand as she knelt before the dying fire. She went to work on rekindling the flames. She shuffled the already burnt logs to create room with the provided tool. Once she had a nice flat top, she reached over to the right of the hearth to grab a few more logs. She placed them carefully; making sure not to burn herself.

Iduna grabbed a few char-cloths to place under the wood; which rested a few centimeters above the ground. With the flint and steel stones, she gave a few strikes before the fallen sparks caught against the flammable material. She blew a quick breath to give life to the fire before lifting herself from the ground. She put the flint and steel back into the metal box on the mantel.

The heat of quick growing fire wrapped itself around Iduna like a blanket. She felt the warmth relax her. Her shoulders slumped from their perfect posture. Her eyes closed. Her head tilted back with ease without the weight of her crown.

The door to her drawing room opened. Her peaceful solitude was interrupted.

With a quiet sigh to herself, Iduna straightened her body back to the model of a queen. Composed and regal.

"Ah, there you are." Her husband, Agnarr, spoke with his low, soothing voice. "Thought I'd find you in here."

"Here I am." Iduna smiled back, her posture relaxed a bit again. "What brings you this way? I thought you were dealing with correspondence. Something to do with a new trade partner?"

Agnarr entered her special room that reflected her classic and simple tastes. He stopped short of her. "I was. Am." He corrected himself. "Still looking over the details and maps, but I don't think my eyes can take staring at another piece of parchment until tomorrow." He chuckled.

Iduna's smile widened.

"Also," he reached to brush Iduna's bangs from her eyes, "it's time for the girls to head to bed. Gerda informed me that they are playing in the nursery."

"Alright. I hadn't realized how late it had gotten." Iduna took hold of her husband's arm. Ready to walk to the nursery between the East and West Wings of the castle. But Agnarr didn't move and just stared at the palm of his hand. "Everything alright?"

His attention seemed to be brought back by the sound of her voice.

"Oh, yes, of course." He reassured. "I was just pondering why the tips of my fingers were covered with ash."

Iduna's eyebrows rose slightly when her husband showed her his hand. Sure enough, his fingers had been kissed with ash. The corner of his mouth was turned upward like he already knew why. Iduna swiped her fingertips over her forehead, the same way her husband did, and found ash on her fingers.

"Oops." She laughed. "Guess some of the ash from the hearth got disturbed when I was tending to it."

Agnarr stepped before her. He held her face gently as he used a red cloth to wipe the remaining ash from her forehead and cheeks. "There we go." He tucked the cloth back into his sleeve. "Come." He kissed her forehead before linking her hands around his offered arm again. "Let's go put the little Bråkmakere's to bed."

Iduna walked alongside her husband as they left her drawing room with a chuckle.

"Little Bråkmakere's?" She questioned with a sideways glance.

As she walked beside him, she slipped a hand from his arm to hold her treasured scarf around herself.

"They sure acted that way today." Agnarr answered.

Iduna couldn't help but let the laughter bounce off the walls of red wallpaper. "So, you heard about that?"

"Of course I heard about it." He replied. "The nanny came to me personally about it."

Iduna couldn't stop the laughter. She tried to cover her mouth with the back of her hand, but it did nothing to quiet it. Her stomach started to cramp from the constant chuckles that rumbled in her chest. She felt Agnarr tighten his grip just a bit to keep her standing somewhat straight as they continued down the halls. The sconces were placed perfectly along the walls to give light as they walked along the scarlet rug.

"I didn't realize it was that witty." He spoke with a smile.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Iduna took a few breaths to calm her laughter. "I know I shouldn't laugh, but when you get told your eight-year-old daughter froze her nanny's backside, you can't help but find it amusing."

For the longest time Agnarr didn't say anything, and Iduna wondered if he would at all. She knew her husband well. Better than the two who raised him when his mother passed shortly after childbirth. He is a learned and powerful man. Very formal at all times. Except, when it came to his daughters and his wife. His regal appearance melts away whenever the girls bat their lashes. He truly dotes upon his daughters, but it is nothing compared to how he relishes about Iduna. The way he would freeze and stare at her whenever she entered a room was like the world had stopped around him. Like there was nothing that could tear his gaze away.

Agnarr surprised Iduna from her thoughts when he leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"It was hard not to laugh when she used the hearth to melt the ice in my study." Agnarr replied with a chuckle.

Iduna almost choked on her laughter. "She did that?"

Agnarr straightened up and only replied with an 'mhmm', but Iduna saw the mischievous smile with a side glance. He found it uproarious like she had.

As the couple strolled further down the East Hall, the excited shouts of their daughters muffled voices could be heard behind the firm white nursery doors.

"Anna. Elsa." Agnarr hollered out halfway from the door.

"Bedtime soon." Iduna finished her husbands intended sentence.

When the couple came upon the nursery doors, Iduna unwrapped her arm from Agnarr's. She adjusted her scarf on her shoulders to keep it from hitting the floor. Iduna mainly heard her youngest speaking in her lively voice.

"Quick, Elsa, make a prince. A fancy one!"

Agnarr entered the nursery first. He hung in the doorway, listening to the girls play their game together. Their voices no longer inaudible with the door open.

"Your Majesty?" Iduna stopped herself from following behind Agnarr when Gerda called out for her. "I apologize for interrupting, but there's something in need of your attention."

Iduna noticed she held a folded parchment within her hand.

'Duties never seem to take a break.'

Iduna looked back at her daughters' room before returning her eyes to Gerda. Iduna had never missed saying goodnight to her little princesses. Not even when she carried them within her body. She wrapped her arms around herself.

"Has something happened?" She questioned.

"Not in that matter, Your Majesty, but the cook is unaware of what he is preparing for the gala next week." Gerda started to explain. "His Royal Majesty hasn't taken a moment to inform him."

Iduna let the breath she held in past her lips after several moments. She had thought the worst. Like the latest trade deal wasn't going as well as Agnarr had told her. It was just a simple preparation oversight.

Iduna placed a hand on Gerda's arm as an act of reassurance. "Leave the parchment on my desk in the drawing room. I'll take care of it later."

Iduna felt all the strain leave Gerda's body at her words. Her smile no longer tight. Her eyes softer. "Of course, Your Majesty." She took her leave down the hall.

With a shake of her head, Iduna made her way into her daughters' bedroom. She could hear her little princesses play their game of make believe. She went to the credenza place a bit from the doors to grab the book Agnarr and she had been reading to the girls. A favorite story of hers. A love story between a lonely king and a common woman who worked as a seamstress. A story that seemed familiar to her own.

"What sound does a giraffe make?" Elsa asked her younger sister.

Anna could only shrug her shoulders.

"Never mind." Iduna watched Elsa create a figure with her magic. "They wake the fairy queen, who breaks the spell and saves everyone!"

"And they all get married!" Anna cries out after grabbing all of the snow figures in her arms to hug close. The sound of her daughters' laughter makes her heart sing.

"What are you playing?" Agnarr asked. Iduna wondered when he had gotten a candle.

"Enchanted forest." Anna replied without turning to face her father.

"Hmm." Agnarr started to head towards Elsa's bed. "That's like no enchanted forest I've ever seen."

Elsa was the first to look at her father. Her blue eyes wide with wonder. "You've seen an enchanted forest?"

"Wait what?" Anna's confused gaze finally lifted up.

Iduna smiled fondly at her girls while the book she held hugged her chest.

"I have. Once." He gave the girls a smirk. A smirk that Iduna knew very well. Something he did often when they were younger. Being smug that he knew something she did not.

"And you've never told us this before?" Anna accused. Her tiny fists on her hips.

"I could tell you now. If you like." Iduna watched the girls race from the snow forest playset and onto Elsa's bed. Iduna looked up at Agnarr with her brows lowered.

"Now."

"Now. Tell us now."

Iduna made her way over to Elsa's bedside and placed the unneeded book on the end table. "Are you sure about this?" The worried look did not leave her eyes.

Agnarr gave her a reassuring smile. "It's time they know."

Still filled with unease, Iduna lifted and adjusted herself behind her daughters. Her legs to the side where her feet dangled over the edge and her arm used to steady herself.

She could hear Anna's whispered voice in her sister's ear before her, but she couldn't recognize what she was saying.

"If they can settle and listen." Agnarr wiggled his free fingers before the girls to get their attention.

Anna and Elsa both straightened their backs and filled their cheeks with air. Iduna watched Agnarr's face soften at the sight of them. His smile reached the forest green of his eyes that lit from the flickering flame of the candle he held.

"Far away, as north as we can go," Agnarr began, "stood a very old and very enchanted forest. But its magic wasn't that of goblin spells and lost fairies, it was protected by the most powerful spirits of all. Those of air. Of fire. Of water. And earth."

Iduna watched her husband's mouth as it moved. His words sending her back to a time she hadn't lived in many years.

"But it was also home to the mysterious Northuldra people."

"Were the Northuldra magical? Like me?" Elsa wondered.

"No, Elsa, they were not magical. They just took advantage of the forests gifts."

Iduna lifted her gaze to meet her husband's eyes, but he wasn't looking at her, he was focused on his daughters. Part of her was glad he didn't see the look behind the sea of blue within her eyes. He wouldn't see the pain that swam from his words. She wondered if he really thought the people of the north took advantage of the spirits instead of the enjoyment and coexistence they shared together.

"Their ways were so different from ours, but still they promised us friendship. In honor of that, your grandfather, King Runeard, built them a mighty dam to strengthen their waters. It was a gift of peace."

"That's a big gift of peace." Anna commented.

"And I was so honored to get to go to the forest to celebrate it."

Iduna remembered seeing Agnarr there that day. Of course, he was much younger. His fascination with the forest. With the beauty from the spirits. His curiosity that lead to their first meeting after the Wind Spirit spoiled his hiding spot.

"I wasn't at all prepared for what the day would bring. We let down our guard. We were charmed. It felt so…magical. But something went wrong. They were attacking us."

'Get behind me!'

"It was a brutal battle. Your grandfather…was lost."

'Father!'

"The fighting enraged the spirits. They turned their magic against us all." Iduna could hear the echoes of the eerie melody from that day. A day she would never regret.

'Ah ah ah ah.'

"There was this voice."

'Ah ah ah ah-ah ah ah.'

"And someone saved me. I'm told the spirts then vanished, and a power mist covered the forest. Locking everyone out. And that night, I came home King of Arendelle." Agnarr finished his story to Elsa and Anna with a gloomy look in his eyes.

Iduna knew he still felt guilty about his late father's passing. How King Runeard was lost in the forest and he made it out alive with only a head wound. Iduna had tried to ease his perception several times over the years, but a part of him still blamed himself for the tragic end. She couldn't really say he wasn't allowed to feel that way after all these years, for she had a similar guilt that stormed inside her.

Stealing herself from inside her head, Iduna watched the candles flame cast shadows across Agnarr's prominent nose and illuminating her daughters faces. Their mouths hung open and their bright eyes wide from the fascination of their father's story. Iduna drew them closer to her, draping her scarf around them to add a weight of comfort.

"Whoa, Papa, that was epic." Anna said, breaking the silence. She collapsed against Iduna's ribs as her mind tried to picture everything she was told. "Whoever saved you, I love them." With Anna's dramatic movement, she pulled Iduna's scarf from her shoulders and wrapped herself in it. Iduna smiled down at her youngest and quietly laughed. She ran her fingers over her side and pulled her scarf over her face.

The king smiled at her with their youngest. "I wish I knew who it was."

'I wonder…'

"What happened to the spirits? What's in the forest now?" Elsa wondered out loud. Her quiet voice sounded worried. Iduna went to put a hand on her eldest but stopped at the sound of Agnarr's answer.

"I don't know. The mist still stands. No one can get in, and no one has come out since."

Iduna quickly locked eyes with her husband, giving him a warning look to be careful with his words. She wanted to make sure her daughters didn't feel alarmed. Her palm connected with Elsa's back. "So, we're safe."

"Yes," Agnarr agreed, "but the forest could wake again, and we must be prepared for whatever danger it may bring."

Iduna watched a flood of panic wash over Elsa's face at her father's warning, and she quickly intervened. "And on that note, how about we say goodnight to your father."

Her daughters were much too young to be thinking about violence and war…especially when she was trying to get them to sleep. She saw the apologetic expression on his face.

Anna groaned and kicked her mother's scarf off her tiny body. Iduna got up from the bed to walk her husband to the bedroom door.

"Aw, but I still have so many questions." Anna said with a pout.

"Save them for another night, Anna." Agnarr gave Elsa a kiss on her forehead.

"Urgh," she said in frustration, "he knows I don't have that kind of patience." She looked at her sister pointedly, who nodded, clearly agreeing with Anna.

Iduna watched her youngest clamp her lips together and scrunch her little nose. Her husband chuckled at her attempt at trying. His lips placed a kiss to her forehead. He crossed the room to the bedroom door. His hand wrapped around Iduna's waist like it naturally did when she was close. She smiled up at him before he gave a light kiss to her scarlet lips and left the room. As soon as Iduna shut the door, Anna's stream of questions began again.

"Why did the Northuldra attack us anyway?" Her question made Iduna's eyebrows raise. "Who attacks people who give them gifts?"

She carefully made her way back to Elsa's bed. Her skirts brushing against the snow forest and knocking some of the powder loose.

"Do you think the forest will wake again?" Elsa asked next, finally lifting her head from the bed to glance at her.

A soft look came across Iduna's face as the vivid memories of her past swept through her mind. She gave her daughters a soft smile. "I wish I had the answers, Dear Hearts. Alas, only Ahtohallan knows."

"Ahto-who-what?" Anna's face scrunches up in confusion.

Iduna laughed as she smiled bigger at Anna's expression. "When I was little, my mother would sing me a song about a special river called Ahtohallan, which is said to hold all the answers about the past and what we're a part of."

The sisters shared a glance after Anna's head found its way onto Elsa's shoulder, then two pairs of blue eyes stared up at the Queen.

"Will you sing it for us? Please?"

How could Iduna turn down that pleading smile her eldest gave her. Deciding to humor her children and that there was no harm in indulging in part of her past, she gave them a nod.

"Alright." She slipped further onto Elsa's bed until her back slouched against the pillows. "Cuddle close. Scooch in." Her daughters curled up into each of her sides. Anna's shoulder pressed into her ribs and Elsa placed her head into her chest, but she pulled them in closer.

Queen Iduna's voice was like a summers breeze. It was low and warm as it sang the lullaby her mother used to sing to her all those years ago. It sounded like nothing but love to her daughters as they listened with smiles.

Iduna slipped her hand from Anna's, who played with her fingers, and ran her pinky down Anna's nose. The little princess followed her finger until her eyes could no longer stay open. Iduna felt the chuckle Elsa gave upon hearing Anna's snoring. The queen picked Anna up gently, cradling her in her side as she made her away across the room. She placed Anna softly on her own bed. Her arms tossed out across her pillow. Iduna pulled the thick, pink covers over her snoring child to tuck her in. She used her finger to rub off some of the drool.

Iduna returned to Elsa just as the eight-year-old climbed to the edge of her own bed. Iduna lifted her into her arms. Cradling Elsa to her chest as she continued to sing her mothers lullaby. She cuddled Elsa as close as she could get her while she stood before the large window. She looked to the sky that swayed with light.

Elsa was barely awake when she reached the end of her song. She brought the exhausted child to her bed and set her beneath the covers of blue.

"Now sleep, my Little Snow." She whispered, kissing both of Elsa's pale and tiny hands.

She fluffed Elsa's pillow as the blond head fell upon it. Iduna brushed her daughters bangs out of the way with the back of her hand, wrapped her scarf back around her shoulders, and then picked up the candle that wavered on the bedside table.

"Mother?" Elsa spoke just as the queen touched the door of the room. "Do you think Ahtohallan knows why I have magical powers?"

Iduna didn't answer the droopy eyed princess immediately. She thought hard before she spoke. "If Ahtohallan is out there, Little Snow, I imagine it knows that and so much more." She finally answered.

Just before Elsa finally couldn't stay awake any longer, she muttered out, "Someone should really try to find it."

Iduna's smile was nostalgic as she stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind her. Leaving her Dear Hearts to sleep with pleasant dreams.

The night was late. Much later than she would normally be up, but her mind was tormented. Heavy with thoughts and guilt. All she could think of was Agnarr, and how she had hidden herself from him their entire relationship. The story he told their girls was the truth about her past. The beginning of their story. Iduna pulled her legs closer to her chest. Pulling her skirts back down her legs from her movement to cover her bare feet. Although she still wore her stockings and the hearth was blazing, she felt cold.

She had been left alone for awhile now. She wasn't sure exactly how long, but she guessed a few hours. Iduna had dismissed Gerda after they had finished with the gala dinner menu. She would need to meet with cook in the morning to insure he knew what to prepare. Gerda hasn't been back since then. Iduna turned her head from the cushion of the settee to the bare window.

'He deserves to know, Iduna.' Her mind argued. 'He is your husband and your best friend. He loves you. You know he loves you. That's not going to change if you tell him the truth about yourself.'

Iduna bit down on her bottom lip from nerves. She pulled her scarf tighter around her chest to try and impede the shaking. The comfort she was normally given did nothing to stop the water from building behind her lashes. The fear of his reaction alarmed her. She loved him. She loved him more than she ever thought was possible. And, she didn't want him to change his views about her.

'You need to have faith in him, Iduna. Don't you trust him? Trust that he won't change his feelings towards you.'

"Darling?"

Iduna didn't know when the door had opened. She didn't know why she never heard the footsteps approach her. Nor did she prepare for the hand to touch her shoulder. Her body jumped on the settee, knocking the throw pillows on the floor.

"Agnarr!" Her hand pressed against her heart. She felt the pulsing beat against her chest. "You startled me!"

"I can see. I apologize." He smiled with a laugh.

She removed her palm from her chest and back around her legs. "What time is it?"

"It's late." He replied. "Which is why I came looking for you. You weren't in our room when I entered, so I figured you fell asleep reading again."

Iduna blushed when she smiled at him. "No, just, couldn't sleep."

Agnarr raised a strawberry-blonde brow. "Somethings wrong."

"Wrong?" Iduna questioned. "With you?"

"No, you." Agnarr reached for her closest hand as he knelt to one knee and clasped it between his. "You can't sleep, that happens when you feel something is wrong. What is it?"

'Tell him the truth, Iduna. Do it!' Her mind screamed at her. She wondered if Agnarr heard it from the loud volume it shouted.

"It's…" she hesitated, "it's nothing, Agnarr. Just the dinner menu for the gala next week for the visiting Baron."

"Oh, I completely forgot! I was so focused on gettinge the trade agreement ready that I didn't give time to prepare the gala."

"It's alright." Iduna placed her free hand over his. "I took care of it."

"Of course you did." Agnarr laughed. "You always do, but that's not what's troubling you."

Iduna lowered her gaze for just a moment.

'You know you'll regret never telling him.' Her mind reasoned. She carefully got up from the settee. Agnarr let her hand slip from his as she took a few steps away from him.

"Iduna?"

She recognized that tone of voice he used. It was a tone he used when things felt out of his control. When he didn't know how to help her. Her guilt sprouted within her heart.

"What is it, love?" She felt his hands shift the fabric on her arms. She shivered as his hands rubbed along her arms until he reached her hands clasped before her. "How can I help you?"

'TELL HIM THE TRUTH!'

Iduna turned around to face her husband, but she could only stare at his chest. Her guilt eating at her. She reached up to place her palms flat against his broad chest. Her fingers touched the cold metals pinned to his deep blue, nearly black, suit jacket. His arms wrapped themselves around her tiny frame to embrace her as close as he could. His heart drummed beneath her palm.

"I have something I need to tell you, Agnarr." Iduna finally spoke with a shaken voice.

"Tell me." Agnarr spoke lovingly in her ear. The warmth of his palm spread over her cheek as he lifted her face from his chest. It was like all the stress suddenly left her shoulders at the sound of his voice. His thumb brushed under her eye to catch the stray tear. "Hey, are you worried about telling me?"

She watched as his eyes moved across her face. The worry lines at the corner of his eyes furthered her guilt. She was causing him to worry about her when there was no need for him to worry. "I'm afraid your feelings for me will change."

"Iduna, nothing in this world would ever change my feelings for you." Agnarr reassured the best way he could. "I love you with everything I am."

'I'm praying that won't change.'

"I need to tell you the truth about my past, and where I'm from." Iduna finally blurted out.

"I'm here." Agnarr pulled her into his chest. Her head rested on his shoulder with his fingers in her hair. "I'm listening."

Bråkmakere-Troublemaker