Part 7: All That I Wanted (Was To Be Wanted)

Everything they wanted to keep from Haymitch's old house was moved in by Christmas Eve.

It had demanded two weeks of hard work but the house was finally well and truly finished. Effie had been a whirlwind, so focused on getting everything just right that Haymitch had often joked with Peeta that they should have told her years ago and that, with that sort of enthusiasm, the house would have been finished in weeks instead of years. She didn't mind the affectionate taunts. It had been so long since she had something to truly focus on, to fully get involved in… It was exactly what she had needed: a purpose. She had made lists and schedules and she had crawled to bed exhausted every night.

She wasn't sure if it was because of that exhaustion or because she had foregone the guest room for Haymitch's bed but she had slept better of late too. There had been nightmares but they had been mild compared to the ones she used to have in the city and it helped that Haymitch had been there to coax her out of them. She had been burning so much energy she had even developed an appetite too…

And now that the last box had been carried over, everything was in its proper place and they were finally ready to actually move in. They could have done that before since the house was mostly furnished but she liked the idea of starting their new life there for Christmas. That night would be their first night in their new house and that was why she had insisted they spent Christmas Eve and the following day's Christmas lunch there instead of at the children's: she wanted the house to become theirs too.

All in all, Effie mused, as she surveyed the tree the four of them had spent the evening decorating, she was happier right now than she had been in years. She had a dream house that currently smelled like the Christmas cookies Peeta had been baking nonstop, she had a dog who was snoring on the couch he technically wasn't allowed to climb on, she had her two victors and she had Haymitch.

Haymitch who wrapped his arm around her from behind and tugged her against him to drop a quick kiss on her neck… He released her just as quickly. A blink and you would miss it gesture of affection.

Mostly because the children complained they were mushy.

Well, they complained while smiling wide and looking extremely happy for them but, still, she thought they were genuine in their horror every time they saw a hand wandering to a thigh or a kiss lingering too long – which was a bit over the top in her opinion because for the most part everything was still very innocent between them. The making-out might get a little out of hand sometimes but they hadn't taken it further than that yet. True to his word – and despite the fact that he would have been entitled to expect more given his Christmas gift – Haymitch hadn't pressured her on that front and she hadn't yet made a move.

"Should we go have some hot cocoa in the living-room?" she suggested. "We can exchange presents there."

Her offer was unanimously approved and, once they had trays full of hot chocolate mugs and cookies, they retreated to the living-room that was just as decorated as the rest of the house. She had even squeezed a smaller Christmas tree in a corner, next to the window – she loved the big one in the front of the house but she spent most of her time in the living-room.

"We're gonna have to do something about you and sleeping on furniture." Haymitch grumbled, shooing the dog away.

Fluff wasn't happy about having to relocate and he looked at Effie with pleading eyes she had quickly learned she didn't quite know how to resist. Haymitch was firm with his rule about not allowing dogs on the couch or the bed though – not that it didn't mean Fluff didn't get away with it – and she knew to pick her battles. She sneaked him a piece of cookie and he let out a deep sigh as if it was a real hardship but he did relocate on the rug in front of the lit fireplace.

"You spoil him." Haymitch complained but he still coiled his hand around her nape in a never forgotten mark of affection.

"He is a baby." she countered, immediately relaxing when he started gently squeezing her neck. He let go soon after, clearly with regret. His fingers trailed down her back before he reached for one of the mugs.

"For now. But when he gets huge and out of control, you ain't gonna think it's cute." he replied.

The children exchanged a look and a smile they thought to be discreet. It wasn't. And she was pretty sure Haymitch noticed too but she let it slide.

She was too happy to concern herself with exactly how mushy she looked.

"Presents!" Katniss reminded them all with a rare burst of childish enthusiasm. She had dismissed the free armchair to sit on the floor next to the tree and she was the first one to reach for the shiny wrapped gifts piled there. She grabbed a silver one without looking at the tag and immediately handed it to Peeta, her eyes bright with excitement. "For you."

Peeta's smile was spontaneous and he eased himself out of his armchair to sit on the floor next to her, his fake leg stretched out in front of him and his real one tucked neatly under his other knee. "What is it?"

"Open it and you'll see." Katniss challenged, refusing to give her game up.

Effie smiled, still somehow surprised to see them so at ease and happy together. When she had left them, their relationship had been rocky at best, unrequited at most.

"I told you not to do anything crazy…" Peeta chided her, tugging on the ribbon and then attacking the paper…

"Don't worry, it's not the key to a surprise house." the girl deadpanned.

"Bloody ha ha ha." Haymitch scowled. "Mock me all you want. It worked out in the end, yeah?"

This time, when he placed his hand on the small of her back, he didn't take it off and Effie automatically slid closer to him. She wasn't quite cuddling with him – in public, when she was the hostess? it would have been rude – but she was very much leaning against him. His hand drifted to her hip, his arm enclosing her. She felt his whole body relax and she knew that, had they been alone, he would have kissed her forehead.

Of course, Fluff chose that moment to discreetly sneak around and hop on the free cushion on the couch, disrupting the peace.

"No." Haymitch ordered firmly but she wasn't the only one who wasn't immune to big puppy eyes and after a staring contest that lasted all of thirty seconds, he sighed and rolled his eyes. Taking that for the tacit permission it was, Fluff crawled up to Effie's legs, dropped his little head in her lap and sprawled. In minutes he was fast asleep.

"You spoil him." she teased, faking a disappointed tone that made the children burst out laughing.

"Smart ass." Haymitch muttered.

"Language." she retorted.

She had lost track of what Peeta was doing but when he exclaimed in delight to find what was clearly a box full of glass vials with various powders and what not, Effie frowned and looked at Haymitch, a question in her eyes.

"Rare pigments." he explained in a low voice while Peeta kissed Katniss in thanks. "She spent months tracking them down. He likes to do his own paint."

She nodded because it made sense and then watched as Katniss, clearly embarrassed by how grateful Peeta looked if the blush on her cheeks was to be believed, reached under the tree for another silver present. A slight limp one this time. She tossed it at Peeta.

"Tradition." she declared, her grey eyes sparkling with mirth. "Don't worry, there's one for everyone."

Haymitch groaned but she didn't let that deter her, she grabbed two more limp silver presents, checked the tags this time, and tossed them at her former mentor who caught them easily enough. He dropped one on Effie's lap.

Curious, she lost no time unwrapping it and found a beanie inside. At least, she thought it was a beanie. It was a bright pink and had a lopsided pompom loosely sewed at what should be the crown of the head, assuming the asymmetric form of the beanie allowed the hat to actually stick on one's head. It was clearly handmade and she realized Katniss must have knitted it herself.

"Oh, darling! Thank you!" she exclaimed, clutching the gift to her chest, touched that Katniss had thought about her.

"Don't thank her until you've tried it." Haymitch snorted, pulling a sweater out of his own package. There had been an attempt at geometric patterns that had been abandoned half-way through and the sleeves were not the same lengths. He still ducked his own sweater to slip this one on. "You should teach her how to knit properly. As soon as possible."

"I don't know…" Peeta joked, wrapping his scarf full of loose stitches around his throat. "I think she likes that they look terrible…"

"How rude of the two of you!" Effie huffed. "Poor Katniss spent time knitting for you and…"

But poor Katniss was laughing hard at the two of them so she couldn't be that offended. She supposed it was a private joke from that winter Haymitch had mentioned, a private joke she had not been there for and, as a consequence, wasn't a part of.

Nevertheless, she put the beanie on since it seemed to be what was required of her and Katniss laughed even harder because, of course, it didn't fit like it should. Peeta took one look at her and laughed too, teasing Katniss about how terrible her knitting was… Haymitch chuckled and plucked the hat from her head, not careful enough not to tussle her hair for her tastes.

"Don't you look cute with that." he mocked.

Never one to be made fun of, she snatched the hat from his hand and forced it on his own head. It fitted even less because Haymitch's head was too big. Now it was her turn to laugh and, once the children caught sight of what was happening, they roared with laughter too.

Effie grinned. "How fetching. Pink really is your color."

He grumbled as he tossed the hat in a corner of the couch but there was a smile tugging at his lips and he dragged her back against his side as soon as the hilarity had died down.

Katniss grabbed another present, seemingly at random this time, read the tag and handed it to Peeta again. Effie watched him tear off the pink paper with some trepidation, stroking Fluff's little head, but the boy looked nothing short of delighted when he spotted the heavy art book inside. He glanced up at Effie and she cleared her throat before he could say anything. "There are some reproductions of masterpieces that were lost in the Great Floods inside and there is a section about technique I thought you might like."

"It's perfect!" Peeta exclaimed, stretching his arm so he could squeeze her hand. "Thank you, Effie."

She didn't have to force the gentle smile on her lips. She must have looked a little emotional because Haymitch's thumb started drawing slow circles on her hip.

"Seriously?" Katniss snorted, looking at the tag on the next present. She looked up at Haymitch. "Seriously? You went and wrapped a gift for the dog?"

Haymitch frowned, clearly puzzled. "I can barely wrap a fucking present, why do you want me to make more work for myself?"

Effie huffed and reached for the present the girl was holding. "It is Christmas. Everyone should have at least one gift, shouldn't they, pretty boy?" Fluff's head had snapped up at that particular tone of voice she always used to talk to him – mostly, she thought, because that meant either cuddles or treats. His little black eyes tracked her every move as she loosened the paper for him. She didn't mind Katniss and Haymitch's laugh or the way Peeta was trying not to laugh. She presented the gift to Fluff who immediately buried his head in the paper and lifted it again with a huge ball trapped in his jaw. When she tried to take it, he let out a growl. "Look again. Look." Effie ordered. It took some working but she managed to get the ball and he eventually found the other chew toy shaped like a bone inside. A vivid pink bone. "The ball is for outside only." she instructed, hiding it behind one of the throw pillows.

Fluff was looking at her and she had no doubt he would try to ferret it out before the end of the night but he also seemed to think she might take out the chew toy so he hopped off the couch and retreated to the fireplace, his prize secure in his mouth.

"There is a present for Buttercup too." she declared. "I did not want him to be left out."

Although she wasn't sure how much the cat would enjoy the stuffed mouse toy she had bought him. He was, after all, rather old now.

Katniss was having a lot of difficulties not laughing again. Effie could feel the tension in Haymitch's body as he tried, and failed, to contain his own amusement. The two of them were very attentive to avoid each other's eyes.

Effie huffed. "Oh, laugh at me if you must!"

And laugh again they did.

"Ruffians." she muttered under her breath but it only made them laugh harder.

Peeta coughed in his sleeve, except she wasn't sure he was really coughing, and grabbed another present at random. He handed that one at Haymitch.

It was from Katniss so she supposed the knitted presents truly were a joke. She had gotten him a recipe book with a few bookmarks scattered inside. He checked a few of the recipes out – and they all looked far too complicated for Effie – and snorted when he stopped on one of the bookmarked page. Canard à l'orange. "Is that a present for me or for you?"

"Both." the girl answered cheekily. "Come on, you've got that big kitchen and you're dying to try it out."

"I'll try it out soon enough." he grumbled but it was mostly for show Effie could tell. "Or you're volunteering to slave all morning to cook Christmas lunch?"

"I've killed the turkey." she reminded him. "And Peeta's bringing dessert."

"I can help." Effie offered, feeling a bit guilty that her contribution to the lunch they had planned would probably only be to dress the table.

"No!" they all protested at once, exchanging panicked looks.

She pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes in vexation. "What happened the other day was an accident. That stove was old, it could have happened to any of you!"

"Setting fire to the kitchen while boiling pasta?" Haymitch teased. "Never happened in twenty-seven years."

"Well, twenty seven years is old for a stove." she insisted, pouting.

His grey eyes were riveted to her mouth and she knew he was dying to kiss that pout away. The children must have been scared he actually would because Katniss exclaimed "presents!" to remind them what they were doing. Haymitch stopped staring but he was distracted and as Katniss unwrapped a brand new leather bag full of hidden pockets that would be perfect for hunts, Effie leaned a little more against him.

She supposed it could be called cuddling now.

She should mind, she knew, sit up straight, remember her bearing… A lady did not slouch and certainly not against a man but…

She was comfortable and Haymitch was warm and in the end she caved and rested her head on his shoulder, kicking off her heels to tuck her legs under her. The children didn't seem to mind. Katniss was still inspecting the bag Haymitch had gotten her and Peeta was flicking through his art book.

She was so content that she startled when Katniss placed another silver present next to her on the couch. She frowned a little when she caught sight of the tag and looked at the girl curiously before unwrapping it. She found a shoe box inside – no brand on it so it must have come from Twelve's shop – and she opened it to find darling black leather boots lined with white fur on the inside. The heels were so small the boots could almost be considered flat and they were clearly only fashionable in the District but…

"You shouldn't have!" she gasped. "They must have cost…"

"Delly's a friend. I got a discount." Katniss dismissed. "And it's good leather. They'll last a few years. You need proper boots if you're gonna stick around."

"And that's to go with them." Peeta said, handing her another present wrapped in shimmering gold.

It was smaller and she was very careful not to damage the paper, she wanted to keep it. She found a pair of delicately stitched leather gloves inside. They were thin but warm.

"You can't go around without gloves." Katniss explained. "You'll get frostbite."

"Hand her the red one, yeah?" Haymitch asked casually.

The girl had to unearth it because it was under the other remaining presents. Effie put her feet back on the floor and placed the box on her lap, it was big and she tossed Haymitch a look. "Tell me this isn't from you."

"It isn't from me." he repeated innocently, lifting both hands in the air. "It's from Santa."

"Haymitch." she hissed.

"What? It's true." He shrugged. "Look at the tag."

The tag indeed claimed the gift was from Santa and she rolled her eyes but couldn't quite hide her smile. "Haymitch, you built me a house. I do not need…"

"Yeah, you do." he cut her off gently. "Open it."

"But…" she argued.

"What if it makes me happy to give you stuff?" he challenged. "You're gonna begrudge an old man his happiness? Besides, if you wanna be technical, the house's your Christmas present from three years ago so it doesn't count."

She shook her head at him but carefully unwrapped the gift she still said was too much. There was a brand on that box alright. And it was a good brand. An expensive brand. He had it shipped from the Capitol.

She opened the box and found a coat inside. A beauty of red velvet and gleaming buttons…

She couldn't help but press her lips tight to stop herself from laughing.

Haymitch's face fell. "You don't like it? Thought you would… Color's pretty and all…"

"It's not that. I love it." she promised, chuckling a little.

"Good cause you need a proper coat. That one you're wearing won't get you through winter here." He was sulking a little. "What's so funny then?"

"Can you hand me the pink rectangular gift, darling?" she asked Katniss, standing up to try on her new coat. It fitted like a glove and she twirled a little, enjoying the way it felt on her shoulders. Not too heavy but not too light… "Here." She passed the present to Haymitch who was now frowning.

He lost no time tearing the paper up and frowned harder when he spotted the very same brand that was on her own box. He glanced up at her and then opened it, taking out the heavy navy blue coat.

She wasn't sure who snorted first, Katniss or Peeta, but soon enough, the children were elbowing each other. "Of one mind." they kept whispering to each other before chuckling even more.

If she hadn't known better she would have suspected them to have spiked their chocolate mugs.

"You got me a coat?" he asked, stunned. He stood up to try it on too. Obviously, it suited him perfectly. Her tastes were nothing if impeccable.

"I knew you would never have shopped for a new one without me." she hummed, lovingly folding her brand new red coat so she could put it back in its box until she could hang it in her brand new walk-in closet. "So I surmised you were still wearing the old one and, what do you know, I was right. Do you like it? I chose a classic cut, obviously, I know you are not one for…"

The rest of that sentence was muffled by his lips. She barely registered the hand cupping her cheek or the fact that the children's laughter had abruptly died down. She tilted her head and responded readily to his mouth.

She was a little out of breath when he finally drew back and she licked her lips, feeling quite dazed and quite happy to be.

She almost expected a comment about the two of them being all mushy again but the children were strangely quiet and nobody said anything about the kiss. They settled back on the couch and they finished handing presents around. Katniss was delighted with the scarf she had gotten her, Peeta loved the antique record player Haymitch had found him, Haymitch seemed happy with the pretty ivory chess set the boy gave him…

Soon there was nothing left but a large envelope and Katniss opened it with curious looks for Peeta who was grinning like the cat who got the cream. She pulled out leaflets for a ski resort in Seven and studied them with a frown.

"I booked it up." Peeta said. "Two weeks. We're leaving in three days."

"But I can't go." Katniss protested. "I can't leave Twelve…"

"Says who?" Haymitch challenged, looking very pleased with himself. The girl was staring at him, lost. Effie glanced between Peeta and Haymitch who both looked very pleased with themselves…

"Did you call Plutarch?" Katniss hesitated. "Did he say it was alright if you say it's okay? Or… Are you coming with us?"

"Skiing in Seven?" Haymitch scoffed. "No thanks."

Effie was a little relieved to hear that. She didn't want him to leave her behind to go to Seven and she also didn't want to leave her brand new house when she had just moved in, even for a holiday. But she was just as confused as the girl. Last she had heard, Haymitch was Katniss' guardian because she wasn't considered sound of mind…

"But…" Katniss argued.

"You're of age and you haven't gotten in trouble once in three years." he cut her off. "Good job on not killing anyone, sweetheart. I've made an appeal and they agreed to lift some of the sanctions. You're still persona non grata in Thirteen and in the Capitol but you can travel around the Districts now. Congrats, Katniss, you're a free woman."

It was dropped so casually despite the importance of the moment that it took Effie a few seconds to process what it truly meant. It didn't change a lot in the grand scheme of things because Haymitch hadn't enforced his guardianship over her but to be nearly twenty and still legally forced to answer to a parental authority of sort…

It took a moment to dawn on Katniss too and, when it did, there were some tears and a lot of hugging. Peeta first, then Haymitch… That one was longer and Haymitch pressed a short kiss on her head before releasing her.

"Don't go and get in trouble now, sweetheart." he whispered.

"Finally got rid of me, you must be happy." Katniss mocked when she stepped away, her eyes shining with tears.

Effie fully expected a deflection and some sarcasm but she should have known better. That was the old Haymitch, the one who hid behind a bottle. This new sober Haymitch…

"Don't be stupid." he scoffed, wiping the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. "You're mine and you're always gonna be. No getting rid of me."

Katniss shot straight at him again and that hug looked a little desperate to Effie.

When Peeta quietly suggested they got the trays full of empty mugs back to the kitchen, Effie agreed. She wasn't quite sure what Haymitch and Katniss were muttering to each other but it clearly wasn't for their ears.

They had always had a special relationship.

"Her mom doesn't get in touch often." Peeta explained, once they were in the kitchen, safe from prying ears. "She still think everyone's gonna abandon her eventually. She knows I'll stick around obviously and she knows Haymitch would never leave her but… She still struggles with it sometimes…"

Which explained why she had been so angry on the phone and had accused Effie of deserting her… She felt guilty. She had thought Katniss didn't care much for her but perhaps… She had resented Aster Everdeen for something she was guilty of too. Regardless of her own feelings for Haymitch, she should have done more for the children after the war.

"I am sorry I was not there." she blurted out. "I…"

"It's alright, Effie." Peeta interrupted gently, loading the dishwasher. He flashed her a small smile. "She was angry but she didn't know half of what happened. The four of us… We've been through too much together to hold stupid grudges. You're here now, that's what's important."

She couldn't help her own bout of emotions and she tugged the boy into a hug.

"I do love you, you know?" she whispered. "I could not love you more if you were mine. The both of you. And I should have been here but it was too much. Everything was too much."

"I know." Peeta promised, holding her tight. "If anyone gets it, it's me. Don't worry."

And he would understand, she supposed, because he had been down there in that hell too.

"Well, now…" Haymitch mocked from the threshold. "Who's getting mushy?"

The joke had the designed effect and the children were soon laughing again.

It was a nice evening and nobody really wanted it to end. It was very late by the time Katniss and Peeta left, so very late she almost offered them the use of their brand new guest room, and suddenly it was only the two of them and a slumbering puppy in the house.

She tidied up while Haymitch forced the reluctant dog outside for a spell so he didn't wake them up at dawn the next day. She heard him and Fluff come back into the house from her walk-in closet upstairs. She heard him move on the bedroom, his footsteps less confident than usual because it was their first night there and their routine was disrupted…

She waited, hesitated…

Then she heard his voice from the bedroom, protesting the puppy jumping on the bed and the subsequent one-sided conversation that consisted of scolds entwined with what she suspected to be cuddles.

She stopped hesitating then.

Effie stood on the threshold of their bedroom, more nervous than she would have liked.

Haymitch was in the process of undressing and Katniss' sweater was stuck around his head, which made her smile. She watched him struggle for a while, biting back a smile when he finally managed to tear himself free with an irritated huff. He glanced at her, eyebrows raised when he spotted the red coat she was wearing.

"Going somewhere?" he joked, his eyes darting to the corner of the room and his favorite armchair on which Fluff had sneaked on to sleep. He clearly wasn't happy with that but it was better than having the puppy on the bed so he let it slide. "I already let him out tonight."

"I have another present for you." she declared before she could lose her nerves.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Is it outside?"

"No." She licked her lips and loosened the first two buttons. He glanced at the uncovered naked skin and back up, understanding dawning on his face. She did her best to stretch her lips into a seductive smile despite her nerves. "Would you like to unwrap it yourself or shall I do the honors?"

He swallowed hard but didn't move when she slowly bridged the distance between them, undoing another button. Her breasts were on display now and he stared at them before closing his eyes tight.

"We don't have to." he croaked. "You don't have to. I'm happy to wait. I…"

"I want to." she cut him off. She knew all that already, that he would wait indefinitely, forever if it was what it took, that he didn't love her for the sex… Those concerns had been laid to rest.

When he did nothing more than stand there with his eyes closed, she raised on tip-toe and brushed a kiss against his lips.

"Effie…" he breathed out, reluctantly chasing after her mouth. "Sweetheart…"

His hands were balled into fists as he fought to restrain and quell his own urges. She gently stroke the back of them and, when he finally relaxed, brought them to her breasts. She firmly told herself not to obsess over how smaller they were when they had already not been big. If he noticed, he didn't seem to care. With a whimper, he cupped them, gently stroking the delicate skin with his thumbs…

"Open your eyes." she ordered.

"You're torturing me." he complained. "I want you so bad…"

"Have me then." she challenged.

He shook his head. "You said…"

"I trust you. I want you." she promised. "Just… Nothing rough, not for now, alright?"

She didn't think she would have been able to handle anything too violent, already she felt a tinge of apprehension.

And yet she was determined.

She wanted this. She wanted him.

She wouldn't let fear stop her, not anymore. She would be bold and fabulous and fearless, like the Effie Trinket of old. If only for a night, she would be all that and more.

When his mouth found the hollow of her throat, her collarbone, when his hands left her breasts to undo the rest of the buttons before gently steering her toward their new bed, the apprehension slowly fell away.

His hands caressed her body, worshipped her body, and she wondered what she had even been afraid of in the first place.

She had been so adrift before his phone call…

When he gently, so cautiously, rocked into her, she realized she had stopped drifting at some point, that she had finally anchored down.

And it wasn't just because Haymitch had built her a house…

It was because he had built her a home.

The End

Merry Christmas!

A deep thanks to Akachankami who betaed this whole story on her own and more generally slaves all year to make sure my stories are readable!

Let me know your thoughts!