Innocence, a star wars fanfic

This is unbeta'd so please forgive any mistakes. I hope you enjoy!

Before my garment lost it's white

Before I saw my father cry

When fear was never on my mind

Take me there

Rey felt his presence before she heard him. Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.

Once her ears register the sound of the gravel crunching under his boots she turned, ready to take hold of her lightsabre. However, there was no need; he was alone as promised.

Rey eyed him with a mixture of suspicion and intrigue. They had not spoken nor seen each other in over two years, not since that day on Crait. She had been surprised and unnerved at his sudden invoking of their bond and requested that they meet. She was sceptical at first but she sensed no ill will in his words and so she had agreed.

Now here they were, in the middle of nowhere on some nowhere planet not twenty feet from each other.

"What are we doing here, Ben?"

He grimaced at her use of his given name.

When all I saw was silver gold

When shadows didn't have a hold

Before I always needed more

Take me there

Kylo hesitated before speaking, "I've come to parley as the Supreme Leader of the First Order."

Rey shook her head.

"We, the First Order, far outnumber you-"

Rey cut him off, annoyance getting the better of her, "That's all you are going to say? After everything that has happened, after all we been through? You're just going to stand there and pontificate to me about the greatness of the First Order?"

Kylo scowled at her. "I am not pontificating. If you would just listen to what I have to say-"

Rey threw her arms up in a gesture of exasperation and scoffed, "Why? Because you're such a perfect example of the splendour of the First Order? And are you happy, Ben?"

Bring me to the garden where we'd go

And cleanse my soul, cleanse my soul

Free me of this anger that I hold

And make me whole, make me whole

"Happy? What has happiness got to do with this? With any of this?" he spat.

Rey nearly growled at his stubborn refusal to see the truth of the matter. "It's got everything to do with it. Don't you see that? Happiness. Your happiness. Or rather the lack there of."

He grew silence. Something in her words had hit home and unnerved him. He wouldn't look directly at her, staring at a point just over her shoulder instead.

Darling won't you let it go

You don't have to let it hold you

Listen to the light

Don't let the darkness take you

Pressing her advantage Rey moved a few steps closer to him and continued, "You are the Supreme Leader. All the First Order bows to you. You have your power, your control. And for all that you have are you any happier? Or do you still have that niggling incessant ache inside you that never goes away? No matter how much you have or possess."

He was looking at her now, uncertainty playing across his face.

She stepped closer, "That, Ben, is your lack of happiness. Your lack of peace and acceptance of yourself. Your lack of belonging."

He tried to feign self-control and anger, but his composure was broken. "Happiness, peace, acceptance, belonging? You speak of these things like they have meaning."

"They do is you allow them to." She was less than two feet from him now.

"Enough! This is not why I asked you here."

"Then why are we here, Ben?" Rey asked in a soft tone as if she was speaking to a child.

Always in this inner fight

Do I listen to the voice that says

I'm Worthless never will be right

Do I try to keep my head up high

Though I feel that I deserve it all

These daggers going through my chest

Can't you see the devastated souls

The remains of my own foolishness

Kylo attempted to gather himself, "I wish to parley. Disband the Resistance and the First Order will stop hunting you."

Rey shook her head in disappointment, "We can't do that, Ben."

"You can't win this fight," he urged.

"Our fight is so much bigger than that."

A dark expression clouded his face, "Really? And what pray tell is more important than your life?"

"Hope, Ben. Hope is."

Kylo gave a mirthless laugh.

Rey stepped forward again closing the gap between them, "How long has it been since you had hope, Ben?"

"Hope? Hope is weakness. How can I know hope when I am part of the dark side?"

"You did not come from the dark side and it is not who you are. Supreme Leader? Kylo Ren? These are just names, personas that you surround yourself in. They are not who you truly are, Ben."

I'll bring you to the garden where we'd go

And cleanse your soul, cleanse your soul

I'll free you of this anger that you hold

And make you whole, I'll make you whole

Kylo looked down at her with an expression of pain and sorrow, "What would you have me do?"

"Leave the First Order. Join us and help save the Galaxy."

He shook his head, his shoulders sagging as if under a heavy weight, "I can't leave; I can't go back."

"Why not?" Rey pressed.

Kylo was silent but Rey's question unearthed something in him, something he had buried so deep he forgot it even existed. That lost little boy just looking for safety and belonging. Kylo's whole demeaner changed, he seemed to shrink before Rey, "You know what I've done… I've done too many things… I've killed too many."

He was a broken man, barely holding it together. He was being torn apart by who he thought he was and ought to be, and the person he actually was underneath it all. His eyes shone with emotion, with a conflicted pain that mirrored the internal war he fought with himself.

Darling won't you let it go

You don't have to let it hold you

Listen to the light

Don't let the darkness take you

Rey hated his distress. She loathed the Supreme Leader but she cared for Ben. She raised her hand, slowly trying not to let it tremble and cupped his face letting her thumb graze the scar she'd given him.

Rey gazed at it thoughtfully for a moment, trying to decide whether or not to tell him. Having made her decision, she took a deep breath and swallowed her pride. "I wanted to kill you; that night in the forest. I felt an urge to strike you down, a voice in my head spurring me on to do it."

Your memories, aren't your destiny

She took another breath and met his wide-eyed gaze, "But I didn't. We all have darkness in us, Ben. But that does not mean that it dictates who we are."

He stared at her in silent awe as she continued. "The choice is yours and yours alone. Forget the Jedi, the Sith, the First Order, the Resistance. Forget the Force, the Light, the Dark and who you think you should be. Decide who you want to be for you and only you. When you have accepted who you are, all of yourself, then you will be able to find hope and belonging. The choice is yours, Ben."

If I looked you in the eye

And showed the broken things inside

I won't run away, I won't run away

If you saw my darkest parts

The wicked things inside my heart

I won't run away, I won't run away

In an uneasy quiet they stared at each other for some time.

Knowing that he would need time to resolve his dilemma Rey let her hand fall from his face and turned to walk away. He had to decide on his own what he wanted. She could show him the path, but he had to walk it.

She didn't want to leave him, no matter how angry she was with him when she was near him she felt a belonging that she felt nowhere else. Not even with Finn, Rose, and Poe.

She had to leave him, she had to walk away but the further she got the more her heart broke. She was leaving him all alone, alone like he, and she, had felt for so many years. But she made herself keep going, one step after another, further and further from the man she loved.

So lost in her thoughts she did not hear the fast approaching footsteps.

"Rey!" A hand grabbed her arm and spun her around. Ben stood before her, eyes wide and cheeks flushed.

"Ben?"

"I'll go with you."

"What? Ben-"

Clutching her shoulders, he cut her off speaking quickly in fevered exhilaration as he finally realised where is belonging lay, "You were right about forgetting it all - the Jedi, the Sith, the First Order, the Resistance, all of it."

"Ben, I don't underst-"

"They don't matter, none of it does. Not if it means I lose you."

His elated resolve broke through her disbelief. Rey reached up to cup he cheek once more. "It won't be easy," she whispered stepping in close.

"I know."

"Wherever the Force may lead us," she murmured, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

Listen to the light

Fin.