Day 13

TURKEY, MASHED POTATOES AND GRAVY

by Mmlikestowrite

.-*°✧°*-.

"You're an idiot, you know that?"

When Harvey's heard these words in the past, they'd bring a smile. But not today. Not from Mike.

It's been a month since Donna resigned, and, this time, it's for good. When Harvey had texted and called for an explanation, her response wasn't laced with anger or hurt… it was simply detached.

That was a painful first.

"Please stop," she texted back. "It's time for me to move on. It's what's best for me."

So, Harvey had no choice but to respect her wishes.

Six months ago, when she left for the first time, he was able to get her back. He knew what he had to do then, and he did it. A swift break-up with Paula, followed by a determined show that he wouldn't accept her leaving.

It was pretty easy, to be honest. Keeping her, without actually having to commit.

This time, it wasn't so simple. Harvey did nothing. Nothing to encourage her to stay and nothing to keep her from leaving… which is exactly why she left.

After everything that had happened between them this past year, they didn't need explanations. Donna wanted more, and Harvey didn't… or that's what she still believed.

She knew she was valuable to the firm, and to him. But as the days and months passed, Donna came to realize, that's all she'd ever be. A valued employee, long-time confidante… and, from time-to-time, his conscience.

And as much as she loved her job, as much as she wanted to stay, it just wasn't enough anymore.

It also dawned on her that it was only a matter of time before another "Paula" would enter the picture. And Donna just couldn't choke out another, I'm really happy for you, Harvey. She's done with the lying.

"How long are you going to let this go on for?" Mike asks, swirling his drink. It's the Friday before Christmas, and, next week, the office is set to close for four straight days.

Closing a law firm is practically unheard of in "the City that never sleeps". But fatherhood had opened Louis's eyes to the importance of family time. So, as the firm's Managing Partner, he signed it into policy. Between Christmas and New Year's, the office would close its doors.

"Let what go on?" Harvey asks, as the scotch sears the back of his throat. He knows damn well what Mike is referring to, but old habits die hard.

"Harvey… you love her," Mike states, two hands on his tumbler, his steely gaze zeroing in. He doesn't even need to mention her name.

"Mike..." Harvey interrupts, with a casually familiar roll of his eyes. "It's not that easy…"

"Yeah, I know," Mike agrees. "Love never is. Which makes you even more of an idiot."

"Yeah, why's that?" Harvey challenges, turning to glance at the snow falling against the purple sky. He's not interested in the weather so much as avoiding Mike's icy stare.

"You know what's harder than love? Watching it slip away because you're too afraid to do anything about it. You know what else is harder than love?... Regret… fucking regret," Mike says flatly.

Furrowing his brow, Harvey drifts back in his club chair, his glass dangling between his thumb and middle finger. "I'm not afraid."

"Well, that's good to hear, because neither is she," Mike replies, with a comfortable sip of his drink. "She had the guts to kiss you, and then she still had the guts to leave you… and frankly, I don't blame her. At this point, I'm thinking she dodged a bullet."

"Jesus, Mike! Why would you say that?" Harvey asks, his seated posture now stiff and defensive. His young protege is getting to him and he doesn't like it. "That's a shitty thing to say to me!"

"Might be shitty, but it's true," Mike replies smoothly. Returning his glass to the coffee table, he gets up to stand. Rachel is waiting at home. "And don't say I didn't warn you."

"Warn me? Warn me about what?" Harvey questions, his jaw involuntarily clenching. There's something about Mike's tone that hits him in the pit of his stomach. It sounds like a threat.

Shaking his head, Mike sighs. "About settling… When you're too afraid to try for the real thing, you eventually settle… and in all the years I've known you, Harvey, you've never settled for anything… But somehow, when it comes to having something real with the one person who you know loves you right back… you do nothing."

That did it.

Fists clenched, Harvey jolts himself to standing, his flushed face now inches away from Mike's.

"You don't know anything about how I feel! You have no fucking clue how I feel!" he roars.

"I get it, you're not afraid... I believe you." Mike's tempered tone is dripping with sarcasm.

Eyes fixed and glaring, the two men stand firm in their places, until Harvey drops back down into his chair.

"She left…" he says, his voice cracking. "She didn't give me time."

"Time for what?" Mike asks, his tone softening.

Maybe Harvey will actually talk for once, he hopes.

"A moment…" With a frustrated shake of his head, Harvey huffs. "I don't know…"

Blinking, Mike lets out a chuckle. "A moment?"

"What's wrong with that?" Harvey asks, feeling sheepish. Mike swallows with surprise. The expression on his friend's face… he's never seen him this vulnerable before.

"If we were working on a case, and I told you I didn't act because I was waiting for a moment… what would you say to me?" the young lawyer challenges.

"I'd say make it happen… create the goddamn moment," Harvey replies, confidently. Then, he suddenly realizes what Mike's done. With an dejected sigh, he adds, "I've tried… she wants nothing to do with me."

"No, she's trying to move on… because she loves you, and you won't act," Mike clarifies. "It's not the same thing."

"Yeah, well, she's gone now," he mumbles, his fingers trying to erase the tension from his forehead.

Seeing how unsettled Harvey is, Mike offers Harvey a Christmas gift, of sorts.

"Tomorrow afternoon, she's going to be at Grace Church at Broadway and East 10th," Mike details. "She's volunteering to serve Christmas dinner at the soup kitchen… that's your moment."

"What if she doesn't…"

"When your back's against a wall, Harvey…" his young friend interrupts, as he slowly makes his way towards Harvey's office door. "Gotta meet Rachel… you know what to do… Merry Christmas, Batman!"

Suddenly alone, Harvey takes a final swig of his drink. His mind is racing, as his words come back to haunt him…

Create the moment. Create the moment. Create the goddamn moment…

xxx

A Saturday afternoon in the City and, as if on cue from a holiday movie, fluffy snowflakes gently blanket the streets. With Christmas just a few days away, the sidewalks are jammed with holiday shoppers rushing for last-minute items, and tourists enjoying festive store windows.

Harvey spent the day doing everything he could to distract himself from his afternoon plans. Office paperwork and then boxing at the gym.

He also spent the day talking himself in and out of going to see Donna. But then, Mike would always come to mind. If nothing else, Harvey doesn't want his protege to know how much of a chickenshit he really is.

Late in the day, Harvey has Ray drop him off a block away from the church. The last thing he needs is to show up at the soup kitchen in a luxury town car. Not to mention having Donna recognize it.

While he's always generously donated to New York charities, Harvey has never actively volunteered to feed the homeless. No fancy suits today. Just jeans, and a collared shirt rolled at the sleeves.

Stepping inside, Harvey makes his way downstairs. The basement is a beehive of activity.

"Welcome to Grace Church. Are you here to volunteer?" the friendly woman asks, as she hands Harvey the sign-in sheet.

"Yes, first time," he nods, placing his coat over his arm.

"Great! Your name and number here," she instructs. Then, she points to an open door. "We need kitchen staff and servers. Look for a woman with long red hair, she'll give you an apron, and assign you to a station."

Long. Red. Hair. As Harvey heads for the noisy commercial kitchen, his stomach is, once again, doing summersaults.

Stepping in, his eyes immediately search for Donna. When Harvey finally sees her, he has to catch his breath. She's as beautiful as ever, and it hits him just how much he's missed her.

Tonight, Donna is casual in dark denim jeans and a forest green blouse. She's also wearing a festive apron and a furry red Santa hat… and she's laughing with a tall, dark-haired man.

Around them, a dozen volunteers scurry with meal preparation. They're stacking dishes, mashing potatoes, and spooning cranberry sauce into little white bowls.

Just as the tall man leans in to whisper something in Donna's ear, she turns and sees Harvey. Her posture instantly stiffens.

"Harvey? What are you doing here?"

"Donna…" His lips pressed tight, Harvey is surprised at how shaky his voice is. "Just here to help out. Rumour has it you're in charge of volunteers."

Unimpressed, Donna cocks her head. "You're here to help out…" she repeats, her tone sceptical. "Be honest, what are you really doing here?"

"I told you…" he replies, as he nervously shifts his weight from foot to foot. "Thought I would try something different this Christmas."

Rolling her eyes, Donna tosses Harvey a green apron. She's all business.

"Put this on and grab those oven mitts next to the stove. There are ten turkeys to take out, then start carving. Guests arrive in a half-hour and dinner's in an hour."

Harvey follows Donna's instructions to a T, and he can't help but take notice of the situation. He might have been her boss once, but here, the tables have turned... and he has to admit, he's enjoying having Donna give him orders.

During the food prep, they don't interact much, but Harvey's eyes follow her every move, as she floats from station to station. She's chatty and friendly and always ready to help. Even in this setting, Donna is every bit the amazing person he knows her to be.

Harvey also notices that she's caught the eye of more than a few of the male volunteers, including that tall guy who Donna keeps speaking with.

Maybe this is a new man in her life? Just the thought, and the hair on the back of his neck bristles.

As guests make their way into the festive dining hall, Donna organizes the volunteers. Half will plate the food, while the others will serve the guests.

"Harvey, why don't you help Gregory and me to serve," Donna suggests. "We'll start an assembly line."

As Harvey carefully places the roast turkey slices on the plates, Donna adds the dressing and Gregory serves the mashed potatoes. The dishes then continue down the line to where other volunteers add gravy, steamed vegetables and buttery dinner rolls.

"I have to hand it to you, Donna, you've done an amazing job organizing this year," Gregory says, with a smile. "I couldn't have done it without you… you can work with me anytime."

"Thanks Gregory, the feeling is mutual," Donna grins, as she scoops out servings.

"There are so many things I'd like to do to improve the program. Let's brainstorm over dinner one night," he suggests. "I'd love to hear your ideas."

"I'm in!" Donna agrees. "Let's do it!"

As Harvey overhears Donna and Gregory making plans, that awful feeling returns to the pit of his stomach. Maybe this was a bad idea after all.

It used to be that Donna would, at least, attempt to keep her personal life private. Now, it's clear that she's moved on.

Deflated, Harvey quietly plates the food, leaving Donna and Gregory to their spirited conversation.

After all the meals are served, Harvey places the last of the dishes in the industrial dishwasher, removes his apron and grabs his coat. With Donna off cleaning tables in the dining hall, he decides it's a good time to slip out.

He's about to leave, when he stops to peek inside the church's historic interior. It features a thirty-foot high stained glass window that catches his eye.

Next to the altar, dozens of potted poinsettias surround a large nativity scene. Mary and Joseph and a swaddled baby… all beautifully hand-carved and painted.

Except for weddings and funerals, Harvey has never been a church-goer. But tonight, he needs hope. He needs to believe that all is not lost.

After seeing Donna again, he realizes that, more than ever, there's a part of him that's broken. And he's pretty sure it's going to take nothing short of a miracle to fix him.

Maybe Mike was right, maybe Donna did dodge a bullet, he fears.

Slowly making his way towards the altar, Harvey takes a seat in a nearby pew. There's a faint scent of incense, which he inhales, in the hopes of calming his tortured thoughts.

Sitting alone, a wave of sadness washes over Harvey, baptizing him in the awful truth.

He blew it.

Create the moment, he sighs with frustration. It didn't happen. He couldn't make it happen. He just blew it.

"Hey, stranger... What are you still doing here? I thought you left."

Her voice echoing across the aisle, she appears like an angel. Harvey quickly swivels to see Donna walking towards him. She's still wearing her festive apron and goofy Santa hat.

"No, just sitting," he replies. Even though he looks relaxed, his heart is back to rattling his chest. "It's quiet here… a good place to think."

Reaching the pew, Donna motions for Harvey to slide over, and she comes to sit.

"And what are you thinking about?" Her eyebrow raised in that way he knows so well.

"Everything… my life…," he sighs. "End of the year does that I guess…"

"I have to say, I was surprised to see you here. You realize one good deed doesn't make up for an entire year," she teases. "But I guess you have to seize the moments when you can."

His sad eyes searching her face, Harvey nods, "It's pretty nice in here."

"It sure is," she agrees, looking up and around. "I'm not religious, but there's a calmness in here… and you're right, it's a great place to think."

In the stillness of the old church, Donna and Harvey sit quietly, breathing in the beauty surrounding them.

Vaulted ceilings and stately columns, colourful stained glass, and row upon row of shiny, polished pews. The 170-year-old cathedral is nothing short of spectacular.

Assuming that Harvey wants to be alone with his thoughts, Donna stands, "Well, I better get back, there's still more clean-up. Thanks for helping tonight and Merry Christmas… hope this place helps you figure things out."

As she begins to step away, Harvey reaches for Donna's hand. Jaw tensed, his expression a mix of hope and fear.

"Before you do… think we could talk for a minute?" he asks, almost timidly, as he clears his throat. The air around them is tranquil, but his insides are churning.

Her confused eyes stare down at his hand. It's warm around hers, and it's the first time they've touched in months.

"Ok…" she agrees, awkwardly dropping to sit.

"You mentioned seizing the moment…," he begins, as he tries to find his voice. "I need to say something… What I have to say comes with no expectation. I know you've moved on. It's just that it's Christmas, and New Year's, and the end of the decade, and we don't see each other like we used to, so…"

"What is it, Harvey?" Donna interrupts, her eyes gentle on him now. She can see that he's struggling.

Pupils glancing, heart thundering and palms sweating, he slowly turns to face her.

"The thing is….," Harvey swallows, his dark brown eyes cautious and sincere. "I love you…"

His confession slices through the silence surrounding them. Donna does her best to appear calm, but her insides are panicked. She can barely hold it together.

So to regain her composure, she reminds herself…

This is Harvey. He can't possibly mean it the way I need him to.

At first, Donna says nothing. Then, after a breath, her mouth curls into a gentle smile. "I understand Harvey, you're lonely. It's the time of year, and now that Louis has given everyone time off… you probably don't know what to do with yourself."

"I'm in love with you… that's really what I meant to say," he whispers, ignoring her response. His shy eyes are pained, but he's never felt more relieved. The weight of this secret was slowly killing him. "And I miss you… every day."

With a soft tilt of her head, Donna's sympathetic eyes begin to mist. She's now desperate to keep her bottom lip from trembling. "Harvey… I get it. Work isn't the same. You miss your secretary… you miss your chief operating officer.. you miss…"

Shaking his head, Harvey interrupts. "I miss hearing your laugh and I miss seeing your face first thing, when I get off the elevator. I miss you getting annoyed with me… and your smile… I miss your smile, Donna. I haven't smiled since you left."

"Harvey…" Donna shakes her head, unconvinced.

"Just tell me, is this because of Gregory?" he asks. If his heart weren't in his throat, he might be able to take a breath. "Because I didn't know…"

"Father Gregory?" Donna grins. "As cute as he is, he's one of the priests here. Safe to say, he and I will not be getting married anytime soon."

"Oh…" Relieved and feeling foolish, Harvey chuckles.

"Harvey, be honest with me," Donna says, softly. "Why did you come here tonight?"

Fingers fidgeting, Harvey places his palms together as if in prayer. "For months, I've been trying to find a moment… to tell you."

"To tell me…"

"You know, Mike accused me of being afraid of my feelings... and I told him I wasn't," Harvey tries to explain, with a nervous glance. "I'm actually terrified."

"So, I terrify you then?" Donna is trying to understand where he's going with this.

"In the best way," Harvey replies, with a half-smile. He reaches for her hand again, and he's comforted by the fact that she hasn't pulled hers away.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me Donna, and I've been trying to find a way to tell you… to show you how I feel about you."

Harvey tries to read Donna's expression, but she's giving him nothing. So, he continues, "I know I don't deserve another chance… but you need to know, I want more… I'm ready now, ready for everything."

"Everything…" Narrowing her eyes, Donna removes her Santa hat, and rests it on her lap. She's instantly transported to the painful night when Harvey treated that word as if it were a loaded gun.

Now he's surrendering himself to it, and asking her to join him.

"Why didn't you just talk to me about it?" she challenges.

"You know… Mike also told me I was an idiot," he confirms.

"Well, if the shoe fits…" she quips, dryly.

"Donna…" he starts.

"Yes, Harvey."

"Do you have plans tonight?" Five simple words and he feels like he's flying.

"What did you have in mind?" she asks.

"A date with you, a real one… maybe we could check out the lights at Rockefeller Center, and then go for a late dinner? Somewhere where they don't serve turkey," he grins.

"A date?... I'd like that," she nods. Donna is trying to be cautious, but she can't help the glow emanating from her face. "I'm a mess, though, I'll need to change."

"Let's just go as we are. Besides, I think you're beautiful… and I just want to spend time with you," he replies, his eyes twinkling like holiday lights.

Squeezing Harvey's hand, Donna blinks back her surprise at this very different man before her. "Hmmm… with all these confessions, it's a good thing we're in church."

"Location, location, location," he quips, earning him that smile he's missed so much.

"Then, I guess I have something to confess," she says, nervously biting her bottom lip.

Harvey stills his breath. Another make-or-break moment.

"When I saw you tonight… I had butterflies… you do that to me, Harvey," she admits. There's a shyness in her expression. "Even now."

Taking her face into his hands, Harvey gently caresses her cheeks with his thumbs. Hazel eyes that are so big and beautiful and wanting. Her gaze making him weak.

In this moment, Harvey finally allows his feelings for Donna to run free. Maybe it's adrenaline or love, or both, but with the electricity coursing through his veins, he's never felt more hopeful or alive… or grateful.

Donna is actually the one who closes the distance between them. When her mouth meets his, she delivers the most tender kiss and Harvey could cry. Only her touch could warm his insides like this, and still make him shiver.

The deeper their kiss, the dizzier he feels. He just wants to fall into her arms, and stay there for as long as she'll have him.

As they find their rhythm, Harvey presses for more. Thumbs caressing, sweet lips tasting, his heart is now singing like a Sunday choir. And when they pause for a breath, he breaks into tiniest smile, determined that Donna will never again doubt his feelings for her.

Even with her eyes closed, Donna's tears are welling. She can feel everything in his kiss. The electricity, the need, and the love, so much love. If there was ever a moment to believe in a Christmas miracle, Donna's convinced, this is it.

As she pulls back to look him over, Harvey thumbs away the tiny tear that's escaped her eye.

"You know that I'm in this forever, right?" Now that he's finally seized the moment, he's ready to seize a whole lot more.

"Forever," she smiles contentedly, as she rests her head on Harvey's shoulder.

His arm wrapped across her ribcage, Harvey asks, "Do you think we could just sit here for a while longer?"

"Why? Is there more you need to confess?"

"I'm just getting started," he chuckles. "Did I ever tell you about the time when I was seven, and I stole a baseball?"

"We're going that far back, huh?" she giggles. "This could take all night."

His lips curling with optimism, Harvey brushes his mouth against hers. "I hope so…"

"So, we're really doing this?" she asks. Harvey is kissing her so fearlessly now, Donna's wondering if she really has witnessed a miracle.

"With my entire heart…" he says, softly. "We're really doing this."

Finally allowing herself to relax, Donna wraps her arm around Harvey's chest. Her embrace so tight, it catches him off guard.

"Next week…" He's keen to seize every moment now. "You off to Connecticut?"

"No, my parents are in Florida," she replies.

"Come to Boston with me," he suggests, his hand running comforting circles across her back.

"Christmas with your family?" Donna is surprised that Harvey is ready to go there so soon.

"Christmas Eve, there's usually a holiday movie on, and we have my mother's gingerbread and mulled wine," Harvey explains, as he paints a tempting picture. "Christmas morning is fun with the kids, and Marcus and I spend half the day putting together toys. If you're not with me, Donna, I'm just gonna spend my time wishing you were."

"It sounds fun…," she replies. In her heart, there really is no where else she'd rather be. "But I don't want to intrude on your family, Harvey. They're not expecting me."

"Donna… they'll be thrilled to have you, and we're also family," he says, lacing his fingers with hers. "And family should be with family."

"Then, I should go," she agrees.

"Yes, you should," he beams, as they snuggle in the pew.

"Harvey?"

"Yes, Donna."

"The thing is… I love you, too… Merry Christmas."

Donna telling him he's loved, and Harvey's heart is ringing like church bells. Nuzzling his face next to hers, he places a grateful kiss on her cheek.

As Harvey's nose tickles the side of her face, the festive scent of roast turkey, potatoes and gravy, warms his nostrils. Five hours at the soup kitchen, and Donna smells like Christmas dinner.

As he breathes her in, the widest grin makes its way across Harvey's face.

It's just another magical moment, that he's never going to forget.

.-*°✧°*-.