All, just a head's up, this chapter is pretty dark and has some moments that might be hard for some to digest. I don't usually like spoiling things, but I thought it would be appropriate to give a head's up this time. I do not plan on this story containing any child abuse, although there will be depictions of the difficulties of being a parent with a mental illness. I want to promise to you a happy ending of sorts - there is just a lot of stuff to wade through on the way there. Again: No physical abuse, no sexual abuse, but there will be some psychological trauma.

Also, as a friendly note - I have had a few people ask if Wheatley will be coming back at any point in the story. I don't want to spoil anything publicly for anyone who doesn't want any spoilers, but if you would like to know, please feel free to message me! I will be happy to answer any questions.

Lastly, I posted this pretty late at night, so I may need to come back and do some editing. Anyway, please enjoy!

Jan's statement left no room for doubt as to what she wanted to talk about. Chell was equal parts anxious to get it over with and anxious to even be in this position to begin with. Also, she hated when she spoke to her like this, like she was some fragile thing that she needed to tiptoe around. Like she was a child, incapable of handling things on her own.

Either way, she knew Jan would not let her off the hook. It was times like these when Chell resented her for her own brand of stubbornness, one that refused to leave her alone, refused to let her hide until she was able to deal with things on her own. Jan had given her enough space before, but Chell sensed that that space was rapidly closing and it was putting her even more on edge.

"Chell, I-..." she started, and then faltered, something Chell had never heard her do before. Jan was usually so certain, so calm, so composed. The fact that she seemed nervous too disconcerted her even more. "..-I care about you and Winter very much. I hope you know that. You two have very much become my family. Winter is a pure joy to be around and you I think of as my own daughter."

Chell immediately felt uncomfortable and turned so that she was not looking right at Jan. She didn't want to see Jan's face and she didn't want Jan looking at hers either.

"The very last thing that I want to do is upset either you or Winter. But I think, all things considered, we need to explain to Winter what is going on."

"Explain what is going on with what?" Chell signed back, deciding to feign ignorance. She knew what Jan was getting at - and she knew Jan knew that she knew - but she wanted to give her a chance to drop it. To back off while she still had the chance.

"With you."

Frustrated that Jan had not taken the hint and the conversation with her son from the night before still playing fresh on her emotions, she signed, "Why do you need me to explain anything to him? I thought you did that already," all doing her best to convey both her sarcasm and bitterness of that fact by lifting an eyebrow at her.

"I didn't give him any details. Those are not mine to give," Jan replied without rising to meet her bitter tone, something which inwardly made Chell feel more annoyed, "Only you can open up to him in such a way. All the same, Winter thinks this is his fault, which is why you need to explain to him that it isn't."

"..-Right, because you put that idea in his head."

"No, he was frightened and you were incapacitated. He needed someone with a level head to explain to him that your dissociation and subsequent anger was a reaction to fear. The conclusion that he was at fault was one he drew on his own."

"And so you sat there and let him believe that?"

"Not at all. I absolutely explained that none of this was, or is, his fault. But he needs you to tell him that."

"I did. Last night. He came to me in the middle of the night, crying. And he wet the bed. He's never done that before. What a coincidence."

Jan looked crestfallen for a moment, her eyes reflecting a shimmering grief, in the way that deep water reflects moonlight. She then said, "I am sorry to hear that. I hope he is better this morning. I can help you clean the mattress later." She paused, seeming to allow Chell a chance to speak, and when she did not take it, she continued, "It's not a coincidence that he is going through this now. He experienced something traumatic, as did you. He will get better, and so will you, but you have to be able to speak to each other about it."

"I can't speak, in case you didn't notice."

"I have noticed. I have also noticed that you are diverting," she said calmly. Chell held back a sneer. "You need to sit down and talk to him. Tell him about your PTSD, tell him about you."

Chell felt something very raw, very sore, like an exposed nerve, send sparks of pain and anger through her. There was so much she wanted to say, but all she could say was, "He is a child."

"I think you are underestimating him. Winter is so young... but he is also remarkably bright and kind and has a caring spirit like none I have ever seen before, especially for someone his age. I think you would be surprised by how much he is capable of understanding if you gave him the chance."

"Don't talk to me like I don't know my own child. You don't even have any children, so what would you know?"

"I'm not saying you don't know your own child," said Jan softly, looking every bit as old as her numerical age and then some in that moment.

Again, her eyes held a heavy, impossibly deep look of sadness in them and for perhaps the first time since she had met the woman, Chell really stopped to think about how Jan was an actual human, someone with real feelings, not simulated or programmed or truncated or bastardized to a degree where only the vast extremes were expressed and in excess, like all the artificial beings she had encountered at Aperture, even ones that seemed more human, ones like-...

"I'm saying we all have blind spots - even me; even you - and sometimes we don't see how much we are hurting someone else."

"I haven't hurt anyone, not on purpose. Like I said, Winter and I talked last night. He knows it was an accident and that it will never happen again - as should you."

"I'm sorry, but I don't know that. And you don't know that either."

"Look, I realize I made a mistake in taking my eye off him. I should-.."

"Chell-..."

"..-never have let him go so far. Going to the woods was a mistake-.."

"..-Listen to me-..."

"..-And I don't want to talk about this anymore, so just-.."

"You tried to grab the gun."

Chell felt her face react in a manner that was most unbecoming of her. Her jaw fell open for a moment and her eyes fluttered, feeling a wave of disbelief and nausea spread through her, turning her cold from the inside out. She found herself shuddering to a complete stop at what Jan had just said to her.

Jan had to be lying. There was no way she could have-... She never would have-... She had no memory of it,

(We all have blind spots...)

(I would blame it on the brain damage, but, well, we all know that-..)

(...Pure recognition flashing through his eyes, everything they had shared together, and the realization of what he had done...)

(...-you've broken him.)

(All you ever cared about was escaping - didn't care about leaving me behind, did you?)

so Jan had to be lying.

(But you know that she is not, just like I would never lie to you. You tried to murder your own child. Even I wouldn't have stooped that low.)

She signed a single word - "No..." - and shook her head, not even sure exactly who or what she was responding to anymore, feeling disconnected from herself, like she was watching events unfold from outside of her own body. She twisted her hands together, searching for something with which to ground herself, but it felt like

(falling into a pit)

falling into a pit,

(grasping at air)

grasping at air,

(nothing to grab onto)

nothing to grab onto,

(nothing to break her fall)

nothing to break her fall.

"You did. My God... if you had actually-.." Jan's voice, high and airy, pulled Chell back

(through the portal, but it was still open, still pulling, the vortex tearing apart the entire room)

(Grabmegrabmegrabmegrabmeeee!)

her hand going to her chest as if to feel her own heartbeat, the way Chell was feeling hers now, only she was feeling it inside her own head, behind her eyes, "Whatever happened to you, whatever you went through, whatever was-.. done to you-.."

Chell's eyes flashed at the older woman. She was treading on very thin ice, everything was crashing together, and Chell could feel it all circling around her, winding her up from the inside, pulling her from the outside, threatening to shake her loose one thread at a time.

"..-you have to face it. You can't keep running from it. Or things like this will continue to happen."

Chell shook her head at her vehemently, outright denying it before she could stop herself. None of this was real. She was dissociating again, just like when she was in labor and she thought the doctors operating on her were all Her, only instead of stitching her up, She was cutting her back open again, pulling out her insides and inspecting them; just like when she had fallen in the shower and she had seen him again, towering over her, smirk on his face, coming in for the kill; and just like the other day, when her son's voice had suddenly become his.

"Winter needs you to be his mother, to protect him, support him, not-.. He needs you here, now, but you can't give him what he needs when you continually live the past. You can't give yourself what you need when you continually live in the past."

At this point, Chell could feel a solid warmth growing behind her eyelids, threatening to be pushed out by her thundering heart. She pressed her lips together and blinked against it, willing the feeling to go away, but it did not. It only continued to build within her, to the point where she could feel herself heating up, melting away the coldness that had grown within her, feeling the energy vibrating every molecule of air around her.

"The only way you and him can get through this is together. And I'm with you, too. You aren't alone. We'll get through this together.

(We'll get out of here. Together. You and me.)

And that's exactly what you have to do, dear - you have to go through it. Go through it, but let us walk through it with you. I know you don't want to admit that anything is wrong. Believe me, I understand that. You are so strong, so-.. stubborn. You don't like asking for help, because you have been let down by others in the past, painfully so."

"You don't know anything," Chell signed defensively, some part of her screaming at her, begging her to stop before it was too late. But she still had control. She still had to have control. Without control, what was she? What was she, if not a creature that reacted purely on impulses anymore?

(In what way are you any better than the moron? Or any better than me?)

(All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! And here you come, thinking that you are better than me!)

"Then tell me what happened to you."

(You aren't better.)

"I don't remember."

"You do."

(You aren't.)

"I don't."

"What happened involving trees or being high up? Your reaction the other day was quite strong, so it suggests-.."

Chell cut her off by scoffing and shaking her head. Like she knew anything.

But Jan wasn't going to give up. She wasn't going to leave her alone.

"No? Well, how about this. Based off the condition you were found in and your reaction to certain stimuli, I believe you were experimented on."

Chell stopped dead and glared at the woman. How...?

(Tch, she's way off. Testing and experimenting are two completely different things.)

"You have an intense dislike of the colors white, orange, and blue - easy to figure out why white and orange, it's the color of the inside of a hospital or laboratory setting, and the jumpsuit you were found in was orange. But why blue?"

(Are you really so mundane that you are allergic to colors? And so obvious that this dumb old lady has you all figured out?)

"You also refuse to own any electronics. It suggests electronic or mechanical devices were used against you somehow."

Chell was openly staring at the woman now.

(I was never against you. I was always trying to help you.)

"At some point, for some reason, likely unknown even to you, you were placed in some form of stasis for an extended period of time, which caused damage to both your brain and vocal chords."

(The real kicker is, how much of your brain was damaged before you were put under?)

Chell shook her head again.

"Regarding your wounds when you were found, they were still quite fresh," Jan continued, and Chell wondered why, why was she doing this? Why was she tearing her open like this, opening back up the "quite fresh" wounds she had been found with?

(Are you really going to sit there and let her pick you apart like this? What a vulture.)

"But also they were stitched up with perfect precision. They tore you apart and then they healed you."

(Blown apart. You were blown apart. If you are going to let her pick you apart, at least make sure she gets it right.)

Chell got up and began pacing, trying to dispel the energy that was steadily mounting within her. "Shut up," she signed.

But Jan did not.

"Aside from your wounds, you were in excellent physical shape - so you were kept quite active. You are a very logical person, and everything you do is methodical, controlled. You must have been an asset to them, but they let you go. Why?"

(Because I wanted to let you see how "free" you could be without me, plain and simple.)

"I said SHUT UP!"

(I. AM NOT. A MORON!)

"And then there's the issue of your pregnancy. You have denied that you were sexually assaulted, and yet your pregnancy clearly was not intentional. What of Winter's father, then? Did you have any kind of relationship with him? Did something happen to him? Or were you forcibly impregnated against your will when they experimented on you? You have an intense fear of other people and relationships in general, so I think-..."

Chell could feel that her entire face was a sneer at this point. This was it. The other shoe had finally dropped. This was the moment when Jan betrayed her, just as she knew she would. She should never have allowed herself to get too comfortable. First she makes her son believe he is responsible for what happened, and now this? Who was Jan to tell her what she already knew? Who did Jan think she was, cutting her open, removing her insides, and showing everything to her, laying it all out for them both to see and sort through.

Pissed off, shaking with anger, she swept it all back into her arms protectively.

"Stop it!" she signed, her hands moving so wildly, she could tell even Jan had a difficult time keeping up, "Just stop it, like you think you know me so well. Like you think you know what is best for me. Always butting into my personal life. Always telling me what to do, how to feel, what to think. I am my own person and I don't need your help!"

Jan opened her mouth to speak, but Chell hissed - she actually hissed, forcing air through her teeth and lips in such a menacing way that Jan stared at her.

"I don't need anything from you! I never did! You are the one who forced your way into my life. Who am I to you anyway? Just a cheap stand-in for the daughter you never had? A case for you to solve? An experiment? You don't really care about what happens to me. You just want to make up for your own fuck-ups. It's why you try so hard to insert yourself into other people's lives, where you aren't welcome. Why don't you just deal with it like the rest of us, and stop using me as your way of trying to make up for your own failures. I am not your experiment, I am not your test subject, I am not someone you can use so you can feel better about yourself!"

"None of this is about me - this is about you and whatever is inside of you that you wrongly feel that you need to protect. You are not protecting your son when you break down like this and withdraw. You're not even protecting yourself. You are just causing pain and hurt by not letting those that matter know what is going on and why. The only ones you are helping by not saying anything, by not facing anything, are the ones that did this to you."

That was it. The energy within her finally burst outward. Chell could not contain it any longer. The energy had nowhere to go but out, but there were no monitors or cameras to break, nothing of her enemy that she could she destroy, at least not in the way she was being destroyed - had been destroyed.

She suddenly found herself swiping her arm across the countertop (when had she moved into the kitchen?) sending everything on it crashing to the floor. A couple of mugs that had been left out were swept straight into a wall to where they crashed and shattered, sending ceramic shards in all directions. Jan at least jumped out of fright, and for just a hair of a second, Chell felt proud of it.

"Chell!" Jan shouted, rising from her chair, but not making any move in her direction. Even Chell herself had enough consciousness left to realize that she not only felt like a caged animal, but probably resembled one too. It did little to contain her - contain anything - though.

"Mommy?" came her son's small voice and Chell turned to see him peeking out of the doorway to his room, his blue eyes wide and full of fright and confusion, "What happened? Are you okay?"

"Go back to your room," she signed.

"Are you scared again? ...Are you and Grandma fighting?" he squeaked, his eyes widening even more upon taking in the scene, the remains of the mugs. "Why are you fighting?"

"Go back to your room!" she repeated, giving him such a severe look, he fell back immediately and disappeared back into his room.

"Don't take this out on him. Take it out on me, so long as you get it out of your system so you can move on."

"The only thing 'moving on' is you. GET OUT."

"I'm not going to leave you alone, Chell. Not like this."

"LEAVE!"

Chell's movements were immediate and precise, every bit as much as they had been back at the facility. She made her way around the kitchen counter and into the living room so swiftly, Jan barely had a chance to get herself into any kind of defensive stance before Chell was upon her, grabbing her blouse with both hands and hauling her towards the door. All the blue, orange, and white was drowned out and replaced with red, nothing but red in her vision.

"Chell, stop! I am trying to help you

(You like murdering people who are only trying to help you - are you going to murder her next?)

and you are not in your right mind!"

But Chell did not listen any further than that. Jan was speaking, shouting, but nothing of what she said made it through. She was done listening - done being forced to listen. With all of her strength, she shoved the older woman outside of her apartment and into the hallway, barely sparing her enough of a glance in order to sign, "Never come back, or I will show you why they let me go," before slamming the door shut.

A sharp sob caught her attention and she whirled around, deflating, the wind gusting out of her upon seeing her little son there, crying. He looked up at her, she took a step towards him, and he ran, scampering, almost slipping on the floor in the process, back into his room.

(We all have blind spots.)

(All you ever cared about was escaping!)

(You've broken him.)

Winded, gutted, heart utterly broken, Chell didn't even bother to argue back this time.

I'm not sure how I feel about how this chapter turned out, although it goes how I wanted it to. Dialogue is simply not my strong suit and sometimes I have a hard time getting it to flow right and make sense. x.x For this reason, kind feedback would be much appreciated, please!

Thank you so much for continuing to read! I truly appreciate all of you! :3