Chapter One is a line from Kate's character Hertha Aryerton, an engineer and genius in her own right. She came to visit Marie Curie after her fall from grace when it was discovered that she was having an affair with a married man. When Marie asks Hertha why she's come to visit her, Hertha says to her, "Because I thought I was going to very quietly make you tea and toast during your moderate troubles, but it looks like it'll be a bit more involved than that."

Kathryn's heart rate picked up as she approached his building. She knew the reason why, but would be damned if she'd admit it to anyone other than her own subconscious. It had been four months since she'd seen him or spoken to him. Four months since she'd walked away from her First Officer, her best friend, and the love of her life. Though the last description she would never say outloud and would vehemently refuse the existence of the very thought to anyone who even hinted at it, she had been heartbroken when she had found out that Chakotay and Seven were dating.

She couldn't really blame him. She'd all but ripped out his heart and stomped on it time and time again. She'd refused seven years of subtle come-ons and one or two blatant ones. She'd built up her walls of command and Starfleet parameters thinking they would keep her safe...until they began to crumble and she'd nearly been destroyed by the aftermath. When she finally cleared away the rubble and saw Chakotay and Seven hand in hand, it had nearly ended her. The ache in her chest lasted for weeks, and the sadness on her face still remained, until three days ago when B'Elanna told her that Tom told her that Harry told him that Seven and Chakotay had broken up. Apparently neither one of them had taken it very well, but no one knew anything else beyond the fact that they were no longer together.

And now Kathryn found herself standing outside Chakotay's apartment door in Sausalito. She'd gotten the address from Tom and B'Elanna and after several failed attempts to call him, she decided to stop by and see how he was. The day after she found out about the breakup, she'd gotten on her computer to send him a communication. It went right to his message system, so she disconnected, not at all sure what to say. The next day she comm-ed him again, and again it went to his message system. This time she left a brief communication; letting him know that she'd like to talk to him if he had a moment. He never attempted to contact her. The third day when she tried and it went to his message system she began to worry. She left him another message, letting him know that she was thinking of him and hoping that he was alright, and to please contact her if he needed anything. When he didn't respond to that message the worry turned into a slight panic.

So she knocked gently on the door, hoping against hope that he was home and that he was alright and that he wouldn't rebuff her or turn her away. She wished to the very spirits that Chakotay himself said brought them safely home from the Delta quadrant that he wouldn't turn her away. She knew that the last thing he needed was to hide himself away and bury his emotions. She hoped that perhaps she could be a shoulder to lean on or an ear to vent to. Her own feelings aside, she wanted to be there for him, as he had been for her these last seven years. She was feeling many things about him and for him, but more than anything, she missed her best friend...terribly.

There was no answer to her knock, so she tried the door chime. She couldn't hear any movement inside, so after several more seconds she knocked again. When she was met with silence still, she debated going in or leaving. Concern for her friend made her choose the former and she hoped he hadn't changed his access code from Voyager.

Keying Sekaya's birthday into his door lock combination pad, she door chimed and slid open, but only three quarters of the way. The sight before her caused her panic to slam into her chest with each quickened heartbeat.

There was broken glass and dishes everywhere. Several chairs were overturned and the couch was flipped over. A mirror in the living area looked as though it had been punched; a spiderweb of cracks wound their way from the center where several pieces of glass were missing, laying on the floor in front of the mirror.

She heard a rasping sound coming from another room and the sound of glass tumbling against glass. Several seconds later she realized that it was the sound of sweeping. Realizing that Chakotay was here and that she was in his home unannounced and probably unwelcome, she started to regret her decision to enter. She knew he wouldn't want her to see his place like this, and he was probably not in the right frame of mind for visitors, let alone her visiting. However, she didn't have a chance to back out of the room because at that moment Chakotay came out into the hallway and his eyes landed on her face.

"Kathryn?" His voice held little emotion and his eyes were dark.

Her chest tightened at the sight of him. His hair was messy, as though he hadn't done anything with it in several days. He had several days worth of scruff forming on his chin and cheeks and his black t-shirt and bluejeans were marked with dirt and dust, as were his shoes. He held a broom in one hand and a dustpan full of glass in the other.

"I knocked, but you didn't answer," was the only excuse she gave for her surprise visit and her intrusion.

He stared at her for several moments, frozen in the hallway as she watched him. She couldn't read his expression and that was what frightened her most of all. In the seven years she'd known him she'd come to know every nuance of his face; the way his eyes crinkled when he tried and failed to ignore something funny. The way his dimples pressed up into his face when he was pleased. The way his shoulders pinched just slightly when he was tense or nervous. This was the first time that she had no idea what he was thinking or feeling, and it scared her. She felt like she'd lost him all over again.

"What are you doing here?" His voice came out monotone as he turned to dump his burden of broken glass into the recycler. Setting the dustpan on the counter and leaning the broom against the fridge he turned back to face her, his arms crossed.

"I called several times, and you didn't answer or message me back." She tried to keep the heavy concern from her voice, but she knew her eyes would betray her. She might not be able to read his emotions, but she knew that her eyes always gave her away to Chakotay. To him, she was always an open book.

"But why did you come here?" He asked again. She thought she sensed a bit of hope in his voice, but it might have been her imagination.

"Because I thought I was going to very quietly make you tea and toast during your moderate troubles," she glanced around at the state of his apartment, "but it looks like it'll be a bit more involved than that." She thought maybe some humor would lighten the mood.

It didn't.

"Kathryn, I don't need your sympathy or your pity." He kicked at a piece of broken ceramic on the floor, using his foot to nudge it rather violently towards the recycler.

"Then you won't have it." She put her hands on her hips in an act of defiance that he'd seen many many times. "But how about a hand cleaning up?"

He watched her for a moment before letting his hands falls to his sides in defeat. It was then that she noticed a bloody bandage wrapped around his right hand. All other emotions left her as concern welled up in her chest as she walked to him quickly, taking his hand gently in hers. She considered it a small victory when he didn't recoil away from her. "Chakotay, what happened?"

He heaved out a sigh, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Well that's fine, but why haven't you seen the Doctor, or even used a dermal regenerator on it?" She carefully peeled the bandage away to reveal bloody and bruised knuckles and swollen fingers. He merely shrugged in response. "Do you have a med kit?"

"Yes, in the bathroom cabinet." She tossed the bloody bandage in the recycler and moved quickly down the hallway towards the bathroom, careful to avoid the broken glass on the floor.

The shower curtain was half ripped from the rod and the medicine cabinet door hung broken and open. Kathryn pulled down the dermal regenerator and a pain relieving hypospray. Careful not to step on any more broken glass she made her way back to the kitchen.

Chakotay stood where she'd left him, staring at the overturned sofa. He had the wherewithal to tip his head to the side, exposing his neck as she depressed the pain medication there. She watched the furrow in his brow ease ever so slightly as the medication entered his blood stream.

Setting the hypospray down, Kathryn took Chakotay's hand in hers again, flicking on the dermal regenerator and moving it gently over his knuckles until the swelling subsided and the cuts and abrasions healed over until all that was left was new pink skin and dried blood.

She didn't let go of his hand, her eyes searching and finding his as he finally looked at her face. The darkness there lightened just a fraction and she couldn't help but smile. "Why don't you go get cleaned up? Take a shower and change your clothes. I'll start cleaning up in here and get us something to eat." His eyebrows went up slightly at that and Kathryn chuckled. "I'll have something delivered." Chakotay's dimples pressed ever so slightly into his cheeks as he nodded slowly.

"Alright." Something in his gaze changed and he nodded again. "Thank you."

"What are friends for?" She still tried to keep things light, since he obviously didn't want to talk about what had happened. He moved off down the hall and closed the bathroom door.

Kathryn quickly ordered food from a Chinese restaurant nearby and went to work sweeping up the broken glass and splintered wood from the floor before, with some effort, turning the couch back over rightways.

She wasn't sure what to do about the broken mirror. She knew she didn't have the strength to take it down herself, so she cleaned up the broken glass on the floor beneath it. A drawer of silverware was pulled out and dumped on the floor in the kitchen, so she put that right, before searching his cupboards for tea.

She knew he enjoyed replicated tea alright, but if he had a choice, he preferred fresh brewed. She found several herbal blends and put his kettle on to boil, silently thrilling at the fact that he also had a can of her favorite coffee on hand as well. She measured out a portion for herself and when the water was boiling she brewed herself a cup and set the teabag in another mug and covered it with the hot water.

She was just taking a break from cleaning to take a sip of coffee when Chakotay emerged from the bathroom. He looked much better than when she'd arrived.

His hair was back to normal; styled the way she was used to seeing it on Voyager. He'd shaved, and though she liked the look of scruff on him, he was looking more himself now. He'd opted for a white t-shirt and a fresh pair of blue jeans.

She was seated on a stool at the island in his kitchen and he sat down next to her, taking his tea in hand and taking a sip. "You didn't have to do this, Kathryn."

"Do what?" She didn't look over at him, but leaned her shoulder into him gently.

"Clean, make tea, order food."

"I know I didn't have to. I wanted to. I was worried about you, and when you didn't answer any of my calls…"

"The communicator is broken." He motioned towards the far wall of the living room and Kathryn looked behind her at the communication device. It was indeed broken; a large gouge in the screen distorted the viewer, and the keypad was smashed. She turned back to her coffee, nodding silently.

"It was the mirror, or Seven." He spoke softly after a moment, embarrassment creeping into his voice.

"What?" She was confused, not understanding the segway their conversation had just taken.

"My hand," he sighed out, holding up his now healing knuckles, "I was so angry at Seven that it was either hit her, or something else...the mirror was the closest thing to me at that moment."

Kathryn's heart lurched. She hadn't known him to be that angry since their very first meeting when he'd threatened Tom on the bridge of Voyager. She didn't know what to say to him, so she merely took his hand that he held up, lacing her fingers with his. Her heart calmed when his fingers folded between hers, holding her hand gently in his.

They remained silent for a moment, and just when Kathryn had built up the courage to ask him what happened, there was a knock at the door. They both jumped and Kathryn chuckled, pulling her hand gently from his. "That would be the Chinese food." He nodded as she got up to pay for and collect the food.

They ate mostly in silence, talking a bit about easier topics; Miral, Kathryn's family, Chakotay's sister. It did a lot though, to bridge the gap of time that had transpired between their being thrust back into the Alpha quadrant and now. She could feel their old camaraderie slipping back into place and it was the most comfortable she'd felt since they'd returned home. She hoped Chakotay was feeling it too.

"Seven is pregnant." Chakotay whispered.

Kathryn choked on the sip of coffee she'd just taken and felt her heart drop, landing somewhere amongst the broken glass that still littered parts of the floor. She couldn't look at him, but merely whispered, "Oh," in response. That was not at all what she'd expected, and suddenly dozens more questions flew to the front of her mind, and as desperate as she was for answers to those questions, she choked them back, swallowing the bile that rose in her throat as thought after thought flitted unwanted through her mind's eye. She would keep silent and let Chakotay speak at his own pace.

"It's not mine." He spoke again, turning to face Kathryn. Those next words from him shook her, forcing her gaze to meet his. She saw nothing but honestly in his warm brown eyes, but confusion clouded her own.

"But, how do you know?" Her knee bumped his as she turned; that tiny touch sending jolts of charged energy through her whole body. She felt her cheeks flushing slightly.

"Because we never…" he didn't need to finish the sentence, and Kathryn's mouth dropped open at his admission.

"Chakotay, you don't have to tell me this if you don't want to."

"No, it's alright. We've never kept secrets from each other before. It would feel wrong to start now, after everything we've been through together." Kathryn nodded. She couldn't argue that point.

Chakotay took a deep breath and the floodgates opened.

"We both decided to take things slowly, since we were both newly back to Earth, and she was still working on figuring out her own humanity. She'd only known life on a Starship. I wanted her to get used to life on Earth, without the restrictions and protocols of Starfleet life.

"It was going well, and I came home last week and could tell she was ready to...escalate things." He ran his hand through his hair as he used to do on Voyager when he was uncomfortable or agitated and Kathryn knew that the meat and potatoes of the story was about to be dropped on her.

"Well we…" he tugged his ear gently, "Anyways, things began to move forward, and she...and I…" he sighed out a self depreciating chuckle, a rueful expression taking over his beautiful features. "I called her your name."

Chakotay's eyes darkened and Kathryn knew what it was costing him to share this with her. Butterflies fluttered in her own stomach at the realization of what he'd just said, but she would have to keep that revelation to herself as she knew his story wasn't over.

"I apologized vehemently, but she exploded in anger. She told me that it was unacceptable; that we had to sleep together and that I had to love her because her child needed a father."

"Oh, Chakotay." Kathryn's heart hurt desperately for him as the anguish took over his features.

"So there I was, my heart belonging to a woman who doesn't share my feelings, and unable to give my heart to a woman who desperately wanted and needed it." He scoffed.

"Anyways, I told her that her actions were inexcusable despite my slip of the tongue, and that we'd better end things now. She continued to try to persuade me to take her, to sleep with her, that we could always pretend the child was mine. We would tell our friends and family that we were happy and in love and expecting a child together." He scrubbed his face with his hands, "But the thought made me sick to my stomach, and it dawned on me fully that a relationship with Seven would never have worked, even without her dropping the bomb of her pregnancy on me."

Kathryn sat silent and stunned as she took in and relived each word he'd just spoken to her. Seven was pregnant. The child was not his. He didn't love Seven. They were no longer together.

"So how did you go from that to this?" She motioned at his destroyed apartment.

"When I wouldn't budge on the fact that it was over between us, she went ballistic. She began smashing anything and everything she could get her hands on." He looked at his demolished belongings. "I tried to stop her, because there was broken glass and wood everywhere. I didn't want her to hurt herself of the baby. When we got in here, she began telling me of her time with the father of her child, how wonderful he was...how much more of a man he was than I...how good he was in bed…rubbing in my face the fact that I couldn't be what she needed. I felt like a failure all over again...

"That's when I punched the mirror and forced her out of the apartment." His shoulders slumped as he finished his story.

Kathryn's heart nearly broke in two...Chakotay thought himself a failure? She took his hand, and when he tried to pull it away, she squeezed harder, refusing to relinquish her grip.

"Chakotay, if anything, this is my fault." His eyes met hers, confusion painted there...and maybe just the tiniest bit of hope. "I knew how you felt about me...about us...for seven years, and I pushed you away, again and again. If I had just been honest with you, none of this would have happened." She pressed her palm to his cheek, brushing her thumb gently across his cheekbone, smiling when he covered her hand with his own. "Chakotay, your heart belongs to a woman who does share your feelings."

His eyes went wide at her admission before all the air escaped his lungs. "Kathryn," the word came out on a sigh as he leaned forward, pressing his forehead to hers. Seven years of waiting and holding back went out the window as their breaths mingled and souls touched as they sat silently in his kitchen, her hand on his cheek and his forehead pressed to hers. "I've missed you."

"I know." She leaned back, his eyes filling with love and adoration, certainly matching her own. Almost of their own volition their lips moved towards each other until she felt the softness of that full bottom lip pressed gently against hers.

Their first kiss was everything she'd hoped it would be. It was like coming home, and the promise of a future she hadn't dared dream of stung at the corners of her eyes.

Pulling back gently she couldn't help the smile that lifted her lips, brought even wider when his own dimples played into his cheeks. "Let's finish cleaning up in here, and then let's take a walk. We still have a lot to talk about." He nodded, standing up and offering her a hand to help her to her feet.

"Sounds like a plan."

Author's Note: Okay guys, several things. First, it has been brought to my attention that I have neglected my other stories over the last week...which couldn't be farther from the truth. I have been working on ALL of my other unfinished works, but I've been a bit preoccupied this past weekend because I got to meet KATE FREAKING MULGREW...TWICE! Oh mylanta...she is AMAZING! Let me just gush about my trip for a minute...I got into Manhattan on Friday the 6th at about 10:30 AM where I met the adorable and lovely Leisy. We rode into the city to our hotel where we then met up with Taylor and headed off to see Kate's son Alec's art exhibit...VERY lovely if you get the chance. Next was to the September 11th memorial, and then up town for lunch. We then headed back to the hotel to do...what else...but watch Voyager (Resolutions and Coda). Taylor had to head home, so Leisy and I made our way to the Minetta Lane theater in Soho for the play...IT...WAS...AMAZING! Kate was BORN to play the character of Hertha Ayerton, and Francesca Fanidany brought amazing emotion to Marie Curie. The play went by in a snap and afterwards we went outside to wait in the hallway for the actresses to come down. We found Bennett (Kate's BF) near the door and lurked near him...because obviously she's gonna come down and see him. And she did! It was actually Bennett's birthday, and they were going out to dinner, but he waited very patiently and graciously for her to take photos and sign autographs. Leisy and I got a picture with her, but had no sharpie for an autograph. Anyways, Kate and Bennett left and we decided not to creep and follow them, but meandered back to our hotel on a total Kate Mulgrew high.

The next day we met up with Taylor again for more sightseeing. We went to Rockefeller Center, 5th Ave, and Times Square, then back to the hotel for more Voyager watching. Dinner was at the hotel restaurant, and we had dinner and a show. There was a birthday party happening and we got to listen to Albanian folk music while we ate. Then it was off the the theater again for round two of the show. We bought Kate flowers and a bottle of Jamieson Whiskey (Kate's favorite) and headed inside. There we met the lovely Jemabean and her boyfriend and got to experience the show for a second time. We sat front row and Kate was freaking two feet away from us!

Afterwards we got more pictures and autographs this time, from both Kate and Francesca. It was a completely magical weekend and we were so sad to see it end. Leisy and I headed back to the airport early Sunday morning to fly home. I was so sad to leave them all behind, but it was a weekend I'll never forget.

Now, back to my stories. I have the next chapters to all of them nearly complete and should 'hopefully' have them posted this weekend. The holidays and work keep everything busy, so I'm sorry my normal updating schedule has been a bit off (I've gotten some flack for it) but I don't mean for it to be. Bear with me, and I hope to be caught up soon. Until then, Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you all! Many hugs!