A/N: Me: I need to finish Ski School, Chuck V2, Collision, Life in a Small Town, If You Go-Hands to Heaven, and Family Volkoff.

Brain: …Hey, what would happen if the Intersect made Chuck comatose?

Me (holding my head in my hands): Son of a …

So this is where we are. Yay? Nay? You guys tell me. There's lots still in the pipeline being beta'd but I REALLY need to finish Ski School.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck

She stood in the shower, letting the hot water cascade over her. She had given up scrubbing her hands, because they were clean; well, clean physically. She had blood on them, blood that wasn't visible to the naked eye, but the blood was there nonetheless. She had taken the shot, and yes, she had saved lives. While she knew the scales were tipped in her favor – the lives she had saved from killing those that absolutely deserved to be killed – her heart was heavy. Her soul was being crushed, and she didn't know how much more she could take.

She ran her hands through her hair, and found herself thinking about Bryce. They had been lovers. She supposed they were still friends, if you could have friends in the CIA. She knew he had her back, out in the field. But outside the field…

"Nice shot," he had said, the proud look he got when they had done well plastered all over his face. "Wanna go out and celebrate?" She hadn't meant to give him a dirty look, but she had just killed someone. "Whoa, whoa," he said, raising his hands. "You've made it loud and clear that we aren't like that anymore. Right?" She glared at him. "Right," he said, swallowing. "Geez, Walker, we won. What's with you?" He shook his head and walked off.

"Why don't you make the pretty boy kill one of these creeps every once in a while?" Casey asked, walking up behind her. She turned to him, a sad smile on her face. "I mean, I can pull the trigger, then go eat pancakes. But you, Walker. You still have a soul left."

"I don't think that he has," Sarah said with a shrug. "But I'm pretty sure you do as well."

She wished she had Casey's ability to compartmentalize the killing of those that they did. She wished she had the ability to accept they were bad people, and killing them meant nothing. But she didn't. They were living, breathing beings. She was an assassin at times. She killed them quickly, quietly, without giving them a chance to defend themselves. Many times, they were unarmed. Many times, she was forced to look them in the eyes as she shot them, or hold their body as she slit their throat.

She let the sobs flow. Today was especially hard. The terrorist they had tracked had taken a young girl hostage. If Sarah hadn't taken the shot… but what she really sobbed for was the young girl. When the blood and brain matter spattered on her, she had screamed. Sarah knew that scream. It was a scream that was buried in her own soul, the sound of it slowly dying.

What was going to become of that little girl? Would she grow up, and be like Sarah? Did she really save that girl, or did she just send her down another road to a personal hell she'd have to live with daily?

Eventually the tears stopped, like they always did. She scrubbed her face one last time, and her hands again, still seeing the blood there that wasn't visible to the naked eye. She needed to talk to her therapist. The thought of that made her smile. She dressed quickly, and headed out her door and down the halls of Castle.

She did like that they had their own headquarters, although why it was located in Burbank was anyone's guess. The living quarters were barely used; most everyone else had gotten an apartment outside of the building.

She liked it here.

She had access to a training facility, gun range, and Ellie and Devon lived here… and, obviously, Chuck. She headed down the hallways until she came to his room. She heard Ellie's low tones coming from inside through the open door.

"It didn't work," she murmured. Sarah looked into the room, and saw Ellie looking down at her phone.

"Ellie, everything okay?" Sarah asked. Ellie looked up, eyes wide, as she quickly stuffed her phone in her pocket. "Devon do – or not do – something?"

"No," Ellie said, shaking her head, and grinning at the younger woman. "He's fine… and I mean-"

"Okay, enough with you bragging about bagging the perfect guy," Sarah replied, laughing. "We know, we know."

"If you'd leave this bunker sometime, you might find someone of your own," Ellie said, giving her a pointed look. Sarah shook her head, a sad smile on her face. "Rough one?" Ellie asked, sympathy evident on her features.

"That little girl…" and she trailed off. Ellie closed the distance between them, and pulled her into a hug.

"You saved her life, and now she has a chance," Ellie replied. "And none of this crap about how you may have screwed up her life."

"You know me too well," Sarah muttered into her shoulder. After a minute, they pulled apart, Ellie's hands on Sarah's shoulders. "Probably shouldn't talk to him about this, huh?"

"Oh, oh no, you should," Ellie emphasized.

"Is it helping?"

Ellie shrugged. "I see more of his own brain activity when you or I talk to him, but a significant amount…" Ellie shook her head.

"How do you do it?" Sarah asked.

"He's my brother. If I don't watch out after him, who will?" Sarah gave Ellie a sad smile. "Now, don't stay up all night on your date."

"But he's perfect, he doesn't judge me," Sarah replied, grinning.

"He wouldn't if you were on an actual date," Ellie said, squeezing her hand. She turned back to the inside of the room. "Your girlfriend is here." Sarah smacked Ellie on the shoulder good-naturedly. "Try not to chat too much, she needs a listener tonight." Ellie turned back, grinning. Sarah gave her the hug this time. "You know, I can listen too," Ellie said, looking her in the eyes.

"I do," Sarah replied. "But you get enough in the report. You really don't want the details." Ellie squeezed her Sarah's hands, and walked out of the room.

"Hey, Chuck," Sarah said, getting a chair and rolling it over to the bed he was lying in. "You did good work today, we found the terrorist." She paused, tears forming in her eyes. "I killed him, but he was holding this little girl hostage." She sniffed, and wiped the tears that were falling.

"Chuck, the blood, the brain matter, it all splattered on her…" She began to cry. For ten minutes she cried, the entire time holding his hand. It never moved, but she felt something there like she always did.

"Okay, enough of that," she said wiping the tears away. "Did I ever tell you about Ryker and Molly?" She began to tell the story she had never told anyone in her entire life, and as she did, she felt a burden lift she never knew she had carried.

}o{

Her phone buzzed. Lifting her head from the pillow, she saw the clock. It was eight AM. Whoever had texted her had at least been kind enough to wait that long. She pushed the hair out of her face, and looked at her phone.

Any residual sleepiness vanished instantly. She stared at the text.

Ryker's location

There was a link included. Her thumb trembled as she clicked the link. A map pulled up, showing her where he was, and a list of known accomplices, and Ryker's movements for the past several days before.

She went back to the text, and saw it was a number she didn't recognize. Three little dots popped up like someone was typing.

If you want, I know of a mission in the area and can fix it where this is a sub-mission.

She stared at her phone, and thought. Who could this be? Who else knew? There was only one person. Slowly, she typed in one word, then stared at the phone for a few seconds. She swallowed hard, and hit send.

Chuck?

Three dots popped up and when the words came up, she thought she would faint.

Hey, Sarah. Nice to finally talk to you. Listen, I know this is a big ask, but could you keep this between us? THEY don't know.

Sarah looked up. This had to be a dream. She grabbed a strand of hair and pulled it out, managing not to yelp at the pain. She looked down, finding the words still there. She took a deep breath.

"Don't freak out," she muttered to herself.

A/N: Yeah, I know back story is needed, one of my prereaders said it's not fluffy, but I ask you, it's me, isn't it? I don't think it would be very long both chapter wise and length of chapter. Who knows. Let me know.

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