I do not own Red vs. Blue.

Use of the word Jew, but not in a nasty way.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Holiday Escapades

"Get your elbow out of my side!"

"Ugh, Caboose, your breath stinks!"

"Sorry! I had salmon for lunch."

"Salmon sandwiches?"

"No. Just salmon."

"Good for you, Caboose. Salmon is rich with protein and vitamins."

"Dex, move over!"

"There's nowhere to move! This is so stupid."

"Will you losers shut up?"

The overlapping conversation ceased and six pairs of eyes turned to Tucker. The doorknob jammed into his back and he tried to wiggle into a more comfortable position but only succeeded in jabbing Doc in the stomach. The supply closet they were using as their secret meeting spot wasn't large enough to hold all of them and they were squished together.

"It feels and smells like I'm in a sardine can," grumbled Simmons.

"I didn't have sardines. I had salmon," corrected Caboose.

"Yeah, I know. You have weird eating habits."

Grif let out a snort. "Like you're one to talk about weird habits."

"Shut up."

"All of you shut up," said Tucker in exasperation. "We need to stay on topic. And the quicker we get this done the faster I'm away from all of you."

"What was the topic again?" asked Caboose.

Tucker sent him a glare. "I will kill you."

"Relax. I don't mind being tightly squeezed," said Donut, his lanky form slightly crouched to avoid whacking his head off a shelf of cleaning supplies. "We're here because Tucker thinks we should get something for Church, Sarge, Wash, Lopez and Carolina for the holidays."

Caboose's brown eyes lit up. "Yay! Presents! I like shopping! Where are we going? Can we go to the toy store?"

"I don't know if we even have a place to start," said Doc dubiously. "Chorus is still recovering. There are a few establishments up and running but the local malls are still shut down."

"We'll think of something," said Donut optimistically. "It's our first Christmas together! We have to make it special."

"And Kwanza," piped up Kai.

"I don't need anything," said Doc quickly. "I'd much rather give than receive."

"Okay, you are way too much of a goody-goody," said Tucker with a roll of his eyes. "But it works out because I was sort of thinking that maybe instead of getting presents for each other, we work on getting something for the stuck-ups."

"Who?" asked Caboose blankly.

"Church and the rest," supplied Grif. "But I want presents too!"

"Don't be selfish!" chided Donut. "That's not at all what the holidays are about."

"Haven't you ever seen any Christmas special ever?" asked Simmons.

"Nope," said Kai with an odd amount of cheer. "Mom couldn't afford satellite so there wasn't much on T.V. to watch."

"Oh. Right," muttered Simmons, his cheeks flushing. "Sorry."

"It's cool."

Tucker rubbed the space between his eyes. "Look. I want presents as much as the next guy, but this is the first Christmas I get to celebrate with all of my soulmates. I want to make it special. But I can't afford to get a gift for one of you, let alone ten. Maybe if we work together, we can at least get something for Church, Sarge, Carolina, Lopez and Wash."

"I'm in," said Donut immediately. "You know I love to shop."

"I think that's a great idea," agreed Doc.

"I want to push the cart!" said Caboose eagerly.

"Let's do it," said Kai cheerfully.

"All right, fine. But I don't see how us pooling our resources together is going to do any good," said Simmons flatly. "You and Caboose don't have any money."

"And whose fault is that?" snapped Tucker, irritation flickering within him as he swatted Simmons on the shoulder.

"For the last time, Sarge told me to delete the Blues from the system!"

"And like a good kiss-ass you went along with him."

"Don't worry," declared Caboose. "I have twenty cents."

He dug two coins out of his pocket and Kai peered at them. "Actually dude, you have two pennies."

"Wait, physical money is extinct," said Simmons in bafflement. "Where the hell did you get those?"

"Uh…I don't remember."

"You Reds are going to have to foot the bill," said Tucker, crossing his arms and glowering at them. He expected an argument but when guilt flared through his soul-links he groaned. "What's wrong?"

"Well…we weren't exactly responsible with the money we were paid for fighting for the Red Army," said Donut sheepishly. "I kinda bought a lot of wine and cheese. And I mean a lot."

"I bought food," said Grif, a longing expression on his face. "Crates and crates of food."

"Frozen food, you dumbass," snapped Simmons. "We didn't have an oven! We couldn't eat any of it!"

"So Sarge took over our accounts and we had to—and still do—run any purchases we want by him," finished Donut.

"Including mine," said Simmons grumpily.

"It's a pain in the ass," grumbled Grif.

Tucker stared blankly at them before saying, "Doc. You better have some good news for me."

"Sorry, man. University loans." Doc gave a weary sigh. "I'm going to be paying them for the rest of my life."

"Don't worry about it. We'll just ask someone to loan us some money," said Grif dismissively. "We're heroes. They'll give us whatever we want."

Tucker mulled this over before grinning. "I like it. Bam. One problem solved."

"I think that defeats the purpose of us buying them a gift if we get someone else to just give us money for it," pointed out Doc.

"Why are you such a buzzkill?" asked Grif in annoyance.

"We'll figure out the money thing later. I'll work the streets if I need to," spoke Kai.

"Hell no," said Grif sharply.

"Whatever. Let's just start thinking of gift ideas," said Tucker in frustration. "Then we can determine how much money we need to borrow/steal."

"A cat!" exclaimed Caboose.

"Yes!" cried Kai.

"No." Grif sent his sister a glare. "Remember the last cat you had? A pack of raccoons killed it."

"But Wash would like it a lot," insisted Caboose.

"Maybe, but I'm pretty sure owning an animal in our line of work is illegal," said Tucker flatly. "We can barely keep a hold of our robots."

Simmons perked up at that. "Robots! Sarge loves robots and machines."

"Which usually end up trying to kill us," retorted Tucker.

"Lopez didn't," said Donut.

"Because teaming up with an evil A.I. doesn't equate to trying to kill us," said Grif sarcastically.

"Well. He warmed up to us eventually."

"No more robots."

"Fine," said Simmons in annoyance. "Do you have any bright ideas?"

"Not really," said Grif with a shrug.

"You're so helpful."

"What about a spa treatment?" suggested Donut. "Everyone loves a good rub-down!"

"I don't think that's going to do much good for Lopez and Church," said Doc carefully.

"This is going to take forever," groaned Kai. "And I'm getting a cramp."

"And I have a headache," said Tucker miserably. "None of you are any help."

"I don't see you coming up with anything!" accused Grif.

"Fine. Whatever. In three days, we're going to come back to this closet and have good, decent ideas. Scour the internet. Smack your head against a table until you get a brainstorm. And remember—do not tell the others."

Caboose blinked as his soulmates turned to stare pointedly at him. "Tell who what?"

"You can't tell Church, Wash and the others what we're planning," said Tucker. "Or else it'll ruin their surprise!"

"Right! I won't. What's their surprise?"

Tucker studied him intently for a moment before muttering, "I think we'll be safe. He can't keep a secret to save his life, but he's also an idiot."

"Hey! I'm not an idiot! You're an idiot!" returned Caboose with a pout.

"We don't have a lot of time," mused Simmons. "There's less than two weeks until Christmas Eve. Why didn't you mention anything sooner?"

"Because I had the idea yesterday!"

"Church is Jewish," said Doc with a frown. "Hanukkah starts on the twenty-second."

"Yeah, but he's a non-practicing Jew." Tucker's brow furrowed. "Can an A.I. even be religious?"

"Let's not get into that territory," said Simmons tiredly. "Can we just get out of here?"

Tucker moved his arm behind his back and yanked on the doorknob. The door flew open and they all spilled out into the corridor, groaning in discomfort and stretching their limbs. As Tucker reached his arms over his head Donut's hand fell upon the pink handprint resting on Tucker's left hip. The overpowering aroma of chemical-laden cleaning supplies leaking from the closet was replaced with sweet bubble-gum and roses. His frustration was smoothed out by Donut's cheer and Tucker felt the tension leave his body as his soul hummed in contentment from the close contact to Donut's.

He reached up to set his palm against his soulmark on Donut's left shoulder. The blonde lightly rested his chin against Tucker's knuckles and closed his eyes against Tucker's waves of stress. 'I'd say the holidays aren't a time for stress but that would be a lie.'

'Tell me about it,' thought Tucker with a mental snort. 'Wash, Lopez and Carolina don't really care about stuff. Church used to be a greedy asshole but he's more hologram than robot body now so he doesn't need anything. All Sarge cares about is guns, explosives and robot kits and the guy does not need any more of that.'

'Don't worry about it. We'll think of something.'

Through half-closed eyes Tucker regarded the others. Caboose had wrangled Grif and Simmons into a three-way soul-bond and Kai had latched onto her soulmark on Doc's body. Intense fondness and affection surged through Tucker and he lightly bopped Donut's nose with the back of his head.

'And to think a few minutes ago I wanted to kill all of you.'

…

Simmons hunched over a tablet, fingers flying over the screen as he scrolled through the holiday deals listed on the online shopping site. There was an abundance of electronics and jewellery and clothes with the prices listed in enticing red, signalling deals that would soon expire. But Simmons found nothing that he thought Sarge, Lopez and the others would appreciate.

"Maybe we can just get them gift cards?" he muttered. "Everyone likes gift cards. They're practical."

"But they're so boring!"

Simmons nearly jumped out of his skin. "Donut! Don't do that!"

"Sorry." Donut dropped onto the bench beside Simmons and took command of the tablet. "We can't give up. It's only been a day."

"Gift cards aren't giving up! I personally would love a gift card."

"That's because you're boring."

"Oh, screw off."

Donut scrolled down the screen and his ice blue eyes roamed over the silk ties that appeared beneath the heading Dress Apparel. "Ooh!"

Simmons wrinkled his nose. "We're not looking for gifts for you."

"I know. But I think Wash and Sarge would look great in one of these!"

"Yeah, because Sarge is a person who would wear a tie," said Simmons with a snort. "He'd likely use it to strangle one of us. Probably Grif."

"I didn't know Sarge was into that kind of thing."

"Ugh! No!"

"What? What'd I say?"

Simmons snatched the tablet back. "Shut up and let me look."

It was an hour later when Sarge and Lopez entered the mess hall, the white lights strung around the ceiling casting a glittery glow off their armour. Sarge's eyes zeroed in on the two familiar figures sitting at a table in the back corner.

The two approached but even Lopez's heavy footfalls didn't interrupt their concentration. Lopez stared at them for a moment before smacking his hand against Simmons' back. He leapt to his feet with a shriek, the tablet flying from his hands, and he whirled around. His helmet may have prevented them from seeing his startled expression but his nervousness flowed through their soul-link before he could stop it.

"Hi!" he said, his voice cracking slightly. "What a surprise!"

"What in Sam Hell is wrong with you?" asked Sarge with a frown. "You're jumpin' like a jackrabbit."

"Sorry. You just scared me."

"Ya gotta be on your toes at all moments, Simmons! I coulda killed you and you wouldn't have seen it coming. You're lucky ya weren't Grif." Pausing for a moment, Sarge swept his gaze around the mess hall. "Where is he, anyway?"

"With Kai, probably," answered Donut.

"What were you looking at?"

Though Donut couldn't fully understand what Lopez was saying he got the gist when Lopez turned to look at the tablet. "Nothing!" he said quickly, rushing over to retrieve the device.

Sarge's eyes narrowed. "Donut, was it one of your websites?"

"No!" Simmons squawked. "Of course not!"

"Well, then what were ya so focussed on?"

"Just research."

"Research?" repeated Sarge dubiously.

"What research would Donut possibly be interested in?"

Suspicion curled through their soul-link and Simmons let out a nervous laugh. "Yeah. Research. We better keep at it. See you later!"

Simmons ran over to Donut and grabbed his wrist. As they high-tailed it out of the mess hall Sarge hollered after them, "Put your armour on, Donut!"

"They're up to something," said Lopez in bemusement.

Simmons' jitteriness flowed through them and Sarge's response to Lopez was fitting. "Keeping secrets from me," he grumbled. "I ought to keelhaul the both of them. And Grif for good measure."

…

The next night was Cuddle Time, a weekly activity night known only by the Reds and Blues and no one else. Caboose entered the rec room, a space exclusive to them in their wing of the main complex, and he grinned widely at the sight of a tree sitting near the decorative fireplace.

"We have a Christmas tree!"

"Of course we do," said Washington with a smile. "What's the holiday season without a tree?"

"Religious discrimination," grumbled Church, his robot body crouched over the crates of decorations as he rifled through them. "I don't see a Hanukkah menorah anywhere around here."

Carolina promptly reached into the steel box near her feet and held out a hanukkiah. "Here you are."

There was a teasing lilt to her voice and Church was both annoyed and amused. "You were just waiting for me to gripe about it, weren't you?"

"Of course not," drawled Carolina. "That would be petty."

Church took the hanukkiah from her and set it on the low table near the window. "I could probably download the appropriate prayers and songs to sing, but that seems like cheating and actually pretty offensive."

It was a few more minutes before everyone else arrived. "Sweet!" said Kai with a beaming smile. "It's been forever since we got to decorate a Christmas tree!"

"Try not to crush me with this one," said Grif with a roll of his eyes.

"That's not a bad idea," said Sarge with a snicker.

"We found some Kwanzaa decorations, too," said Carolina, setting a hand on Doc's shoulder. "To put up on December twenty-sixth."

"That's awesome," said Doc brightly. "Thanks!"

"Of course."

"Can we decorate the tree now?" asked Caboose anxiously.

"Go for it—carefully," said Wash.

Caboose removed a glowing orb of red light from a crate and set it on one of the tree branches. The others joined him, taking the small, non-harmful bundles of contained energy and using them as ornaments. Lopez and Church tacked strings of lights to the ceiling and soon there was a multicoloured glow washing over the room.

"It's perfect," said Donut in contentment.

Wash surveyed the festive decorations and his soulmates with a soft expression. "Yeah. It is."

"It's too bright."

"Don't be a grouch," dismissed Kai. "It's beautiful. Kind of reminds me of the strip club I used to go to back home."

"I really wish you'd just shut up," grumbled Grif.

"You shut up," retorted Kai.

"Knock it off," ordered Church. "The last time you two got into a brawl you knocked down a wall. Somehow."

"And I'd rather these decorations not get demolished until after the holidays," said Washington pointedly.

"You hear that, Tucker? No fighting near the tree," said Caboose seriously.

Tucker gave a snort. "Sure. Whatever."

"We found something else in the depths of headquarters' basement," said Carolina. She reached into one of the crates and removed three microchips. "Christmas movies."

"Which ones?"

"Elf, Home Alone and A Christmas Story."

There was an explosion of noise as everyone tried to cast their vote at once. Carolina let out a sharp whistle and everyone reluctantly fell silent.

"Hands up for A Christmas Story," called Wash.

He, Grif and Donut raised their hands.

"Okay. Home Alone?"

Carolina, Sarge, Kai, Simmons, Church, Tucker, Lopez and Caboose put their hands in the air. Doc crossed his arms over his chest and sighed. "There's no appreciation."

"That's because we all have taste," said Church, punching Doc in the shoulder. "Seriously. Elf?"

"What? I like it. And clearly so do lots of other people, since it lasted this long."

"That's because there are lots of other people without taste," said Tucker.

"We'll get to them all eventually," said Wash placatingly. "We'll just watch this one first."

"I like the part when he makes friends with the plumbers," said Caboose, plopping onto the floor in front of the couch.

"Interesting interpretation," muttered Lopez.

Washington set the Home Alone microchip into the flat screen television and Tucker, Kai, Grif, Simmons, Donut and Doc clustered near Caboose on the floor. Wash blinked down at them. "Not all of you have to sit down there. There's still room on the couch."

Tucker opened his mouth but was saved from answering by Caboose, who made a loud shushing sound. "The movie is playing!"

"Oookay," said Washington in bemusement.

Having not much interest in the film until the part where the robbers got their butts handed to them by booby-traps, Sarge glanced at Donut, who sat directly in front of him. He casually set his hand against his soulmark on the back of Donut's neck and he felt the boy jerk in surprise.

'Relax, son. I ain't going to snoop on whatever secret you have. Unless it's a planned mutiny. Is it mutiny?'

Donut relaxed and folded his hand over Sarge's right calf. 'No, it's not a mutiny.'

There was only truth in the soul-realm, so Sarge was satisfied by the answer. Not that he really expected a different one, but he thought it was a good idea to always remain a certain degree of paranoid. 'Bring Simmons into the soul-bond, will you?'

Donut rested his hand against Simmons' thigh and the redhaired man shot him a startled, nervous glance when roses and barbeque sauce overcame his senses. 'He promised not to snoop,' assured Donut.

Simmons hesitated for a moment, but the intensity of their soul-link made it difficult to pull away, and so he set his hand against Donut's collarbone. Sarge gave a mental hum of satisfaction. 'Mighty curious as to what you fellas are up to.'

There was no nudge in his soul, which meant Sarge was keeping to the top layers and not the secrets buried within. 'Well, I suppose you'll have to wait and see.'

'Hmm.'

There was a brief pause in which they simply enjoyed the comfort of soul-bonding, and then Sarge could not resist asking one question. 'Are all you brats in on it?'

Simmons and Donut didn't really need to think anything, for their soul gave the answer freely as Sarge gave a gentle, controlled peek. 'Sarge!' whined Simmons.

He felt Donut start to pull away and increased his grip. 'All right, no more questions.'

Donut settled back with a pout. 'That was so rude.'

'Oh, buck up Buttercup.'

Tucker tried to keep his anxiety down when he noticed Donut and Simmons locked in a soul-bond with Sarge. Simmons cast him a weak but encouraging smile, and Tucker figured it was inevitable.

It wasn't long before Carolina pulled Tucker up to sit beside her on the couch and Lopez lowered to sit in between Grif and Kai. Church was less graceful as he pulled Doc to sit beside him and Caboose needed no prodding in squeezing between Church and Washington.

'Secret thing!' Tucker blurted the second his soul-bond was initiated with Carolina. 'Don't go looking too deep.'

'Secret thing, huh?' asked Carolina in surprise. 'Interesting.'

Her intrigue was prominent but she didn't press and Tucker let himself lean against her. 'Well, we'll see about that.'

'It's not something that's going to make me have to hurt you, is it?'

'Uh…hopefully not.'

…

Their three days of brainstorming ended and they reconvened in the supply closet. "All right, any suggestions?" asked Tucker with a hint of wariness.

"Gift cards," Kai and Simmons said simultaneously.

"Insurance?" suggested Doc meekly.

"I'm telling you, a spa experience!" insisted Donut.

"Hell if I know," said Grif honestly.

"Dog tags."

Tucker snapped his head around to stare at Caboose. "What did you say?"

"Dog tags. You know, the collars we all wear even though we are not dogs."

Tucker hooked his fingers beneath his shirt and pulled out his own set of dog tags. "Uh…I don't think they need two sets of dog tags, Caboose," he said slowly.

"We can make them special," said Caboose earnestly.

Kai grinned. "That's a great idea! We can get them engraved!"

Caboose furrowed his brow. "Gravestones? I am not sure they would want gravestones. Church already has one. Kind of."

"No, she means we can write something on them," said Doc patiently. "Good thinking, Caboose."

"Thank you."

"It's perfect," said Tucker in dawning realization. "There's a ton of places in Chorus that do dog tags."

"What do we put on them?" asked Simmons.

"How about our names?" suggested Donut. "They can be soul tags!" He turned to Caboose with a beaming smile. "Good job!"

"Caboose, I can't believe I'm saying this, but you're a genius," said Tucker in awe.

"Yes. I am very smart."

Tucker spotted a roll of paper towels on one of the shelves and said, "K, grab me a paper towel. Doc, Simmons, one of you give me a pen."

"How do you know we have pens?" asked Simmons, even as he dug into his pocket for it.

"Because you're both nerds."

Doc pulled a face as Simmons scowled and reluctantly handed over his pen. Kai ripped off a piece and handed it to Tucker. He signed his name at the very top and thrust it at Grif. "Everyone sign your name. We'll put our exact signatures on the dog tags."

"How exactly are we going to get the signatures from the rest?" asked Simmons.

"They've had to sign enough medical documents for Dr. Grey. I'll see if she can help us out. I'll put in the order and I'll let you know when they'll be ready for pickup."

"How are we going to pay for them?" asked Doc suspiciously.

"I'm going to see if they'll let us pay later. Considering we saved their asses, I'm sure they will."

"Not arrogant at all," drawled Kai.

…

Tucker managed to retrieve Sarge, Lopez, Washington, Carolina, and Church's signatures from Dr. Grey. He took a photo of them, as well as the signatures scrawled on the paper towel, and sent them to the man who agreed to craft the dog tags. He had insisted no payment was necessary but Tucker promised they would get the money to him—eventually.

Everything was set. They just had to wait to pick them up. There was only one problem.

"What?!"

"I said they'll be ready by Christmas Eve!" snapped Tucker. The mess hall was filled with noise so he wasn't worried about being overheard. Though Wash and the rest were growing increasingly curious about their secretive meetings, they all left them alone. "That's the earliest he could get them done."

"But why will it take so long?" demanded Simmons.

"The dude still has to finish getting his metal shop repaired. He said it would be finished by next week and he promised that the dog tags would be ready by early afternoon on Christmas Eve."

"Why did you place the order in a town thirty minutes away?" complained Grif. "There are people right here in this damn building who could do it!"

"I didn't want to risk anyone leaking the surprise," said Tucker defensively.

"I don't know why. There's a fifty-fifty chance that Caboose is going to spoil it now," grumbled Simmons.

"I will not!" said Caboose indigently. "I'm a great secret keeper!"

"Of course you are," said Doc, patting his shoulder. "I think it was a smart idea, Tucker."

"Thank you," said Tucker with a sniff.

"It'll be fun!" said Kai cheerfully. "A mini road trip!"

"I'll bring the Christmas tunes," exclaimed Donut.

"I can barely contain my excitement," said Grif monotonously.

…

On Christmas Eve morning, the seven of them put on their armour and met in the garage. Katie Jensen was already there doing vehicle maintenance and she greeted them. "Hi, everyone! What brings you here at this hour?"

"We've got an errand to run," said Tucker. "Can we have a vehicle?"

"You want to go out in this?" asked Katie in surprise.

Doc frowned. "Go out in what?"

Katie clicked a button on the console near the large doors and they rolled up, revealing a blizzard tearing over the landscape. Simmons let out a squeak as he watched the flurries whip in the wind. Caboose cheered. "Yay! We're going to have a White Christmas!"

"We can't travel in this weather," said Donut with wide eyes.

Anxiety spiked through Tucker and he snapped, "Control the emotions, guys!"

Simmons put up an emotional barrier and he said nervously, "This is a terrible idea."

"None of you have to come with me," said Tucker determinedly. "But I am getting them their gifts."

"I want to come!" whined Caboose. "Please!"

"We can't let you go by yourself," said Doc with a sigh.

The others gave noises of agreement and Tucker nodded. "Cool. We'll be fine." Turning to Katie he said, "Give us a vehicle that can get through this crap. And don't tell Sarge, Church, Washington, Carolina and Lopez that we were here."

"Um, sure thing."

Katie gave them a heavy-duty vehicle and Grif cried, "Shotgun!"

"Damn it!" groaned Simmons.

Grif got behind the wheel as the others piled into the seats. He changed the gear to 'drive' and they ventured into the blizzard. The wipers worked double-time to clear the flurries from the windshield and Tucker, who was in the passenger seat, typed the coordinates into the G.P.S.

"You sure you're good to drive?"

"Yeah, man. I got this."

They reached their destination with little trouble. The snow was falling steadily and the wind was whistling, but it wasn't enough to completely obscure their vision.

Tucker ran into the shop to pick up the package and when he said confidently, "Boom. Told you it'd be fine."

He spoke too soon.

Ten minutes into their drive home the visibility became non-existent. It had changed with no warning and no time to prepare. They were trapped in a pure white vortex with no sense of direction. All they could see was white. Grif stared at the G.P.S., but though it showed him where to turn, he didn't know where the turn was exactly. He didn't even know if he was still in the right lane.

"We should pull over," said Simmons anxiously.

"Pull over where?" demanded Grif. "I can't see anything!"

"Just move over to the right!" snapped Kai.

"Okay!"

Grif turned the wheel and the vehicle veered right. But instead of rolling onto a shoulder like they were hoping for, there was a sickening crunch as the vehicle ploughed through a barrier.

There was a split second of cold, horrified realization before the vehicle pitched off the side of the slope.

…

Washington wasn't particularly concerned when he couldn't locate Tucker and Caboose. He figured they were in one of their secret meetings, which had occurred a few times over the past couple weeks. He had no clue what they were planning but he hadn't found a reason to press. They didn't leave the base and that was all that mattered.

He wasn't worried.

But that all changed when terror cut through him, bringing him to his knees, and he felt it seven-fold for several seconds before agony became the dominant emotion.

Donut—he couldn't feel anything from Donut.

Panic roared through his brain and blood pounded in his ears as he stood up and sprinted down the corridor. He activated his radio and said desperately, "Tucker! Caboose! Anyone! Can you hear me?"

There was only crackling static before Sarge barked, "Simmons! Grif! Donut! You lousy Blues! Answer!"

"Where the hell did they go?" asked Carolina frantically.

"I've got a reading on their suits—they're twenty minutes south from the city!" informed Church tightly.

Washington clicked off and dashed for the garage. Sarge, Lopez and Carolina, with Church hovering over her shoulder, were right on his heels and Katie jolted upon the sight of them. "Uh—"

"Did you give them a car?" demanded Wash.

"Yes—"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" thundered Carolina. "You gave them a vehicle so they could venture out in the middle of a blizzard?"

"I'm sorry! I gave them a sturdy one—"

"Didn't help," said Church shortly. Pain and panic twisted in his chest and he was an A.I. who shouldn't have a soul that hurt but he did.

A blaring honk caught their attention and they turned to see that Lopez had already commandeered a vehicle. "Let's go!"

Katie hastily opened the garage door as Wash, Carolina and Sarge jumped inside. Church put himself into the G.P.S. unit and said, "Visibility is crap but I'll guide you, Lopez. Don't drive slow."

"Wasn't planning on it."

They sped out into the snowstorm and Carolina tried her radio. "Can anyone hear me?"

"Carolina?"

"Tucker," she breathed in relief. "Are you okay? What about the others?"

"What about Donut?" demanded Sarge, trying and failing to feel Donut's emotions.

"He's unconscious. But the rest of us are okay, I guess."

"Sound off," ordered Wash curtly.

"Hi." Caboose.

"Yo." Kai.

"Ugh." Grif.

"Hey." Doc.

"Hi." Simmons.

"Okay," said Wash, his panic easing slightly. But the tension remained knotted in his shoulders and he knew that he wouldn't relax until he had all of them back at base, safe and sound. "Okay. We're on our way. What are Donut's vitals?"

"They're fine. I think he just banged his head. It's not serious so his armour is able to keep the blood flow controlled. We're freezing, though."

There was nothing to be done about that. Sim trooper armour was made for quantity and not quality, and Washington suddenly felt tremendously stupid for not getting them upgrades. "Just hang in there. Move around. Move Donut's limbs. Don't sit still. You all hear me?"

He received a chorus of confirmations before the radio fell silent. After years of managing all sorts of vehicles, Lopez had adept skill at making turns at a split-second notice. Church didn't falter in his directions and though it seemed like an eternity they arrived at the spot where Church was receiving the armour signal.

They scrambled out of the vehicle and squinted through the whipping snow. They could see a portion of the barrier mangled and separated and they wasted no time in sliding down the slope.

Through the white were several spots of colour.

"Guys!" shouted Wash. "Over here!"

Relief charged through him, not just his own, but theirs as well, and he had to steady himself against it. Grif was closest and Wash grabbed him. His visor scanned Grif's vitals and the data reported a sprained ankle. "Can you climb the slope?"

"Yeah."

"Get to the car."

Caboose was cradling his arm and Lopez helped him up to the vehicle. Sarge lifted Donut in his arms and carried him. Everyone else was able to climb the slope themselves and soon they were piled into the car, the heat roaring at full blast. Carolina, Wash and Sarge focussed on Donut, who was clearly the worst off. Sarge pulled off his helmet, revealing blonde hair matted with blood.

"Church, call Dr. Grey," ordered Washington. "Tell her to expect seven patients."

"On it."

"We're fine," muttered Tucker.

The relief abruptly fizzled out and fury stung sharply through their soul-links. Wash turned to face him, his voice frosty as he said, "You're not going to say another word until you're looked over."

Tucker flinched.

They were in so much trouble.

…

After treating her patients Dr. Grey stepped out of the infirmary and into the hall to give Washington and the rest her results. "They're all set!" she said happily. "Donut's awake and all bandaged up. He has a nasty bump on his head but interestingly enough isn't displaying any symptoms of a concussion."

"That's about as expected," grumbled Sarge. "Boy is like a cockroach."

"The others?" asked Church.

"Some bumps and scrapes mostly. I put Grif's ankle in a brace but he should be fine in a few days. Caboose's arm isn't broken, just swollen, so I wrapped it up. Other than that, they're perfectly fine! It was the cold that would have got them but you found them before a finger or toe could be lost. Which is a shame because I do like to sew."

As they conversed outside, Caboose looked around the infirmary before turning to Tucker. "What happened to the present?"

Tucker closed his eyes and his stomach sunk. The entire reason for their trip had completely flown his mind after the crash. "Damn. We forgot about it. It's still in the car."

"The raccoons probably have it by now," said Grif.

"Doesn't matter," said Simmons miserably. "They're so mad they wouldn't take anything from us."

The anger hadn't dulled. It was strong and piercing and painful to endure but none of them had the emotional strength to put up a barrier.

Donut gingerly pressed his fingers against the bandages wrapped around his head. "Man. We were so close."

"To what? Death?" asked Simmons with a scoff.

"So much for being good to drive," said Tucker snippily.

Grif glared at him. "Like you would have done a better job."

"Hell yeah I would! I knew it was stupid to let you drive."

"Oh, no, you're all to blame." Carolina's voice cut over their bickering and they hastily quieted. She stood in the doorway with her arms crossed tightly over her chest. "I don't know what the hell you were all thinking, but you're going to tell us. Get to the recreation room. We'll be with you shortly."

She turned on her heel and strode off. Dr. Grey entered the room and said in a far too happy voice, "Don't worry about your armour. I'll make sure it gets back to your bunks."

"Thanks," said Tucker half-heartedly.

With dread in their hearts they filed into the corridor, feet dragging against the floor. "Do they hate us now?" asked Caboose quietly.

"Of course not," said Kai immediately. "They're just pissed."

"I guess we did make the holiday special," said Doc bitterly. "Just not in the way we were planning."

They walked the rest of the way in silence and when they reached the room they settled in front of the couch. The festive decorations seemed a lot less cheerful with all the tension in the air.

It wasn't long before Carolina, Sarge and Washington, all out of armour, arrived with Lopez and Church, in his robot body, trailing after them.

"Well?" growled Sarge, glaring down at them.

"Well what?" asked Grif sassily.

"Don't play with me, boy."

"This has something to do with whatever you've been whispering about over the past few weeks and I want to know what it is," said Wash with narrowed eyes. "I didn't think it could be all that serious but clearly I was wrong."

"And here I thought I wouldn't have to hurt you because of it," said Carolina flatly.

"Where were you going?" demanded Church.

"To pick up your present," said Tucker quietly.

"Our what?" asked Lopez, wondering if there was something wrong with his volume levels.

"Your present," said Kai. "We put an order in for your present and we had to pick it up."

"You risked your lives for a stupid present," said Wash in disbelief.

Tucker's temper flared and he snapped, "Well, excuse me for thinking about you. I promise not to ever do it again."

"It's not the first time we've risked our lives," said Grif flatly. "I don't know what your problem is."

"My problem is that you went out in this madness and risked your life when you didn't have to!" exclaimed Washington. "It's different when we're at war and we have to put ourselves in dangerous situations."

"The blizzard wasn't all that bad when we left," said Grif hotly. "We made it there fine. It all went to crap on the way back. And I'm in less pain now than I was when I got shot by a tank."

Sarge stiffened. "That ain't the same."

"Oh, that's right. It's Donut who got hurt. I'm sorry I'm not the one with a concussion."

"Grif," pleaded Simmons.

"Please stop," whispered Caboose, rubbing at his chest, which burned from the hurt and anger that boiled through his soul-links.

"No," said Church bluntly. "You're going to endure it. Do you have any idea what we went through? What we felt when you went over that cliff?"

"I thought—I thought I was close to losing you. All seven of you," said Carolina tightly.

"What's the point of a present if you're all dead?"

"We didn't die," muttered Kai stubbornly.

"That's not the point!"

Kai recoiled from Wash's scream and clutched Donut's arm as frustration, rage and desperation charged through their soul-links. Wash took a hard breath, fingers running through his short blonde hair. Carolina set a hand on his shoulder and said, with her voice shaking slightly, "You've never had a soulmate die. I already lost one. You can't begin to understand what that's like. I can't lose another. I can't lose any of you."

"That terror I felt from you today? Felt the same thing before Tex died," said Church tonelessly. "If you didn't think an A.I. could be sick with fear I'm here to tell you we freaking can."

"All I wanted for Christmas was to spend it with my soulmates," said Washington softly. "With the ones who gave my life purpose again. And for a second I thought it wouldn't happen."

Tucker bit down on his bottom lip. He knew of the burnt, chipped handwriting of Tex that marred Church's holographic form. He knew that the rippled, charred handprints of North and York were sore subjects for Wash. He knew that Carolina would try to find some gold remaining in York's name. But they had been doing so well lately, their trauma not nearly as dominating in their souls, that sometimes it wasn't at the forefront of his mind.

"That wasn't our intention," he muttered. "It's our first holiday together. We wanted to get you guys something special."

"But clearly we botched it," said Simmons bitterly.

"I didn't mean to call your idea stupid," said Washington with a grimace. "That was…out of line. But when we're not at war I don't want you to do dangerously stupid things when you don't need to."

Giving a wry smile, Tucker asked, "Just regular stupid, then?"

"Something like that. And tell us when you're going somewhere. I've spent enough time worrying about your whereabouts."

Grif raised his eyes to glance at Sarge, who was staring steadily at him. "Uh…that was a low blow," he said with a slight flinch. "Sorry."

"Well, you were partly right. Only I can kill you."

But there was no heat behind the words, only fondness, and Grif snorted. "Gee. Thanks."

"Some Hanukkah and Christmas this turned out to be," said Donut with a sigh.

"That's okay. You can order me eight days' worth of presents online any time of the year," quipped Church.

"Kwanzaa's still salvageable," joked Doc weakly.

With regretful brown eyes, Caboose said, "We left your present in the snow."

"Yeah, all that heartache for nothing," said Kai.

"Are you listening to a word I'm saying?" asked Washington in exasperation.

Lopez tilted his head to the side in contemplation and then walked out of the room. Sarge pointed after him and said, "Your utter thick-headedness drove Lopez away."

But Lopez returned a few moments later with a pile of blankets and pillows. "Scoot."

"Scoot!" relayed Kai, and in bewilderment they all cleared off the floor.

As Lopez arranged the blankets and pillows into a giant floor mat Washington understood his purpose. "Good idea. I'm better with my soul sharing my emotions rather than my words anyway."

"I'm really tired—" started Doc uncertainly.

"Perfect. You'll sleep like a baby afterwards," interjected Sarge.

The first and only time they had done a soul-bond all together was the day after Kai had reunited with them on Chorus. It was an intense and emotionally exhausting experience, where there was no energy for even communicating through the soul-realm. It took a toll mentally and emotionally, so they hadn't done it since.

"Well, Wash did say all he wanted for Christmas was for all of us to be together," said Donut. "Can't get closer than this!"

"Everyone lay down," ordered Wash.

"Geez. You didn't even buy me dinner first," said Tucker.

Wash sent him a flat look. "Funny."

Soon they were huddled together on the floor, hands set firmly on soulmarks, all eleven of them locked deep into a soul-bond. Nothing could be hidden and so Wash sought out the very beginning of their present planning. The memory of the car pitching off the cliff chilled them, but only for a moment. The negative emotions were gone—they had been vented in their verbal conversation. Now it was just their love and affection, pouring through them as their souls tangled together. It was a sensation that completely took over them, one they could not break away from even if they wanted to.

Entwined together in a nest of pillows and blankets, displaying a physical intimacy no one of Chorus knew the mostly emotionally reserved soldiers were capable of, they eventually fell asleep.

…

Fuzzy-headed and his body sluggish, Caboose opened his eyes and sat up. His arm ached but he paid it no mind. Sunlight glimmered through the window, bright as it reflected off the fresh snow, and his eyes zeroed in on the colourful packages resting beneath the tree.

"Santa came!"

His joyful shout startled his soulmates awake. Doc propped himself up on his elbows and muttered, "Huh?"

"Why would Santa visit us?" asked Tucker with a yawn. "Is Kimball with him?" His vision focussed and he gaped at the presents. "Whoa."

"Where did those come from?" asked Simmons with wide eyes.

"Santa Claus."

They turned to see Wash, Carolina, Lopez, Sarge and Church sitting at the bar at the other end of the room. Wash was staring blankly at them and Tucker stuck out his tongue. "Ha ha."

"Online shopping. Next time ya want to give us a present, give that a shot," said Sarge, taking a sip of his coffee.

"We tried," grumbled Simmons. "We couldn't find anything suitable."

"Wait, we didn't even say we wanted anything," said Tucker in surprise.

Carolina shrugged. "You didn't have to."

"Pretty sure my soul didn't say I wanted anything either," said Kai with a furrowed brow.

"It didn't," said Church in amusement.

"I think there might be some hypocrisy here," said Grif suspiciously.

Wash raised a brow. "We didn't travel through a blizzard to get them."

"I know, but you said—"

"I said I just wanted to spend the holidays with my soulmates," stressed Wash.

"Which is also what I wanted," added Carolina.

"Eh, ya can make it up to me on my birthday," said Sarge with a smirk.

"I'm a robot. I have no use for things."

"All I wanted was a beer but, you know, not exactly possible," said Church with a shrug.

"So, what? You got stuff for the greedy assholes?" asked Tucker.

"Duh. Keep up, Tucker."

"Can I go first?" pleaded Caboose.

"Go for it," said Kai cheerfully.

Caboose launched himself at the present pile and grabbed the one with his name on it. He ripped off the wrapping paper to reveal a fluffy white teddy bear wearing a dark blue nightcap, pajamas and slippers. "I love him!" declared Caboose, immediately giving it a hug.

"What's his name?" asked Doc.

Caboose scrunched his face in thought for a moment before saying, "Bartholomew."

"Damn!" said Sarge as Church let out a satisfied laugh.

"You owe me fifty bucks!"

"How the hell did you know he'd call it that?"

"There's a logic to his madness. Unfortunately for me, I've half figured it out."

The others located their presents and there soon wrapping paper was flying every which-way. Kai and Donut both received nail polish kits—Donut's colours glittery and pastel and Kai's colours bold and dark. "We can do tradesies!" said Kai in delight.

"And each other's nails!"

Doc picked up a snowflake-adorned gift and Kai sent him a mock-frown. "I don't think you're allowed to open that yet. It's Christmas, not Kwanzaa."

"I celebrate both Christmas and Kwanzaa," retorted Doc.

"That's just cheating."

Doc ripped off the sparkling white paper and beamed at the indoor gardening kit. "All right! Rosemary and chive, here I come."

Grif and Simmons got a joint present and they both shouted upon discovering it was an old GameCube console complete with Mario Kart. "No way!" cried Simmons. "Where did you find this?"

"Expert web surfing," said Church smugly. "You're welcome."

"I am going to kick your ass at this," said Grif with a wide grin.

"Oh, you don't stand a chance!"

"This might have been a bad idea," said Washington in amusement.

"Eh, they'll break it eventually," said Sarge knowingly. "Probably sooner rather than later."

"Dude!" exclaimed Tucker excitedly after he unearthed a DVD player and both the tenth anniversary and fifteenth anniversary DVDs of Reservoir Dogs. "This is awesome!"

"You can't be serious," said Grif with a groan.

"It comes with a stipulation," said Church warningly. "You can watch it as many times as you want, but we're only watching it once a year."

"Deal!" said Tucker happily. "Where did you find this ancient stuff?"

"The internet is a magical place," said Washington.

A knock came at the door and Caboose sprang to his feet. "Bartholomew and I will get it!" He went over and pressed the button, causing the metal door to slide open. "Hello!" he greeted the solider standing on the other side. "Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas. We found this in the wreckage. It's yours, right?"

Caboose gasped at the package the solider held out. "You saved Christmas!" He gave the man a bear hug before eagerly taking the package. "Thank you!"

The door shut in the bewildered soldier's face and Caboose set the package gently in front of Sarge, Church, Washington, Carolina and Lopez. "Ta-da!"

"They brought it?" said Doc in surprise.

"Who works on Christmas?" asked Grif.

"Soldiers who are too engrained in their ways to take a day off," said Washington lightly.

Though they knew exactly what was nestled in the brown packaging it was still a pleasant surprise to see the tiny, personalized coloured script detailing each of their names on the metal tag. Washington gently ran his fingers over the names before hooking the chain around his neck.

"Thank you," he said sincerely. "I love it."

"Really?" asked Caboose hopefully. "Because it was my idea."

"It really was," said Kai with a nod. "Though the names were Donut's idea."

"They're soul tags," chirped Donut.

"They're perfect, dirtbags," said Sarge with a smile.

"Why isn't my name bigger?" asked Church.

"You're lucky we didn't put yours in the smallest print they had," retorted Tucker.

"Thank you. Still not worth risking your lives over."

"I think we got the point," said Kai dryly. "You'd rather have us than any present."

"Damn straight," said Carolina feelingly. "But these are perfect."

"You know, for people who don't want anything to happen to us, you threaten to kill us pretty often," said Grif with narrowed eyes.

"What'd I tell you earlier, numbnuts? Only I can kill you."

"A sentiment shared by all of us," said Wash with a twitch of his lips.

"Uh-huh." Grif rolled his eyes and seized the GameCube. "Come on, Simmons. Figure out how to hook this up so I can destroy you."

Snow fell gently outside the window, the colours from the Christmas tree ornaments glinting off the glass and the shiny material of the hanukkiah. Grif and Simmons were soon engaged in a vicious video game battle that Doc observed and Donut and Kai cracked open their nail polish kits to paint each other's fingernails. Caboose hugged Bartholomew to his chest as he sat beside Donut, requesting a sparkly blue polish, which he happily obliged.

Tucker went over to the bar and reached for the pot of coffee. Lopez slid it over to him, as well as a mug, and he poured himself a cup. "So what I learned from this whole crap show is that you don't need any presents ever because we're already the greatest gifts of all."

Sarge raised a brow. "I wouldn't go that far, son."

Tucker smirked at him. "That's not what your soul said."

That was not something Sarge could argue with and he sent Tucker a disgruntled glare. "Shut up forever."

"It's mushy and disgustingly cliché, but true," said Washington with a slight smile. "But I suppose in the future, if you really want to buy one of us a gift, just order it online. Seriously."

"Noted."

"Tucker!" called Grif from across the room. "Grab that spare controller and help me kick Simmons' butt!"

"You can't team up against me!"

"Sure I can."

"That's cheating!"

"It's strategy!"

"Doc, take that fourth controller and help me massacre them."

"That sounds violent—"

"Shut up and take the controller."

"Hypocrite," sneered Grif. "Are you in or what, Tucker?"

"You know it!" said Tucker with a wide grin.

Washington watched them, his chin resting against his palm. He watched Donut and Kai paint Caboose's nails and Simmons, Doc, Grif and Tucker battle it out in their video game. He shifted his blue eyes to the side and saw Sarge, Carolina, Lopez and Church also observing the others, their eyes flickering over to one another every now and then.

Contentment, warm and gentle, flowed through their soul-links, and Wash hid his wide smile behind his mug.

Best Christmas ever. Of all time.