TITLE: Succumb
AUTHOR: KellyB
AUTHOR EMAIL: [email protected]
DATE WRITTEN: Autumn 2002
SPOILERS: The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones
RATING: R
SUMMARY: AOTC and a bit of Episode III from Padmé's POV. This is a darker take on Anakin's courtship of Padmé. In this story he is much more active in his pursuit and not as innocently boyish in his actions and methods. If you want to read a Disneyfied story of Anakin and Padmé stop reading. This story focuses on the unhealthy aspect of their relationship. Namely that Anakin has a rather unhealthy fixation on Padmé. There's a bit of mental coercion, obsession, and seduction.
TIME PERIOD: AOTC and slightly beyond to Episode III
TYPE: Romance, erotica, seduction, heaps o'angst
DISCLAIMER: I worship the ground the Flanneled One walks upon and I intend no infringement on the Lucasfilm characters, situations, or storylines. I am making absolutely NO money off this so suing would really be pointless, dear George. This story is merely for the titillation of rabid Star Wars fans like me who have way too much time on their hands.
CRITIQUE: Constructive criticism and reviews very much appreciated.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I have done my best to follow in the hallowed footsteps of George by utilizing the same formal speech patterns that Padmé uses in the movie. So basically this gal does not use a hell of a lot of contractions. Force thoughts are designated by: //thought//. Normal thoughts are designated by: thought. Direct lines from AOTC (movie or novel) appear in italics.
The language Anakin uses is my invention and there is no translation. I leave interpretation up to the reader. If any words actually mean something in some language out there then it is purely coincidental.
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Prologue: Sometime during Episode III
"When lovely woman stoops to folly,
And finds too late that men betray,
What charm can soothe her melancholy,
What art can wash her guilt away?"
Oliver Goldsmith
Sometimes I cannot believe how much I have changed. The truth was once my faithful ally, my constant companion. Now I find myself wallowing in a bed of untruths, a bed that Anakin and I meticulously built together. It would be so easy to allow Anakin to shoulder the blame for everything, but my conscience will not allow it. But then, I ask myself, what is one more lie when so many have already been told? No, it is far too late for us to start being truthful. For if I was to open myself to the truth of our reality at this juncture my carefully crafted world would collapse.
Sometimes I cannot believe how little Anakin has changed. People who do not understand him, who do not know him as I do, think he has changed a great deal. They do not realize that he was always like this – deep down inside. My husband excels at the art of deception. He deceived Obi Wan Kenobi, Qui Gon Jinn, the Jedi Council, his fellow brethren, his own wife, and even himself.
The few people to whom I am truly close do not believe me when I tell them that Anakin Skywalker has given me more happiness and pleasure in these past few years than I could ever have imagined possible. They are only cognizant of the pain his actions have caused me. So I keep the growing sense of impending disaster to myself. There is no need to worry them when I know that nothing will change what is destined to happen.
I do not hate him. I could never hate Anakin. To hate him would be to deny him and that is something I cannot and will not do - at least not yet. I know the time of reckoning is fast approaching. The sun will soon set on the Republic, my marriage, my life, my Anakin. But in the time we have left, I treasure our love even as I hold on to the painful knowledge that too soon I will be forced to choose between Anakin and my hopes for the future. Whichever path I decide to follow the end result for Anakin and I will be the same. Neither of us will survive intact.
So I wait and I watch. I watch for Anakin to falter one last time; taking that last step that will damn his soul and shatter my heart into a million tiny fragments.
During the long sleepless nights, I occupy myself by remembering the past. I waste hours analyzing the events that led up to my present state. I reflect on that terrible, wonderful day when Anakin came back into my life. Once we met again was there a time when I could have escaped and forged a different path?
No, of course not.
The truth is it was too late for me the moment I stepped over the threshold of Watto's shop and a little boy asked me if I was an angel.
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"If I should meet thee
After long years,
How shall I greet thee?
With silence and tears."
Lord Byron
I was vulnerable the day Anakin came back into my life. Cordé's death had hit me hard and I was not allowed time to mourn. I had to remain strong and resolute for the people I represented. My personal woes were unimportant when compared to the number of lives dependent upon my actions.
Anakin used that vulnerability to his advantage. He established one tiny foothold and forged on, ruthlessly breaching my defenses, determined to win me at all costs.
When he was a little boy Anakin had informed me that he was going to marry me. It was a sweet childish notion I had soon forgotten. But Anakin did not forget. The Force had told him of the future. Knowing we would meet again someday he had years to prepare to win me, to decide how best to go about making me fall in love with him.
I never stood a chance.
****
It never occurred to me that Anakin would be accompanying Master Kenobi that day, although it probably should have. In truth I had rarely thought about that little boy whom I met so long ago.
I greeted Obi Wan with pleasure remembering with gratitude the assistance he and his fallen Master had provided my world when last we had met. When I finally turned my gaze to the young Jedi Padawan hovering impatiently in the background I failed to recognize him. That he was disconcerted by my seeming indifference was apparent. It was that brief expression of impatience at my lapse that gave me pause and caused me to take a second glance. I caught a glimmer of that slave boy I had met in that hot, dirty shop on Tatooine long ago. Blue eyes in a little boy's face; eyes that had made a queen shift restlessly under their watchful gaze.
"Are you an angel?" He had asked.
My eyes widened in recognition. He stepped forward and I was shocked to realize he now towered over me. I had to tilt my head back in order to meet his eyes. There was a decided intensity to his gaze and my cheeks flushed pink under his scrutiny. Something sparked between us in those initial moments and I blinked in surprise. It happened so quickly I convinced myself later I had imagined it.
But Anakin saw it. He could see everything when it came to me.
My reaction seemed to encourage him for his expression changed. He looked at me then, not in the way one looks at an old acquaintance, but in the way a man looks at a woman he desires. There was a strange fluttering in my stomach as he held my gaze unwaveringly. The rest of the people in the room momentarily faded into the background and I had to force myself to continue as if nothing had happened.
Flustered and a bit embarrassed at my reaction to his smoky gaze, I intentionally wounded his pride by remarking that I would always think of him as a little boy. It was his turn to turn red. Annoyance and hurt flared in those piercing blue eyes before he recovered himself and managed to settle his expression back into a mask of stoic Jedi calm.
I would come to hate that inscrutable expression. It hid too much.
****
Something odd lurked beneath the surface of Obi Wan and Anakin's relationship. Beneath the respect and affection I detected a disturbing undercurrent of resentment and jealousy on Anakin's part.
I listened in bemusement to their tense exchange as the arrogant Jedi Padawan attempted to turn the predetermined limits of their mandate into a more active role. It was an overzealous and rather obvious attempt to impress me. It was also a presumptuous breach of etiquette and it clearly was not the first time that Obi Wan had been required to rebuke his charge for such behavior.
The Jedi and their ways were not overly familiar to me then despite the brief time I had spent in their company during Naboo's trouble with the Trade Federation. However I did know that a Padawan did not contradict his Master in private let alone in front of outsiders. Feeling uncomfortable at both the tension between the two Jedi and with Anakin's increasingly ardent glances, I made my escape under the guise of wishing to retire.
Anakin's piercing blue eyes followed me the entire way, boring into my back, willing me to turn around. I suppressed a shiver and fought the urge to look back at him one last time. It was unnerving.
When the chamber door slid shut I slumped back against it with relief, letting the odd tension slowly ease. Releasing a breath I had not realized I had been holding, I took a moment to compose myself then pushed away from the door. I had taken no more than two or three steps when I was stopped short as the oddest feeling came over me.
My head filled with a soft humming and I felt the sensation of a whisper-light caress against the back of my neck. With a gasp I spun around. Of course there was no one there. As suddenly as it had started the humming noise abruptly ceased. Ever practical, I shook my head ruefully at my over active imagination. I vowed to get a good nights rest and called for Dormé.
That was the beginning. The foothold was established, the campaign had begun, and I was the prize.
***********************************************************************
"Love alters not with
his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even
to the edge of doom."
William Shakespeare
I sent Dormé away after she had finished taking down my hair from its complicated style. Under normal circumstances I would have welcomed her company. She was a good friend with a genuine talent for helping me to momentarily forget my responsibilities and the often frustrating aspects of being a politician. I could always count on her to make me laugh at the latest bit of Coruscant gossip or Senate intrigue. But that evening I was not in the mood for fussing and idle chatter. Solitude was what I craved. I needed time to sort through the bizarre meeting with Anakin and why he disturbed me so.
A senator's wardrobe is much simpler to deal with than that of a queen's but it is still a trial. I almost regretted sending Dormé away as I struggled with the intricate fastenings at my back. Lost in thought I slipped my gown from my shoulders and shrugged my arms out of the long sleeves. I was about to slip the bodice down when I remembered just whose eyes were in all likelihood monitoring the security cams. I froze and felt an uncomfortable prickling sensation at the back of my neck.
Anakin was watching me.
I had known that he was in the lounge area outside my bed chamber for I had heard Dormé speak briefly to him on her way to her own room. He was on watch alone. I had not yet heard Obi Wan returning from his earlier security inspection. Security cams were a way of life for all politicians in the Republic and I had long ago learned to ignore their presence. But now I was being watched by a young man who had made it quite clear that he found me attractive.
Technically he was not doing anything wrong. After all he and Obi Wan were there for the specific purpose of keeping me alive. But protector or not, I was decidedly uncomfortable with that turn of events. I did not want Anakin Skywalker watching me undress.
As I stood there debating how to get out of that potentially embarrassing situation a strange lethargy stole over me. I was still conscious of being watched but it no longer seemed as alarming as it had just moments ago. Even so I dared not raise my head. I had the oddest notion that if I were to acknowledge Anakin's "presence" by looking directly into the cam I might give in to a sudden and inexplicable urge to let my dress fall to the floor.
That compulsion I cannot explain. I had yet to know the intimate touch of a man but at that moment I had an overwhelming impulse to throw away propriety and stand there in my undergarments under the watchful and hungry gaze of a Jedi just over four years my junior. I trembled as I felt warm waves of desire wash over me. Those sensations were not emanating from me.
I stood there stiffly, my shoulders bared, hands clasping the front of my gown to my chest, and my eyes staring sightlessly at the floor. Panic set in when I found I was having difficulty formulating the internal command to move my legs. Mentally I shook myself, forcing myself to calm down and concentrate. As the panic subsided my body was once more mine to command and I was free.
I fled to the refresher where I changed into my nightgown without fear of an audience, taking a few deep breaths to steady myself. After a moment or two I started to feel extremely foolish. What in Force had just happened? Reason and practicality returned to chase away the disquiet. It had been an emotional day and I was exhausted. I convinced myself that the whole episode was the result of my sadness and guilt over losing Cordé and the stress of finding myself the continued target of an assassination plot. When combined with the tedious journey from Naboo and my worry over the impending vote in the Senate, I thought it little wonder that my emotional state had not been even more tumultuous.
It was so much easier and less frightening to look at the obvious and ordinary for an explanation rather than to consider, even for a moment, that Anakin had been responsible for what had happened. It was too disturbing to think that Anakin would use the Force in such a manner.
Before I went to bed I made sure that the main security cam was covered.
It took me a long while to fall asleep.
************************************************************************
"O who will tell me where
He found thee at that dead and silent hour!"
Henry Vaughan
I was jerked from a sound sleep when my bed was jarred sharply. My heart was pounding furiously and at first I was unable to absorb the chaotic scene unfolding before me. Anakin stood above me poised as if to do battle and an unpleasant burnt odor hung in the air. I heard Obi Wan shout and watched in amazement as he dove through the window shattering the glass with a sickening crash. Anakin instructed me to stay where I was and then he too was gone.
Long after the excitement died down and I had made Dormé retire for the second time that night; I sat up in bed thinking. I relived the way Anakin's eyes had appraised my form as he stood above me. His gaze had not been just a clinical check to make sure I was unharmed. I self- consciously hugged my legs closer to my chest, resting my chin on top my knees as I tried to figure out what had been happening to me since Anakin reappeared in my life.
I was disturbed by the amount of time I was spending dwelling on that compelling and overconfident young man. It had been less than a day and it seemed that almost every thought I had centered on what Anakin said, what he did, or how he looked at me. I was not use to so much emotional turmoil in my life and I did not like it. It felt as if I were playing a game whose rules I did not know and, what is more, one I had no memory of agreeing to participate in.
Anakin's attentions made me uncomfortable. But at the same time they excited me. The fact that I even felt such excitement at all alarmed me. All I wanted to do was stop thinking and start reacting. I wanted to wrap myself in the memory of him standing over me in the dark like some holovid hero.
He had been terrified for me. A woman he had not seen in ten years. I found myself wondering where such devotion came from.
"Are you an angel?" he asked me once.
Angels were perfect. I shifted uneasily as I realized part of the reason why Anakin's attentions concerned me so much. He saw me as an ideal, not as the person I truly was. This growing sense that I could never measure up to the image Anakin carried around was, for some reason, bone chilling in its intensity. We had exchanged almost no words that had not dealt with, for lack of a better word, business, yet his eyes had spoken volumes. I could see myself as he saw me in their reflection.
It can be lonely atop a pedestal separated from the crowd. Already I had a growing fear of what would happen when Anakin inevitably discovered I was a flesh and blood woman and not some paragon of perfection.
****
I was oblivious to the passage of time. It was only when I was forced to change positions to lessen the ache in my back that I realized several hours had passed since the two Jedi had given chase to the assassin probe. I glanced around and realized belatedly that Dormé must have removed the burnt corpses of those evil creatures, though I had no memory of her doing so. My attention returned to the open doorway to find it no longer empty. Anakin had returned.
He approached my bed with arrogant confidence as if he often visited women in their sleeping chambers. I was surprised to feel a twinge of jealousy at that thought. Anakin's eyes glittered in the darkness and my throat constricted. I vaguely remember wondering where Obi Wan was but became too preoccupied with Anakin's approach and the thought slipped away.
Gingerly he sat down on the edge of my bed beside me. He watched me carefully as if I were some skittish animal ready to take flight if startled. I should have protested his familiarity when he sat down. It was very improper for us to be together on that bed in the early morning hours with no one to chaperon. If someone had seen us it would not have been looked favorably upon by either the government of Naboo or the Jedi Council. Worse, it would have been the unofficial topic of the Senate later that day. I had no desire to be fodder for their vicious rumor mill but, inexplicably, I found the thought of my reputation torn to shreds as inconsequential as what color of ribbon to wear in my hair.
That was what being with Anakin did to me. In an instant he could diminish my immediate concerns and worries to the dim recesses of my consciousness. He made me forget myself. So I did not request that he move away. I ignored that little voice in my head warning me of the impropriety. Instead I listened to the new voice that spoke in a hypnotic whisper, telling me to do something I should not do rather than what was expected.
He smiled at me softly. Something electric arced between us and a darker, more primal look entered his eyes. I shivered as Anakin's bold gaze wandered leisurely from my sleep tousled hair, over the contours of my face, and then lower, to where the lace edging of my nightgown rose and fell with my every breath. Under his heated stare my ability to breath normally suffered and my cheeks grew warm. I had to remind myself to breath or risk passing out from lack of oxygen.
After what seemed like an eternity Anakin's focus shifted back up to my face. Embarrassed I looked away unable to keep up the pretence that I was comfortable with his being perched on my bed in the middle of the night. I drew back sharply when he lightly touched my heated cheek with his warm fingertips. At my silent rebuke he dropped his hand but continued to study me intently. My level of discomfort rose dramatically under that heated gaze.
I was about to speak and break the growing tension when Anakin broke it himself. I kept my attention firmly focused on the foot of the bed as if it were the most fascinating thing I had ever seen as Anakin related the events of hours earlier. He told me of the dangerous chase around the city that had ended at a seedy nightclub. I winced when he told me of the confrontation between Obi Wan and the assassin. I could not have born yet another death on my account. Anakin ended the tale with how, upon exiting the club with the wounded changeling, an unknown person had killed the bounty hunter before either Obi Wan or Anakin had obtained any useful information.
A shaky sigh escaped me as I considered the unsavory idea that the person or persons responsible for Cordé's death and the attempts on my life was still out there. My only consolation was that at least neither Obi Wan nor Anakin had been harmed.
Silence reigned for a few uncomfortable minutes before Anakin suggested that I try to get some sleep. My protests drew a determined frown from Anakin and before I knew what was happening I was being gently pushed down by invisible hands. He leaned over me. For one horrible but thrilling moment I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead he laid his hand against my brow and almost immediately my eyelids grew heavy and began to droop. I did not like being forced to do something against my will but even as I tried to fight it my body relaxed limply into the mattress and all my tension started to dissipate.
Anakin's hand slid down to lie against my cheek. It was a comforting gesture and I instinctively turned my face into his warm palm. A callused thumb stroked my skin lightly, reassuring and soothing to my troubled mind.
I was almost asleep when Anakin's touch changed from affectionately innocent to sensual – and completely inappropriate.
He trailed his fingers down my neck to lightly caress the bare skin just above my neckline. Clouded though my mind was, I was still aware enough to hear how his breath quickened. A second later his hand was running down my body with intimate familiarity. Even as my mind tried to work up the energy to formulate a protest at his daring, a sigh of contentment escaped me. Forming a coherent thought proved impossible with the weight of the Force coaxing me down into oblivion. Besides, his touch felt…..right.
Anakin's hand lingered enticingly at my hip. I could feel the heat of his touch through the thin shimmersilk of my nightgown. When he moved back to once again stroke my cheek I felt strangely bereft.
Did I dream the words that seemed to resound within my head as I finally slipped over the edge into sleep?
// Soon Padmé, you WILL love me //
The softly whispered words were filled with the promise of lips touching, of flesh meeting flesh, of contented moans and limbs entwining. But lying beneath the surface of that seductive pledge was a darker message, one that spoke of obsession, anger, pain, possession and fear.
My heart only paid heed to that first promise.
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"The bright day is done,
and we are for the dark."
William Shakespeare
I was most displeased.
I had been ordered home by Chancellor Palpatine. Anakin was to accompany me while Obi Wan investigated a lead on the assassin. I was furious and frustrated. For over a year I had worked to defeat the Military Creation Act and now I would not be allowed to stay for the all important vote. Leaving my responsibilities in the hands of Jar Jar Binks did not make me feel any better.
Would anything be different today if I had refused that direct order?
The Jedi Council, in all their considerable wisdom, made the decision to have Anakin escort me back to Naboo and then remain as my bodyguard until the situation improved. Anakin and I…. alone together. My heart thudded uncomfortably in my chest.
In the cold light of day my musings and fancies of the night before seemed far away and not a little ridiculous. I was sure that I had imagined both Anakin's hand upon my body as well as the words in my head. But the fact remained that Anakin was too enamored with me for his own good. I could not help but think that this was hardly one of the wisest decisions that the Jedi Council had ever made. It was like sending a jawa to guard the droid factory.
****
I was surprised and impressed by what Anakin said. I had been voicing my resentment at being ordered home and his response was so…grown up.
"Sometimes we have to let go of our pride and do what is requested of us."
But such insight and maturity melted away minutes later as he voiced his complaints regarding his Master. Once again I sensed something deeper than just a young man straining to be free of the restrictions put upon him by a stern mentor. Absently, I wondered if Anakin would have had problems with any authority figure or was there just something about Obi Wan that raised his hackles? I could not help but speculate if Qui Gon Jinn would have faired any better in his stead.
Anakin's moods were mercurial. One minute he was wise beyond his years and then a split second later he regressed back to the child who had been forced to choose between his mother and a bright future as a Jedi Knight. He was such an odd mix of boy and man.
I did understand his impatience to graduate from Padawan to Jedi knight. It had been his dream from the moment Qui Gon Jinn had suggested it back on Tatooine. But I knew from experience that growing up was not the magic key to happiness. Thinking only of the boy Anakin had been, I reached up and gently touched the side of his face.
"Anakin. Do not try to grow up too fast."
Anakin's brooding expression changed to one of heated expectation. I quickly dropped my hand regretting my impulse to give in to the childish affection that we had once shared.
"I am grown up. You said it yourself."
His tone of voice suggested that he would very much like to prove to me just how grown up he was. Our eyes locked and he took a step closer.
I stared up at Anakin, unable to look away from his compelling eyes. That odd fluttering feeling rose again in the pit of my stomach. I felt that connection between myself and the young Jedi and I was overwhelmed with an odd mix of desire and fear. My internal warning signals went off and I ruthlessly clamped down on the highly inappropriate and dangerous feeling that Anakin was inspiring as if it were a loathsome insect under my heel.
"Please don't look at me like that."
A slow arrogant smile spread across his face. A smile that implied he knew exactly how much he was getting under my skin and that he was enjoying my unease.
"Why not?"
Why not? Why not?! I wanted to scream at him, to slap him, to make him understand that he had to stop because he was turning my insides into knots with his knowing glances and his seductive smiles. His nearness, his calm certainty that he had me exactly where he wanted me made me distinctly uneasy and very nervous. It also intimidated me, frustrated me, and, Force help me, thrilled me in a way I had never before experienced.
Of course I did not say any of those things.
"It makes me feel uncomfortable."
I groaned inwardly at how incredibly weak my response sounded.
"Sorry, milady."
I had already turned from him, intending to retrieve more of my personal items for packing. In the wardrobe mirror I caught his expression as he murmured his apology and my step faltered. He did not realize that I observed the knowing smirk which played across his lips and effectively canceled out what little sincerity there had been in his words. Anakin was no longer making any effort to hide the hunger in his eyes. My stomach muscles clenched with shock and I had to stifle a gasp lest he hear and guess the reason why.
Anakin was making no pretenses. I had thought the intensity of his gazes disturbing enough before but they were nothing compared to the naked desire and longing that I saw reflected in his face at that moment. He was not sorry at all, far from it. With that look he was no longer the boyish Anakin but a man with a man's desire. And that desire was for me.
Keeping my face hidden, I busied myself pretending to look for some item at the back of the wardrobe. My knees were weak and it was all I could do to keep my body from slumping back against the wardrobe door.
I did not know what was happening to me. I had been desired by men before but this was something different. It was not just Anakin's interest that bothered me; rather it was the way my body was responding to him that disconcerted me so. Normally self-possessed and virtually unflappable, I now found myself spiraling out of control.
I could feel his eyes still upon me and the blood in my veins sang with an answering need. For the first time in my life I experienced the unfamiliar feeling of physically wanting a man. I fought to quell my labored breathing and pounding heart.
I told myself that I had to remain strong for both our sakes. I was determined to remain the sober voice of reason in that unprecedented situation I found myself thrust into. How hard could it be I asked myself? The faint sound of mocking laughter seemed to echo inside my head.
How incredibly naïve I was to imagine that I could stop what was happening. I was a fool, then and now.
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TBC – Want to read more of this completed story? See below:
Fanfiction.net removed the original posting of 'Succumb' after they received a complaint that the story exceeded the mandates of the 'R' rating guidelines. I disagree vehemently but was given no opportunity for recourse. My first instinct was to never post at this site again. I think their policy of censorship is disgraceful and it has resulted in a lowering of the quality of fanfic's available to the reader. And that isn't just my opinion.
I chose instead to post the first bit of 'Succumb', which is PG at the very most, and then provide a link for you, the reader, to go to a site where the story is not only complete but is not censored by the Moral Majority.
When the administrators removed 'Succumb' they also erased all 33 POSITIVE reviews. I was lucky in that I saved all my reviews from this site and I have chosen to repost them EXACTLY the way they were posted originally. Reviews are food for authors, so should you take the time to visit one of the sites where my story or stories are archived, I encourage, entreat, and beg that you come back to ff.net to leave a review. Or drop me an email, please!
Since sites update infrequently, if you don't find 'Succumb' at one site, please try another.
My follow-up story is 'The End Justifies the Means' and is Anakin's POV of the happenings in 'Succumb'. It is a work in progress but as soon as it is done, I will post the first part here with directions on where to read it in its entirety.
I've listed them in order of who has the most up to date version of 'Succumb':
www.swtats.com
www.litheform.com/~fragility
www.acaciahsrealm.com (site admin. may not have entire story posted as of yet)
www.fanfix.com
Within the month it will also be archived at www.adultfanfiction.net
It's also archived at several yahoo groups to which you must be a member of to view:
[email protected] - Anakin/Amidala Erotic Fiction (18 yrs. of age or older only)
[email protected] – the darker side of SW fanfiction (18 years of age +)
[email protected] – SW fanfic – unsure of age restriction if any.
Thank you,
KellyB
[email protected]
AUTHOR: KellyB
AUTHOR EMAIL: [email protected]
DATE WRITTEN: Autumn 2002
SPOILERS: The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones
RATING: R
SUMMARY: AOTC and a bit of Episode III from Padmé's POV. This is a darker take on Anakin's courtship of Padmé. In this story he is much more active in his pursuit and not as innocently boyish in his actions and methods. If you want to read a Disneyfied story of Anakin and Padmé stop reading. This story focuses on the unhealthy aspect of their relationship. Namely that Anakin has a rather unhealthy fixation on Padmé. There's a bit of mental coercion, obsession, and seduction.
TIME PERIOD: AOTC and slightly beyond to Episode III
TYPE: Romance, erotica, seduction, heaps o'angst
DISCLAIMER: I worship the ground the Flanneled One walks upon and I intend no infringement on the Lucasfilm characters, situations, or storylines. I am making absolutely NO money off this so suing would really be pointless, dear George. This story is merely for the titillation of rabid Star Wars fans like me who have way too much time on their hands.
CRITIQUE: Constructive criticism and reviews very much appreciated.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I have done my best to follow in the hallowed footsteps of George by utilizing the same formal speech patterns that Padmé uses in the movie. So basically this gal does not use a hell of a lot of contractions. Force thoughts are designated by: //thought//. Normal thoughts are designated by: thought. Direct lines from AOTC (movie or novel) appear in italics.
The language Anakin uses is my invention and there is no translation. I leave interpretation up to the reader. If any words actually mean something in some language out there then it is purely coincidental.
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Prologue: Sometime during Episode III
"When lovely woman stoops to folly,
And finds too late that men betray,
What charm can soothe her melancholy,
What art can wash her guilt away?"
Oliver Goldsmith
Sometimes I cannot believe how much I have changed. The truth was once my faithful ally, my constant companion. Now I find myself wallowing in a bed of untruths, a bed that Anakin and I meticulously built together. It would be so easy to allow Anakin to shoulder the blame for everything, but my conscience will not allow it. But then, I ask myself, what is one more lie when so many have already been told? No, it is far too late for us to start being truthful. For if I was to open myself to the truth of our reality at this juncture my carefully crafted world would collapse.
Sometimes I cannot believe how little Anakin has changed. People who do not understand him, who do not know him as I do, think he has changed a great deal. They do not realize that he was always like this – deep down inside. My husband excels at the art of deception. He deceived Obi Wan Kenobi, Qui Gon Jinn, the Jedi Council, his fellow brethren, his own wife, and even himself.
The few people to whom I am truly close do not believe me when I tell them that Anakin Skywalker has given me more happiness and pleasure in these past few years than I could ever have imagined possible. They are only cognizant of the pain his actions have caused me. So I keep the growing sense of impending disaster to myself. There is no need to worry them when I know that nothing will change what is destined to happen.
I do not hate him. I could never hate Anakin. To hate him would be to deny him and that is something I cannot and will not do - at least not yet. I know the time of reckoning is fast approaching. The sun will soon set on the Republic, my marriage, my life, my Anakin. But in the time we have left, I treasure our love even as I hold on to the painful knowledge that too soon I will be forced to choose between Anakin and my hopes for the future. Whichever path I decide to follow the end result for Anakin and I will be the same. Neither of us will survive intact.
So I wait and I watch. I watch for Anakin to falter one last time; taking that last step that will damn his soul and shatter my heart into a million tiny fragments.
During the long sleepless nights, I occupy myself by remembering the past. I waste hours analyzing the events that led up to my present state. I reflect on that terrible, wonderful day when Anakin came back into my life. Once we met again was there a time when I could have escaped and forged a different path?
No, of course not.
The truth is it was too late for me the moment I stepped over the threshold of Watto's shop and a little boy asked me if I was an angel.
************************************************************************
"If I should meet thee
After long years,
How shall I greet thee?
With silence and tears."
Lord Byron
I was vulnerable the day Anakin came back into my life. Cordé's death had hit me hard and I was not allowed time to mourn. I had to remain strong and resolute for the people I represented. My personal woes were unimportant when compared to the number of lives dependent upon my actions.
Anakin used that vulnerability to his advantage. He established one tiny foothold and forged on, ruthlessly breaching my defenses, determined to win me at all costs.
When he was a little boy Anakin had informed me that he was going to marry me. It was a sweet childish notion I had soon forgotten. But Anakin did not forget. The Force had told him of the future. Knowing we would meet again someday he had years to prepare to win me, to decide how best to go about making me fall in love with him.
I never stood a chance.
****
It never occurred to me that Anakin would be accompanying Master Kenobi that day, although it probably should have. In truth I had rarely thought about that little boy whom I met so long ago.
I greeted Obi Wan with pleasure remembering with gratitude the assistance he and his fallen Master had provided my world when last we had met. When I finally turned my gaze to the young Jedi Padawan hovering impatiently in the background I failed to recognize him. That he was disconcerted by my seeming indifference was apparent. It was that brief expression of impatience at my lapse that gave me pause and caused me to take a second glance. I caught a glimmer of that slave boy I had met in that hot, dirty shop on Tatooine long ago. Blue eyes in a little boy's face; eyes that had made a queen shift restlessly under their watchful gaze.
"Are you an angel?" He had asked.
My eyes widened in recognition. He stepped forward and I was shocked to realize he now towered over me. I had to tilt my head back in order to meet his eyes. There was a decided intensity to his gaze and my cheeks flushed pink under his scrutiny. Something sparked between us in those initial moments and I blinked in surprise. It happened so quickly I convinced myself later I had imagined it.
But Anakin saw it. He could see everything when it came to me.
My reaction seemed to encourage him for his expression changed. He looked at me then, not in the way one looks at an old acquaintance, but in the way a man looks at a woman he desires. There was a strange fluttering in my stomach as he held my gaze unwaveringly. The rest of the people in the room momentarily faded into the background and I had to force myself to continue as if nothing had happened.
Flustered and a bit embarrassed at my reaction to his smoky gaze, I intentionally wounded his pride by remarking that I would always think of him as a little boy. It was his turn to turn red. Annoyance and hurt flared in those piercing blue eyes before he recovered himself and managed to settle his expression back into a mask of stoic Jedi calm.
I would come to hate that inscrutable expression. It hid too much.
****
Something odd lurked beneath the surface of Obi Wan and Anakin's relationship. Beneath the respect and affection I detected a disturbing undercurrent of resentment and jealousy on Anakin's part.
I listened in bemusement to their tense exchange as the arrogant Jedi Padawan attempted to turn the predetermined limits of their mandate into a more active role. It was an overzealous and rather obvious attempt to impress me. It was also a presumptuous breach of etiquette and it clearly was not the first time that Obi Wan had been required to rebuke his charge for such behavior.
The Jedi and their ways were not overly familiar to me then despite the brief time I had spent in their company during Naboo's trouble with the Trade Federation. However I did know that a Padawan did not contradict his Master in private let alone in front of outsiders. Feeling uncomfortable at both the tension between the two Jedi and with Anakin's increasingly ardent glances, I made my escape under the guise of wishing to retire.
Anakin's piercing blue eyes followed me the entire way, boring into my back, willing me to turn around. I suppressed a shiver and fought the urge to look back at him one last time. It was unnerving.
When the chamber door slid shut I slumped back against it with relief, letting the odd tension slowly ease. Releasing a breath I had not realized I had been holding, I took a moment to compose myself then pushed away from the door. I had taken no more than two or three steps when I was stopped short as the oddest feeling came over me.
My head filled with a soft humming and I felt the sensation of a whisper-light caress against the back of my neck. With a gasp I spun around. Of course there was no one there. As suddenly as it had started the humming noise abruptly ceased. Ever practical, I shook my head ruefully at my over active imagination. I vowed to get a good nights rest and called for Dormé.
That was the beginning. The foothold was established, the campaign had begun, and I was the prize.
***********************************************************************
"Love alters not with
his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even
to the edge of doom."
William Shakespeare
I sent Dormé away after she had finished taking down my hair from its complicated style. Under normal circumstances I would have welcomed her company. She was a good friend with a genuine talent for helping me to momentarily forget my responsibilities and the often frustrating aspects of being a politician. I could always count on her to make me laugh at the latest bit of Coruscant gossip or Senate intrigue. But that evening I was not in the mood for fussing and idle chatter. Solitude was what I craved. I needed time to sort through the bizarre meeting with Anakin and why he disturbed me so.
A senator's wardrobe is much simpler to deal with than that of a queen's but it is still a trial. I almost regretted sending Dormé away as I struggled with the intricate fastenings at my back. Lost in thought I slipped my gown from my shoulders and shrugged my arms out of the long sleeves. I was about to slip the bodice down when I remembered just whose eyes were in all likelihood monitoring the security cams. I froze and felt an uncomfortable prickling sensation at the back of my neck.
Anakin was watching me.
I had known that he was in the lounge area outside my bed chamber for I had heard Dormé speak briefly to him on her way to her own room. He was on watch alone. I had not yet heard Obi Wan returning from his earlier security inspection. Security cams were a way of life for all politicians in the Republic and I had long ago learned to ignore their presence. But now I was being watched by a young man who had made it quite clear that he found me attractive.
Technically he was not doing anything wrong. After all he and Obi Wan were there for the specific purpose of keeping me alive. But protector or not, I was decidedly uncomfortable with that turn of events. I did not want Anakin Skywalker watching me undress.
As I stood there debating how to get out of that potentially embarrassing situation a strange lethargy stole over me. I was still conscious of being watched but it no longer seemed as alarming as it had just moments ago. Even so I dared not raise my head. I had the oddest notion that if I were to acknowledge Anakin's "presence" by looking directly into the cam I might give in to a sudden and inexplicable urge to let my dress fall to the floor.
That compulsion I cannot explain. I had yet to know the intimate touch of a man but at that moment I had an overwhelming impulse to throw away propriety and stand there in my undergarments under the watchful and hungry gaze of a Jedi just over four years my junior. I trembled as I felt warm waves of desire wash over me. Those sensations were not emanating from me.
I stood there stiffly, my shoulders bared, hands clasping the front of my gown to my chest, and my eyes staring sightlessly at the floor. Panic set in when I found I was having difficulty formulating the internal command to move my legs. Mentally I shook myself, forcing myself to calm down and concentrate. As the panic subsided my body was once more mine to command and I was free.
I fled to the refresher where I changed into my nightgown without fear of an audience, taking a few deep breaths to steady myself. After a moment or two I started to feel extremely foolish. What in Force had just happened? Reason and practicality returned to chase away the disquiet. It had been an emotional day and I was exhausted. I convinced myself that the whole episode was the result of my sadness and guilt over losing Cordé and the stress of finding myself the continued target of an assassination plot. When combined with the tedious journey from Naboo and my worry over the impending vote in the Senate, I thought it little wonder that my emotional state had not been even more tumultuous.
It was so much easier and less frightening to look at the obvious and ordinary for an explanation rather than to consider, even for a moment, that Anakin had been responsible for what had happened. It was too disturbing to think that Anakin would use the Force in such a manner.
Before I went to bed I made sure that the main security cam was covered.
It took me a long while to fall asleep.
************************************************************************
"O who will tell me where
He found thee at that dead and silent hour!"
Henry Vaughan
I was jerked from a sound sleep when my bed was jarred sharply. My heart was pounding furiously and at first I was unable to absorb the chaotic scene unfolding before me. Anakin stood above me poised as if to do battle and an unpleasant burnt odor hung in the air. I heard Obi Wan shout and watched in amazement as he dove through the window shattering the glass with a sickening crash. Anakin instructed me to stay where I was and then he too was gone.
Long after the excitement died down and I had made Dormé retire for the second time that night; I sat up in bed thinking. I relived the way Anakin's eyes had appraised my form as he stood above me. His gaze had not been just a clinical check to make sure I was unharmed. I self- consciously hugged my legs closer to my chest, resting my chin on top my knees as I tried to figure out what had been happening to me since Anakin reappeared in my life.
I was disturbed by the amount of time I was spending dwelling on that compelling and overconfident young man. It had been less than a day and it seemed that almost every thought I had centered on what Anakin said, what he did, or how he looked at me. I was not use to so much emotional turmoil in my life and I did not like it. It felt as if I were playing a game whose rules I did not know and, what is more, one I had no memory of agreeing to participate in.
Anakin's attentions made me uncomfortable. But at the same time they excited me. The fact that I even felt such excitement at all alarmed me. All I wanted to do was stop thinking and start reacting. I wanted to wrap myself in the memory of him standing over me in the dark like some holovid hero.
He had been terrified for me. A woman he had not seen in ten years. I found myself wondering where such devotion came from.
"Are you an angel?" he asked me once.
Angels were perfect. I shifted uneasily as I realized part of the reason why Anakin's attentions concerned me so much. He saw me as an ideal, not as the person I truly was. This growing sense that I could never measure up to the image Anakin carried around was, for some reason, bone chilling in its intensity. We had exchanged almost no words that had not dealt with, for lack of a better word, business, yet his eyes had spoken volumes. I could see myself as he saw me in their reflection.
It can be lonely atop a pedestal separated from the crowd. Already I had a growing fear of what would happen when Anakin inevitably discovered I was a flesh and blood woman and not some paragon of perfection.
****
I was oblivious to the passage of time. It was only when I was forced to change positions to lessen the ache in my back that I realized several hours had passed since the two Jedi had given chase to the assassin probe. I glanced around and realized belatedly that Dormé must have removed the burnt corpses of those evil creatures, though I had no memory of her doing so. My attention returned to the open doorway to find it no longer empty. Anakin had returned.
He approached my bed with arrogant confidence as if he often visited women in their sleeping chambers. I was surprised to feel a twinge of jealousy at that thought. Anakin's eyes glittered in the darkness and my throat constricted. I vaguely remember wondering where Obi Wan was but became too preoccupied with Anakin's approach and the thought slipped away.
Gingerly he sat down on the edge of my bed beside me. He watched me carefully as if I were some skittish animal ready to take flight if startled. I should have protested his familiarity when he sat down. It was very improper for us to be together on that bed in the early morning hours with no one to chaperon. If someone had seen us it would not have been looked favorably upon by either the government of Naboo or the Jedi Council. Worse, it would have been the unofficial topic of the Senate later that day. I had no desire to be fodder for their vicious rumor mill but, inexplicably, I found the thought of my reputation torn to shreds as inconsequential as what color of ribbon to wear in my hair.
That was what being with Anakin did to me. In an instant he could diminish my immediate concerns and worries to the dim recesses of my consciousness. He made me forget myself. So I did not request that he move away. I ignored that little voice in my head warning me of the impropriety. Instead I listened to the new voice that spoke in a hypnotic whisper, telling me to do something I should not do rather than what was expected.
He smiled at me softly. Something electric arced between us and a darker, more primal look entered his eyes. I shivered as Anakin's bold gaze wandered leisurely from my sleep tousled hair, over the contours of my face, and then lower, to where the lace edging of my nightgown rose and fell with my every breath. Under his heated stare my ability to breath normally suffered and my cheeks grew warm. I had to remind myself to breath or risk passing out from lack of oxygen.
After what seemed like an eternity Anakin's focus shifted back up to my face. Embarrassed I looked away unable to keep up the pretence that I was comfortable with his being perched on my bed in the middle of the night. I drew back sharply when he lightly touched my heated cheek with his warm fingertips. At my silent rebuke he dropped his hand but continued to study me intently. My level of discomfort rose dramatically under that heated gaze.
I was about to speak and break the growing tension when Anakin broke it himself. I kept my attention firmly focused on the foot of the bed as if it were the most fascinating thing I had ever seen as Anakin related the events of hours earlier. He told me of the dangerous chase around the city that had ended at a seedy nightclub. I winced when he told me of the confrontation between Obi Wan and the assassin. I could not have born yet another death on my account. Anakin ended the tale with how, upon exiting the club with the wounded changeling, an unknown person had killed the bounty hunter before either Obi Wan or Anakin had obtained any useful information.
A shaky sigh escaped me as I considered the unsavory idea that the person or persons responsible for Cordé's death and the attempts on my life was still out there. My only consolation was that at least neither Obi Wan nor Anakin had been harmed.
Silence reigned for a few uncomfortable minutes before Anakin suggested that I try to get some sleep. My protests drew a determined frown from Anakin and before I knew what was happening I was being gently pushed down by invisible hands. He leaned over me. For one horrible but thrilling moment I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead he laid his hand against my brow and almost immediately my eyelids grew heavy and began to droop. I did not like being forced to do something against my will but even as I tried to fight it my body relaxed limply into the mattress and all my tension started to dissipate.
Anakin's hand slid down to lie against my cheek. It was a comforting gesture and I instinctively turned my face into his warm palm. A callused thumb stroked my skin lightly, reassuring and soothing to my troubled mind.
I was almost asleep when Anakin's touch changed from affectionately innocent to sensual – and completely inappropriate.
He trailed his fingers down my neck to lightly caress the bare skin just above my neckline. Clouded though my mind was, I was still aware enough to hear how his breath quickened. A second later his hand was running down my body with intimate familiarity. Even as my mind tried to work up the energy to formulate a protest at his daring, a sigh of contentment escaped me. Forming a coherent thought proved impossible with the weight of the Force coaxing me down into oblivion. Besides, his touch felt…..right.
Anakin's hand lingered enticingly at my hip. I could feel the heat of his touch through the thin shimmersilk of my nightgown. When he moved back to once again stroke my cheek I felt strangely bereft.
Did I dream the words that seemed to resound within my head as I finally slipped over the edge into sleep?
// Soon Padmé, you WILL love me //
The softly whispered words were filled with the promise of lips touching, of flesh meeting flesh, of contented moans and limbs entwining. But lying beneath the surface of that seductive pledge was a darker message, one that spoke of obsession, anger, pain, possession and fear.
My heart only paid heed to that first promise.
************************************************************************
"The bright day is done,
and we are for the dark."
William Shakespeare
I was most displeased.
I had been ordered home by Chancellor Palpatine. Anakin was to accompany me while Obi Wan investigated a lead on the assassin. I was furious and frustrated. For over a year I had worked to defeat the Military Creation Act and now I would not be allowed to stay for the all important vote. Leaving my responsibilities in the hands of Jar Jar Binks did not make me feel any better.
Would anything be different today if I had refused that direct order?
The Jedi Council, in all their considerable wisdom, made the decision to have Anakin escort me back to Naboo and then remain as my bodyguard until the situation improved. Anakin and I…. alone together. My heart thudded uncomfortably in my chest.
In the cold light of day my musings and fancies of the night before seemed far away and not a little ridiculous. I was sure that I had imagined both Anakin's hand upon my body as well as the words in my head. But the fact remained that Anakin was too enamored with me for his own good. I could not help but think that this was hardly one of the wisest decisions that the Jedi Council had ever made. It was like sending a jawa to guard the droid factory.
****
I was surprised and impressed by what Anakin said. I had been voicing my resentment at being ordered home and his response was so…grown up.
"Sometimes we have to let go of our pride and do what is requested of us."
But such insight and maturity melted away minutes later as he voiced his complaints regarding his Master. Once again I sensed something deeper than just a young man straining to be free of the restrictions put upon him by a stern mentor. Absently, I wondered if Anakin would have had problems with any authority figure or was there just something about Obi Wan that raised his hackles? I could not help but speculate if Qui Gon Jinn would have faired any better in his stead.
Anakin's moods were mercurial. One minute he was wise beyond his years and then a split second later he regressed back to the child who had been forced to choose between his mother and a bright future as a Jedi Knight. He was such an odd mix of boy and man.
I did understand his impatience to graduate from Padawan to Jedi knight. It had been his dream from the moment Qui Gon Jinn had suggested it back on Tatooine. But I knew from experience that growing up was not the magic key to happiness. Thinking only of the boy Anakin had been, I reached up and gently touched the side of his face.
"Anakin. Do not try to grow up too fast."
Anakin's brooding expression changed to one of heated expectation. I quickly dropped my hand regretting my impulse to give in to the childish affection that we had once shared.
"I am grown up. You said it yourself."
His tone of voice suggested that he would very much like to prove to me just how grown up he was. Our eyes locked and he took a step closer.
I stared up at Anakin, unable to look away from his compelling eyes. That odd fluttering feeling rose again in the pit of my stomach. I felt that connection between myself and the young Jedi and I was overwhelmed with an odd mix of desire and fear. My internal warning signals went off and I ruthlessly clamped down on the highly inappropriate and dangerous feeling that Anakin was inspiring as if it were a loathsome insect under my heel.
"Please don't look at me like that."
A slow arrogant smile spread across his face. A smile that implied he knew exactly how much he was getting under my skin and that he was enjoying my unease.
"Why not?"
Why not? Why not?! I wanted to scream at him, to slap him, to make him understand that he had to stop because he was turning my insides into knots with his knowing glances and his seductive smiles. His nearness, his calm certainty that he had me exactly where he wanted me made me distinctly uneasy and very nervous. It also intimidated me, frustrated me, and, Force help me, thrilled me in a way I had never before experienced.
Of course I did not say any of those things.
"It makes me feel uncomfortable."
I groaned inwardly at how incredibly weak my response sounded.
"Sorry, milady."
I had already turned from him, intending to retrieve more of my personal items for packing. In the wardrobe mirror I caught his expression as he murmured his apology and my step faltered. He did not realize that I observed the knowing smirk which played across his lips and effectively canceled out what little sincerity there had been in his words. Anakin was no longer making any effort to hide the hunger in his eyes. My stomach muscles clenched with shock and I had to stifle a gasp lest he hear and guess the reason why.
Anakin was making no pretenses. I had thought the intensity of his gazes disturbing enough before but they were nothing compared to the naked desire and longing that I saw reflected in his face at that moment. He was not sorry at all, far from it. With that look he was no longer the boyish Anakin but a man with a man's desire. And that desire was for me.
Keeping my face hidden, I busied myself pretending to look for some item at the back of the wardrobe. My knees were weak and it was all I could do to keep my body from slumping back against the wardrobe door.
I did not know what was happening to me. I had been desired by men before but this was something different. It was not just Anakin's interest that bothered me; rather it was the way my body was responding to him that disconcerted me so. Normally self-possessed and virtually unflappable, I now found myself spiraling out of control.
I could feel his eyes still upon me and the blood in my veins sang with an answering need. For the first time in my life I experienced the unfamiliar feeling of physically wanting a man. I fought to quell my labored breathing and pounding heart.
I told myself that I had to remain strong for both our sakes. I was determined to remain the sober voice of reason in that unprecedented situation I found myself thrust into. How hard could it be I asked myself? The faint sound of mocking laughter seemed to echo inside my head.
How incredibly naïve I was to imagine that I could stop what was happening. I was a fool, then and now.
************************************************************************
TBC – Want to read more of this completed story? See below:
Fanfiction.net removed the original posting of 'Succumb' after they received a complaint that the story exceeded the mandates of the 'R' rating guidelines. I disagree vehemently but was given no opportunity for recourse. My first instinct was to never post at this site again. I think their policy of censorship is disgraceful and it has resulted in a lowering of the quality of fanfic's available to the reader. And that isn't just my opinion.
I chose instead to post the first bit of 'Succumb', which is PG at the very most, and then provide a link for you, the reader, to go to a site where the story is not only complete but is not censored by the Moral Majority.
When the administrators removed 'Succumb' they also erased all 33 POSITIVE reviews. I was lucky in that I saved all my reviews from this site and I have chosen to repost them EXACTLY the way they were posted originally. Reviews are food for authors, so should you take the time to visit one of the sites where my story or stories are archived, I encourage, entreat, and beg that you come back to ff.net to leave a review. Or drop me an email, please!
Since sites update infrequently, if you don't find 'Succumb' at one site, please try another.
My follow-up story is 'The End Justifies the Means' and is Anakin's POV of the happenings in 'Succumb'. It is a work in progress but as soon as it is done, I will post the first part here with directions on where to read it in its entirety.
I've listed them in order of who has the most up to date version of 'Succumb':
www.swtats.com
www.litheform.com/~fragility
www.acaciahsrealm.com (site admin. may not have entire story posted as of yet)
www.fanfix.com
Within the month it will also be archived at www.adultfanfiction.net
It's also archived at several yahoo groups to which you must be a member of to view:
[email protected] - Anakin/Amidala Erotic Fiction (18 yrs. of age or older only)
[email protected] – the darker side of SW fanfiction (18 years of age +)
[email protected] – SW fanfic – unsure of age restriction if any.
Thank you,
KellyB
[email protected]