I said I wouldn't publish this…but I did.

I do not own Harry Potter in any way or form.

"What…the fuck?" Harry squinted up at a very plain, very familiar looking ceiling. One that he hadn't seen in a year…

"Am I still drunk?" he wondered, sitting up on his too-small bed.

He'd never gotten hammered like that before, so he couldn't say that he was entirely certain hallucinations couldn't be causing this. He sat up, only to feel something on his chest...jiggle. He looked down and his eyes bulged.

This had to be a hallucination, he told himself, looking down at what appeared to be a female body. Harry silently made a vow never to get drunk again.

"Some weird…drunken dream…" he swallowed hard, noticing just how high pitched and girly his voice sounded.

"It's not a dream."

Harry looked around wildly,
"Who said…!?" His eyes landed on what almost looked like a stuffed toy, some sort of rabbit, only…it was blinking and breathing.

"Hello." The thing said in a too-high pitched voice, "My name is Chi."
Harry just stared at the thing for a while. He'd seen far weirder than talking rabbits in his time at Hogwarts, so really, it wasn't like it was that unusual.

"I'm Harry." Harry introduced, seeing as it was only polite, "Do you know what's happening? Why am I at the Dursleys'? Why am I…female?" he looked down at himself again, part of him was terrified, while another part of him sort of wanted to run to the washroom and look at himself naked in the mirror. It was a mixed feeling.

"Well," Chi began, "I've been watching you for a long, long time. See, I come from another world, one parallel to this one, the Land of Dreams. My people run the Guild of the Mahou Shoujo."
Harry just stared…and stared,

"I have no idea what a Mahou Shoujo is." He finally admitted, he actually struggled around the strange words.

"Mahou Shoujo, or, I suppose you might call them Magical Girls." Chi explained, "Girls with extraordinary magical capabilities. And no, they aren't like witches."

"Oh, bloody hell." Harry moaned, "Please say you didn't…"

"I turned you into a Mahou Shoujo." Chi said proudly.

Harry slapped a hand to his face,

"And the reason I'm at the Dursleys is because…?"

"You're fifteen again." Chi said, "I sent you back in time, you did say that you wished, if you could, to go back in time and save them all."
Harry drew his hand away from his face and stared at his palm. No, that just wasn't going to do it.

He turned around and started banging his head against the wall. The war was over, the world was safe, and he just had to go open his stupid mouth and wish to go back and do it over again…

"Why do I have to be a girl, anyways?" He looked over at Chi.

Chi didn't say anything for a while, then, finally,

"There weren't enough parts?"

"Fuck you."

Harry was in a little bit of a bind. He certainly couldn't stay with his relatives anymore, they'd kick him out (and there was no way he'd be putting up with two more years of that hell). This was the year the order was watching the house, so he'd have to be…a little subtler.

"I've got it!" Chi exclaimed.

"Got wha - !" a strange glowing energy encompassed Harry's body, he could feel his clothing disappear, only to be replaced by something else.

Harry was left standing in the middle of his room, staring at the wall opposite him. Then, slowly, he looked down,

"What the fuck!?"

He was wearing a cheer leader outfit, with a too-short skirt, a top that showed off his midriff and his underwear had changed. His hair had grown out and it was now tied up in pigtails.

"Am I wearing a bra?" He looked down at his breasts with horror, he looked over at Chi angrily, "This will draw attention! I'm trying to avoid that!"

"Alright, alright, how about…"

Harry's body was encompassed in light again, when it dispersed, Harry was in an even more embarrassing outfit.

"A bunny girl!? What don't you understand about going under the radar, you perverted rabbit!"
Chi giggled,

"But you look so cute!"

"I can't even walk in these things!" Harry struggled to even stand in the stupid, high-heels. How in the hell did girls do it?

"Boy! What's that noise!?"

Harry froze, he'd completely forgotten about the Dursleys. He heard his uncle stomping up the stairs and Harry thought that for a moment he would have a heart attack. And wasn't that just a little sad? Having a heart attack before his uncle had his.

The door opened and Vernon paused at the entrance,

"Who the hell are you?" it was a bit odd to watch, like his uncle wanted to get mad…but at the same time, there was a bunny girl in his house.

"Uh…" Harry paused, it suddenly clicked that he didn't actually recognise him, "I'm…the magical exterminator girl, here to rid this house of perverted bunnies. I was called in by your nephew? Don't worry, I've found the source of the infestation." He picked up Chi and shook her…him…it.

"Kya!" Chi let out a scream, "I swear I'll get rid of the bunny girl outfit!"

"As you can see, they're a real problem." Harry said sagely, still shaking Chi, "They tend to always pop up in the most normal of neighbourhoods. Such a surprise, considering a wizard lives here. Your nephew paid me already and, I believe he wanted me to tell you that he won't be back until next summer and I'm supposed to pick up his trunk, from the cupboard under the stairs…whatever that means."

Vernon blinked dumbly, trying to process the bizarre story, his eyes fell on Chi, then he looked back at Harry.

"And…we won't be getting anymore of those…perverted bunnies?"

"You shouldn't." Harry said honestly, "I've set up the repellant, but if you really want to keep them away, eating more carrots is always a good strategy."
Wow…he was actually buying it, Harry thought to himself with some sort of fascination. Well, Vernon could do with some more vegetables in his diet anyways.

Harry picked up Hedwig, then made his way passed Vernon quickly, taking Chi with him. Harry could swear his owl was giving Chi the stink eye the entire time.

By the time Harry was waddling down Private Drive in the very ridiculous high-heels Chi had made him wear, he was already very exhausted.

"Just get me some fucking runners." He groaned, "Runners, and something that won't have every guy I pass ogling me."

"I can do that." Chi chirped happily.

Harry froze, why had he opened his mouth again? He braced himself for another degrading, embarrassing transformation. When he opened his eyes, he realized, to his relief, that he was wearing runners! Actual runners! Sure, they were pink, but they were runners!

He was wearing a mini skirt, thigh-high socks and a red shirt with white polka dots and white collar, tied around the front with a dark-green bow. Harry reached up to the top of his head.

Yeah, he was wearing a bow in his hair. He let out a sigh, realizing this was probably the best he'd get out of the stupid perverted bunny, then took his wand out of his pocket and signaled for the Knight Bus.

Sirius had been drunk ever since he'd been forced to return to Number twelve Grimmauld Place. There was certainly no other way to survive that hell hole. His mother's shouting portrait almost made him wish he was back in Azkaban again (almost).

He heard the door to the house open, which was a bit odd, considering people usually knocked first. Yet, he also knew that it certainly could not be a burglar, since the house was under a fidelius and burglars usually didn't use the front door.

A girl with black hair that went down to her shoulders, held back by a white bow on the top of her head wearing thigh-high socks and a very short skirt came stomping in. She looked rather irritated, actually, and she was holding what looked like Hedwig's cage, Harry's trunk, and a stuffed animal.

No, Sirius thought, looking at what he thought was a stuffed rabbit with bewilderment, the thing was blinking…and breathing.

She dropped her stuff, then sat down on the couch adjacent to the chair Sirius was sitting in.

"I'm crashing here for a while." She said, then promptly flopped down on the couch, "Chi, if you molest me while I sleep, I will fucking lop off your ears and force you to eat them."
The strange bunny-thing made a scared sound, then nodded viciously. The girl turned over, then squinted at the bottle of firewhiskey on the table.

She snorted, then snatched it, much to Sirius's surprise, then started chugging it down.

"Uh…" Sirius wasn't entirely sure where to begin. Should he ask her if he could have another sip before she drank it all? Should he maybe ask who she was or where she'd come from?

The girl finished up the bottle, then slammed it down on the table.

"Fuck." She said, "I don't even feel a little buzzed. Ugh, whatever, just…wake me up when things make sense again." She paused, then looked at him a moment, "'least you're alive."

She then turned over towards the couch cushions and closed her eyes.

The day lagged on into evening and Sirius found himself forgoing the alcohol for the first time in a while, in favour of trying to discern the strange girl's identity. She only grunted when he tried to ask her anything, or she'd wave him away and tell him she was sleeping.

"Black!" Moody barked as he came in via floo. His magical eye rotating around the room wildly, before it rested on the girl on the couch, "Who's she?" he asked suspiciously.

"Er, you don't know?" Sirius wondered.

"Why do you think I'm asking?" Moody frowned.

"No, I mean, I don't know who she is." Sirius said quickly, "But…since she's here, that means Dumbledore told her where here was, right?"

Moody frowned, obviously not ready to trust her in the slightest, despite the (surprisingly) well thought out reasoning. He grunted something, then went over to the dinning room table.

One after another, new order members arrived, some of them glanced over at the girl, while others appeared to simply ignore her or didn't notice her at all. She wasn't making a sound, after all.

Dumbledore came in late, looking dishevelled and horribly upset.

"Albus?" Molly Weasley looked over at him worriedly, "What's wrong? Did something happen?"
There was a moment of silence before he spoke and Harry couldn't help but wonder if he was being dramatic on purpose.

"Harry's missing."
There was an immediate uproar.

"But we've been watching him!"

"How could he have escaped?"
"Was he kidnapped?"

"There was an attack on Private Drive. Dementors." Dumbledore said sadly, "But Harry had, apparently disappeared before then. His uncle said that there was a girl in Harry's room dressed in a bunny girl outfit claiming to be there to exterminate perverted bunnies."

"Is that…supposed to be some sort of joke?" Tonks furrowed her brow in confusion, "It's not a very good one."
"Did you say perverted bunnies?" Sirius asked, drawing Dumbledore's attention, and in turn, all of their attention, "I've seen one of those…"
"Sirius, now's not the time…" Remus began in a slightly angry tone.

"No, really." Sirius interrupted him, "I have literally seen a perverted bunny." He got up from his spot and walked over to the living room where the currently unknown girl was sleeping. Sirius's eyebrow twitched, he turned his focus to a strange plush toy-looking thing snuggled up against the girl's breasts.

"Aw…those were so comfy…" The bunny complained.

"Holly crap! A perverted bunny!" Tonks gapped at the strange creature in Sirius's hand.

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow, and many people…well, they'd never actually expected the story which they thought to be a lie to fool a muggle, to actually have some credibility.

"I actually wanted to ask you about that." Sirius looked over at Dumbledore who…actually looked confused. Sirius had never seen the headmaster confused before, it was a very peculiar sort of sight.

"Fucking bunnies…" The girl muttered in her sleep, before rolling back over on her side.

"Oh, right," Sirius said, "I also wanted to ask about her too." He looked back over at Dumbledore expectantly, but if anything, the old man looked even more confused.

"How did she get in here?" Dumbledore looked over at Sirius. Now he was hoping for some answers.

"Well," Sirius recalled, "She came in, stormed into the living room, said she was going to crash here, drank all of my firewhiskey, and then passed out. I figured you'd told her where the order was and that was how she'd gotten in."
Dumbledore shook his head,

"I've never seen her before." He didn't know how that was possible, for someone to get into Grimmauld without his even knowing!

"Well she certainly couldn't go back to those relatives of hers." The perverted bunny said, drawing all attention to it. It gave a sagely not, before it spoke again, "Not only did they not recognise her now that she's a girl, but that uncle of hers is a right bastard."

Dumbledore stared at the creature a moment longer, before the information it had given him registered in his head. His eyes widened, before looking over at the girl on the couch.

"Harry?" he realized, then looked down at the bunny, "What did you do?"

The bunny-thing huffed,

"I did my job, of course. Recruited a Mahou Shoujo, as I was assigned to do. Of course, Mahou Shoujo can on only be girls…"

"Wait, what?" Sirius finally interrupted as his brain started to make sense of the strange creature's ramblings, "You're saying…that girl…is Harry?" his voice grew more and more weak as he spoke and his face paled as he looked over at the girl passed out on the couch.

"Of course, she is." The bunny nodded.

"Stupefy!"
The bunny disappeared the moment the red light was in front of it. Sirius's eyebrow twitched again, though he looked far angrier than before as he approached Harry and turned her over, revealing that the bunny was trying to hide behind Harry's body. Sirius pulled the thing off of her and threw it across the room, causing it to let out a shriek.

"Harry?" Sirius shook her shoulder, "Har –"

SMACK!

Sirius clutched his nose, which was now dripping with blood. Harry jolted up into a sitting position, then she finally seemed to realize who she had hit,

"Oh, shit! I swear I didn't mean to do that! I thought you were the pervy bunny trying to cop a feel again!"

"I's fine." Sirius waved away, now that he understood why Harry had punched him in the nose, "Are you reawy 'Arry?"

Harry nodded slowly,

"Yes. How'd you know? Did the pervy bunny tell you?"

"Pre'y mush." Sirius nodded.

"I'm not a pervy bunny!" The creature shouted with indignation, hopping over to the couch looking upset, "Geeze, why couldn't you just accept your calling and act like all the other Mahou Shoujo."
"Like hell!" Harry shouted, "For one thing, I'm not a girl!"
"Yes you are." The bunny said with a bit of a huff, "I made sure of that. You're one hundred percent female."
Harry felt her face turning a bright red as she shifted on the spot. She doubted she'd ever get used to that empty feeling between her legs, or the stupid panties she'd been forced to wear.

Sirius coughed, face slightly red at that new piece of information, he sent the bunny a glare,

"Change Harry back." He demanded.

"Can't." The bunny said, shrugging its shoulders, "Once a girl has been blessed with the powers of a Mahou Shoujo, they have to stay a girl, otherwise their magic will eat them from the inside out."

"Wasn't your last excuse something else?" Harry's eyebrow twitched with annoyance. There was no way in hell she was going to stay a girl for the rest of her life.

"It's the truth." The bunny said, a little bit of frustration entering its voice.

"Well, what if I gave up the powers, then?" Harry challenged.

"Can't." The bunny said simply, and with slight dullness to it's tone that indicated it was getting bored.

Harry let out a grunt of frustration, before laying back down on the couch, then turning over, back facing Sirius.

"Uh, Harry?"

"I'm going to sleep." Harry said.

"What, you're just going to give up?" Sirius wondered with disbelief.

"I've lost my parents, piece of mind, any chance at a happy childhood, dignity, and really, I probably should have expected losing my gender. I was bound to be screwed over again anyways. I kind of thought it would just be losing my friends this year, you know, since they stopped trying to talk to me and all. I love not having anyone to talk to, really makes you realize how every death that's ever happened in your life is entirely your own fault, and that no one really cares what you do, so it's perfectly reasonable to get drunk in your bedroom when your half-starved because your relatives refuse to feed you because you're a freak that doesn't deserve food, and you certainly don't deserve it after what you did, and that ranting about your life to perverted rabbits while drunk leads to losing what makes you a bloke."
Sirius's only stared at her as she fells silent. No one said a word for a while.

"That…was pretty dark." Tonks finally spoke up, shifting in her spot awkwardly.

Remus sent Dumbledore a glare,

"Perfectly safe, you said. He's not being fed, Albus?"

Dumbledore grimaced a bit,

"I knew he wouldn't be the most well-cared for, but the protections on Private Drive are the very best…"
"What about here?" Sirius asked him, "This place is under a fidelius."

"I'm righ' here (hic), ya know?"

Sirius blinked, then turned around to see Harry, completely red-faced and chugging on a bottle of firewhiskey.

"Harry!" he quickly took the bottle away from her, "How did you…where…" that should have been in the kitchen, he thought to himself, wondering how on earth Harry had found it.

"F-fuck you!" Harry said, "You don' let me do nothin'! I'm gonna do somethin', jus' you watch! I'm gonna destroy Voldemor's h-hores's."

She stumbled a bit as she got to her feet, then started walking off towards the door. Sirius watched he tilt back and forth, only just noticing that the bottle he'd been holding was gone and that Harry seemed to be holding onto it again.

"Wait, Harry! You can't drink that!" Sirius ran after Harry, disappearing into the hall after her.

Tonks scrunched her forehead,

"Did he just say he was going to destroy you-know-who's whores?" she looked over at Remus who seemed just as baffled.

"Haha!" Harry's voice came from the hallways.

"Harry, what are you…!?"
The sound of glass breaking followed.

"Just use the power of love and friendship!" The pervy bunny's voice cheered.

"Meh, what the hell? Can't be any weirder than what I did this morning."
Then they heard a scream that seemed to not belong to any of them.
"What in the name of Merlin!?" Sirius shouted.

"Hah! Beat that, you dir'y hore'us." Harry said proudly.

Tonks looked back at Remus,

"See, I'm pretty sure he said 'dirty whores.' What are those two doing?"

"What the hell are you wearing!?" Sirius shouted, his voice raising an octave.

"The fuck if I know! The pervy bunny did it!"

"No! It was the power of love and friendship!"