"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come. I just needed to be with someone that understands." Julia dashed out of the room before Dr. Dixon could object. How stupid of her to come to the one man that would make William even angrier than he was already. He obviously thought there was something going on between them. If he found out she'd come to see Dr. Dixon…he may never speak to her again. William and his infernal god. So black and white, no room for compromise…or even compassion it would seem. But he had compromised hadn't he? When she told him of her abortion then when she wanted the divorce…. So why can't he compromise now? This was a situation where a girl's life was draining from her in such a painful way. Why would god want someone to suffer so much pain when there was no hope of recovery. Her death was merciful and quick. Not the slow languishing pain so unbearable that even in her state of unawareness she felt it, and all for nothing as there was just death at the end. Surely it was better this way?

She found herself wandering the streets wondering where would she go? She couldn't go home. Could she? Would William still be there if she returned? Did she want him to be there? If he was would he let her in? Was their marriage at an end? Was this it? All those years it took them to finally come together. Perhaps that was a sign they weren't really meant for each other. But they'd been so happy since the wedding. At least until the miscarriage. Was that another sign? Oh William, I just wish for once you could see things my way.

As her thoughts faded and she took notice of her surroundings she realized she was standing outside their home. She stood looking at the structure, so different, so odd compared to the other dwellings that surrounded it. She felt like that house, like she didn't fit in. She was a woman ahead of her time. When would time catch up with her? She sighed, she was here now, she may as well go in.

-oOo-

The house was in darkness. She wondered if William was home as she headed towards the bedroom.

"You came home."

She hesitated then replied, "Yes William."

She cautiously made her way to the chair and perched on the edge. "You've been sitting here in the dark all this time?"

He didn't answer.

"May I turn on the lamp?" she ventured.

"If you wish." He said flatly.

As the room lit up William stood and walked towards the bedroom. She had thought perhaps he'd sat waiting for her but now realized things were going to be much harder than she imagined.

-oOo-

She awoke with a stiff neck. After William's rebuff last night she decided she would wait until he was asleep before going to bed. She must have fallen asleep in the chair, perhaps that was for the best. She got up, stretched her limbs and neck and headed towards the bedroom. Would he still be there? What time was it anyway? He could have left for work already. The bedroom was empty but she heard the water running in the bathroom. She stood waiting for him to come out. The bathroom door finally opened and she steeled herself for his reaction. His face was expressionless. She looked at him with sadness in her eyes, hoping he'd speak first. He just stared at her with that still blank expression. He wasn't going to make this easy.

"William," she pleaded, "at least talk to me."

He stared at her and finally asked, "What is there to say?"

"What do you mean?" she asked genuinely surprised at his question.

He ignored her and continued getting ready. She put a hand on his back and he froze, then turned around so fast it shocked her. "You went running out of here last night. Where did you go? To HIM?

"Him?" she feigned ignorance.

"DR. DIXON! YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO I MEAN!" His voice was loud but controlled.

"Why would you assume I went to him?" She realized too late that wasn't the right answer.

"Do you think me blind Julia? I've seen the way you look at each other. You discussed your decision with him, not me, and…"

"Of course I discussed my patient with him, he's a colleague," she snapped back not giving him time to finish. "and I knew exactly how you would feel."

His face turned to stone, "But you did it anyway." He finished dressing and walked out.

She sank to the bed and held her face in her hands. Oh William….

-oOo-

Once again she found herself awaking without realizing she had slept and immediately recalled the confrontation with William. She decided she needed to see him on neutral ground but first she needed to freshen up.

Half an hour later she found herself walking into Station House Four. William was with the Inspector, she decided to wait for him in his office. Entering the room she sat across the desk from his chair and made sure she would be able to look him squarely in the eye.

A few minutes passed and William came in with the Inspector behind him.

"Julia," the Inspector nodded at her, "I assume everything is well?" he enquired.

"Yes, thank you." Julia lied.

"Well, I'll leave you two to it then." He turned and left closing the door behind him, looking back as he did so.

William sat in his chair leaned back and looked straight at her. "Why did you come?"

"I wanted to talk to you and it seems we can't do that at home." She sighed. "William, we need to talk, neither of us can keep running away."

"I haven't run anywhere, I was on my way out this morning." he said bluntly.

Julia sighed again, "Please William, can't we just try and talk?"

It was William's turn to sigh, "Go ahead then." he gestured to her to go first.

Julia sat a few moments collecting her thoughts, wondering where to start. She wasn't going to apologize but at the same time she felt she should say something conciliatory towards him to at least get him to listen. "There's nothing between Dr. Dixon and I…at least on my part. I will admit he has…expressed some interest. I didn't reciprocate. I love YOU William, you know that, I would never betray you. Last night, I just needed acceptance, at least for the night, and you couldn't even do that. I went to someone that understood what I was going through. It wasn't an easy decision William, I didn't make it lightly, no matter what you think. My job is to heal, I couldn't do that. In fact my efforts to help made things worse. She had an untreatable brain infection and was in intolerable pain. I did what I felt was best for my patient."

William was concentrating on her face the whole time she was speaking. He now finally leaned forward closing the gap between them. "I have no doubt it wasn't an easy decision but did you even consider the ramifications? For me if not for you. I'm a policeman Julia, in case you forgot. It's my job to put killers behind bars and here you are telling me you killed someone and expecting me to brush it off. I can't. I can't accept it either morally or lawfully. You've put me in an intolerable situation and now the Inspector has unintentionally made things worse by going to Miss Hart. She could take that information and ruin all of us."

"Why didn't you tell the Inspector of your suspicions in the first place, he has a right to know." Julia flung back at him.

"Because I don't have the proof. You know what the Inspector is like. I can't tell him until I have proof and now I'll probably never get it. She's been on her guard the whole time because she knows the only way for me to get proof is for her to slip up. But now…now SHE has proof of you committing murder to hold over our heads, so, even if I could prove it she can blackmail us into silence." William slumped back in his chair.

"I'm sorry William, I never meant for this to become such an obstacle between us. I thought I was doing the right thing. I still do. I just never expected so much fuss."

"That's the problem Julia you do these things on impulse and don't think of the consequences. Just once I wish you'd look at how your actions affect others."

Julia had no response, at least not one that wouldn't make him angrier, so she sat back and said nothing. William did the same. An uneasy silence descended between them.

A knock at the door broke their thoughts. The door tentatively opened and Henry's head appeared, "Sir, you need to come."

-oOo-

Julia remained in William's office. She was at an impasse, she just didn't know what to say or do to make William see things her way. She was still processing her thoughts when the Inspector appeared. "Julia, how about a wee drop?" His head gesturing she come to his office. She wasn't sure she was up to another talk with Tom, well-meaning as he was, but she didn't have an excuse not to.

He poured a couple of fingers each then pointed towards the chair with the glass before handing it to her. He then sat in the chair beside her.

"I know this has been tough on both of you. For obvious reasons Murdoch can't relate but he does still love you you know. That's why it's so hard for him to come to terms with."

"I can't say it feels that way right now. I'm no longer sure what to say to him to try and make him understand. I see it as compassion for my patient. He sees is as a crime against god, I'm not sure the law has even entered his head. I don't understand why his god would want someone to endure insufferable pain before an inevitable death. It doesn't seem very compassionate to me and if that's what god wants then I'm not sure I want to believe in him." She felt comfortable talking to the Inspector like this, she suspected he thought much like her.

"I agree Murdoch's beliefs don't always make sense to some of us. But, would he be the man you love without them? The Inspector smiled at her and put his hand on hers.

"I'm not sure I do any more. He wasn't there for me when I needed him most and he treated me like a criminal."

"He'll come around, give him time." Hmm, I think we've had this conversation before." Tom tried to lighten the mood.

Julia thought a moment, decided to broach the subject without giving everything away and anger William even more; she felt Tom needed to know there was another reason to be worried. "It's not just that Tom." She hesitated, but continued, "William suspects Miss Hart did something but he has no proof. Then she offered to change a report to cover another doctor's mistake. I told her to write the report with her actual findings. Now you've gone to her and asked her to change a report to cover for me."

This was a shock to the Inspector, "I see. What was it Murdoch thinks she did?"

He would ask that of course, "He didn't say, just that he thinks she did something that pointed evidence in another direction." she lied. How could she tell him it concerned John?

The Inspector thought a moment, "So what you're saying is Miss Hart falsified evidence and then offered to do the same for a doctor's mistake, and now I've asked her to do the same for you she can blackmail Murdoch to keep quiet."

Julia nodded.

"Damn! What was the case she falsified evidence in?"

He would ask that! She lied again, "I don't know, just that he suspects someone was falsely accused because of what she did."

Tom shook his head, "And all this time I thought she was doing a wonderful job. I should have realized; it was too good to be true that she suddenly got the coroner's job. It looks like she was doing someone a favour."

Julia was relieved he didn't appear to have caught on to the timing of her promotion. She decided to take her leave before he did and put her on the spot.

-oOo-

As Julia closed the door she saw his hat on the table. She let out a long sigh, she'd hoped to be home before him to do some thinking. He was sat in the chair just as he was the night before. She sat in the chair beside him.

"You've been talking to the Inspector."

"Yes William. He thought your anger towards me was solely because of what I did. I felt he needed to know more – but I didn't tell him about John."

"Thank you for that. I don't want him to know until I have proof. At least now maybe he'll stop thinking she can walk on water." William was sounding a little more conciliatory. "I've also been talking with him. Actually it was him talking to me."

"Oh. What did he say?" She was upset that Tom had told him about their conversation.

"He told me he'd been in a similar situation during the war and it was the hardest thing he'd ever done even though the lad asked and he knew it ended his suffering. He said he understood what you were going through and that I needed to put my feelings aside and support my wife – even if I couldn't accept what she'd done." He reached out his hand to her.

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