"Ugh, my head…" I groaned as consciousness flittered haphazardly into my brain. The sounds of a crowd of people walking around assaulted my senses as I tried to muster the will to open my eyes. Cracking open my eyes, I was relieved to find that the lighting was dim enough to not set off my now-fading migraine. For some reason, I was propped up against a wall in a remarkably clean alleyway.

Upon patting myself down and checking for suspicious kidney-shaped scars, I felt satisfied that I was leaving the alley with all my various body parts in place. Upon leaving, I was greeted to the sight of long stretches of dirt road, lined with various traditional Japanese-style buildings. The darkness told me that it was night time, but the paper lanterns strung everywhere did a good job of lighting the place up. All in all, the whole place had a sort of festival feel to it. My attention wasn't focused too much at the architecture, though.

I could only stare wide-eyed at the people walking the streets. They all seemed to wear an assortment of traditional Japanese clothing, but that was where the similarities ended. Without even turning my head, I could see people of all shapes, sizes, and colors. Some had horns, some had claws, some had fangs, but none were human.

When some of them began to glare back at me, I took the hint and averted my eyes up… only to be left in shock once more. Instead of an open sky like I'd expected, there was nothing but solid natural rock formations high above the tallest buildings. Was all this underground? How? What? Why? My impending breakdown was interrupted by a hard shoulder check, nearly sending me to the ground.

"Fuckin' moron! Quit standin' in the middle of the path!" The towering mole-like man bellowed at me, but moved on without making an issue out of it. Rather than be upset, I was actually thankful to him for snapping me out of it. I noticed that my behavior was starting to attract looks from the locals; locals that I couldn't trust, and which only loosely resembled humans.

"Yeah, my bad…" I mumbled while completely changing my body language from 'lost tourist' to 'confident local.' Without another word, I set off down a random road as if I had places to be. Just as I'd hoped, the curious looks quickly faded away to disinterest. Pretending you know what you're doing really is universally guaranteed to get you just about anywhere, huh? I took a leisurely stroll around the town, taking it all in with a disinterested-looking stare when really the gears in my head were spinning at maximum speed.

'Underground city, no obvious plant-life, monstrous-looking population, no idea how I got here, no idea if the people are friendly towards humans. This… is pretty bad, huh?' I grimaced as my thoughts reached the natural conclusion; I wouldn't survive without getting help, but I didn't trust anyone here. At least the alleys were clean… Maybe a few nights spent sleeping in one wouldn't be the worst-

"Hey, kid!" A voice called out from across the street. Was he talking to me? Better pretend I didn't hear him. "Hey! You in the jacket!" The same voice called out. I reflexively looked in his direction, only to kick myself upon realizing I had made eye contact. Seeing I had noticed him, he immediately began walking towards me. No getting out of this one. I bit back a sigh and turned to face him.

"Can I help you?" I asked blandly, hoping that was very much not the case. The happy smile he gave in response dashed my hopes immediately. Damn you, ingrained Japanese politeness!

"Yeah, actually. Name's Tora, kid. Look, I'm in a hurry, so I'll keep it brief; I got a date to get to and I need someone to watch the bar for a bit." I tried to interject a polite refusal, but he steamrolled right over me before I could start. "All ya gotta do is stand behind the bar. If someone comes in, and that's a big if, I promise you, then you just give 'em what they ask for. Easy, right?" He gave a bright grin that would put a toothpaste ad to shame if you ignored the sharp teeth.

"Look, I'd like to help, but-" I had a long list of reasons why this was a terrible idea, starting off strong with number one's 'I don't know shit about alcohol', but I never got the chance. He firmly grasped my shoulder, smile never faltering, and chose to completely ignore my 'but' from before.

"Great! I'll be back in a few hours. Try not to wreck the place too much, yeah? I'm countin' on ya!" He set off, but paused after only a couple of steps before turning back to me with a strange look on his face. "Help yourself to whatever ya want until I get back. Just stay away from the good stuff, yeah?" Then he turned the corner and was gone. Did… Did I just get a job? My dad really wasn't kidding around when he said you wake up one day and suddenly you're a working adult.

Actually looking at the bar for the first time showed that… well, it was bar-like? It matched the style of the buildings around it, but it somehow had this quality to it that told you 'Yes, we sell food and drink here.' Entering the building and looking around showed that… well, it was also bar-like, I guess? Sue me, I'm underaged. There were some tables, a bar counter, and shelves with bottles on them. What more do you want from me? The floor was made of wood. Aren't you glad you got that super important information from me?

I might have been a little cranky from being made a functioning member of society. Grumbling the whole time, I stepped behind the counter and prayed for a long day of standing around bored. Actually… Deciding I really didn't care, I dragged one of the stools behind the counter and plopped my ass on it, immediately regretting it. These things were so uncomfortable that standing was almost preferable. During the process of this, I noticed the fridge tucked away in the corner. Remembering the offer of free food, I decided to abuse the shady man's charity.

"Let's see what he's got in this thing," I mumbled as I pawed through the fridge. Booze, pass. Colorful mushrooms, pass. More booze, pass. Unmarked packages of meat, big pass. Fried soybeans? What the hell? It wasn't that odd to see them here, but it was odd to see just how many of them there were. I kid you not, I counted at least 6 decently sized containers filled with the things. After staring for a moment, I shrugged and grabbed one of the containers. I didn't know why he had so many, but I doubted he would miss one or two in that case.

"If this guy ends up being a serial killer, I'm gonna be so pissed…" I mumbled while fiddling with the lid, intentionally ignoring the fact that I'd be too dead to actually care in that hypothetical. Once I had the container open, I set them on the bar top and shoveled a handful into my mouth. "Ugh, cold," I grimaced. I halfheartedly looked around for a microwave or something and sagged in disappointment when I didn't immediately find one. I grabbed another handful of fried soybeans and simply stared at them, wondering if they'd be better at room temperature, when the front door was abruptly sent flying into the opposite wall with a resounding crash.

"Tora, you piece of shit!" A deep, but distinctly feminine voice boomed into the bar. "Get your ass out here so I can shove my foot up it! I told you what I'd do to you if this happened again, so face your death with some dignity you fucking leech!" An absolutely ripped woman with a bright red horn on her head moved through the opening, dipping her head slightly to clear the entrance. Her animalistic gaze scanned the room and quickly locked onto my petrified form. My entire body froze in primal fear as she locked eyes onto me, signaling that death was near… Only for her to slouch in confusion after several seconds of intense staring. "Huh? Who are you?" She asked while scratching her head and looking around more sheepishly this time.

"…Hikigaya Hachiman. Are you going to kill me?" I tried to beg for my life, but all that came out was that weirdly monotone question. The absurdly buff woman just looked even more confused as she crouched down and checked under the tables, temporarily bringing her to around my height. Good lord, this woman was huge. Her biceps were bigger than my head!

"Did I get the wrong place again? I could've sworn…" She turned to face me fully, this time with a far more relaxed stance. "Yo, Eight. I'm looking for a guy; goes by the name of Tora. You know him?" She folded her arms while adopting an expectant look. All previous hostility was gone, but the last thing I wanted was to answer incorrectly and bring it back. With that, I activated one of my 108 skills: Throwing someone else under the bus as a distraction.

"Yeah, I think so. Pale skin, sharp teeth, about this tall?" I asked after raising my hand a few inches above my head to demonstrate. I considered tacking on 'looks shady as fuck', but decided against it. I groaned upon receiving a firm nod. I should have known. "Yeah, I know him. About 30 minutes ago he came up to me outside and asked me to watch over this place for him. Guess he knew you were coming," I griped, shoving another handful of cold soybeans into my mouth. Hunger may be the best spice, but fear was a close second.

"Sacrificial lamb, huh? Yeah, that sounds like Tora," The woman sighed, then took a seat at the bar. She eyed the container of fried soybeans with great distaste. "…That asshole is so dead. Well, whatever. You got any good sake in this place?" She asked with all the confidence of someone who had come in for this exact purpose. I just stared at her unchanging expression for several long moments before looking at the shelves.

"…Probably?" I said, staring at the rows of unmarked bottles. For all I knew, these were the cleaning supplies. I grabbed the bottle that looked like the most stereotypical bottle of sake you'd see in a manga, feeling emboldened by the hum of approval as my fingers wrapped around the bottle. While I searched for some kind of cup in this place, the brick shithouse of a woman rested her chin on an open palm and made small talk. Or would that be big talk in her case?

"Haven't seen you around before," She commented aloud. I paused in my motions just long enough to be suspicious, but tried to play it off. The low chuckle told me I failed. "Relax, Eight. I've been around long enough to know an Outsider when I see one. Tora probably saw it too, and was hoping I'd take you as an offering or some shit. Not really my thing, but some of the people down here would do anything for a fresh human." She stopped talking as I placed a glass on the countertop with perhaps more force than needed.

"Yeah, well, fuck Tora." I scowled at her. Before my brain could catch up that I was scowling at the fantasy equivalent of a loaded gun, the woman was slamming her fist on the counter in raucous laughter.

"Hah! Damn right! That asshole has been pushing his luck for decades, and it's about time someone finally wrecks his shit." Her bloodthirsty grin left no doubt as to who would be doing the shit wrecking. "Heh. I got your name, but I never gave ya mine. The name's Yuugi; don't worry about any of that honorifics crap you humans get all worked up over." It's not often my species is used as a way to insult me. Today was just a day for new experiences, huh?

"Yeah, I figured as much when you started calling me a number," I sniped back as I finally got the cork out of the bottle. The smell wafting out of the bottle brought tears to my eyes. Yuugi didn't even try to hide her amusement. I grabbed the glass and filled it up about 2/3rds, took another look at the woman sitting across from me, then immediately filled up the remaining 1/3rd. Quick as lightning, the woman's hand shot out and grabbed the glass, bringing it to eye level for inspection without spilling a single drop. Between one blink and the next, the glass was empty and placed in front of me as a silent request. Just as silently, I began to fill it up once again.

"Ahhh~ now that hits the spot. Should've known that clown was holding back on the good stuff," Yuugi said before tossing back another glass of sake.

"I'll take your word for it. I literally have no idea what I just gave you," I admitted. For some reason, this gained me an appraising look from the scary woman.

"Oho? A human admitting they don't know something? I'd say Hell has frozen over, but I think we'd have known if that was the case," Yuugi laughed loudly at her own joke. I didn't get it, so I chalked it up to the alcohol.

"…Thanks? You sure know how to give a backhanded compliment," I said blandly. Yuugi just continued to look amused.

"If I backhanded you, you'd be painting the walls right now," She stated casually.

"…An accurate assessment." I agreed after eyeing her build once more. Idly, I wondered if she had scars in the shape of the Big Dipper on her chest. I immediately shook the thought away, as it was taking all my willpower to not stare at her chest already.

The conversation continued on in a similar pattern for several hours, with Yuugi answering my questions in between us trading barbs with each other. How did I know it was that long, you ask? The sun came up, of course! Why was there a sun underground? Here's a thought, quit asking questions I'm not prepared to confront right now!

"You're a riot, Eight." Yuugi pat my back. Hard. I valiantly kept my tears from showing. "You know, you've got a real talent for this stuff! You ever think about trying this for real? I know I said people would do anything for some fresh human, but that's nothing compared to what they'd do for a good bartender." I believed her, too. This woman enjoyed her drink a bit too much. If the people down here were even half like her, then this was where the money was at.

"All I did was give you random bottles off a shelf. I have no idea what's in any of these." I scoffed, waving the idea off after a moment's thought. "Besides, I'm not in any position to worry about my career choice. I need to find some place to sleep for the night, and then head for that shrine you told me about and hope I don't die on the way there."

"…You don't have anywhere to sleep tonight, huh?" Yuugi asked with a narrowed look, before adopting a thoughtful pose. "Tell you what, why don't you stick around here tonight. I got some business with Tora anyways, so I'll talk him into letting you stay for a bit. Can't imagine he'll tell me 'no.'" I can't imagine it either. I can't imagine he'll be able to say anything once you get him in a headlock. "Anyways, how much do I owe ya?" She reached into her shirt and pulled out a pouch that jingled with the telltale clink of coins.

"Uh, nothing? This isn't my bar, and the guy who owns this place tried to get me killed." If anything, the thought that the owner was losing money was all the payment I needed. Yuugi didn't seem to agree.

"That ain't how this works, Eight. You're a good guy, and you've been good to me. I'm not repaying that by stealing from ya." She said, completely missing the point of what I was saying.

"Again, this isn't my bar. You'd be stealing from Tora, which I think is a win for everybody." Yuugi's scowl just deepened, drawing a weary sigh from me. I know when I'm beat. I guess some local currency wouldn't hurt while trying to find a way home. "Look, I don't know anything about how much this stuff sells for, but I bet you do. Just give me whatever you think it's worth. I trust you not to rip me off." Yuugi eyed me with a scrutinizing look before her face split into the widest grin I'd seen all night.

"Hah! Careful with that sweet talk, Eight. I'd hate to see ya get broken in by one of the locals." Yeah, I'd hate to see that too. She stood up to leave, placed the entire pouch down, tossed a wave over her shoulder, and then I was left in silence once more. I didn't even bother checking the pouch, seeing as it wasn't for me to begin with.

"I guess I should clean up a bit…" I wearily eyed the door embedded in the wall, knowing full well that there would be no un-embedding it. On second thought, I saw some curtains around here somewhere. Who needs a door anyways?

"Oiii, Eight. Ya still alive?" A sandaled foot not-so-gently prodded my stomach. I let out a mournful groan at being awoken, but forced myself to sit up with a satisfying pop in my lower back. I managed to find a futon and drag it behind the bar to fall asleep on. There was a room tucked away in the back, but it was filled with boxes and junk, which I dutifully filed under 'not my problem.'

"Unfortunately," I finally responded once I regained some alertness. "So, how'd it go with Tora?" I asked, knowing she likely hadn't found him yet. Otherwise, why would she be waking me up instead of him?

"Well, I found him, but… Let's just say negotiations broke down," Yuugi scratched the back of her head with a sheepish look. I sighed, but nodded. I pretty much expected that, but still felt disappointed.

"Damn… Well, I'm still technically on the job, so I guess he won't mind if I grab some food before I bail-" I was interrupted by a paper being shoved in my face, too close for me to focus on the writing. I scowled and snatched it up to take a closer look. "The hell is this?" I asked as I started skimming it.

"That's the deed to the bar. Apparently the paranoid dick never lets it off his person," She snickered before walking behind the bar to rummage around a bit. I heard the fridge open, followed by some grumbling about soybeans.

"…Why is my name on it?" I asked, feeling the horror dawn on me as I continued reading. "Wait… Is this written in blood?"

"Heh, yeah. I told ya that negotiations broke down, didn't I?" She laughed. She actually laughed. "We're not much for paperwork and stuff down here, but a contract written in blood? Nobody's gonna question that. You got a place to crash, I got a new bar to hit up, and Tora ain't gonna bother anyone ever again. I think it's a win/win for everybody."

"Except Tora," I corrected without any real heat. Somehow the fact that I was now the legal (?) owner of bar was more surprising than Yuugi telling me she had just murdered someone in cold blood. Then again, I doubted her blood was running cold when she committed the act. She didn't seem like the type. I set the deed down and glared at Yuugi, who had already made herself comfortable. "Yuugi, what the hell am I supposed to do with a bar? Didn't we establish that I have no fucking clue what I'm doing?"

"You did alright last night, didn't you?" She tilted her head with genuine confusion.

"No, I didn't! All I did was fill your cup up with the first bottle I could find!" I protested, internally remarking at how much more comfortable I was yelling at this woman who had terrified me less than 24 hours ago.

"See? That's all you need to do! Just keep the sake and the conversations coming, and nobody will complain about a damn thing!" She waved it off, filling a cup with a bottle hanging from her side. Apparently she decided to treat this as a BYOB meeting.

"And what am I supposed to do about restocking, huh? This stuff isn't gonna last long if people drink like you do." I waved a hand at the shelves, drawing a snort from Yuugi.

"Eight, nobody drinks like I do, and don't you forget it." She proved the statement by taking a long pull of the bottle at her side. "Anyway, apparently the suppliers come here with a monthly shipment and collect payment on delivery, so no problem!"

"There's plenty of problems!" I finally lost my patience. "Quit talking like I'm staying here! I've got friends and family that have no idea where I am; I have to get back to them!" Without noticing, I had moved to yell in her face. I immediately felt bad about taking my frustrations out on her, especially when she just gave me that sad, knowing smile.

"Eight… It's not gonna be that easy. You ended up in Hell, of all places." Yuugi spoke softly, almost uncharacteristically of her. As if to prove that, she brightened up. "Now, enough of that! I went through all that trouble, and I'm thirsty damn it!" She pulled out a… technically it was a sake cup, but it looked more like a bowl. She sat down at the same bar stool from yesterday and looked at me like an excited puppy.

"Yeah, yeah… Coming right up," I couldn't help cracking a small grin. The grin froze on my face as I realized what she said. "Did you just say I'm in Hell?!"

"Well, former Hell, technically. Don't sweat the small stuff," She waved it off. I just stared for a long moment and threw my hands up in frustration, scowling as I looked through the various bottles on display.

How was that supposed to make it better? That just means there are two Hells, and I'm in the older model! What kind of shitty isekai is this?!

A/N – Hi everyone! I'll be honest, this is probably my least favorite omake that I've written so far. I like the idea of 'Hachiman runs a bar in former hell', but I feel like my actual execution of the idea is kind of boring? Honestly, I think my chapter title was the best part of the chapter. Regardless, at least I've got a good framework down if I want to write more of it. More importantly, I wanted to get something out while you guys are waiting for the next chapter. Times are tough, man. Doing the best I can. Anyways, thanks for reading! See you guys next time!