Steve took the beer from Catherine's hand and they both sat down in the Adirondack chairs Steve kept by the shoreline at the end of his yard & property line. They watched as Eddie jumped into the waves as they quietly sipped their beers.

Catherine decided to wait it out and allow Steve to start the conversation.

Finally, he spoke.

"Thanks for coming, Cath." He reached over and took her hand.

She squeezed his hand in response. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. I'm just sorry I couldn't be here sooner."

"Yeah…..speaking of that…..how long can you stay?" Knowing Catherine and their history, it was only a matter of time before she was gone again. He'd rather know up front how much time he had with her so as not to get his hopes up that she had finally come to her senses and would come home for good.

Wait. Did I really just think that? He wondered. No…She's too much like Mom. She'll never be home for good.

Catherine's voice broke into the conversation taking place in his mind.

"Let's just take it one day at a time," she answered. "I'm not on a timetable right now."

Steve's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "What?…You tellin' me the agency has loosened your leash?" his voice held more than a little sarcasm.

Catherine looked as if she wanted to say more but kept her voice calm. "We can talk about that later. Right now, I want to talk about you."

Steve took a swig of beer and shrugged nonchalantly

"Not much to say, Cath. I insisted on finding Doris and bringing her home against the advice of everyone…and because of that, I got her killed. End of story."

"I know you don't believe this, Steve, but what happened to your mom is absolutely not your fault."

"The hell it wasn't Catherine!" he barked. "If I wouldn't have shown up with 'guns blazing' and insisting that she come home with me, Carmen Lucia wouldn't have had the opportunity to kill her! I exposed her cover…..basically signed her death warrant…..and she was killed in front of me. HOW is that NOT my fault? "

He glared at her before he stood up and started pacing. Eddie was sitting between them and let out a small whine hearing Steve's anger.

Catherine reached down to stroke his head and whispered, "It's okay, boy. Let's let him talk."

Seeming to understand, Eddie put his head down on the ground while keeping his eyes on Steve and reveling in Catherine's touch.

"It's the same thing that happened with Dad; He wouldn't have been killed if I wasn't going after the Hess brothers….And just like Joe wouldn't have been killed if I wouldn't have insisted on going out to help him get rid of the threat Greer made on our team. It's all on ME! All of them. They are all dead because of ME."

Catherine breathed in and willed herself to keep her voice calm. She stood up so she could face him even though he continued to pace.

"Okay, let's pretend for a second that you are right about your parents…..even though that is complete bullshit and you aren't responsible," She exhaled a big sigh. "But we'll get to that later. So, pretending that you are right about your parents, there is no way in hell you could blame yourself for what happened with Joe. They were after ALL of you and were not going to stop until all of you were dead. "

Then under her breath she said "All thanks to that bitch Greer! Damn, it felt good to put a bullet in her."

Steve couldn't help the twitch in his mouth at Catherine's admission. It was so unlike her.

Turning back to Steve she said, "They were coming after ALL of you. There was nothing you could do to save Joe. I know it hurt to lose him but that's the truth. We've been over this before, Steve. If the roles were reversed, you would have died for him too."

Steve looked at her disbelieving as he stood up to pace. "You're wrong. They're all my fault. How in the hell do I LIVE with this, Cath? It's all on ME…There is nothing you can say to convince me otherwise."

In spite of his fury, Catherine smirked. "Oh, you underestimate me, sailor."

And God help him, but the calm and conviction in her voice did something to help soothe him. Not that he was convinced yet…but Cath could obviously see through his BS….and she wasn't afraid to call him on it.

She stood up to walk behind him and put her arms around his waist. Putting her head against his back, she felt the stiffness loosen just a little.

"None of this is on you, baby. You have to believe that."

She felt him as well as heard him let out a sarcastic laugh. "So who's fault is it? Because Iam the only common denominator in all of their deaths."

He turned imploring eyes to her. "They would all still be here if it wasn't for their connection with me."

Catherine looked into the blue eyes she loved so much; Eyes that shifted between a bright blue when he was happy to a dark blue when he was angry and conflicted. In that moment, she saw nothing but dark sapphire blue.

"I know you're hurting…..and honestly, I can't blame you considering everything you've been through…but you're wrong."

Steve looked into her eyes for a few minutes wishing he could believe what Catherine was saying. Losing them was hard enough…..but knowing he was responsible for all of them was even tougher to deal with.

Steve's voice cracked and he sat back down in his chair with a heavy sigh, "She died in my arms, Cath. I wasn't ready to let her go…..and she died in my arms." Elbows resting on his thighs, he dropped his head into his hands as his body began to shake. Catherine couldn't have stopped her own tears from falling if she wanted to. She moved to kneel in front of him and put her arms around him.

"I'm so sorry, Steve. I wish I could take the pain away."

Steve put his arms around her and pulled her onto his lap where he practically crushed her in a hug of desperation. He was clinging to her as if he needed every bit of strength she had to continue.

"Joe told me something the last time I talked to him," she said softly.

Steve looked up and into her eyes never releasing the hold he had on her. "What's that?"

"Well, you know Joe and his contacts. He was able to find me in Kiev a month or so before he died. I was surprised to hear from him because it had been a long time…but it sounded like he had something important to tell me."

"What did he say?"

Catherine sighed and put her palms on either side of Steve's face gently urging him to look at her. "He told me he was worried about you…..That he was worried you were going to burn out. Then…"

She stopped and Steve waited. When she didn't continue, Steve said, "Then what, Cath? What did he say?"

Catherine smiled softly, "He told me that he believed life was going to eventually bring us together. And that even though we worth both stubborn as hell, we would work it out. Then, he made me promise to take care of you if anything happened to him."

Steve swallowed the lump suddenly in his throat.

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him I was already working on that, but it was going to take some time."

"Already working on what?"

"Another time, Steve. Just know that Joe cared about you so much. He did what he had to do to keep you and the others safe. You know that's what he wanted…and he would do it all over again. You have to let that go. YOU are here for a reason."

When he still didn't looked convinced, she decided to go for the big guns. "What would Mary and Joannie do without YOU? Think about that for a minute and tell me you still wish you were the one who is gone."

She was right. He knew she was right. But it was still tough to face.

"I'm trying to talk her into moving back, " Steve said quietly. "I don't know if she will or not, but I'm trying like hell to get her back here. I don't like her being on the mainland by herself…..and Joannie is growing up so fast."

"Not to mention it would be good for you to have them here."

Steve shrugged and smirked, "Yeah. There's that too."

Catherine noticed the exhaustion on his face and felt the heaviness still in his heart. Steve had always been one to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, but it seemed to finally be getting the best of him.

Not sure if she should do so or not, she followed her heart; Sitting on his lap with her arms still wrapped around his neck, she leaned in to give him a quick kiss.

"What d'ya say we go in and take a nap?"

Steve's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "A nap? What are we, five years old?" (As if naps were only for children).

Her grin grew wider, "Yes, a nap. They aren't just for kids, Commander. Besides that cat nap at your office wasn't nearly enough….and you look even more exhausted than I feel. Why don't we go upstairs and sleep for awhile? Then, we can make some dinner. Just like old times."

Steve's heart swelled realizing how much he had missed her. No one understood him like Catherine…She knew how to push his buttons and call him on his shit when necessary. But she also knew exactly what he needed most of the time. It was a potent combination that made him hope with everything in him that Joe was right. Maybe they would eventually find their way back together.

"You have a deal, Lieutenant. " He leaned in and kissed her once more as he stood up with her in his arms. Catherine let out a surprised giggle. Being back in Steve's arms felt like coming home. She hoped he would still feel that way when she told him her news.

There would be time for that later, though. Right now, Steve was the focus.

Steve carried her into the house and up the stairs with Eddie on their heels. Reaching his bedroom, he put her gently down on the bed, removed his shirt and climbed in beside her. His eyes started to close almost immediately. "I'm glad you're here, Cath," he said sleepily. "I've missed you." It took mere seconds for exhaustion to take over him as he laid his head on the pillow.

Catherine heart ached for him. Losing her Mom at a young age had been hard for her, but since she'd had cancer, it was easier to let go knowing they'd had time to say their goodbyes.

Losing Billy had been the closest thing Catherine had experienced to what Steve was going through…..and it didn't even touch the surface of the pain he'd been through. She reached out to gently stroke his cheek.

"I've missed you too, sailor." She whispered.