Until Never

It was amazing how cold and distant someone could turn into when his love for the person that cared for him the most vanished out of thin air.

It was sad almost to a devastating point… to have this person who used to be your everything wake up with you and go through the day wishing you were somewhere else, seeing him politely evade your touches by making up excuses that sounded stupid to your ears and witnessing how he retreated into himself until he barely spoke to you anymore.

So yes, it was sad, especially when you could compare the now and then to corroborate that it was better before and that maybe, just maybe things were finally over.

Regina Mills has seen that gradually happen to her, the torturous process of seeing the 'love of her life' falling out of love with her.

Not that she should be surprised, after all everyone and their mothers saw their demise coming long ago and if anything, it was a miracle they had made it this far.

It was simple, they were like water and oil… a combination that no matter what you did wouldn't mix… even if you forced it, even if you really tried.

She has been warned… or at least the comments never stopped coming, the 'he's too good for you', the 'he is truly a saint putting up with you' and yes, the extremely cutting ones like 'he deserves better'; overall, all those bothersome little observations people for some reason liked throwing her way should have warned her… the same comments they used to roll their eyes at in pleasant complicity should have been hint enough for her to imagine that somehow, someway, he was going to one day have enough of her.

It was stupid how she turned a deaf ear to all those words, she… the skeptic one, the one who always said not to believe in love fell too hard too soon and look at the results now. She has been left completely heartbroken and in the dark, because after four years of marriage and a three year old son, it all just ended.

Now, this man that was now killing her with his indifference wasn't always like this with her; not at all… in fact, it was quite the contrary.

Robin… when they started dating all those years ago, he acted like the most caring and attentive man she has ever met. He won her over in a matter of nothing, melting the coldness of her heart by taking her places where she has never been emotionally; he made her believe that it was possible for her to dream and love again and yes, before she knew it she married him.

At the time it seemed like the best decision to make and she didn't mind leaving her own life in New York to move with him to the other side of the country; no, she did it all in a heartbeat because she wanted to spend all the time she could with him. Back to that moment nothing mattered but him…

She didn't know how to explain it, but he sucked her into his world and she gladly made the jump. She did it without looking back because she, despite having the reputation of being the strong, hard-ass woman that she definitely was, was a fool for him since the moment they first met.

Yes, there was that and also the fact that Robin definitely knew how to use his charm to his advantage. At least until he no longer wanted her… then, his charm turned into indifference and all that was left of those initial first years was the bond created by their son, their Roland.

Now, with that statement, she didn't mean to imply that Robin played her for a fool since the very beginning, no; she knew he has loved her with every fiber of his being and yes, she was sure that he meant when he used to say that some of the best moments of his life, he spend them with her.

She believed that… the same way she believed it wasn't his fault to have fallen out of love with her.

So… even though their ending was definitely not be the most ideal, she was never going to regret the decisions that she made regarding him. How could she when she still loved him with every cell of her body?

Back to their demise, Regina couldn't exactly say when they started to change, but one good day she realized that they didn't laugh together like they used to and she started to suspect something was wrong. But they were both tired with so much work at the time and by taking care of Roland so she didn't put the attention she should have put in that problem, she just assumed that they were burnt out and that things would eventually go back to being good between them.

They didn't go back to good. In a matter of nothing they started to constantly argue over stupid things, on a few occasions their bickering turning so bad that he would rather go and sleep in their son's room and before she could even blink, they didn't even talk like they used to.

Their only common ground besides Roland was sex, their only connection… as there has never been lack of desire between them; but the thing about that was that it wasn't enough to hold the foundations of their family.

To that day, she really didn't understand how it all happened, but that's how it all went to hell. Then as recently as the previous week they ended up arguing one last time. It was about something stupid she couldn't even remember but she sure as hell recalled how it ended. She asked him the big question, was he seeing someone else?

He got mad, ridiculously so, but his answer has been no, he wasn't seeing someone else; but not being satisfied with the answer, she asked the other question… the one she has been asking herself for a while now. Why was he still there, with her?

That was when he broke her heart into a million pieces and shattered all her hopes and dreams, as his answer has been too simple…

He was there because he didn't want to be away from his son.

It hurt, like nothing she has ever experienced before, and as she sat there, in the corner of their bed, her eyes stinging with unshed tears she just looked at him dumbfounded, waiting for him to tell her that he was also there because he loved her and yes, because he wanted to fix their relationship.

But he didn't say that, he just stood there, looking at her with the most crestfallen look on his face and a storm raging in his eyes.

That's when she knew it was over, it was one of those moments when realization hit you so hard in the stomach that for a full minute you forgot how to breathe…

What could she say? With those words her whole world came crashing down at her feet and if it wasn't because she was sitting, her legs would have given up under her weight and she would have fallen down in a heap.

She wanted to beg, she wanted to cry… but being the stubborn creature that she was, she just blinked the need to cry away and lifting her chin up, she sealed their fate.

"I won't keep you away from your son… so there's no need to worry about that." She has said, right before telling him that she was going to leave. It was his house after all and if he didn't want her there, then she should as hell wasn't going to stay.

"Don't." He said, because apparently in his mind, the one that needed to leave was him. It was her house as much as it was his… and most importantly, in was Roland's. He would just pack a few things and then he would be gone.

Easy as that.

She didn't think he saw her turn in her heels and flee the room as he began packing his things, and grabbing the opportunity she sought refuge in their guess' bathroom.

To that moment, she was glad he didn't see her, as she didn't want him to take notice of how rattled she has been. That was how for the good part an hour she just sat in the floor with her face in her hands, crying her eyes out… mourning the loss of the love she loved the most.

After a while she gathered herself up, dried her tears and with her chin held up high she waited for him to kiss Roland goodbye. Then, with his gaze down, he left.

That has been the night before, the longest sleepless night of her life and yeah, it may sound pathetic, but after he was gone she just lay in bed, waiting for him to call and say that it was all a misunderstanding and that he wanted to work things out.

He never called and after crying a bit more she decided that she wasn't going to suffer for someone that didn't even care about her.

Oh but she did, she cried herself to sleep and her dreams came uneasy, especially when she was well aware that when morning came, she would have to put on a brave face and tell Roland that daddy wasn't going to have his usual breakfast with him that day… or the next ones for that matter.

That was going to be the hard part. As for her? As soon as she woke up, she adopted this new mantra in her mind where she repeated over and over again that she was going to be just fine. She was strong and smart and she didn't need a man to push forward and give her son the best life possible.

He was going to regret it and when he did, she was going to do the same he did to her because yes, by then he was going to be out of mind and out of heart.

Ah, but God… if she wanted to forget about him how come she was dying to call him, to hear his voice and look right into the deep blue of his eyes. How come she missed him so much while at the same time she wanted to go to him and tell him to fuck off?

And this was just the first day! What was she going to do when she saw him again? Because yes, they had a son together and for his sake not only would they see each other again, but they would have to do it regularly.

Hell, they needed to establish a routine for them now so once again, how was she to do that?

Taking in a deep breath and biting hard on her lips, Regina lifted her phone and unable to stop herself, she called him.

For a few excruciating seconds, Regina held her breath, feeling like her heart was going to explode inside her chest.

What will she tell him? What if he was not alone? Because yes, he said there was nobody else, but why would a man leave his wife and son in the middle of the night if it wasn't because he had another nest to land into?

"Hello." He answered and swallowing down, she cleared her throat.

"It's me…" She said stupidly, closing her eyes as she felt her eyes already watering.

"I know." He breathed out, probably annoyed that she was calling.

"Yeah, well I just wanted to ask when you were going to pick the rest of your stuff. You know, to make sure me and Roland are not here. I don't want him to see that."

For the longest minute of her life, the only thing she could listen through the other side was silence and she had to take a look at her iPhone's screen to make sure time was running and that he didn't hang up on her.

"If you want I can pack them for you… so you just have to pick them up."

"You're really in such a hurry to have me completely out?" He asked in a breath and even though she couldn't see him, she could picture him in her mind, eyes closed and his fingers running over his brows…

Breathing in and clearing her throat once again, Regina rested her head against the pillow and pressed the phone closer to my ear.

"I'm not in a hurry, but they are your things and you may need them… for this new life you were so desperate for."

"Regina," He groaned. "Why are you always trying to pick up a fight with me? If what you want is for me to be completely gone then just say it and don't try to put this one on me."

Gasping in surprise because yes, this one was entirely on him, she snarled her lips. "I'm not trying to pick up a fight with you, Robin, I just… want to know when you'll pick the rest of your things, I mean since you seemed to be in such a hurry to leave…"

"Oh come on, looking for ways to argue is all you do. Why else would you call me saying you want me to get off your hair if not to pick up a fight? You know, I don't know what you want from me anymore; you wanted me gone well I'm gone, so what else do you want?"

At those words, Regina felt like laughing out loud, but instead she sniffed as she was being invaded once again with a bad case of the tears.

She didn't trust herself to talk while being like that so she didn't say anything, she just breathed in and out while holding the phone to her ear.

For a while they remained like that, silent. But then he went ahead and helped himself to ask the worse question ever.

"Are you crying?"

Shaking her head even though he couldn't see her, Regina drew in a shaky breath and wiped angrily at her eyes.

She hated it when she cried, especially when people… when he knew about it.

"Regina? Come on, talk to me." He asked almost tenderly and her need to cry grew even more.

She just didn't get it; she didn't know what she did wrong to push him away. "You know, I did all I could to make you happy, but it wasn't good enough, right?"

He breathed out, she could hear him doing it. "You know I was happy with you…"

"Then what happened? Okay, you don't have to answer to that." She chuckled. "I don't want to know it." Especially if his reason to end things with her had something to do with another woman. "Heart that can't see, heart that can feel."

"We can't have this conversation by phone, Regina… are you still home?"

Blinking her eyes open, the brunette bit hard on her lips. "I have to go… I have tons of work to do and there's Roland too so..." She said, her voice low but controlled and then, before he could say something else, she hung up and turned off her phone.

She didn't want to talk to anyone and she didn't want to think about anything… she just wanted to stay in bed until her heart stopped aching… or beating, the first thing that happened…