"I can't do this!" Barbara slashed her hand through the air.

The radio crackled quietly. The only sign that Morgana was listening was the telltale charge in the air that made the skin on the back of Barbara's neck prickle. The light behind the needle cast an eerie yellow glow in the dimness of the sterile white office Barbara had sequestered herself in.

"Look! There are a lot of things I'm willing to do but this is too far." She paced across the room. "How can you do this?! This is exactly what Merlin did!"

Barbara could feel her hair stir slightly as her own magic responded to her volatile emotions. As she passed the mirror she caught sight of her reflection. Her eyes were glowing a dark stormy blue. She spun to face the radio.

"You know what? I'm done!" Her breath was quick. "I know I can't take down a huge shadow organization, but I'm not going to help it either."

The radio crackled softly.

"Is that your choice?" There was a careful stillness there… A warning. Barbara ignored it.

"Yes," she snapped. "We're through. Goodbye."

She turned toward the door and grabbed the knob.

…

"Barbara Lake."

…

Barbara froze. Her breath caught in her lungs as a weight seemed to press down on her. She stood there, dead still, hand hovering over her path out of this mess.

"You will not leave, Barbara."

She was shaking now. She had heard the saying "It felt like someone walked over my grave" used to describe a bad feeling...

This didn't feel like that.

This felt like she had woken up in her grave. It was the feeling of being trapped with no way out; of being left to suffocate in a place that no one would hear her screams.

"What did you do?" She whispered.

"I had hoped it would not come to this," Morgana said. "I rather enjoyed your… friendship…. But I cannot let such a valuable asset go." She paused. "Also you promised me your assistance and our goals are still in alinement."

Barbara's breath was coming fast like a frightened rabbit.

"As for your question I am not called "Le Fay" for nothing, dear."

A full body shiver passed though Barbara as she understood.

"You took my name," She realized.

"You gave it to me." Morgana corrected her. "You are mine."

And Barbara knew it was the truth.

"No…"

"Yes," Morgana said. "Now you have a choice: I have my puppets, but I have always preferred to have people willingly serve me when I can have that…" She trailed off for a moment.

"Oh do come closer. I don't like talking to your back."

Barbara's body moved of its own violation, turning her away from the door and back to stand in front of the radio. Inside she was screaming; it felt like something out of a nightmare.

Barbara felt the hold that Morgana had placed over her with her name release. She could move now. Her legs gave out and she sank to the floor. Her knees hit with enough force to bruise and her sweaty palms barely kept her from falling flat on her face.

"So tell me, dear, what would you prefer: to serve me willingly or to be my slave?"

That was hardly a choice, but she could see the underlying point. As a servant she would have some modicum of freedom, but her hands would bare the evils she did. As a slave there would be no freedom, but she would at least not be responsible for the atrocities she was used for and she would not be contributing any more than necessary to Morgana's schemes.

She swallowed the bile in her throat and made her choice.

Slowly, painfully, Barbara rose to her feet.

"Our goals align," She repeated Morgana's words. "Merlin must be brought to an end." She would do what she had to, but she would not do it in Jim's name. He would not bear her sins. "I will serve you…"

"Yes?"

Barbara could feel what she wanted. She swallowed the last of her pride and slowly sank down to one knee. "I will serve you… Mistress."

"I accept your service. You may rise, Barbara."

She could feel the threat of chains brush her with the use of her name… of the name that was no longer truly hers. She stood.

"Now that we have straightened that little problem out, I believe you were helping Stricklander with the latest placement."

Barbara's heart sank.

"Do you have any suggestions for who we might choose?"

The paper crumpled in Barbara's hand as she walked into the office.

The lady at the desk, Tiana Northwood, looked up curiously as she entered and set it down in front of her.

"Dr. Lake? What's…" She trailed off as she read it. "You're quitting?!"

Barbara's shoulders tensed.

"Yes," She said quietly, not quite looking her in the eyes.

Tiana frowned.

"Is there something wrong with your position? Do you need more time off? Is something going wrong at home?"

Barbara looked down. She hated the worried concern in her supervisor's voice. Despite the poor budget and short staffing the hospital had given their department, the woman had always tried her hardest to make sure those under her were cared for. She didn't deserve this.

Barbara drew in a breath and faced her, but didn't quite make eye contact.

"It has nothing to do with you… I just need to move on," She stated firmly.

"But…"

"Just let me go please," She practically begged her.

This was already hard enough.

"…Okay."

Tiana pulled the paper toward her and began working on putting it through. She kept trying to make small talk that Barbara brushed off. As Barbara watched, her eyes were drawn to the picture on the desk. It was of Tiana and her husband and their new baby. The two of them had been trying for years. The whole department had been so happy for her when she finally conceived. They had all chipped in to make sure she got extra time off when she was due.

Barbara swallowed the lump in her throat.

"It's all in order," Tiana said turning to hand back the papers. "Just take it to the front office. Are you sure there's nothing I can do to change your mind?"

"I'm afraid not," Barbara said taking it.

She started toward the door and paused.

"I'm so sorry," She murmured before practically fleeing from the room.

Author Notes:

I was going to post the next chapter of A Bad Reaction next, but it is giving me trouble. This, however, has been sitting finished in my drafts for a while so I figured I might as well post it before Wizards comes out.

It's been crazy busy for the past month. I've just done a major move and started a new job. So I will probably be updating a lot less.

Barb has, at this point in the timeline, done some rather morally questionable things in her attempt to find and save Jim. The Janus Order has been rather slowly easing her in, but finding out about the familiars was well... A little to far.
But she doesn't get to back out now.
This is Barbara's breaking point. Unlike Angor Rot she still has her emotions and must deal with the full pain that comes from her actions. This takes a pretty heavy toll on her over time and she eventually starts justifying things she really shouldn't in order to cope.
(Side note: Barbara does not have a middle name in this, so Morgana does indeed have her full name. Never take middle names for-granted.)

Anyway, if you enjoy this fic, please -please!- leave a comment. (please?)