"Oh, Master, I have this throbbing ache..." Nightingale moaned, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her bosom into his chest. "And I just don't know what to do... none of my medical knowledge feels applicable here."

"Don't worry, Flo," he whispered in her ear, and he could feel her shiver at his breath. "I'm well-trained in treating aches of this kind."

"Could you please show me, Master?" Her innocent doe-like eyes made his erection throb.

"I would be happy to."

Her lips were a pale red, barely touched, and yet so inviting. Her expression was the ignorance of a virgin who didn't understand what they were feeling but wanted more of it. He had to swallow his lust, as otherwise he would have torn her clothes apart right there and then. That wouldn't be fun. He wanted to savor each and every second of this. He couldn't wait to see the face she made when he broke her on his cock.

He leaned in to kiss her, and that's when everything wrong.

A loud bang hit his door, and he jumped back, accidentally taking Nightingale with him as he landed on the bed. He didn't get even a second to rest, though, because the second impact smashed the metal door open, sending fragments of steel everywhere, though luckily nowhere near him and his Servant.

"What the fu—"

The worst sound that man had ever known screamed into the room, a dark brightness that blotted out a full moon. The screech of bagpipes filled his bedchamber, not one, not two, but five pairs of pipes that made him want to tear his eardrums out.

Even Nightingale couldn't handle it, she was covering her ears and curling up into the fetal position. He might have joined her had someone not jumped onto the bed and planted a maroon-clad boot into his chest.

Scáthach held the ugliest instrument known to man, her face filled with the passionate rage that only a Scottish warrior queen could provide.

"Scotland forever!" She screamed, spittle flying into his eye, then shoved the death-giving end of the bagpipe next to his face and blew into it.

He didn't remember much else after that. Only pain.

Whiskey + bad smut + "SCOTLAND FOREVER BIGGER EARRAPE EDITION" = this.