This is a deleted scene from the first chapter of this story - Arthur disappears for hours after Merlin tells him he has magic. This fills in that gap.

Arthur stumbled blindly through the woods, tripping over roots and fallen branches in his haste to get away from Merlin. He had to think, and he couldn't do that with Merlin's pleading eyes on him, willing him to understand.

Because Arthur wasn't sure if he could.

Merlin was his best friend. He knew him better than anyone else – maybe even better than Gwen. He was a lousy servant, always late, or clumsy, or just plain incompetent, but Arthur wouldn't dream of firing him. He valued Merlin's honest opinion too much – even if it meant foregoing a sensible manservant.

But to have kept something like this from him, and for so long… Arthur found himself wondering whether Merlin was actually the friend he thought he was. If he hadn't had any qualms about keeping his magic a secret, maybe he was hiding other things, too. Like an allegiance to Morgana.

Arthur felt a chill seep through him. That would make sense: Merlin had seemed to be in love with Morgana when he arrived in Camelot. What if that had developed into a loyalty made even more precious due to his proximity to Arthur? If that was the case, then Morgana had a very valuable mole in the heart of Camelot, which would have to be removed at once. He had to show his people that betrayal of Camelot would end in death.

He started walking back towards the campsite, intending to kill the sorcerer on the spot – he couldn't bear to think of him as Merlin, his Merlin – when a thought hardly more than a whisper, stopped him short.

Guinevere.

When Gwen's father had miraculously recovered from an illness plaguing Camelot, Gwen had been arrested for sorcery. At her trial, Merlin had claimed he was the sorcerer, and that he had cured her father. No one had believed him, and Arthur had removed him under the pretext that Merlin was in love with Gwen and would do anything to save her. Now he knew better. Merlin had been telling the truth. He had risked his life to save his friend's father, by using magic in the heart of Camelot. And then he had risked it further by announcing, in full view of the court, to Uther himself, that he had magic, to even have a chance of saving his friend.

If he was Morgana's man, why would he risk himself like that?

Other memories started unearthing themselves. How he somehow managed to get through most fights they wound up in with barely a scratch. Enemies found knocked out cold under fallen branches. Gaius telling him he was at the tavern, yet him never appearing hungover, or even smelling of alcohol, for that matter. The questioning by the Witchfinder, before the latter was found with magical items himself. The strange books Arthur sometimes glimpsed in Gaius's chambers – the ones with alchemical symbols that looked like a physician's notes, but could just as easily be magical markings. His recklessness that somehow always paid off – if he was a sorcerer, surely there wasn't much he needed to fear, if he could simply defend himself with magic.

The look on Merlin's face when he told him he had magic was engrained in his mind. Blue eyes pleading him to understand. A muscle twitching in his cheek like he was trying to control his emotions. His voice nevertheless cracking as he spoke.

The pure shock when he was told to stay at the campsite. The even faster flash of betrayal, of hurt, when he saw Arthur didn't trust him. No one could fake that.

If he were Morgana's spy, why would he tell him he had magic? Entreat him to allow magic back into Camelot, maybe, but outright tell him his darkest secret? That would be suicide.

That voice was back – the one that pointed out the things he didn't want to notice, usually in Merlin's voice. He was giving you the choice, it whispered. He could have said to let magic back into Camelot, but instead he wanted to prove magic isn't all bad. If you were to trust anyone with magic, wouldn't it be him? By telling you, he was letting you decide his fate, and that of Camelot.

He really hated that voice sometimes.

It was joined by Guinevere's. Mordred did his duty so you can do yours. Did Merlin do the same?

Merlin had never said anything. He must have saved Camelot countless times in the last decade, risking himself every time, yet had never claimed credit, even going so far as to give others the credit he was due. All this power, and still he put up with Arthur's constant jabs, doing thankless tasks for someone he must see as a lazy, ungrateful clotpole (not that he'd hidden that particular opinion).

But he'd never complained. Not once. He'd never told Arthur that magic should be allowed into Camelot. Never argued that Morgana had good intentions in bringing back sorcery, even if her methods were evil. Never even spoken ill of Uther, despite his persecution of druids and sorcerers. He'd never put Arthur in danger, usually actively dissuading him from going anywhere near it, or joining him where he could not.

Merlin wasn't Morgana's spy, of that Arthur was sure. But the question remained: what of the Disir's demand?

He leaned back against a tree and ran his hand through his hair. He could see the faint beginnings of dawn on the horizon. He had been out all night. He started heading back to the campsite, to get some sleep before meeting with the Disir again.

He had made his choice.

And that's the end of this story! Hope you enjoyed it, and please consider leaving a review to tell me what you thought!

The title is taken from the song 'There For You' by Martin Garrix and Troye Sivan.

Just in case you were interested, Eildon Hill is a real place (though not in the middle of Avalon) and is steeped in folklore, and is especially linked to fairies, for example in the ballad of Thomas the Rhymer, who supposedly travels under the hill and sees a group of knights sleeping around King Arthur as he waits for his time to return.

Love,

NewtPevensie xoxoxox