A/N: This is my first ever piece of FF, and I'm nervous as hell about it. I do hope you enjoy it. This is set post 7:10, but with a few changes to canon. It is a bit of an angst fest, but fear not, if I manage to complete it I do intend on a happy ending.

Humongous thanks have to go to AlternateShadesofBlue (Twitter: ashadesofblue) and Kate McK (Twitter: KateMcK7) for being my most marvellous beta's. I would never have dared to publish this without their kind words of support and encouragement and of course their top class help and advice.

I would love to hear what you think of this first chapter, so please please please feel free to review and leave comments. It would mean so much to me if you do.

Battling Fate

CHAPTER 1

She'd promised herself that the late night self pity parties in her office would stop. No more wallowing in misery, drinking too many three finger whiskey measures despite it not even being her favourite tipple. She'd slowly come to the realisation that all she was doing each night was drinking to numb the pain, and doing so in her office to avoid going home to an empty apartment. The thought of which simply filled her with dread. For too long now, each time she stepped over the threshold of her home, the cold stillness would hit her with such force that it would steal her breath and she's sure the only sound she hears is that of another fissure in her heart cracking through the silence.

The loneliness she felt was beginning to overwhelm her. Recent events in her personal life had brought to her attention a stark reality. She was the wrong side of 40, single and with little going on in her life except for work. This was of little concern to her not that long ago, when work was fulfilling, giving her a sense of pride in her achievements, especially when she looked back at her hard fought journey to get to where she is today. PSL had also been her surrogate family, a place where she felt she belonged, felt safe, secure and happy. All that felt like a distant memory now. Sure, she still had friends here, close friends at that. Louis had stepped up and been her rock these last few months, their roles of emotional care giver and recipient seemingly reversed. He'd been kind, patient and fiercely loyal. Never asking for the specifics of what had transpired over the last few months, even though she knew he was chomping at the bit to know what happened

Donna smiled softly at the thought of Louis. It wasn't that long ago that he too was suffering heartache, his confessions of pain and lost love having galvanized her into reckless action. Her eyes instantly shut at the thought of that particular memory, her breath caught and once again she felt the tightness in her chest. Her fingers squeezed the glass of Macallan and she took another large gulp, willing the harsh liquid to burn away the memory of that night as she swallowed it down. Her glass was empty again.

The temptation to refill it once more was strong, but she remembered her promise to herself.

She couldn't carry on like this.

She may not actually be the powerful, strong, all seeing and knowing Donna that people believed her to be. She was well aware that her skills and talents predominantly lay in the care of others, not herself. In fact, when it came to her own life, Donna felt she was seriously lacking, often making bad choices and seemingly doubting herself more and more. Regardless, she knew that change would have to come soon, and she had to be strong enough to face it.

A soft knock on her office door stirred her from her thoughts. She looked up to see Louis, hovering in the doorway wearing a concerned frown. She quickly donned her mask once more, smiling softly at her friend as she rose from her chair.

"Hey Louis...I know, I know..I promised I'd finish earlier today. Time ran away from me."

Louis nodded slowly, not fooled by her words, nor her smile.

"Every day this week it would seem."

"Louis... Please don't!" Donna rubbed her forehead with a sigh.

Louis nodded once more, resigned to not pushing the issue. "If it's because you're still working on the new quarterly forecasts, the deadline isn't for another week yet. I told you there's no immediate rush."

Donna picked up her laptop case, and started packing her things away.

"I know Louis, but you and I both know that if I don't actually have it done by this Friday, I won't hear the end of it." She slammed her empty tumbler back on the drinks tray with more force than she intended, frustration having got the better of her.

Louis winced. He knew she wasn't wrong.

"Donna..." He paused, knowing he was treading dangerous ground now, "How about I bring it up at the partners' meeting tomorrow. I'll tell him that I've asked you to —"

"NO!" Donna snapped, instantly regretting her tone, when she saw Louis visibly blanch. She sighed again, grabbing her coat. "I don't need you to fight my battles for me," she said more softly. "I'll get the work done for Friday, it's not a problem, okay?"

The smile was back on her face, albeit even more unconvincingly than before. Louis's shoulders dropped in defeat. He turned to lead the way out the door, but hesitated, facing her and effectively blocking her exit.

"This can't go on Donna."

She immediately bristled, opening her mouth to respond.

Louis didn't give her the chance. "No, hear me out." He took her hand and gently squeezed it. He dipped his head, making sure they made eye contact. "I haven't asked what happened between you two, and you don't have to tell me, but whatever it is, I refuse to believe that you have done anything to warrant the way he has been treating you recently."

Donna looked away from him, nothing but pain and regret in her eyes. Her lack of verbal response this time gave him the courage to continue.

"It's tantamount to bullying Donna, and … And, well, you just let him do it."

Donna snapped her head back. "Don't be ridiculous Louis. You don't understand"

'No...I don't! I'm completely baffled." He threw his arms up in the air in frustration. "Every goddamn meeting he either pointedly ignores you or he belittles you, and you do nothing."

"Louis."

"The atmosphere is horrendous. Everyone's noticed, the partners, associates...hell even Colin the Janitor asked me the other day if you were both ok."

Donna gritted her teeth, but Louis was on a roll, months of worry, concern and anxiety over his two best friends finally taking its toll.

"Whatever has happened, you've both lost yourselves. I mean, okay…He's always been a dick but the mighty Donna Paulsen curtailed and cowed down? I never thought I'd see the day."

"LOUIS...enough." Donna wrenched her hand from Louis's grasp. "I crossed a line, okay? I made a terrible mistake and now I'm facing the consequences. It's as simple as that."

Louis stepped back, his frown deepened. Donna moved to step past him, deciding she had had enough of this conversation. She knew Louis meant well, and was only trying to help, but the late hour and excessive alcohol coursing through her veins meant she just couldn't face this conversation right now.

"I'm going home, Louis. Give my best to Sheila, I'll...I'll see you in the morning." She patted his arm and swept past him, leaving him still frowning.

She marched towards the elevators, silently thanking the Gods that the office next to hers was in darkness, and that her recent words had not been overheard.

As she made the swift descent down to the lobby, her emotions were in turmoil again. She felt guilty about her abruptness with Louis. He really did seem like her only friend, which she knew was silly, and not the case. However with the way things were at the moment, and Mike and Rachel now in Seattle, she'd never felt so alone and vulnerable. She missed Rachel so badly. What she wouldn't give for a Harriet Specter and Michelle Ross night out. In fact, just a night in with her friend and a bottle of wine would be enough. Someone she could talk to, who wouldn't ever judge her and would give her a much needed hug.

The elevator doors pinged open, and Donna stepped through the lobby, pulling her coat tightly around her to ready herself against the biting New York wind. She hailed a cab, and sank back into the seat, closing her eyes once more as her head started to throb. She really shouldn't have had that extra drink. She felt her phone buzz in her pocket, and reached for it with a sigh. Probably Louis checking she really was on her way home.

To her surprise the caller ID was her father. She hesitated. She hadn't spoken to him for weeks, but she was tired and didn't have the energy to don her happy, 'everything is fine' voice, knowing full well he wouldn't be fooled anyway. She put the phone back in her pocket and let it ring out, as the cab pulled up to her apartment. He would leave her a message if it was important, if not she promised herself she would call him in the morning.

She paid the driver and stepped out of the cab, and immediately came to an abrupt halt as she looked up and saw the man she'd been avoiding all day. Her blood ran cold, and her heart began beating rapidly. Her headache was now pounding incessantly, not helped by the steely look he was giving her, his deep brown eyes lacking their usual warmth.

"Harvey," she all but whispered. "Why are you here?" She gripped her handbag more tightly in the hope it would disguise her shaking hands.

"This won't take long," he said, devoid of any emotion.

She barely nodded. "Okay.." she noticed his hand twitch by his side. He was nervous, despite his indifferent air. Her stomach dropped, and she swallowed heavily. He wouldn't, would he? After everything they have been through together?

"Are you … are you firing me?" she stammered. Her eyes were wide, and her bottom lip trembled.

Harvey grimaced, his head cocked to one side. "Do you think if I was, I'd do it here … really?"

Donna shook her head and glanced up to the sky, willing her tears to keep at bay. "Honestly? I don't know what to think anymore," she sighed, shaking her head.

Silence fell between them. She dared to look back at him then and this time Harvey broke eye contact first, shuffling slightly on the spot as he looked down at his feet. She took the opportunity to study him a little. He was immaculately dressed as always. Despite the late hour and low light, she deduced he was wearing his Navy Blue three piece Tom Ford suit, his long black cashmere coat, scarf and leather gloves lending him a sophisticated but intimidating appearance. It was the look he normally opted for when he was readying for battle, she painfully realised. This matched the anger and resentment that seemed to seep from his every pore. Whatever he was here to say, it was clear he wasn't here to forgive and forget.

Donna took a step nearer to him and took a deep breath.

"What do you want, Harvey?" she asked, readying herself for whatever was to come.

Harvey looked up, and Donna saw the resolve in his eyes.

"I need the spare key to my apartment back."

Donna's breath hitched. She didn't expect this, but wasn't surprised. She'd probably used that key only a handful of times in the decade that he had owned his apartment, but the fact that she had been the only person he trusted to have it had said a great deal about their relationship. Regardless of the countless women who had been in his bed, and the few relationships he had had, she had still remained his significant other, the only one to have a key.

Until now.

Her fingers twitched around the straps of her handbag. His key was attached to her own house keys, safely ensconced in her bag.

She swallowed and instinctively stepped back from him.

"Couldn't this have waited until tomorrow?" she questioned.

"The office is for business matters… this is personal," he said, his eyes not wavering from hers.

Donna swallowed, and ran a hand through her hair nervously. They'd never had to differentiate between the two before.

"I'm sorry, Harvey, I don't have it here. It's in my desk at work." She lied. She didn't know why. She was clearly only delaying the inevitable, but the hurt of his request had made her panic, not willing to relinquish one more delicate string that attached them to each other.

Harvey had looked away from her again. He sighed and stepped forward to leave. "Make sure it's on my desk in the morning." He huffed as he reached for the car door handle of the black Lexus.

Donna felt her eyes sting, and a lump formed in her throat. His aloofness, and obvious disdain for her cutting far too deep.

"It's for her, isn't it?" she blurted out, inwardly cursing herself for showing a moment of weakness.

Harvey paused as he opened the car door. He turned to look at her, and his eyes narrowed.

"No Donna, I gave Paula a key several weeks ago. I just don't think you need it anymore."

This time there was no hiding the impact his words had on her. She gasped, and nodded quickly whilst fiercely blinking back the tears.

"It'll be on your desk first thing." Her voice cracked on those last few words, betraying her clear distress. For a split second, a look of regret flashed across Harvey's face and he hesitated for a moment...but just as quickly, it was gone, only to be replaced once again with the same stern glare that had greeted her when she had stepped out of the cab. He climbed into the car and slammed his door shut, the car pulling away instantly.

Donna was still stood on the sidewalk several minutes later. Her hand covered her mouth as she let out a sob. The tears were now running freely down her cheeks, and she didn't care that several passers by were eyeing her with concern.

How did it come to this? How had it got this bad between them? All because of one kiss, one impulsive move and now she felt she had lost her best friend indefinitely.

It was bad enough that she had to deal with the realisation that she was hopelessly in love with a man that had made it abundantly clear, he did not feel the same. It hurt like hell, especially as she watched from the sidelines as his relationship with Paula deepened.

She had anticipated his anger, and felt she had weathered the storm of his immediate reaction following the night she kissed him. However, Harvey's anger hadn't waned. If anything, it had intensified which quite frankly baffled her. She had apologised, more than once. She had promised him that nothing like that would ever happen again. She had even lied and told him that she felt nothing, and that therefore it had really meant nothing— although if truth be told —that was more to appease her own humiliation than it was to appease Harvey. Yet each day, their relationship deteriorated further.

"Hey…are you okay?"

Donna felt a hand on her arm, and she turned to see a somewhat attractive man with a vaguely familiar face.

"It's Paulsen, isn't it? Your name? You live here?" He pointed to the building behind her, his hand still on her arm.

"Excuse me?" Donna casually dropped her arm, and frowned quizzically at the man, as she hastily wiped her tear stained face.

"You live in this building right? I live here too... on the ground floor."

"Oh...I see...erm yes. I'm fine, thanks." She gave him a quick smile, and then rifled through her handbag, looking for her keys.

"Are you sure? You look upset." The man stuffed his hands in his pockets, clearly not satisfied with her response.

"Honestly, I really am fine thanks. Just had a bad day." She moved towards the steps of their apartment block.

He followed. "You wanna get a drink...I'm a great listener."

Donna rolled her eyes. This was the last thing she needed tonight. "I'm sure you are, but what I really want now is to go home...so thanks again, but no."

She gave him a weak smile, then jogged up the steps into the building, not looking back to see if he was still standing there.

By the time she made it to her front door, she felt utterly exhausted. Both physically and emotionally. She reached for her key and froze when she noticed Harvey's key dangling next to it. The two keys were separated only by a leather fob. She ran her finger across the fob, and her eyes welled up with tears again as she recalled the day Harvey had given it to her. He'd done so in response to her constant complaints that he was a terrible gift giver. She turned the fob over, and she choked back another sob as she read the words inscribed "Debbie, NY's Best Secretary".

"Asshole," she whispered. She opened her door and stepped into the silence once more.

A/N Thanks so much for reading. Chapter two should hopefully be up within a few days.