"I can't be without you"

(Katsudeku ending)

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It had been six months since he returned with Deku and although things could have gone in the right direction, that was not how things went. On the contrary, everything went downhill, slowly descending to failure, or rather, to the gradual descent of a terrifying ending. A desolate and frozen ending.

He couldn't be disassembled.

Bakugou couldn't afford to disarm into a thousand pieces or break into fragments of vulnerability, since instead of increasing his already high self-esteem, his insecurities were appearing, gushing, like dashboards of doubt, or like saliva knives embedded in his skin until it tears and mutates to a new skin, a new human form.

Bakugou couldn't be without Deku, but he couldn't be with him either.

He didn't think he was worthy of his affections, worthy of his love, because his insecurities and his guilt for the mistreatment he had given him for ten years were even greater than his confidence in keeping him close to him.

That was why when Deku's friends showed up, he was annoyed by his helplessness and lack of tact towards his dealings, followed by him bursting into jealousy and wrongly ended up causing tears to his boyfriend, who didn't deserve to shed a single tear those beautiful green eyes.

He was insecure, an insecure bastard who chattered and yelled at anyone who dared approach his boyfriend, so that he would increase the reasons why he did not deserve to have a boyfriend like the one he had, whose love and good dealings with him, were an accumulation of certainties.

Deku was a silence of certainties, a blizzard of fresh air, a lightning bolt that slammed with evil, an incomparable being that squandered love and tenderness all around him, being splendid in each agitation he made with his gentle hands or with each look of his .

Certainly, he was not the right person to care for and protect him, because he was a danger to his partner, a reverend danger of explosions and insecurities that he disguised with superiority.

He believed himself to be superior and better to his companions, when in reality, in all its extension, he was an insecure and imperfect person, above all, imperfect.

Beyond his interior, distancing himself from his insecurities was like burning his saliva against the sun in order to eat, it would be a waste of his time as well as torturing himself with boyfriend and repeated thoughts.

Further from humanly possible there was a Katsuki Bakugou who suffered from his own insecurities in every particle that made up his being.

Fear.

insecurities.

Damn insecurities.

They heated in his belly, poured over low heat, boiled, diluted so gently in the blood that he didn't notice these events, the frequency of which was becoming noticeable in his irritable and jealous behavior.

Those emotions heated up, and the cycle became vicious, almost coldly calculated.

He didn't stop to insult and belittle his boyfriend, who didn't feel worthy of his affections.

It was a harmful habit, a habit difficult to eradicate, since its complexity was such that it did not fully understand it.

It was a bad habit that appeared at bad times, and they were disguised as vain coincidences of daily life, they were blurred at the root of the sun and they were colored in an opaque black that ate them in surrender.

There was no comfort for Katsuki Bakugou, because it did not exist.

There is no comfort in mistreating your boyfriend.

There is no consolation for him.

Without any remedy, he hit the wall because even so, with everything and its flaws, he could not be without Deku.

It was inconceivable to be without him, because she was already so attached to him that the separation would be a tear layer of all his skin; That love he professed for Deku was not relative, nor something absurd, nor instinct of possession and dominance (although it always seemed that way), but they were true feelings, as true as the air we use to breathe.

Deku was so essential to his life that he did not hesitate to profess it, did not hesitate a bit; unfortunately, he would rather stick his finger in the sore than admit it. His pride led him to brag, to sound like a profligate chatterbox, to simulate a strange order of nervous tics that made him say high-sounding words that even reached the same shocking wall with which he used to get in the way of speaking.

There was no doubt in his mind that he loved Deku, what he lacked in those six months of dating was showing him, letting him know how much her presence was vital to him, because she couldn't be without him.

He could never be without him.

It was no coincidence that Kirishima appeared at his door that night that he was about to go to bed. His friend wore an expression that determined aberrant concern for him, for his relationship with Deku.

"What do you want?" He grumbled as he opened and saw that nefarious expression on his face, on top of that horrendous spike hairstyle, combined with his pointy teeth.

"Bakugou, I didn't want to, but I have to tell you." He waved his arms in unison. He raised an eyebrow, motioning for him to continue. "Midoriya is thinking of ending everything with you"

What? He stopped shortly; he knew something like that would happen, but not so soon. His worst fear was happening, as he went very comfortably to sleep.

"Who told you that stupidity?" He kept up the rude boy facade. "The round face?" He gave a sarcastic laugh.

Kirishima saw him without believing him at all, backing a few inches away from him.

"If you don't believe me, ask Midoriya" He said, looking at him annoyed. "Because the only thing that interests you is knowing who told me, Bakugou, is that relevant?" He made an incredulous face. "Is it really relevant?"

No, he said to himself, looking at him prevailingly, clenching his fist low.

"You are my best friend, but there are times when I won't be on your side." He shook his head in denial. "I don't support you in this, because you caused it yourself, and if Midoriya breaks up with you, you will get what you deserve"

"Who do you think you are, you idiot?"

"Your friend" He replied facing him squarely. "And friends tell each other the truth even if it hurts." He let a few seconds pass, before saying: "Well, that's the only thing I came to anyway, good night." He made a little nod and left his sight.

That sensation he felt was a drowsiness in his body, followed by an impending jolt throughout his body, which left him calm in his senses. Knowing now that his worst fear would happen.

It would happen around the corner.

Bakugou closed the door behind him, holding his hands hard, clenching his jaw, then relaxing it; It soon became difficult for him to breathe normally and the whole world began to fall apart in disgrace.

What would become of him without Deku?

A shiver ran through his body in grace, in unison with his feelings, in tune with each beat that his chapped heart so soon executed according to all his mistakes, his defects, his insults.

A chill that burned with density was reminiscent of what he felt that night on his word-muffled face, illuminated only by the intense moonlight that accompanied him on his guard.

Very deep in his being, much very deep, he gave himself up to the lethargic dream, grieving gravely for all his ill-gotten impulses, for all his insecurities that would broadly be the end of what was once his happy relationship with Deku.

He was certain that he couldn't live without him, but could Deku live without him?

Yes, Deku could be perfectly fine without him, although he said no, he knew more than well that it wasn't true, because Deku did many things by himself and was on the verge of approaching the independence that characterizes a normal adult.

He believed he was certain that Deku could live without him, he was almost more than certain in that argument, at least until proven otherwise.

During breakfast the next morning, he saw Deku in the company of the half and half bastard and his other weird friends.

Deku looked in a good mood, deliberately showing his smile to his friends without retracting anything. He felt the wind churning through his nostrils, clarifying his oppressed senses to a different side, differing from whether to remain prostrate like a man, contemplating the moment when the fish bites the hook or to act before time has run out completely.

Differing between yes and no was complex, it seemed to him that his brain would explode from so much doubting it, from so much meditating on it in silence that the silence itself was insufferable.

Just as Deku didn't back down from smiling, neither would he to address him and be honest once and for all.

He stood up from his place and went to Deku, who also got up from the table removing his things and taking them to the dispenser. Single. It was the perfect opportunity to speak to him.

"Deku" He mused seriously.

The aforementioned was frightened and turned to see him with open eyes, their eyes met at that moment.

"K-Kacchan?" Deku articulated, stunned. "Good morning" He nodded, smiling small.

Those were not the reactions he was seeking to provoke in his boyfriend. Bakugou frowned, sorry to himself for what he had done with his damn insecurities.

"I need to talk to you." Bakugou went straight to the point.

Deku's orbs opened in tandem, taking the shock of his request.

"It's important" He added, using a more intense tone.

"O-ok, Kacchan" Deku agreed, nodding at him.

"In my room at seven" He notified, anticipating that he was going to ask him the place and time of their meeting.

Deku nodded, shrugging.

He seemed fearful in his demeanor, but he was a reckless clinging to not letting loose ends in that relationship, because he would treat him with the utmost sincerity.

Anyway, he couldn't be without Deku.

As he left the dining room, he took an inquisitive look from Todoroki, of which, of course, he ignored.

For him all those extras that dared to meddle in his affairs related to the nerd and his feelings can die.

At seven o'clock in the afternoon, he looked at the clock, anxiously moving his hands.

Then five minutes passed, ten, fifteen, and the nerd still didn't appear.

Fear increased with that inevitable advance of time, in that period in which the hands, instead of receding, advanced, escaping from their grasp in an immutable sway.

If Deku wouldn't come, what would he do then?

He hadn't thought about that possibility, and just imagining it, he panicked.

At half past seven, the knocked on the door of his room, to which he, in response, rushed to open it, clenching his teeth, seeing that it was Deku, who was there in front of him.

"Hello, Kacchan" He said shyly. "S-sorry for being late, is that All Might called me to go to his office and we talked a little more than expected"

"Come in" He was able to say, noting his fearful features and the frolicking of their clasped hands, that meant the nerd was rightly nervous.

Deku entered his room, taking off his red sneakers with mechanical movements, the flush on his cheeks being noticeable.

Bakugou saw that Deku was in his casual outfit that he wore when he was in the dorms; the same outfit he wore when they fought at Ground Beta, due to his constant insecurities that at the time were killing him, and now they were doing it in a mean way.

He invited Deku to sit next to him on his bed, not even encouraging to touch him and apparently Deku was not looking to touch him either. Still, Bakugou would try to be as clear as possible for the nerd to understand.

"W-what did you want to talk about, K-Kacchan?" Deku stuttered as he was the first to break the silence that had arisen between them.

"Look Deku" He snapped unprecedented, making Deku open his eyes in alarm. "I can't be without you" He professed sincerely.

"K-Kacchan?!" He exclaimed in a small squeak, surprised.

"I know I've been horrible to you" He continued, intending not to shut up until he had finished speaking. "The reason I have been mad at you is not because I hate you, as you thought, Deku, it's because I feel insecure" He admitted, hating the feeling that his face was reddened. "I feel like I don't deserve you, because you deserve someone better than me, you don't deserve someone who bullied you all your childhood and who mistreated you for ten years for being born without a Quirk; It's not right of me to hurt you, much less to be the cause of your tears" He took Deku's hand in his in a moment of courage. "I have always been this damn idiot who loves you, and this that I feel for you will not disappear even if you ask me to do so"

"W-wait, Kacchan" Deku interrupted, processing his words. His face resembled that of a tomato from how red it was.

"Let me finish!" He burst out louder. "I love you, Deku, seriously, and my insecurities made me doubt that you would love me back, because I know that I am very explosive and can bring you bad times, or ruin things, as I already know I did" His eyes were hard, and his teeth gnashing "You don't have to tell me that I'm an idiot"

"I-I haven't thought that about you, Kacchan" Deku clarified, interrupting him again.

"Forgive me" He let out in a loud sigh. "If you want to break up with me, do it, but I just wanted you to know what was going on with me, that's all"

As soon as he finished speaking, a silence invaded them, covering them with an uncertain environment, intimate at the same time.

"I understand" Deku spoke, startling him.

"What did you understand?" He restrained his urge to scream, pursing his lips in self-imposition on his part.

"I was selfish too, Kacchan" Deku admitted sadly. "I only thought about me, I believed that it was all my fault and that I caused you discomfort and anger; I swear I didn't know what was going on with you" Bakugou kept quiet, watching his boyfriend's face, hoping he wouldn't be his ex again. "I guess" He cut himself off, then caught the thread of his words. "I guess we both made our own conclusions, didn't we Kacchan?" He smiled sheepishly, cocking his head.

"Yes." He stroked his hand that was still in his, circling it with his right thumb.

"You know, I can't be without you either" Deku confessed in extreme shyness, moving a little closer to him. His blush increased on his face, spreading to his ears.

Bakugou saw him, pressing his thumb on the back of his hand, raising it to his mouth, depositing a soft and delicate kiss.

Deku opened the orbs of his green eyes, exalted.

"What does all that mean, Deku?" He wanted to know, hurriedly.

"I love you, Kacchan" Deku laced his fingers, his green eyes crystallizing with illusion. "Please don't be unsure about being with me, because it saddens me to know that you're not happy"

"Deku..." He pronounced moved.

"It's normal to feel insecure." He approached him, placing his other hand on his shoulder. "So don't hesitate to tell me what's going on with you, Kacchan, I'm not going to get mad at you and I'm not going to judge you either, I'm just going to listen to you" He said softly. "It worries me more, not knowing what you feel and what goes through your head"

Bakugou couldn't hold back any longer and pulled Deku into his arms, hugging him warmly.

"I love you, nerd, I love you!" He blurted out in excitement.

"Me too, Kacchan." He hugged him back, holding onto his touch, being so gentle with his arms. "I will always be willing to listen to you, so don't hesitate about it"

"Sorry" He admitted, reddened even from his bowlers. "I'm sorry I didn't know how to handle things"

"It's okay, Kacchan" Deku assured him gently.

"Don't forgive me that easy" he growled regretfully, tucking his head between his neck. "Let me know what an idiot I am"

"I won't do that" He refused.

"I always make you suffer"

"It's not true." He pulled away from the hug, placing his hands on his forearms, staring into his eyes. "You also make me happy." He smiled warmly, reaffirming everything he said.

His insecurities were emptied in that smile directed only at him; the harmful thoughts were cleaned from his head, that feeling of his that was eating away at him inside, was disintegrating from his system.

"You make me happy" Bakugou stated, placing a kiss on his cheek, just below his freckles.

"Hehe" He laughed contentedly, stroking his forearms gently. "I love you, Kacchan"

"I love you, Deku." He gave him a sideways smile, one of his very rare displays of smiles and affection, but he did it for Deku because it was what he was really feeling at the moment. "I'll be more honest with you from now on" Deku nodded, smiling at him with much love.

He leaned in to capture his lips in a slow, leisurely kiss, enjoying once again having him in his arms, in his warmth.

He couldn't be without him, that was more than clear, but now he knew that Deku could not be without him either, meaning that his feelings floated in a fish tank in unison with their tides and their sounds that didn't cease to exist and to occur. That sound of his heart as it beat to the same beat, flowing in the same tune with which his kisses were painting the walls of his room with color.

From there, he would strive to be more honest with him, just as he would strive to keep the relationship alive that although there were times when it was threatened to break up, he would take care of sticking it with his hands until at some point already it would not break again in wind shafts.

The two flowed according to their rhythm, floated on the same river, joined in those small details that highlighted their hidden splendor of each.

What awaited them was uncertain, but for that moment, they would be enjoying the present that enveloped them in their grace and melody.

Katsuki Bakugou used to see love in his life as a curse, he repudiated it and hated it more than once, but time proved otherwise, because now he saw love as tangible happiness.

The happiness that only Deku could give him.

THE END

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P.S. I was able to write and translate the Katsudeku ending before the time I had stipulated to publish it in English, even though the Spanish version has already ended, I had a hard time writing it, I admit it, and I hope it is to your liking.

I'm thinking if I do an extra chapter after the end, but it's just a thought.

If I upload it, you will see it in their notifications (those who follow me)

Doubts or comment, you can leave it here and if you are unsatisfied with the end, you can also let me know.