Chapter 38
Conclusion
Homecoming
"If you can pick out all the furniture and ornament in your apartment, you can jolly well pick out the wedding invitation card! I mean, I did everything! I chose the flowers, the ribbons, the way the chapel is to be bedecked, the band… and you! You just chose your tuxedo and tell me the gowns I've tried are all fabulous! Like that comment is going to help me lots when I'm cracking my head over those gowns! And when I pick the halter, you have to tell me the princess-gown was better. And when I took the princess gown, you thought the halter looked more sophisticated! And the cake!!!! Don't get me started on the cake!!!!!"
"Ah… ok… I'll pick up the card. You go home and rest…"
"Our wedding is coming soon!!!! FRANK HARDY! DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED TO ME OR NOT? I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO POSTPONE IT AGAIN, AGAIN!"
"We'll get married!!! I paid the deposit for the band, the decorations, the caterer and everything else right? We'll get married… don't worry about anything, all right? I love you! Wait a minute… is it that time of your month again?"
"Hey Joe, cherubs, roses or this lovely little cross thingy? I really can't decide…" Frank threw the cards down on the coffee table, leaned back against the back of his sofa and closed his eyes for a much needed break. Tension was rising high because Callie suddenly had some paranoid idea that he was going to push the date back again, which he wouldn't. But he knew where she was coming from- a girl could only have so much patience after being disappointed again.
On the other hand, it was kind of nice and even flattering to know that Callie was dying to tie him down. He didn't know he was that hot a commodity.
"How about an airplane?" Joe mumbled sourly, staring at the television with the frown of a grumpy old man. Seeing his brother all uninterested and hindering him even, Frank wondered if roping Joe in to assist in picking the card design was all that wise.
"An airplane? Joe, I'm not getting married in mid-air…but it would be nice and all… you know… to say your vows on an airplane…I think the cherubs real adorable… Cherubs it is."
"What's the point of going through this trouble? Just pick a damn card! People are going to throw it away after your wedding after all! I never had to choose all these things…" Joe bit down his lower lip before reaching for his mug of water and took a deep gulp. Frank knew Joe's temperament too well to be riled by his brother's offensiveness, a little annoyed maybe, but not angry.
Laying a heavy hand on Joe's shoulder, Frank took a drink too before he investigate Joe's hostility towards everything lately in greater details. It was definitely about Vanessa, nowadays, Joe's ex-wife's depression and imperviousness to his affection was all that the younger Hardy could think about. Frank felt almost sorry that Joe had to exhaust all his efforts and still have Vanessa side-tracking the topic of reunification all the time, however, he hadn't the heart to advise Joe that maybe it was too soon- Greg's actions and arrest would undoubtedly scar Vanessa towards relationships for the time being. Nonetheless, his brother had carried the torch for so long- with an aching hand; with a hopeful grip and with an unyielding passion. Sometimes, the licking fire burned him deep but any fool could see that Joe could not extinguish the flame- did not want to even.
"So, what's it now?"
"Shut up and choose your card. Take those winged babies. They're the nicest looking."
"Bro?"
"I'm ok, just irritated by this stupid show. Hadn't they aired it last week? I mean, are our stations so short on films?"
Frank sighed, curling his lips in tired resignation. "Can I hazard a guess?"
"What?"
"Phil told me his brother contacted Vanessa to work on a project. Now, his brother's firm is in Hong Kong and if Vanessa agrees, she'll be relocating for a while. Is that what's bothering you?"
"Should I just pack and go to Hong Kong?" Joe turned towards him, a worrisome intensity in those swirling blue orbs. Frank softened his eyes in understanding but he wasn't going to coddle Joe with false hopes. The voice of reason came, as usual. That was always what Joe looked to him for.
"Will it make any difference? She needs time… I don't agree with her actions on dealing with this, of course. But if that's what she needs- a change of environment, some new excitement… who are we deny her?"
"Hallie! Frank, do you know that a child who came from a broken family have a higher chance of suffering from low-self esteem? They may even grow a few inches shorter than they should! She's her mother, I'm her father, it's perfectly logical and desirable that we be together… we should be…" Joe hunched over and buried his face in his hands. Frank let his brother catch a breather, knowing Joe needed to expel out some demons.
"I never told you how I spent those years after the annulment. It's difficult, Frank. Not just the anger. Sometimes, I don't even know what I'm waking up to for anymore. I used to wake up to greet her smile and then, suddenly, no one's there. Then there are moments where I just hate myself. I have a six year old kid who's the loveliest and most precious thing in my life. But I'm only twenty-four and a kid myself. I don't know how to be there for Hallie. I always wanted Hallie and now she's here, I'm scared to death that I'll do something wrong. I had already dome something terribly wrong by letting her mother down before with all those stupid insecurities and anger and, in turn, became part of the cause as to why her family cannot be complete. It's not easy and it's so much tougher now that Ness' not going be here so we can walk this path together… don't you see? I only want Ness and no one else to walk this road with me and Hallie… we belong together. We're a family…"
"I can't say much only that you have to move on. If both of you are meant to be together again, there will be better time to start afresh. If not, then you cannot be happy, holding on to the past like that. It's not fair to you and definitely those around you if you're just going to choose to be unhappy for the rest of your life. You'll be a great father to Hallie, in fact, you already are. And you're not alone, bro. You have us. You have me, your wise, wonderful big brother."
Joe titled his head sideways; bringing his red-eyed face out of hiding finally as a mordant smile graced his lips before melting into something entirely sincere.
"Thanks, WWBB. I see you are so influence by the mannerisms of your WWW. Take a leaf from my book, will you? This time, I have more experience than you."
Frank smiled back, cocking a curious brow, "So, what inscriptions are there on this leaf?"
His brother stared back ahead, a wistful look in his eyes. "Treasure this marriage and never take Callie for granted. She's someone you must cherish all your life. We're the men. We take care of the ladies. We don't let them down."
"Thank you." Frank expressed a genuine gratitude. This common piece of advice, coming from his younger brother who had actually tasted the lesson first-hand, held much more gravity. Joe patted his knee before standing up to stretch himself.
"I'm tired. Going home to be exploited by my daughter. Thanks bro, for everything. I'm sorry I'm not much help…" Joe shrugged, leaving his apology unfinished. Frank shook it off, knowing Joe would be pretending to be something else he was not if he had swallowed his agony and assisted him with a big, fake smile. He would rather his kid brother be himself.
"No worries there, brat. Anytime you need your WWBB, just call. By the way, what's WWW?"
Joe shot him an incredulous look, "Duh??? Are you suddenly stupid? Wise, wonderful wife?"
"Oh…" Frank pressed his lips in a thin, taut line. "I thought it meant something wittier and more original. Looks like I have over-estimated your talent for wise cracks. You know Joe; you seriously need to be funny again. It was your best asset."
And this time, the look Joe gave him was positively lethal.
***
"Take care of yourself over there, Ness…" Frank watched as Callie sniffed back a tear while she gave her dear friend a brief hug. He wasn't so sure about anyone else but he was surprised that Vanessa made her mind up so soon and was leaving even more hurriedly, a couple of weeks before his wedding to Callie.
"Yah, Ness. Here's a Chinese dictionary for you. Tony and I thought it'll be the best present for you…" Chet passed Vanessa the wrapped up parcel after the girls pulled away. Vanessa received it and offered Chet a tentative smile.
"Thanks. I have to learn to read and write a new form of language, I supposed. But I know people in Hong Kong are very well-versed in English too." Vanessa spoke smilingly, shrugging off the daunting task of adapting to a new form of culture away with some haunted look in her eyes. She looked over Frank's shoulders, scanning the airport crowd for someone but it was painfully obvious with each passing second that he was not going to turn out.
"Mommy, why don't you stay?" Hallie tugged her mother's skirt and looked up imploringly with liquid eyes, "Daddy can bring us for more ice-cream. Mommy, please don't go? Hallie will be a good girl."
Vanessa bent down and pushed her daughter's hair away from her face, her lips twitching as she tried to fight back her tears. Andrea and Laura stood behind Hallie as Fenton looked at his watch- time was almost up. Frank knew his father's frown was not because he was anxious to send Vanessa off. On the contrary, Fenton had wielded his clout and actually initiated a talk with Vanessa with the intention of convincing Vanessa that she need not travel halfway around the world to find solace. She could find it here. More likely, the foreboding grimness on Fenton's face spelt his worry about Hallie's well-being when she realized that her mother was not going to come back for a very long time.
"I'm sorry, darling. Mommy must do this for a while but I'll come back. I promise to come back to you all strong and happy…"
"But daddy said that he will be strong enough for all of us. Daddy can lift a lot of weight, mommy…" Hallie protested, looking so anxious and lost that Frank's heart broke. He knew Vanessa was in depression. From what Joe told him in confidence, he knew Vanessa still loved Greg for who he was when he was with her, not the monster he turned out to be. But surely Joe deserved a chance and more so, surely Hallie?
He sincerely wanted to empathize but he echoed his father's sentiments. Frank could already picture Hallie growing up with a lot of issues to work through. That was unfair for any child. All children have a right to be happy and their parents have the responsibility to bring to bring them up with love…
"Yes, Daddy can but mommy can't right now. Mommy is going somewhere to… to learn how to lift up weight again so I can carry you once more… Hallie… I'm going to miss you…" Vanessa hugged her daughter fiercely, her tears freely flowing now. "I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry…"
"You'll come back, mommy? Please?"
"Yes, I will. I'll come back for you soon."
"And we will be together again? You, me and daddy?" Hallie asked again, with more hope. Vanessa simply smiled at her and, without any answer, stood up. Before she could address all of them, the announcer proclaimed the last call for her flight.
"I have to go… good bye and take care. I'll be gone for only a while… Frank," Vanessa beseeched Frank's taciturn form, "Please tell Joe to take care of himself…"
"Ness…" Andrea stretched out her hands again and Vanessa quickly embraced her mother one last time.
"I'm sorry, mom. I have to burden you with my decisions again…"
"It's ok. There's no burden to speak of." Andrea kissed her daughter's forehead. "Just come back soon."
"Bye everyone…" Vanessa gave them all a final smile before she turned around, lugging her suitcase behind her. Before she could take another step, Frank cleared his throat.
"You can always change your mind, Vanessa."
She seemed to pause for a moment but that was all. Seconds later, her retreating back had disappeared into the Departure Hall.
***
"And now I have with me here a very special dedication going out to Ness from Joe. Here is what Joe wrote. "'Wherever you may be, Ness, there's always someone waiting for you to come home.' Ah, Ness, here's the song Joe picked for you, You Belong To Me, as sung by Vonda Shepherd."
See the pyramids across the Nile
Catch the sunrise on a tropic isle…
Just remember darling all the while
You belong to me…
A lone figure sat down on the sand, watching the sky. Her plane would be flying overhead him soon and he felt it was better to wave goodbye to her from her than in the airport with everyone else. So, she had decided. It was all right, he would survive. No big deal.
The summer's night was still and humid and the rhythmic waves gave him no respite. His eyes on the winking stars, he couldn't help but feel that the icon for hope, scattered across the blanketed night in infinite multiples, couldn't lift his spirits up as it used to when he was child. Guilt gnawed his conscience, he could imagine his daughter crying at the airport but he wasn't there. He really couldn't be there.
Walk the market place in old Algiers
Send me postcards and souvenirs
Just remember when a dream appears
You Belong to Me…
He didn't want to cry.
What more could he have done? Should he have gotten down on his knees and begged? Maybe suffocate her house with a thousand red roses? Those romantic gestures which he would have done without second thoughts in his teens for any girls who caught his fancy didn't bring him much faith which was why he only executed them a million times over in those intoxicating reveries. In reality, he could not bring himself to try anymore. A small voice gave him cause for regrets. You should have thrown caution to the wind. It said, You should have gotten those roses…
But I don't want to be rejected again.
Not again.
I'll
be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too
And blue
The plane roared overhead, leaving streaks of clouds in its passing. Joe stood up hastily and raced in its direction. He ran against the falling grains of sands as the muscles in his legs pumped fiercely- the plane was diminishing and so was his brief surge of irrational hope. Finally, his knees buckled and he stumbled headlong onto the soft dunes, the fall scraping his palms. But nothing mattered anymore- she was gone. A large part of his soul had flown away.
Fly
the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember till you're home again
You belong to me
"NESS!" He yelled to no one and nowhere. It was almost like an act of exorcism- to scream her name out of his system. "NESS!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'll
be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too
And blue
He punched the ground, temporary embedding grains of sand in his skin. Bloated drops of tears plopped down uncontrollably- the release was both heart-breaking as it was cathartic.
C'mon, pull yourself together. You're Joseph Hardy.
You're a father to a precious girl called Hallie.
Pulling himself back up on his feet, he looked up at the stars now, seeing the sweet, naughty face in each one of them. Now those stars could truly be the metaphors for hope.
God, give me strength. Let me be a good father. Give me strength.
Fly
the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
And another prayer which was softer but always there, burned into the core of his heart.
If it's Your will, God, bring Vanessa home to me too. Let us be a family again.
But
remember darling till you're home again
That you belong to me