Tadashi stood facing the mirror in the dingy bathroom of the most deserted gas station he'd been able to find this close to the San Fransokyo convention center, sweating profusely underneath his olive green blazer.
"Come on," he says quietly to his reflection, trying unsuccessfully to psych himself up while also fighting the instinct to throw up the omelette Aunt Cass had made for him for breakfast that morning.
"It's really not that weird. There are tons of other people who are the same way. You're going to a whole convention of them! It's just a short walk from here to there. It's not like anyone you know is going to see you!"
He could tell from his expression in the mirror that he wasn't really convincing himself, but despite his severe doubts he carefully unzips his backpack and reaches inside, his fingers brushing over the soft orange fur of the tail and ears that had been carefully stowed inside. Hands trembling slightly, Tadashi pull the tail out and starts working the ribbons of it through the belt loops of his brown skinny jeans, tying the loose ends in the front and tucking them down the front of his jeans to keep them from showing. He then moves on to carefully pinning the fox ears into his short black hair the way Honey Lemon had shown him earlier that week, now feeling extremely glad she'd lent him some bobby pins for the occasion.
Honey Lemon. She was not only his best friend at his university, the San Fransokyo Institute of Technology, she was also the only person who actually knew the truth about him. And even she wouldn't probably know the truth if she hadn't walked in on him looking at some rather compromising tumblrs.
Fortunately she hadn't been at all judgmental. If anything, she thought it was adorable that Tadashi was secretly a fox fur (well, kitsune if they were being technical about it, but Tadashi was fine with fox too.)
Tadashi didn't know how long he'd known he was a furry-probably for longer than he'd actually known there was a word for it. Maybe it had been the influence of growing up reading such series he'd found in Aunt Cass' ridiculously large manga collection as +Anima and Tokyo Mew Mew. Or maybe he'd just naturally been that way. Either way, no one had thought it too strange when he'd spent his childhood playing games of pretend about being a kitsune-many adults had thought his vivid imagination "charming". Even in junior high when he whiled away his classes doodling pictures of characters with animal features like ears, tails, and wings in the corners of his notes and worksheets, no one had really commented on it.
But then he'd reached high school, and suddenly his preoccupation with animal/human hybrids started raising some eyebrows from his teachers. A couple of them pulled him off to the side after classes, expressing their concerns, even suggesting that meeting with the school counselor might be in order. And that was nothing compared to the type of treatment he received from his peers.
A girl who enjoyed anime characters with ears and tails was considered cute, even normal by most teens at the school. But a boy? It only took a couple beatings behind the school building for Tadashi to find out that reading mangas featuring such characters might very well get him killed. And so instead of trying to fruitlessly explain himself to those who would never listen, for the sake of survival he buried that part of himself and tried his best to forget it.
For a while it worked. He still got his share of derision from the school bullies for being a nerd, but at least he wasn't "the freak who wanted to fuck foxes" anymore. (No, of course he didn't want to have sex with an actual animal, didn't they know there was a difference between actual animals and anthropomorphised characters?) Still, his affinity for all things related to foxes and for characters he eventually learned were dubbed "nekos" never fully went away, and with the advent of him starting college and discovering the world of anime conventions he found that old part of himself making a serious effort to be heard again.
It probably wasn't until he made friends with Honey Lemon in his chemistry class and she introduced him to the world of tumblr that he discovered there was actually a name for people who felt the same way that he did. The furry community, as he quickly found out, was extremely accepting, and he loved how creative and diverse it was, even making a good number of online friends thanks to it. Still, high school had left its marks, and he was very careful about keeping his private internet life separate from the rest of his life, even going so far as to create a separate email address and tumblr for interacting in the furry community online in an effort to keep anyone that he knew in real life from finding out about it. No one, not even his beloved little brother, Hiro, whom he shared everything with, was allowed to know about his "abnormality".
It wasn't until Honey Lemon had caught him alone in his lab at night, taking a break from working on his robotics project to indulge himself a little bit, that the truth had all come tumbling out. In the few seconds that had felt like an eternity between Honey Lemon seeing his computer screen and her actually responding, he was terrified that she was going to be disgusted or maybe out him to the whole lab. But then she'd just smiled and said, "Oh, Dashi, I didn't know you were a furry!" as if it was the most natural thing in the world and he'd found himself sobbing because finally, finally someone didn't think he was a freak for something he couldn't even control.
A few mugs of chamomile tea and half a box of tissues later, Tadashi was a lot calmer and the whole story of what he'd been forced to hide for so long came tumbling out. Honey had been incredibly understanding, offering words of comfort and encouragement, telling him that he was amazing and beautiful just the way he was, and that if who he was involved wanting ears and a tail then it wasn't any stranger than people who chose to dye their hair or in other ways alter their bodies in order to make themselves feel more at home in them. Furthermore, she not only offered to but insisted on making him a fox tail and ears to wear for whenever he wanted to express his inner kitsune.
Tadashi had tried to protest, saying that he couldn't accept a gift that would require so much time and effort from her, but she'd insisted, saying that it was her sacred duty as his friend to help him out in any way that she could. Finally he'd agreed to it, knowing he could never win an argument with her. And the day that she finally presented him with the prosthetics and helped him try them on for the first time had been one of the happiest days of his life. He'd broken down in tears again, but they were happy ones this time and he'd thanked her over and over again for the gift, much to her great pride and pleasure.
For a while it was enough to just know he had the ears and tail safely stowed in a locked drawer in his desk for whenever he wanted them, and sometimes when it was late enough at night that there was no one else in the lab and he was working late he'd get up the courage to actually wear them if he was sure he wasn't going to have any unwanted visitors, loving the gentle swish of the tail brushing up his legs as he worked and getting to see fox ears showing in his shadow on the wall, making him feel, even if just for a second, that all of this was somehow actually real.
He should have known, though, that Honey Lemon wasn't about to let him get away with just keeping this part of himself hidden now that he was finally starting to accept it. One Friday night after midterms he found himself being presented with a flyer for something called "Furry Weekend", a ticket and a map with the location of said event, and the firm instructions that, after all this time hiding in the closet, he was going to finally going to go out and interact with other people who might finally help him realize that there was really nothing to be ashamed of about himself. Tadashi had protested, of course-very vehemently, in fact. But Honey Lemon warned that there would be severe consequences if she saw him on Monday and he did not have extensive photographic proof that he'd actually gone, and, knowing from experience that it was better not to cross her, he'd finally caved in. Which was how he'd found himself in this dingy bathroom this morning getting ready for his first furry convention.
There had been no way that he had felt comfortable enough to get dressed for the con at home where his family might see him. Even though Aunt Cass occasionally had the boys dress up in cat ears and tails for special events in the Cafe, Tadashi doubted she'd be quite so accepting if she found out the true reason he'd never put up as much of a fuss about the costumes as his younger sibling had. And Hiro… Tadashi had no idea how his brother would react to all of this, but he couldn't even risk the chance of his little brother turning on him if he found out what exactly his nii-chan had been doing behind his back all this time.
Tadashi had gone so far to prevent them from discovering what he was actually doing that he hadn't even casually mentioned that he was going to a con this weekend in case they looked up exactly what event was taking place at the convention center. As far as they knew, he was going to work on his project at the university again. He hated all of the lies, but right now he barely had the courage to step out of this bathroom with his ears and tail on where he might be seen by strangers, let alone try to explain this to the people he had to live with. And speaking of being seen by strangers...
Tadashi takes a deep breath, staring his reflection down in the mirror. With his kitsune ears and tail, it was a reflection of who and what he wanted to be. This was who he was, and there was nothing to be ashamed of about it. He could do this. It would be a major step in the direction of growing more comfortable with who he was, and maybe towards eventually being able to be completely honest with his family.
"C'mon, Tadashi-don't wimp out now," he quietly coaches himself. "Today is going to be amazing, so get out there and actually enjoy being with other furs!"
Finally hitching his backpack back onto his shoulders and taking one final deep breath for courage, Tadashi unlocks the handle and pushes the bathroom door open.
It was a mercifully short walk to the convention center. It was so early that Tadashi didn't meet many other people on the street, and of those he did most were either too tired or too involved in whatever they were doing to even notice his ears and tail. Every step he took without someone giving him a concerned or even dirty look was a huge confidence booster, and he gradually felt the tight band of fear around his chest growing looser and looser. Then, about two blocks from the convention center, he started to notice others dressed like him on the streets-all wearing various animal prosthetics, many even in full fursuits. Slowly all remaining vestiges of fear leave, and Tadashi starts grinning in spite of himself as, the closer and closer he gets to his destination, he finds himself completely surrounded by his fellow furs.
Waiting in line outside the convention center to pick up his badge, Tadashi felt a bit too shy to start up a conversation with any of the others around him, but he certainly wasn't bored. There was so much to see, even though he wasn't inside yet. There were furs of all sizes, shapes, and sorts milling around, some eagerly greeting familiar faces and others looking about as green as he was to this sort of setting. And it wasn't just the sheer variety of fursonas that he saw present which astounded him. It was how there appeared to be furs from every walk of life here. Many were teenagers and college students like himself, but he also saw furs his aunt's age and older-furs who looked like they had families and respectable careers. Hell, he saw some parents who were there with their kids! If these people could be proudly out with their fur, maybe he there wasn't something so unusual about him after all?
After about another ten minutes in line, Tadashi finally had his badge, and he joins the crowd swelling through the doors into the exhibit hall. The hall itself was filled to bursting with con goers and booths. Going with the flow of the tide, Tadashi finds himself in the first row of vendors, grinning at all the incredible merch that was on display. Fanart, t-shirts, mugs, plushies, and, of course, costume pieces and prosthetics-anything and everything that you could think of related to furries and their fandoms (as well a lot of amazing original work) was on display here. Tadashi could hardly believe that there was so much more to this world than he'd ever imagined, and he feels something of an almost manic glee as he allows himself to be drawn right into the thick of it.
Due to the extremely large size of the hall and the number of attendees, it took until almost lunchtime just to get halfway through the hall (especially since, in keeping with his promise to Honey Lemon, he had to keep stopping and taking pictures of everything.) By about one o'clock Tadashi had burned through quite a number of calories with all the walking that he'd done, and he was starting to seriously consider the possibility of trying to track down some food, either here in the convention center or in one of the restaurants in the area surrounding it.
Just as he was starting his journey towards the doors leading out of the hall in his quest to find sustenance, though, he caught sight of a booth full of Pokemon merchandise and, for the sake of nostalgia, couldn't resist going to give it a look.
There was some incredibly adorable merchandise on display, and if he'd been a little more confident he might have considered getting one of the character themed hoodies. In the end, though, after some serious consideration he decided against it, knowing that he had a long ways to go before he'd actually be willing to wear something with ears and a tail attached to it out in public, even if it might be considered more socially acceptable since it was Pokemon.
Hunting through the booth for a slightly less obtrusive souvenir, Tadashi's eyes fall on a stack of plushies, and he feels a tug in his chest when he sees a small Flareon, no bigger than his palm, made of soft plush material. Flareon had always been his favorite pokemon for as long as he could remember, and he remembered having a plush much like this one when he'd been a kid that had been misplaced in the move when he and Hiro had gone to live with Aunt Cass after their parents had died. He'd always regretted losing it, and he couldn't resist the impulse to take this one home with him. Even though it might be a bit suspicious if he came home with a stuffed animal when he'd supposedly been working at the lab all day, Tadashi was pretty sure he could smuggle the little cutie back up to his room in his bag with no one the wiser.
His decision made, he starts to reach out for it, only to find his hand colliding with someone else's.
"Oh, sorry!" Tadashi apologizes, quickly pulling his hand away.
"No, it's fine!" the other person answers. "It was my bad!"
"Thanks…" Tadashi turns to smile at him, only to feel his breath catching in his throat.
He found his mind going blank as he stares at the extremely attractive guy that he'd just accidentally bumped into. And it wasn't just the stranger's prosthetics which were garnering his attention (although the extremely realistic looking blue tail covered in black spikes was impressive, as were the contacts which were giving the other man's eyes a reptilian slit.) Tadashi didn't exactly have a type when it came to guys-he preferred to focus on personality rather than appearance. But damn, he definitely could appreciate a guy who could rock shoulder length hair, plus he could easily see himself getting lost in those cornflower blue eyes (if that was their natural color and not just the contacts.)
He didn't quite realize he was staring until suddenly the stranger gently clears his throat and picks up the Flareon, holding it out to him. "Um, sorry, was this what you were trying to get?"
"O-Oh, yeah, thanks!" Tadashi answers, blushing and accepting the plush, before quickly adding, "Did you want it too?" As much as he wanted to hang onto the little plush, he wasn't about to take it away from someone else if they'd seen it first.
"Oh, no, I don't," the other man quickly reassures him, smiling and picking up the Totodile plush which was located just to the left of where the Flareon had been only moment earlier. "This is the little guy I'm after."
"Aw!" Tadashi grins at the sight of the reptilian Pokemon. "I don't think I've ever actually seen a plush of that one before!"
"Right?" The stranger grins back at him. "He's been my favorite ever since I was a kid! When I saw him I just couldn't pass him up!"
"Of course not!" Tadashi chuckles, stroking the fur of his own quarry. "When you see merch of your favorite character, you can't just ignore it. You never know if you'll ever see something like it again!"
"Exactly!" The other man agrees eagerly before holding his hand out to Tadashi and introducing himself. "I'm Fred."
"Tadashi," Tadashi answers, returning the handshake.
"Is this your first time here?" Fred asks curiously when he lets go.
"Is it that obvious?" Tadashi asks, ducking his head and feeling the heat rising in his cheeks. He'd thought he was actually doing a pretty good job of blending in...
"No, no, nothing like that!" Fred quickly reassures him. "It's just that I've been coming here for-gosh, four years now, I think? And I know pretty much all the regulars who show up here and at other furry events around the city and I don't remember seeing you before."
"Oh!" Tadashi lets out a tiny sigh of relief. "Yeah, this is my first time… I-I've been pretty in the closet about all of… well, this…" He gestures to his ears and tail wryly. "The only reason I'm here today is because one of my friends found out about me being a furry and so she got me a pass for this weekend and kind of threatened to skin me alive if I didn't actually come."
"Hey, there's no shame in keeping this something personal," Fred tells him gently, and Tadashi was incredibly relieved that he didn't think there was something wrong with him for not being more out about his true fur nature.
"Not everyone's lucky enough to have an accepting family or friends, so if it's something you can't talk about at home, it's important to keep yourself safe," Fred continues before adding with a warm smile, "But hey, just know in places like this you're free to completely be yourself, fur and all!"
"Thanks…" Tadashi gives him a grateful smile at that. "Today has been-incredible. I've never seen so many furs all in one place before… To be honest, I'm not sure if I've ever met any other furs in real life, well… ever."
"You'd be surprised-there's a lot more of us out there than most people realize," Fred lightly chuckles before looking Tadashi over with market interest. "So, you're a fox fur?"
"Kitsune, actually," Tadashi answers, feeling his cheeks dusting a rosy pink under the other man's gaze.
"Kitsune, really?" Fred's eyes widen with excitement. "Finally, another fire elemental!"
"You too?" Tadashi feels his heart skip an eager beat as he takes stock of Fred's prosthetics again, his brain starting to put the pieces together. "You're a… dragon?"
"Fire breathing lizard," Fred gently corrects. "Think Godzilla."
"Right, sorry!" Tadashi apologizes.
"It's cool!" Fred reassures him. "Most people think dragon when they first see me. And it's not that I have anything against dragons! I've just always identified more as a kaiju than a dragon, y'know?"
"That makes total sense!" Tadashi agrees, nodding in understanding. "And it's totally awesome! My aunt's always been a big fan of all the old kaiju monster movies-she practically raised me and my little brother on them!"
"Glad to meet someone who appreciates the classics!" Fred beams at him before letting out a tiny squawk of protest as some of the other con goers who were trying to enter the booth start impatiently trying to not-so-gently jostle their way inside.
"I guess we should probably finish up in here so the others can get in…" Tadashi says quietly, hating the idea of leaving the booth because it might result in Fred saying goodbye and heading off on his own but also trying to be courteous to his fellow furs who also deserved a turn to look at the merch.
"Probably…" Fred agrees with a wry smile before glancing down at his watch. "Wow, one-thirty already? How did it get so late?"
He looks back up at Tadashi, who was awaiting the inevitable "Nice to meet you, but I have to go now" let down. But instead of saying that, the other man asks, "Have you had lunch yet?"
"Um, no, no I haven't," Tadashi admits, surprised by the question. "Why?"
"Any chance you might want to come out to lunch with me?" Fred offers. "I know a great sushi place near here, and it will be my treat!"
"Like a date?" The words come out before Tadashi even has time to think them over, but as soon as they're out horror at his mistake sweeps through him, paralyzing him with fear-how had he just said something so stupid?
To his utter disbelief, though, Fred just lets out a soft chuckle before answering with a warm smile, "It can be, if you want it to be."
"I-I would, actually," Tadashi admits with a shy smile of his own.
"Awesome." Fred beams at him before gently removing the Flareon from Tadashi's hands.
"What are you-?" Tadashi starts to ask, only to feel a warm flush rising in his cheeks as the other man turns to the booth's vendor and proceeds to pay for both their plushes.
"Y-You didn't have to do that…" Tadashi mumbles when Fred presents him with the Flareon moments later, beaming.
"Hey, it's not every day a completely adorable kitsune actually starts flirting with me, so I'm trying to make a good impression," Fred answers with a playful wink.
Tadashi ducks his head in embarrassment but can't can't keep a grin from creeping onto his face as he allows the other man to take him by the hand and lead him out of the booth and back out into the exhibit hall.
"C'mon." Fred gently squeezes his hand, leaning down so that he could meet his eyes. "You ready to go get some lunch?"
"Y-Yeah, I think I am," Tadashi replies, smiling shyly and squeezing softly back.
"So, do you live around here?" Fred asks, trying to make conversation as they make their way through the crowded hall towards the doors to the outside world.
"I do," Tadashi confirms. "I've live with my aunt and my little brother. My aunt has a cafe not too far from here, and I go to school at SFIT."
"No way!" Fred cries, eyes going wide with excitement. "You go to SFIT? I mascot there!"
"You do?" Tadashi gasps in surprise. "Wow-that means I've probably seen you around campus!"
"Probably!" Fred agrees with a grin. "Although I doubt you'd have recognized me in the kaiju costume."
"That's true," Tadashi chuckles before adding, "Wow, I just realized how perfect that job is for you! You're a kaiju, and being the mascot means you get free access to a kaiju suit that you get to wear to all the campus events!"
"That is definitely why I chose to apply when I found out about the opening," Fred laughs. "I'm going for my English degree at SF State, but our mascot isn't near as cool as yours. My dad actually pulled a couple strings to help me get the job. I'd like to think maybe it was his way of showing me that he at least partially accepts me for who I am…"
"So your parents know you're a fur?" Tadashi asks softly.
"Yeah, they do," Fred answers with a slightly strained looking smile. "I mean, I never really tried to keep it a secret from them, any more than I did being gay. It's not like they're really home that often anyways, so I figure why try to hide it when they're not going to be around to ride me about it even if they don't approve? Most of the staff already think I'm eccentric anyways, so at least none of them give me a hard time. I think my dad kind of gets it, or at least he's doing his best to remain open minded. I'm pretty sure my mom just thinks I'm trying to get attention, though...
"But, I mean, hell, even if I was-which I'm not-I think she should know that I figured out there's no possible way of ever actually getting her attention, even if I was trying to."
"I'm so sorry…" Tadashi says softly, not even able to imagine what it must be like having parents who weren't invested in your life. Sure he'd lost his own parents to a car accident when he was eight, but even without them he'd always had Aunt Cass, and she'd always done her best to be extremely involved with whatever was going on with him and Hiro. How could parents who were lucky enough to be around in their child's life just abandon them like that?
"It's okay," Fred answers with a small shrug. "I'm used to it by now."
"I don't know how my family would react about this if they knew," Tadashi admits after a minute of them both walking in silence, lost in their own thoughts. "I'd like to think that they'd be fine with it. My aunt didn't even flinch when I told her I was gay-she just told me she already knew, and then that night she ended up making a rainbow cake for dessert to celebrate me coming out, which was completely cheesy but also adorable. But I have no clue what her feelings about furs are. Same goes for my little brother, Hiro. He means more to me than anything in the world, and I just hate the idea of him turning away from me if he finds out about this…"
"Hey. It's okay." Fred gently nudges his shoulder with his own. "That's pretty normal. Like I told you earlier, a lot of furs aren't out to their families and friends because there's a lot of stigma right now, and the important thing is keeping yourself safe, especially since you're living at home and probably aren't ready to support yourself yet. But just know that there's a big community of us who have your back, and if anything ever happens with your family-which I'm really hoping it won't, believe me!-well… My family's got a spare room you could use to come crash in. We're not too far from SFIT, either, so you could definitely keep going to school if you came to live with us."
"Y-You mean that?" Tadashi looks at him in disbelief. "You'd let me live in your house?"
"I wouldn't have offered if I didn't," Fred answers with a shrug.
"But you just met me!" Tadashi protests. "You don't know anything about me, why would you offer to let me stay in your home when you have no idea what kind of a person I am?"
"Well, for one thing, the fact that you're so worried about what your family will think tells me they mean a lot to you and you value the happiness of your loved ones even above your own, which makes you an incredible, selfless person," Fred replies with a smile. "And, besides that? I just like doing whatever I can to help my fellow furs."
"Thanks…" Tadashi mumbles, feeling warmth rising in his cheeks and thinking what an amazing person Fred was if he was so willing to help a total stranger, not because he had to or because they were going to do anything for him in return, but just because he wanted to make sure that they were safe.
"You're welcome," Fred answers with a grin before looking up and noting that they were already at the doors leading out of the exhibit hall.
"Wow, that was fast!" he chuckles, turning to Tadashi and asking, "So, you ready to go get that lunch I promised you?"
"Yeah," Tadashi answers, smiling back and feeling for the first time in longer than he could remember that, no matter what the future held for him, that he would be okay. Even if things ever did go south with his family if they found out the truth, he had a friend (maybe even more than a friend) who would have his back. And knowing that he wasn't alone was the most amazing feeling in the world.