Ch 3 The First Time

I've always liked watching others. It's helped me pass the time over the long years of my life when I had to live at... that place. Helping me survive them. Learn by watching. That's how I had to live. Watch, learn, live, ...survive.

Growing up in that house, all I knew was pain, blame, yelling, pain, hate, rage... I didn't know anything else. I thought everyone had to survive to live. That this was normal. This is the way everyone lived. I accepted what I was given, what I lived with. It simply was all I knew. Everyday a routine of beatings, constant pain, yelling. I never liked it, but it was normal.

They liked to watch me as I screamed. They laughed at the sound of my bones breaking. Their eyes, smiling in joy every time I cried. Seeming happy every time my face shifted in pain. Hitting me more every time I begged, pleading for them to stop. Words only made it worse. Crying made it worse. Feeling, made it worse. It hurt, it hurt so damn much, but I lived. I was living and breathing, so everything was fine, everything was as it should be. So I just ...stopped.

I stopped crying. Stopped begging. Forcing the pain not to show. I taught myself how to survive. I learned how to read their faces, a simple twitch of their shoulder, a certain flare in their eyes, a spike in their voice. I learned what to do when I saw the signs. I watched as they slowly pulled their attentions elsewhere, drugs, TV, drama, whiskey. How was I to know this was wrong? That not everyone lived in pain and fear? Fear of saying the wrong thing, setting them off with just a simple look?

It wasn't until I walked out of that house for the first time, that I saw the world. This cruel and unfair world. They were cruel. Letting me out of that house only to show me what 'normal' was. They wanted their fun back. I swear they planned it. They doomed me to school.

The problem wasn't the learning. No, it was everything else. From the first girl who 'cheerily' talked to me smiling, only to frown when I only watched waiting patiently for pain, to the teacher asking for introductions. Why as everyone just so... happy? Why didn't the teacher hit us? Hit those that didn't listen, the ones that talked back, who didn't do what they were told? It didn't make sense. It just wasn't fair!

Still, I listened. Keeping quiet both at the house and at school, I watched. Everything they did at school, I couldn't do. I wasn't allowed to do. If I did that in front of them I'd be lucky if I could breathe easy the next day. If anyone asked them questions ...He would show me just how loved I was. While she blamed me. How was it my fault he ...did that. It became even worse when school taught me just how wrong it was.

Once again I had to become numb to survive, to somehow make it bearable. Hiding behind lies to make that house survivable, to make the school life tolerable. School became a deep place of learning. Unlike the other kids, I learned more than science, reading and math. I learned lies. I learned how to lie to others to be normal, to act normal, to have a loving ...'family'. I didn't learn soon enough.

I never had any friends. That's okay, I never needed any friends. Luckily, I learned how to avoid enemies from my ...'parents'. I knew what not to do, panic, scream, react. If I was boring most would leave me alone. There were still a few who came but I could tolerate those, but they were the reason I avoided the bus, which I was actually grateful for. It took longer, much longer to get back. I had breathing time. I was numb enough that watching no longer bothered me now. I could watch others live their life, enjoy their lives, laughing and smiling without a care in the world. I tried to smile. I tried to feel that joy others seemed to feel. It never happened. Scared a few birds away though, might have been to close.

Being numb allowed me to 'enjoy' watching, passing time to avoid going there. Ended up finding a few fighting places, they let me watch. I watched the master to see what to do. I watched the students try, fail, and succeed. I learned tricks and motions of fighting, but to know if I had it down, I had to practice. Another way to spend time, why waste it? All of New York was at my disposal, an ally here, a hidden spot in the park there. I learned, I tried, I failed, I mixed moves. I ended up hungrier by the end, but that wasn't anything an open dumpster wouldn't fix. It was easy to lie when I got caught. Playing the lost child in an ally, a child who lost a toy by playing or being bullied. Crying was easy to control. Silent tears seemed to play at the hearts of women the most, got a few cookies and milk one time.

It's funny how useful my lessons are. They've always kept me alive. From little tricks, to lies, even combat. If they never attacked me, I wouldn't have avoided the bus, never would have walked, never would have been forced to watch, never have learned to fight. It felt good. For the first time in my life, I had Power. I was in control. Nobody ever believed them. How could a weak, quiet girl ever beat three boys? I kept them from finding out, it would get worse I had to bide my time. I had to plan if I wanted to end this. I had to learn, wait, then act. I now knew what I could do, with a few extra bruises I made my way to a park I frequently visited. Be that always made me feel good. A great place to people watch.

Watching ment learning. Learning ment power. Going over to the swings, I sat down and started exercising and watching. A way I found to train, to look normal while working on multitasking. Surprisingly it became a short period where I could be normal too. A nice bonus. I could even practice high landings, rolls, dodging, and air maneuvers. I guess I just... found my place in that park, especially after that fight. While jumping, my eyes caught a flash of purple. A very unusual color. Normally I'd see little girls wearing a light happy purple, but not this one. This one was a very dark, ...deep purple. I rolled my landing to get a better look, ending up with my left hand on the ground, crouching as if I had to jump up and run at a moments notice, before gently standing up so as not to draw attention. The kids and parents of this park were used to my mini tricks, it didn't bother them.

I dusted off my pants, patting away at them, watching from the corner of my eye. Glancing at the man sitting on a park bench, shaded under a tree, away from the hustle. The man is his purple suit, hunched over, elbows resting on his legs, while his chin rested in his hands, supporting his head as he watched. His hair seemed to be lighter than mine, when the leaves rusted in the wind. His eyes, dark and deep just like his suit. A scruff on his face, seemingly out of place in a park where clean shaven dad's and businessmen seem to roam happily. Honestly, I found him to be quite handsome and a very much needed breath of a relief from all the happiness.

After a little bit, I stood up and straightening myself, turning to look directly at this man, seeing how he would react. Our eyes met, staring at each other, for what seemed like hours. Until he smirked, seeming satisfied. I was confused internally, while not changing my expression, I nodded my head in acknowledgment to the man, before turning around back to the swing, not missing his slight surprised expression. Let it be said, I have manners unlike others. I refused to be anything like them, unless I needed to be. Sitting down on my swing I turned to face him again, only to find he was gone. A bit disappointed I continued my training, before I moved on.

Walking back home in high spirits was a nice change. I wanted to remember this day, the power I felt. How my knowledge let me bend a few things. How the handsome devil watched under a tree, like he had the world in the palm of his hand. I liked it. After thinking a bit, I turned into a store, grabbed an item and walked out. I would've paid if I had the money, but anything I got or found ended up in their hands. I wanted this one thing, just one.

Going into an empty public restroom a few blocks over and down, I locked the door and walked to the sink. Glancing at the dark, brown haired, lightly pale girl in the mirror before reading the directions of the black tube in my hand.

This was the day.

The day, I would change.

The day I would take a stand. I would rebel. I knew they would give me hell once they saw it. It would be worth it, to remember this day. Grabbing a strip of hair on my left side, I made my move.

Dying it that dark, deep color. Changing it the color of power.

The color of the Purple Devil.
Hidden in plain sight.