A/N: I'm so sorry.

Felix is panicking.

He hates it, this unfamiliar feeling of dread settling in the pit of his stomach. It sits there heavily. Thick and oily. He can taste the bile rising up in the back of his throat as he barely contains a pitiful sob. This isn't him, this pathetic and sniveling mess. He should be angry, he wants to yell, he wants to just kill something-

"Hey," says a quiet voice from his lap, "That look on your face... I don't like it."

Felix spares a glance down and immediately regrets it. Sylvain's face is pale in his lap, so pale, and Felix swallows thickly. He wants to be anywhere but there, because he isn't sure that he can-

"Idiot," he whispers harshly.

A chuckle bubbles up from Sylvain, immediately followed by blood. He makes a wet sound, a cross between a cough and a choke, and Felix can't help the grimace that fell across his face.

He isn't sure that he can look at his friend like this. No, no , not his friend , his heart lurches. As if it isn't obvious that Sylvain is so much fucking more than that. It's taken years for Felix to let those walls crumble even a tiny bit, but this is what it's taken for him to truly admit it to himself.

It takes Sylvain laying in his lap, dying .

"Seriously," Sylvain says, his voice even softer. "I don't want to see you look at me like that."

"Stop talking!" Felix snaps aggressively.

"Then stop looking at me like this is the end of it." Felix swallows as he watches Sylvain struggle for a breath. He's not stupid enough to pull the blade from his ribcage, but he can tell it's hit a lung. The wet squelching sounds thick in his ears, along with the wet rattling of a thin breath and-

"Marianne can't be far off," Sylvain reasons.

But she is, they both know that she is. Enbarr is before them, and she'll be with the front lines, alongside Claude and Byleth. That was the plan at least, and he has faith that at least someone followed it.

He can't help the pointed glare he shoots toward his lap, and Sylvain winces at it.

"Hey now, don't-"

"You promised ," Felix interrupted in a harsh whisper.

He never mentions that moment between them, the one they had as children. It's always this red-headed dolt in his lap that does instead, while Felix rolls his eyes before stomping off. He doesn't need to be reminded of that loyalty, he lives by it. Everything he does is for this idiot here.

He didn't think Sylvain stupid enough to not notice.

And to his surprise, Sylvain crumbles . Suddenly he's trying to move, trying to shift around in his lap, and Felix has to grip him firmly, trying to hold him still. " Stop ," he hisses. "You'll make it worse."

"I'm fine," Sylvain chuckles, but the twist of his lips is more like a grimace, and there's a thick sheen of sweat across his brow. "I'm-"

"Don't fucking pretend," Felix says sharply. "At least give me that," he finishes weakly.

Sylvain sighs, and Felix lifts his hand, his fingers hesitating over his brow. Finally, he drops them, brushing through the sticky strands of red, mud-stained bangs. He's feverish, he's boiling hot, it's way worse than he thought .

"Don't look at me like that," Sylvain asks once more, his face taking on a somber look. "I prefer the other one so much better. How you look at me when you think no one is watching."

Felix's stomach is in knots- this is unlike his friend. "You're delirious."

A gentle smile spreads across Sylvain's face. "Yeah," he agrees. There's a pause. "I've made a lot of mistakes, Felix, but you were never one of them."

"Sylvain- No -" Sylvain is talking like it's the end, for the first time in forever, Felix is afraid . "You idiot- You said it, Marianne is right around the corner."

The chuckle that bubbles up this time is dark though. "You're also my biggest regret, you know. I know, I've always known and I-"

Felix wipes at his lips, rubbing away blood with his cuff. "Shut up." Felix wants to slap him. He doesn't want to hear those words here, right now. "Don't say it- wait until you're better. Until this is over , and you're standing on your own two feet, demanding a spar even though you can barely walk."

Despite the attempt at humor, the other man's eyes are glassy. "You should know better than anyone, Felix. I never keep my promises."

Felix gives in finally, and a sob rips from his throat. Sylvain is fading, they both know it, and he leans closer, trying to hug him closer. The moment he leaves, Felix will have nothing , that's why they'd made that promise all those years ago.

" Stupid . Idiot, fucking idiot ," Felix cries. "You can't, you can't. I love you, you fool. You cannot -"

"I don't think I have a choice," Sylvain manages, but Felix can see how his eyes droop slightly, how his breathing slows a fraction. He had a choice, Felix thinks though, he had one and he had made it.

He had taken a blade to the side side to save his life.

"You made your bed, you dolt. How stupid of you, as always."

"Hey Felix, could you at least send me away with a kiss?"

Felix laughs, he laughs at the absurdity of the request. But he complies. He dips slightly, leaning over the other man. Sylvain is covered in blood and sweat, and the grime of war, but he's gorgeous. Felix brushes back his bangs, his fingers lingering, before swiping down his face.

This isn't fair, Felix thinks. Neither said anything, neither made a move and now here they were. It isn't fair, life isn't fair but-

War is war.

"Don't leave me hanging here," Sylvain says, but Felix barely hears the words.

He bends over him, brushing their lips together briefly. Sylvain sighs into the kiss and presses back lightly, lifting a weak hand to brush alongside Felix's face. He leans in to the touch, pulling away slightly, closing his eyes and enjoying it. Sylvain has no strength though, despite trying to respond in earnest.

Felix will take it though, he will take whatever he can get.

And then the hand drops, and Sylvain's breath stills. His body goes limp, and Felix screams. He shakes the man, but there's no response, and he screams again.

He screams until he has no voice left.