(A/N)- Just a bit of fun from an AU prompt meme on Tumblr. Anon asked for the "meeting at a party whilst drunk" AU with Kirito/Asuna.

I thought that was hilarious so I did it. I'm actually really happy with the results. I hope some of y'all like it too.

Disclaimer: *snort* Yeah right.

Under Cover Of Darkness

Kazuto's mouth puckered and his expression soured up as he swallowed another sip of what he'd thought was harmless fruit punch. The biting aftertaste of alcohol lingered on his tongue. Either someone had spiked the bowl in-between his fourth and fifth refills or he'd been downing glasses too quickly before now to realize that the tart-looking reddish-orange liquid was, in fact, alcoholic.

…Come to think of it, that might explain why his head was feeling weirdly fuzzy right now.

Holding the glass arm's length away from him, Kazuto dumped the rest of it out back into the bowl, then set it down and turned back towards the dance floor.

The incessant pounding bass was beginning to stab into his head. Kazuto squinted in the dim light. Where the hell was Klein? The older man had ditched him almost as soon as they'd gotten there, leaving Kazuto to cling awkwardly to the corners of the room nursing his punch and pretending to be invisible.

Which hadn't worked in the slightest. Kazuto avoided looking in their direction but he could feel the looks that one table-full of giggling girls was giving him.

"You gotta get out more, Kirigaya-kun," Klein had told him earlier that evening. "You're never gonna get a date if you keep holing yourself up in your apartment with your video games."

Yeah well, easy for him to say. He could actually talk to girls.

Finally spotting his friend's distinctive red bandanna above the heads of the crowd, Kazuto scowled and started to head over.

He staggered unexpectedly. His head reeled and it seemed like the room was spinning. The lights were a blur overhead. Dizzily, Kazuto straightened himself out, his head lolling heavily back and forth.

Uh-oh… he thought. I must've… had too much…

Forgetting about Klein for a moment, Kazuto stumbled off in search of an empty table or booth where he could sit down. It was almost impossible to see; the club was crowded full and the only lights were multicolor strobes illuminating the dance floor. Kazuto blundered his way through the crowd, bumping chairs, brushing past strangers. All the while his head felt full of sloshing liquid and his feet didn't seem to want to walk straight.

Heh. It's like I'm playing that one jelly blob simulator, came his oddball thought.

Kazuto was so busy looking at his unsteady feet that he walked right into someone and cracked his head on theirs. He grunted breathlessly, the wind knocking out of him, and a matching female yelp came in response. His hands pawed awkwardly against the other person as he tried to extricate himself.

"Sorry Miss," he mumbled. "Please excuse… me…?"

Kazuto peered through the darkness in confusion. Soft. He was touching something very soft. Rather nice feeling, actually, and just a little bit squishy—

The realization of what he was touching hit him almost the moment her fist did.

"Guhk!" Kazuto rasped, doubling over and holding his stomach.

The girl he'd bumped into, a pretty auburn-haired young lady in a white blouse with red trim, held her arms crossed over her ample chest, looking offended.

"Oh my god!" she wailed, her words slurring a bit. "What's wrong with you?"

"Sorry," Kazuto strained again, wobbling upright unsteadily. "I can't see a thing in here."

The girl jerked her chin with a huff. "Hmph! Well if you're going to grope my breasts you might as well buy me a drink."

Without further fanfare she grabbed the edge of his sleeve and started dragging—literally, dragging—him towards the bar. Kazuto was so bewildered he didn't know what was happening at first.

"Wait, but… what?" he sputtered. His hand tugged unsuccessfully on her wrist. For a drunk girl, her grip was strong. "I… I don't really… drink…"

"That's clear enough," he thought he heard the girl mutter. She pulled him onto a bar stool and took the one next to him, beaming an oddly white smile his way. "Here, just get us two bourbons on th' rocks, okay?"

"Uh…" Multiple words drifted through Kazuto's head but none of them made sense to him and none of them found their way to his mouth. His drifting eyes registered the girl's pretty brown eyes and the soft way her bangs fell into her face. "O-okay…" he found himself agreeing.

The bartender brought them soon enough and Kazuto peeked out the side of his vision at his companion as she drained half the glass in a long drag.

"Ahhh…" she sighed contentedly, leaning back on her stool. "That's better."

Unable to resist the temptation, Kazuto drank from his own glass… and almost gagged. Woooooo boy, he felt that one rush right through his brain.

The girl nudged his shoulder, smiling at him. "'m'Asuna," she said, her words slurring more than ever. "Whasyour name?"

The bourbon rush was still racing through him and it took a second or two for Kazuto to open his mouth.

"Kiri… ga… zuto…"

He frowned.

That doesn't sound right…

"Okay Kirito!" Asuna gushed, grabbing his hand.

"No it's—" Kazuto cut himself off, waving away the fuzzes in his brain. "Whatever."

"Y'r really cute, Kirito," Asuna chirped, cheeks flushing pinkly. "I like boys like you."

"Me?!" Kazuto squeaked. His pulse picked up, and his brain was paralyzed.

A cute girl… just said I was cute… Error 404 data entry not found, please reboot…

"Kirito?"

"You're pretty!" he blurted. His face froze, horrified. "I-I mean—but—girl—me—like—you—"

Oh god, shut up you idiot! Kazuto yelled at himself, his one clear thought amidst his babbling. Drunk Kazuto's social awkwardness and inability to hold a coherent conversation around a woman was twice as bad as Sober Kazuto's.

Klein was mistaken. He'd never get a date period. There was no hope for him.

Asuna was giggling. "Y'r so funny Kirito! Wanna dance wi'me?"

"No," he replied, looking down, his hands shaking nervously. "I don't… I'm not… very good…"

Her soft white arms draped around his neck unexpectedly, Asuna leaning off her stool into him. Kazuto stiffened, his eyes widening in shock.

"Mmm… y'smell so nice…" she murmured, burying her nose into his collar.

"A—Asuna… c-can you… please—" he squeaked.

She put an end to his protests, abruptly grabbing his face and mashing her lips against his.

"Mmmf?!"

For a long second, Kazuto was certifiably brain-dead. Gradually, he became aware of the tickle of Asuna's hair against his cheek, the warmth of her wet lips, and the soft… things pressing into his chest, which he'd made the acquaintance of earlier. Through the haze in his mind the reality clicked into acceptance.

Yes, Asuna was kissing him.

And didn't seem eager to stop.

…Okay.

He could roll with this.

-SAO-

"Hey, thanks again for looking after K-boy for me," Klein said, gently propping the inebriated and quite unconscious Kazuto into the front seat of the car.

"N'problem," slurred Asuna. She took a look at Kazuto, whose head was drooping low against his chest. "Honestly…" she sighed, putting her fists on her hips. "Y'd think a boy'is age'd hold'is liquor better." Halfway through their second glass of bourbon and thirty-seventh long kiss—she'd counted—Kazuto has passed out cold against her, dropping to the floor by the stools. With some gentle prodding and not-so-gentle smacks to his face she had managed to get the name of his ride home from him.

Asuna's expression softened. She grabbed a handful of Klein's jacket. "Y'will make sure 'e gets m'phone numberight?" she asked, pleading a little.

Klein winked. "Have no fear, little lady." He waved the folded up paper scrap before her eyes, and tucked it into Kazuto's jacket pocket while she watched. "There! Nice and safe."

She grinned, turning slowly and staggering back towards the club, swaying on her feet. "Bye Klein! Wasnice t'meet you!"

Klein saluted, then walked around to the driver's side and climbed into the car. As he got settled he elbowed his friend playfully. "Eh? How about that Kirigaya-kun, huh? Got a cute girl's number, did you?"

Kazuto snored softly.

"Jeez…" Klein sighed. He belted himself in and turned the key. "You're such a lightweight."

He didn't envy the other boy his headache in the morning. He did envy the phone number.

Lucky kid, he grumbled to himself, pulling out of the parking lot.

(A/N)- Awkward nerd boys being shy and sputtering around cute girls FTW.