It was raining that night, she remembered. The sound of water pounding on the paved sidewalks outside kept her up for hours. Rikki never liked the rain, not really. It made her hair go all frizzy and her clothes smell weird. But she especially hated it when it rained at night. How was she supposed to sleep with all the noise? She spent a long time rolling over in her bed trying to get comfortable, but she just wasn't able to fall asleep. She groaned, peering around to take a glimpse of the clock on her nightstand.

1:36.

Gross. She left her bed and flicked the lights on in her room. It wasn't much, a bed, nightstand, dresser, and some toys scattered around that she'd far outgrown but would never admit as much to her father. And a mirror, which she used sparingly. She didn't like what she saw right now. Her loosely plaited hair was a complete mess. Mummy had taught her how to plait her hair, and she always practiced at night. But her main problem is that it was never able to stay that way.

She slipped on a pair of slippers, the sparkly pink ones that she had gotten for her ninth birthday. It has been almost a year since then, but they still fit her. Rikki would never admit to anyone that she actually liked pink. Especially 'sparkly' pink. It was too girly. But maybe she wanted to feel like an actual girl sometimes.

It was dark in the kitchen. She opened the fridge, quietly as possible - she didn't want to wake up mummy or dad - and grabbed the milk carton before climbing up the countertop to get the box of Cheerios from the cabinets above her grasp. Her parents probably wouldn't be happy that she was eating in the middle of the night, but Rikki was always hungry. And if they didn't notice her, then what's the matter anyways?

She sat in silence, chewing on her cereal. Maybe she would be able to go to sleep if she had a full stomach. There were times were there wasn't enough food in the house, and she had to skip breakfast or dinner. She knew she didn't have a lot of money, not like the other kids in her school, but she would never let them know that. They didn't need another reason to pick on her.

She finished her cereal and went to put her bowl and spoon in the sink when she heard a noise from upstairs. A loud noise. People were talking, no, yelling?

Rikki panicked. Were her parents up? They weren't supposed to be up yet! She would get in so much trouble for being up this late, and especially for sneaking food. Her parent's voices came closer and closer. She realized that there was no way she would be able to get to her bedroom without them seeing her. She'd have to hide.

She was fantastic at hide and seek. While the other kids were off at summer camp during their break, Rikki would have to find other ways to entertain herself while dad was at work and mummy was out doing...whatever. She was left alone for as long as she could remember. And she spent those hours exploring - her house, neighborhood, even school. She knew all the best hiding places.

Now, however, she didn't have the time to plan out where she would hide. She dashed from the kitchen as fast (and as quietly) as she could and planted herself behind the shabby old sofa in the living room. Knees to her chest, she made herself as small as possible.

The sound of her parents' argument echoed throughout the house.

"Now listen Sheila, think about,"

"No," mummy replied angrily. "I've had enough!"

"Enough of what?" Rikki thought, worriedly. "What is she taking about?"

"We can still work things out if you..."

"If I what? We've been trying to work things out for years, Terry. Years! This was coming for a long time."

A moment of silence followed.

"I'm...I'm sorry. I just can't do this anymore. Please, take care of her."

She heard the sound of rolling wheels, followed by the slamming of the front door.

"Take care of who?"

She couldn't move. Or breathe. Where was mummy going? Wasn't dad going to try to stop her? She peered around the couch. Dad was standing by himself in the kitchen, elbows on the countertop and his face covered in his hands.

"Why aren't you going after her?" she thought.

Rikki stood up suddenly, and ran for the entrance.

"Rikki?" She heard her father's voice behind her.

She didn't stop, ignoring the cold rain pelting her face as she ran to the garage. She could hear the car being turned on, and her mother drove out into the street.

No!

Rikki rushed in front of the car, blocking her mother's path.

Mummy's eyes widened at the sight of her daughter.

"Rikki?" She yelled out. "Rikki, I need you to move."

"Where are you going!" She yelled back, not budging an inch.

"Rikki, I won't ask again."

"You're leaving, aren't you?" Rikki cried.

Her mother got out of the car.

Rikki felt her heart lift. Does this mean she was staying?

She walked towards her daughter, grabbing onto her arm with a forceful grip before half carrying, half dragging her back onto the sidewalk.

"Just. Stay. Put."

Rikki froze as she watched her mother turn back towards the car.

She wasn't staying.

She shook herself out of her daze ran up to her mother's window.

"Mummy please don't go. Please stay with me. Please."

She didn't remember what expression passed through her mother's face at that moment. But she did remember what she said next.

"I'm sorry."

And she sped off into the night.

In her youth, Rikki loved a little chaos. When your life was as monotonous and dull as her childhood often was, you needed to start some (minor) fires to bring levity to your daily routine. This pattern of rebelliousness and unconcern lasted well into high school.

But now, as an adult, the thought of the unknown terrified her. Rikki was never great at confrontation. Or at least, now she recognized that fact. Young Rikki fought with her fists. Teenage Rikki would use harsh language and self-isolation. She definitely didn't grow out of the second one. But when you grew up in the same way she did, distancing yourself from others, both emotionally and physically, was the only defense mechanism she knew to avoid the pain of existence.

She took a deep breath. Dad was out for the weekend - she didn't have to worry about him. She hardly ever did, actually. He was never around for too long. She had no idea how he would react to the news, but quite frankly, he was the least of her concerns right now. She looked down to the item she was holding in her hands. That stupid white test that had the audacity to show her two pink lines.

"It couldn't be right," she thought miserably.

And she went on thinking that, leaving it hidden among all her unused schoolbooks for a week. But she felt terrible. Warm, nauseous, and dizzy. It took her days before summoning up the courage to take another pregnancy test. And another. They all came back with the same result.

She felt the urge to throw up again. She had plans. Work through the summer. Use the money to attend university classes in the fall. She didn't know what in yet, but it would be something. Neither of her parents went to university. She would break the trend. Or, she thought she would. Now she was just lost. Lost and alone.

But you prefer to be alone, don't you?

Did she? Maybe if she convinced herself that, it would actually be true. She used to. But then she moved away to a new city and grew a tail. And got a boyfriend. Her first ever boyfriend, who was sweet and fixed her dad's motorcycle and bought her an I-pod, and...

Ugh.

She needed to tell Zane.

But how? And when?

Soon, likely. It's been at least two months since they've been...intimate. Which meant that she was at least two months along. She had to make some hard decisions, sooner rather than later.

She sighed, putting the test in her bag before leaving her trailer.

Today was her day off, and she generally tried to avoid Rikki's cafe whenever possible. Too many bad memories. But she knew Zane would be there, and she was done keeping this all to herself. She had no idea how he would react, if he reacted at all. It wouldn't be surprising if he refused to take any responsibility for the mess she was in. Rikki knew deep down that her ex-boyfriend was a good person, but he was prone to a lifestyle of bad decision making.

She entered her cafe, looking around in search of Zane. Nate was on the stage plucking away at his guitar. Sophie was at the counter taking an order. Overall, it wasn't too busy. She didn't expect it to be on a Tuesday morning. She walked up to the counter to get Sophie's attention.

"Rikki? Isn't it your day off?" Sophie asked, handing off change to the customer whom she was just speaking with.

"Yeah, uh..." Rikki trailed off. She wasn't fond of Sophie. Certainly she was a hard worker, and a good manager, but it was because of her that Rikki's relationship with Zane deteriorated so quickly.

No. That wasn't fair. Their relationship was heading that way for a while. Sophie was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

"Rikki?"

Sophie's voice shook her from her thoughts.

"Yeah, listen," Rikki started. "Do you know where Zane is? I need to speak with him."

Sophie narrowed her eyes.

"Lunch break. He stepped out for a bit."

"Isn't it a bit early for a lunch break?"

Sophie shrugged. "It's not busy."

Rikki was already sick of this conversation.

"Thanks," she mumbled, turning away quickly.

It was as if the world turned sideways. Rikki stumbled, grabbing onto the edge of one the tables in an effort to regain her balance.

"Rikki?" Sophie called out. "You alright?"

No, you idiot.

"Yeah," she responded weakly. "I'm fine."

She wasn't fine. She was hot. Very hot. Was it always this warm in here? She made her way outside, trying her best not to trip over herself like an idiot. Where was Zane?

She closed her eyes.

Deep breathes. Deep breathes.

When she opened them again, the world had ceased spinning.

Probably nothing.

Rikki's general outlook to bodily ailments was to ignore them and hope they went away. When you grew up poor, you couldn't afford to do anything else.

She stood rigidly for a minute or so, focusing on her breathing. Zane soon came into her sightline, coming back from wherever he was during lunch. He made eye contact with her, and a confused expression crossed his face.

"Isn't it your day off?"

"Well spotted," she replied tartly.

He frowned. "Look Rikki, if you are here to pick a fight,"

Well done. You can't stop being sarcastic for even a minute.

"I'm not," she interrupted. "I need to tell you something."

"Can you tell me later? I have to get back to work."

"It's important," she said firmly.

Another wave of heat washed over her, making her lightheaded. She tried to stand straight.

Zane, for all of his problems, managed to look concerned.

"Rikki, you're flushed."

"It's summer. It gets hot."

He took a step closer to her. "Maybe you should sit down."

"I'm fine," she said through gritted teeth.

Zane still looked concerned, but didn't press his luck.

"What did you need to tell me?"

Rip it off like a Band-Aid, right? Isn't that how you're supposed to present negative information?

Of course, that method didn't work with Elliot, Emma's little brother, when she wanted to get him off her back.

Luckily enough, Sophie wandered outside at just the wrong time.

"Zane!" she exclaimed. She walked towards him and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"We're still on for tonight right?"

"I uh.. yeah. Of course," Zane stuttered, clearly uncomfortable with this conversation in the presence of his ex-girlfriend.

"Rizzo's, remember? 8 o'clock. Don't be late," Sophie said cheerily, casting a glance at Rikki before making her way back into the cafe.

An awkward moment of silence passed.

"So," Rikki said evenly, "you've moved on fast."

"It's just a date, Rikki. You dumped me, remember?"

Because you kissed her!

She clenched her teeth. She wouldn't be emotional in front of him. In front of anyone. But she certainly didn't have to talk to him either.

She turned away.

"Rikki, wait!" Zane called out. "You said you had to tell me something."

"It's not important," she muttered, not turning around.

She felt like she was burning. Like she was stuck in a sauna on the highest setting. She couldn't see clearly in front of her anymore, the trees and ground melting into one another.

She heard Zane yell again.

"I have nothing to say to you!" she hissed, hopefully in the right direction.

She wasn't sure how well her words came across, or if she made a cohesive sentence at all.

She could barely walk. It didn't take long for her to realize she wasn't going to make it home. She wasn't going to make it another step. Her fuzzy vision was turning black at the edges. The one blessing she had was Zane's strong pair of arms that stopped her from hitting the ground.

#

She spent recess in the sand pit. No one else ever went over there, and it gave her an excuse to not have to talk to anyone. She used to love swinging on the monkey bars or racing her classmates down the slides, but her heart wasn't into it anymore. She just wanted to be left alone.

She dug deeper into the sand, picking out any shells or rocks that were blocking her path. She was going to build a house - no, castle. She needed the rocks to build a strong wall to defend her creation from hostile invaders.

"Why are you always in the sand pit?"

She turned around. The question came from Tommy Robbins, who was standing there all sweaty holding a rubber ball.

"Why do you care," she spat back.

"Because Rikki is always dirty. She must feel at home."

Rikki narrowed her eyes.

Melanie Johnson had appeared out of nowhere. Her archenemy. Melanie and Tommy were dating, and she got mad anytime she saw him talking to another girl. Melanie thought she was so cool because she was the first one in their class to get her period and her mum let her wear sports bras. Girls like Melanie made her sick.

"What do you want?" she asked, wanting to get back to her castle.

Melanie stepped closer to the pit.

"My birthday party is this weekend. I'm just going around handing out the invitations. It's going to be huge. My mum and dad are throwing for me."

"And why should I care?"

"You shouldn't. You're not invited."

Shocking.

"Great. Can you leave me alone now?"

Rikki turned back to her castle, cupping some wet sand in her hands.

Melanie remained silent.

"She wants me to be upset," Rikki mused.

"Wasn't your birthday recently too, Rikki? It's too bad you didn't have a party."

Rikki stood up, wiping the dirt from her knees.

"I don't need a stupid party."

Melanie laughed.

"Of course you don't. No one would show up anyway. They might catch a disease just stepping in that thing you call a house."

Rikki clenched her fists.

"Turn around. Just turn around," she kept telling herself.

Melanie knew she was getting to her.

"Actually it's a wonder that anyone would want to live in that house. Is that why your mom left? Was it the smell?"

She went in for the kill.

"No, I doubt it. It was probably you. She didn't even love you enough to stick around."

That was it.

Rikki didn't hesitate in slamming her opponent into the pavement, swinging wildly at her stupid face. Her fist connected with Melanie's nose, and she could feel the warm blood seeping through her hand.

"Hey, get off her!" Tommy yelled. Rikki could feel several pairs of hands try and lift her off Melanie's feeble excuse for a body. She kept swinging.

"What's going on here?"

"Mr. Quimbly, Rikki's tryin' to kill Melanie!" another student screamed.

A cluster of students had formed a circle around them. Some cheering, others watching in horror. The noise was deafening.

"Miss Chadwick!" Mr. Quimbly yelled. "Stop this at once!"

She didn't. She wanted to hurt her. She wanted to hurt everyone.

Unfortunately, she didn't get the chance to make the kill.

Mr. Quimbly forced Rikki off her opponent, and she soon found herself sitting in the principal's office.

However, she never got to speak directly with the principal. Instead, she was ushered into the guidance counselor's room, where she was alone with the plump, balding man named Mr. Fitz who believed he was better than everyone else. This wasn't her first time speaking with him, but it was quite possible this would be her last.

"Nice to see you again, Erika," he said stonily.

"Rikki," she replied, not trying to hide the annoyance in her voice. "No-one calls me that."

"Yet that is the name that is associated with your student number as found in the public-school system. In which, of course, you are currently enrolled."

Rikki rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. This was going to be a long one.

"I tried calling your father, but it went straight to voicemail."

"You're not going to reach him. He's at work."

"And do you know when he is likely to be home?"

She shrugged. "No. I'm usually in bed before he gets back."

Mr. Fitz looked up from his notes.

"You are left alone then?"

"Sometimes," Rikki replied defensively. "I'm not a baby. I can handle it."

"And how much time would you say your father spends at home, Erika?"

She bit back a comment about using her full name.

"I dunno, who cares? I thought I was here about laying into Melanie."

"I'm just trying to form a mental image of your home life. That is all."

"My home life is perfectly fine," she hissed.

"And yet you are here now, for the fourth time this year. Are you aware that Miss Johnson and her family may choose to press charges?"

Rikki didn't reply, instead focusing on a fixed point on the wall.

"Then, of course, there is an issue of suspension."

"Good. I hate school anyways."

Mr. Fitz leaned forward, adjusting his wide-rimmed glasses.

"Miss Erika, I know that the last year has been hard on you with your mother's absence. And this establishment has been more than accommodating towards your...outlandish behavior as of late. But the physical assault of another student..."

"She said my mother didn't love me!" she cried. "She deserved what she got. They're all the same. All of them."

She hated it here. She hated this school, these teachers, this whole town. Why did nobody ever understand?

She stood up quickly.

"Miss Erika, I do not believe I dismissed you yet," Mr. Fitz said firmly.

"Screw you," she thought angrily.

She grabbed her bag and ran as fast as she could from the office. She was never going back there. She heard the security guards and other people in admin following her, yelling at her to stop.

She increased her pace, blowing past the front gates, not daring to look back. Why couldn't they understand that she just wanted to be alone? She was better off alone, anyways. She didn't understand why they would even want to follow her in the first place. Nobody here even liked her.

She kept running until her knees buckled and her legs gave out.

This was when she started to cry. Miserable, dirty and alone, her hands were still covered in dry blood and sand. She clasped her knees tightly as hot tears poured down her face into the grass and soil below. And she wondered, not for the first time, if she would ever be happy again.

The first thing she was able to recollect were voices, some she recognized, others she did not, swirling around in a world of darkness.

"...poor thing,"

"...just collapsed,"

"Must be the heat..."

"I'll get her an ice pack..."

"No!"

A familiar voice cut in.

"Don't get her wet!"

Zane?

"But she needs..."

"You have no idea what she needs!" he hissed.

"Sophie! Call Lewis and the girls, now!"

"But the cafe..."

"Can wait! Go!"

She felt her ex-boyfriend's hand run through her hair.

"Rikki?" he said softly. "Rikki, I need you to wake up now, ok? I need you to..."

"Zane!" Sophie's shrill voice rang out. "I've called them, what do you want to do now?"

She could feel herself being lifted off the ground. Her limp, useless body that felt as if it was burning from the outside in. She must have blacked out again, because she woke up to the worse pain she had ever felt in the 18 years she'd been alive.

"Lewis, you said this would help..."

"It will! Her temperature is skyrocketing. If we don't cool her down quickly, she'll sustain organ damage."

"Maybe a hospital would..."

"Do the exact same thing we're doing," Lewis interrupted. "And that's the reason we can't bring her there, Cleo."

"But it's not working!" Cleo cried out.

Rikki was on fire. Her muscles wouldn't respond, her eyes wouldn't open. She wanted to scream but couldn't utter a sound.

She felt a cool hand grasp her own.

"It'll be alright Rikki."

"She can't hear you, Bella."

"She's in pain," Bella responded angrily.

"She's shaking. You need to pull her out of the bath, now!"

"If we do that then she will die of heat stroke!"

"But it's not working! She's not waking up!" Cleo shouted desperately.

Please take me out. I can't breathe...

"Lewis, look," Zane said sharply. "Her heart rate..."

"I see it. Just another minute."

"Lewis!"

"Cleo, you need to trust me. "

She felt the same cool hand brush against her cheek.

"She's so hot," Bella said, sadness tinged in his voice. "What if she..."

"She'll come back, Bella," Zane snapped. "I'll never forgive myself if she doesn't."

The sound of his voice was the last thing Rikki remembered before she thankfully left the world of consciousness.

#

"So Claire, who was 'your' first kiss?"

The tall brunette shifted uncomfortably in the grass.

"It's none of your business."

"C'mon! We're all friends here."

A pause hung in the air.

"Promise not to tell, Jackie?"

"I p-r-o-m-i-s-e," she said, cartoonishly drawing out the second word.

"Cross your heart and hope to die?"

"Duh."

Claire huffed.

"Fine. It was...well..."

"Come on!"

"Ben Jameson."

A shrill laugh pierced the atmosphere.

"What's so funny?" Claire hissed, crossing her arms.

"I mean...Ben Jameson?"

"Yeah, so?"

"He's just...I mean he's kinda fat, isn't he?"

"He wasn't back then!"

"I guess..."

"Alright Jackie, who was 'your' first kiss."

"Adam Wilson," Jackie said with full confidence. "He kissed me on the beach after Cici's party last year."

"Really?" Claire questioned, failing to prevent the envy from seeping into her voice.

"Mhmm." Jackie smiled, clearly impressed with herself.

"Was it a real kiss? Like with tongues and stuff?"

"Of course it was a real kiss. We're 'women' now, Claire." Jackie rolled her eyes, before turning her attention elsewhere.

"What about you, Rikki?"

Rikki felt herself being jabbed in the shoulder by her friend's hand, interrupting her stimulating game of yanking the weeds out of the soil.

"What?"

"Your first kiss?"

Rikki blinked, increasingly uncomfortable at being the center of attention.

Jackie was growing annoyed with her continued silence.

"So? Who was it?"

"I 'thought' we were doing math homework."

Claire shrugged guiltily.

"That's not due 'til next week, anyways. This is way more interesting."

"So you gunna tell us or not?" Jackie implored.

"It doesn't matter because you guys don't know him anyways."

"Try me," Jackie responded firmly, keeping her eyes laser focused on her.

Rikki felt herself growing warm.

"No, really. He was from out of town."

"Well, what's his name?"

"Warren."

"Warren?" both girls said in unison.

"Yeah."

"Warren what?" Claire asked.

"Ummm... I don't know. I mean, well you know we never really...got to do much conversation. That's all."

Jackie's eyes widened.

"Damn Rikki," Claire whispered.

"Girl's got game," Jackie agreed.

"Look," Rikki cut in. "I actually gotta go. My dad's expecting me home."

Jackie laughed.

"Since when is your dad ever even home?"

"And when are you ever even not obnoxious?" she thought.

She bit her tongue, contemplating why she even bothered with friends at all.

"He's home now. Gotta go," she muttered, not bothering to turn back.

She made it halfway home before an unwelcome voice interrupted her thoughts.

"You're a liar."

She recognized that voice. It belonged to Harry Campell. Possibly the most annoying kid in her fourth period biology class.

She turned around and immediately stiffened.

"Have you been following me?"

He shrugged.

"What can I say? I'm attracted to pretty girls."

"You think I'm pretty?" she thought briefly.

He took her silence as a means to continue talking.

"With that said, you're still a liar."

"About what exactly?"

"About Warren...whatever. He doesn't exist."

He stuck his finger out at her. "And you've never kissed a boy."

She felt herself getting angry.

"And how would you be privy to that information?"

"Because I'm not an idiot like those two airheads you decide to spend your time with," he smirked. "This town isn't that big. If there was a new kid visiting, we'd all know about it. And you're definitely too poor to be traveling anywhere else."

Rikki threw her arms up.

"Congrats, you've caught me. Do you want a medal or something?"

Harry smiled, stepping closer.

"I can teach you, if you want."

"Teach me what?"

"How to kiss. I have plenty of experience in that department."

She grimaced. "You're repulsive."

"And yet you're the one who is still single," he responded, eyebrows raised.

He took another step closer, grabbing her hands.

"C'mon Chadwick. I think we could help each other out."

She hated herself for considering his offer. Harry wasn't bad looking, after all. He was an ass surely, but then again, so was she. And it really bothered her that she was 13 and hadn't kissed a boy yet. She had never really made the effort to find the right person to do it with.

Maybe this was a sign that she was destined to be alone forever.

She looked back up at her Harry.

"Alright," she said, biting back what remained of her pride.

"One kiss, that's all."

"I knew you'd oblige."

He closed the gap between them, placing his hands on her shoulders.

"Just try and relax," he whispered before his lips touched hers.

The first thing she thought was how his breath smelled like salt and vinegar chips.

The second thing was panic. What was she supposed to do now? Tongues and stuff, like Jackie said? Rikki has seen plenty of movies in her life. What did they do in those? Was she overthinking this? Wasn't this supposed to be romantic?

She felt his tongue slide across her lips and almost retched. She pulled away quickly and wiped her mouth with her sleeve.

"Hey! We were just getting started!" Harry protested.

"No. No...I'm done."

Rikki felt the tears stinging her eyes.

Why was she so useless at everything? Was it something she did wrong?

She grabbed her bag from the ground and flung it over her shoulder.

She could hear Harry say something to her, but ignored him and walked as quickly as she could in the opposite direction.

It was true. She was destined to be alone.

She woke again surrounded in darkness. A different kind of darkness than the last. Her eyes were open, she realized. This wasn't just a dream - the source of the darkness was coming from outside.

That can't be right. It was just morning...how long have I been out?

She tried to grasp her surroundings with the little amount of light available. She was lying in bed, of whose she wasn't quite sure. Half a second later she realized she was in her mermaid form.

Am I wet?

Her arms and face were damp. After groping around the mattress she located the source of the dampness - two, no three, half melting ice packs that she must have shaken off in her unrest.

Where am I?

Her memory was scrambled, not helped by the persistent ache in her head. Not nearly as bad as this morning. Actually, nothing hurt nearly as bad as this morning. She was sore just about everywhere, but her no longer felt as though she was burning externally. She shivered at the thought.

She made out the outline of a desk, television and lamp.

Lamp!

It was too far from her grasp. She certainly wouldn't be able to reach it in the form she was currently in, but it had occurred to her that she probably wouldn't be able to walk to it regardless. She felt so...weak. And she hated that.

As she continued scanning the room she noticed an outline of a person sitting in an armchair.

Rikki tensed up. Who was in the room with her? She leaned in to get a closer look and the figure of her ex-boyfriend became more and more evident. He was asleep, she could tell, his head being supported by his arm propped up on the arm rest. He clearly didn't mean to fall asleep that way, unless he planned for a sore neck in the morning.

What is he doing here? Was he here the whole time? Is anyone else here?

She struggled to put the pieces of her memories together, but wasn't able to make sense of them. She withdrew back to the bed, but accidentally knocked over what seemed to be a glass cup on the nightstand in the process.

Zane jumped, immediately looking at her.

"You're...awake?"

"I...uh, yeah. I'm pretty sure."

He walked over to the bed, as if trying to confirm what she said with his own eyes.

"How do you feel?"

"Like I've been thrown into the sun."

She caught what almost looked like a smile on his face.

"Good to see you haven't lost your sense of humor."

"Zane...what happened?"

"What do you remember?"

Why do you think I'm asking you?

She took a deep breath. "I was outside the cafe and then... I don't know exactly. There were voices. And pain. So much pain. But I can't make sense of it."

Zane nodded, the concern evident on his face.

"We put you in an ice bath. Me, Lewis, Cleo, and Bella. It was the only way to cool you down quickly."

So that was the source of the pain.

"Zane?"

"Yeah?"

"How long have I been out for? What time is it?"

Zane checked his watch.

"Little after 10. You've been unconscious most of the day."

Little after 10?

"That's not right," she whispered, mostly to herself.

"Rikki?"

"You're not supposed to be here."

"What do you mean?"

"Sophie. You have a date..."

She couldn't quite make out the expression on Zane's face. What looked like confusion slowly morphed into...anger? Resentment? Concern?

Then he let out a laugh. Not the type you make when you hear a funny joke. This one was harsh, unforgiving.

"It's amazing, isn't it? You almost die, and yet you are still more concerned with my social life."

"I'm not more concerned, I'm just...just...I don't know."

I shouldn't have even brought it up.

"You still don't get it, do you? I thought you were going to die, Rikki. I saw you collapse on the ground outside of the cafe that I named after you!"

His voice was shaking.

"But..."

"I've been with a lot of people in my life and I've never felt anything," he cut in.
"Then I met you and our time together was the best time I can remember. And yeah, I've been some stupid decisions and I don't blame you for breaking it off. And I thought I could get over you, I really did. Maybe Sophie was a way to move on."

He paused, the silence lingering in the air.

"And then you fainted. And when you weren't waking up I realized..."

He trailed off. Rikki had never seen him this...vulnerable? She leaned over and squeezed his hand. She could see tears in his eyes.

"I realized that I would be losing the most important person in my life."

At first, Rikki didn't know how to respond. She was never great at love, giving or receiving. If someone had told her several years back that she would end up making such an impact on anyone's life, she would have laughed in their face.

Zane stood up, wiping away the tears with the back of his hand.

"I'll leave you to rest, if you want. I know we haven't been on the best terms of late, so I'll just,"

"No!" she interrupted, perhaps louder than she intended.

"I mean, look Zane..." she trailed off.

How was she supposed to approach this?

"You're...thing with Sophie, it upset me. A lot. Maybe you didn't think of it as a betrayal, but I did. And I broke it off because quite frankly I believed I deserved better."

"I know. And perhaps it's taken me too long to realize why. I've been an ass. And I've been trying for the last two months to try and make up for it. But I completely understand if you don't want to me near you anymore."

"See that's the thing. I do want you near me."

"You...you're serious?"

"I have no idea why. Well, actually I do. Because I know that somewhere underneath that pretty rich boy exterior is someone who cares."

She ran her hand across his cheek.

"I don't remember much of today. But I remember you. I remember the sound of your voice. How...worried you were. It's quite possible I could've died if you weren't there, Zane."

"I would never let anything happen to you," his whispered. "Not if I could help it."

"I know."

She gripped his hand again.

"I want you to stay with me. Please."

Please.

She thought of when she first met him. That angry, hot headed little boy who bullied those around him to deflect from his own feelings of neglect and insecurity. She remembered when she was locked on the balcony with him, and she realized there was so much more to the spoiled rich kid than she ever would have thought. When he kissed her afterwards...it was the first time she truly believed that someone was capable of loving her.

What had gone wrong?

Was it her obsession with Mako? Was it Zane's regression back to his old ways? He had hurt her badly with his apparent unconcern for her safety when confronting the water tentacle on that full moon. Or his fits of spite and jealousy when she spent time with Will. They were growing apart. But was she in part to blame for his behavior? Was she so blinded by her obsession with Mako that she was neglecting her boyfriend? Maybe those questions would never be answered.

She looked at him now, his eyes puffy with exhaustion. He who skipped his planed excursion for the night to sit for hours in an uncomfortable armchair to make sure she was still breathing. As awful as his treatment of her was in the wake of her breakup, when the chips were down, he would always pull through.

"Are you sure?" he asked nervously.

She nodded, and he slowly climbed into bed with her.

"Hold me."

She understood his hesitancy to touch her. But when those words left her lips, she immediately basked in the comfort of his embrace.

They stayed like that for what seemed like hours.

As she started to drift off, she whispered "thank you," so lightly that she wasn't sure he'd heard it.

He held on to her tighter.

"Always."

#

Rikki was tired. Not because she stayed up too late doing whenever it is that teenagers did in their spare time. No. She was just tired. Always.

Her alarm went off an hour ago, and if she tried to get to school now, she would be late. Not that she cared. School will forever and always be a waste of time.

She rolled over on her mattress, trying to get comfortable. She cocooned herself in her sheets, making herself as small as she could to conserve heat. Why would anyone ever want to get out of bed? Rikki was lucky that her father was out, or he would have made her get up. This was her third day of skipping school, and definitely wouldn't be the last.

She was tired.

It never used to be this way. The feeling of constant lethargy that made life more difficult than it needed to be. She woke up one day several weeks ago and just felt...empty. She would be fine for one moment and in tears the next.

Everything just seemed so ... useless. And stupid. The only thing that ever gave her any comfort was her bed, where no one could hurt her and she didn't have to face life from.

She didn't want to face life at all.

And there she lay, now for three days, going in and out of consciousness on a lumpy mattress in the corner of what can only be described as an oversized closet that made up her bedroom. Maybe if she was lucky, she could disappear inside it forever.

She started to cry, holding onto her pillow like a lifeline.

Why was she crying? There was nothing to be sad about. At least nothing that she had already been sad about years ago. She had no reason to cry, and yet she did. Constantly.

She burrowed deeper into the sheets. It was that position that she remained for an indeterminable amount of time. Keeping track of time when you have nothing to do was more difficult than it seemed. Sometimes hours would go by that seemed like nothing. Other times a minute could stretch into what felt like an entire day.

She was curled up in a daze, half awake, half asleep, when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Rikki?"

She nearly jumped out of her skin. Pulling the sheets away from her eyes she faced her unwanted companion.

'Dad?'

"What is he doing here?" she wondered. It didn't take long for her to realize that she would be in trouble. There was no point in trying to deny skipping school.

She remained silent, waiting for him to start.

"Your school called," he started. "Apparently you'd been absent since Tuesday."

Rikki averted her gaze. She didn't want to look him in the eye.

"They called the home phone but received no answer."

She clutched her pillow tighter.

"Rikki, look at me."

She didn't want to. She wanted to curl back in her bed and never leave.

"Rikki, now."

She turned to look at her father. His cheeks were flushed, and his whole face was covered in a fine sheen of sweat. Did he rush home?

"They called my cell-phone to inform me of your absence. School policy, they said. Apparently no one was answering the home phone and they were concerned. It was pure luck that I even left the damn thing on at the time. Do you understand how scared I was that something happened to you? That you could have been in danger? I thought I could trust you, Rikki."

The tears that slid down her cheeks burned.

"I...I can't do it anymore, Dad."

"Do what?"

"I don't know! Everything...anything. It's just so hard."

She had trouble getting the words out between the crying. She couldn't remember the last time she had gotten his emotional in front of her father.

She fully expected him to keep on grilling her. To tell her that the answer she gave wasn't good enough. But he didn't.

He put his arms around her, drawing her close.

"Why couldn't you tell me you were feeling this way?" he whispered softly.

"You were always so busy. You have other problems."

"Rikki. It doesn't matter what other problems I have. You are my first priority. I'm sorry I couldn't have been around more, but I'm just trying to keep us afloat."

"I know."

Her father got up off the bed to grab a tissue box from the adjacent bathroom.

Rikki gratefully took it to wipe her tears away.

"It's strange. I haven't seen you cry since you were a little girl," he said softly, mostly to himself.

She sniffled.

"I prefer it that way."

He took hold of her hand.

"Come on, we're leaving."

She stiffened.

"To school?"

"No."

"Then where?"

"You'll have to get out of bed to find out."

She smiled, if only slightly.

Having not left the house in three days, the sun nearly blinded her. But still, the outside air felt good on her skin, the crunch of grass beneath her shoes was a welcome change. She got into the car with her father, and old dingy thing that was falling apart at the seams but still managed to work (at least, everything but the air conditioning). When their last car broke, she had to either walk to school every day and show up a sopping, sweaty mess, or try to bum rides off her classmates. The latter worked rarely as most of the people in her class that she made any attempts to talk to weren't even old enough to drive anyways.

The drive today was short, maybe 10 minutes, and it didn't take long for Rikki to realize where they were going.

Monae's was a locally owned ice cream parlor run by Jack Monae and his wife, Ellen. And in Rikki's opinion, had the best ice cream on the planet. The only problem was that it was incredibly expensive. They hardly went anymore simply because her father couldn't afford it. He must really be trying to cheer her up.

She ordered double chocolate, with hot fudge on top of course, and found a table in the shade outside. Her father soon joined her, having bought nothing for himself.

"Not hungry?" she asked in between spoonful's.

"A bit early for me."

She sensed it was something more than that but was too consumed with her sugary treat to harp on it.

"Don't you ever get sick of chocolate?"

Rikki smiled.

"Never."

He remained silent for a minute, lost in his own thoughts.

"Your mother loved chocolate as well," he started again, his voice taking on a wistful tone. "Every date we went on always ended with chocolate ice cream."

Rikki could see the sadness in his eyes, and suddenly felt a lot less hungry than she did before.

"You miss her, don't you?"

"I was married to her for 10 years. Losing her... well it felt like losing a part of myself."

He took a deep breath.

"But she gave me the best gift I could have possibly asked for."

"A lifetime of debt?"

"Funny girl. You know I'm referring to you."

Rikki shrugged.

"I suppose it's possible."

Her father's eyes bore into her. She suddenly felt uncomfortable with the level of attention he was placing on her.

"You look like her, you know. The older you get."

"Strong genes then."

"Rikki..." he trailed off, as if figuring out what to say.

"What?"

"Your mother, she would have these...episodes. Similar to what you had. She would be happy and normal on one day and wake up the next as if the world was ending. And there was nothing I could do to help her. That isn't going to happen again, do you understand? If you feel another incident happening, I want you to tell me. Skipping out of school isn't an option. I may have been too late for your mother, but I won't be for you."

Rikki pushed around the remains of her half-melted ice cream around her cup.

Was that why her mother had left? She just couldn't handle it? Did she feel as if the world was closing in on her, just as Rikki felt?

"I promise, dad. I'll try to be more open with you."

She really hoped she meant it.

It was quiet after that. Rikki finished her ice cream and tossed the cup and spoon in the trash. She didn't talk again until halfway through the car ride home.

"Actually, do you think you could drop me off at school?"

"My daughter asking to go to school?"

She chuckled softly. "Must be the weather."

"What about your things? Your backpack?"

"All of my textbooks are in my locker anyways. I'll be fine for the day."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

He dropped her off at the back gate, making it easier for her to slip in without being seen. Taking a deep breath, she made her way to class.

It was time to join the real world.

When she awoke again, there were two things that were immediately clear to her. One, she was human. The ice packs that were used to keep her temperature down had somehow disappeared off the mattress. The second thing was that she was alone. Or at least, alone in the bed.

Where did Zane go?

It didn't take long for her to answer her own question.

Her ex-boyfriend was sitting at the windowsill, apparently deep in thought. It was light outside, the sun peeking through the blinds and illuminating the rest of the bedroom.

I'm in Zane's house.

She felt dumb for not recognizing it before, given that she'd spent so much time here while they dated as an alternative to her old trailer. Zane's father was always out on business trips, giving them some much needed alone time.

"See anything interesting?" she questioned, half-jokingly.

He turned to look at her, weariness evident in his eyes. Rikki was worried.

"Is something wrong?"

"You're phone was ringing. I went into your bag to try and turn it off before it woke you up."

He paused, an uncomfortable silence permeating the room.

Rikki cleared her throat. "So...I'm guessing you found the phone."

"Yeah. It was your dad."

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"Well, he usually doesn't call me. Not unless I've gotten into trouble.'"

"Wish mine was like that," Zane replied absentmindedly.

"Zane really, what's up?"

"I found something else in your bag. Something I presumably wasn't supposed to see."

Rikki felt a shiver down her spine.

"Zane..."

He pulled out the pregnancy test.

"Look. I don't want to make any immediate assumptions. God knows that was what ruined our relationship to begin with. So I need to know this first - is this yours?"

"Yes."

She didn't hesitate in her response. What purpose would that serve?

"And the baby...is it mine?"

"Yes."

"And were you planning on telling me this?"

"Yes."

She felt like a broken record. But all her responses were truthful. Still, it was probably best to elaborate on them.

"Yesterday, at the cafe. I was going to tell you then. You know, before..."

I nearly died.

She didn't have the nerve to say it out loud.

"How long have you known?"

She was surprised at how level his voice was. She had expected him to be mad. No, furious. He had every right to be. She was the one who had kept this from him.

"Little over a week."

Silence filled the room once more.

She sighed.

"Zane..."

He stood up and walked back towards the bed, his eyes locking with hers.

"We were talking, while you were still unconscious. Me, Lewis and the girls. We had no idea what was wrong with you, why you had fallen so ill so quickly. It terrified all of us. But, I think I may know now."

She followed his line of sight down to her still flat stomach.

"I think the baby might be affecting your powers in some way."

Could it be?

Rikki couldn't really think of another explanation. But did that mean that an episode like this could happen again?

She took a deep breath. "Would that mean my health could be in danger by continuing this pregnancy?"

She didn't expect the look of surprise that passed through her ex's face.

"You planned to continue it?"

"You didn't think I would?"

"I...well honestly I don't know. You never seemed like much of the maternal type."

Rikki thought back to her own mother. That one night long ago, when she was left standing alone in the rain.

"I never had a great role model in that department," she murmured.

Zane chuckled.

"Me neither. Maybe we could start a club."

She grasped his hand.

"Too be honest, I never really thought about what to do. I just feel...so alone. And it's hard to me to reach out to be people. It's against everything I've ever learned to do in life."

"You don't have to be alone," he said, more forcefully than he probably intended. "I will be here for you, whatever you decide. And if you don't want me to be a part of your life, or that of the baby's if you choose to keep it, I will step away. All I want is for you to be happy. And it's taken me much too long to realize that forcing myself into a relationship with you against your wishes was only going to drive you away even further. To be honest, I have absolutely no idea how to be a parent, and I'm assuming you feel the same way. But I would be willing to explore this new path that our lives have taken us, together."

"But what about the incident outside the cafe? If it is unsafe for me to carry..."

"It was only a theory, Rikki. It may have just been a one-time thing. Or, maybe not. But if it becomes too dangerous than an alternative option is something you would have to consider."

She closed her eyes, drawing in a deep breath.

She thought about her childhood. How isolated she was. No, how isolated she made herself. She harbored so much resentment towards everyone else around her. Why should they get to have the perfect family? Why didn't she have a mother who was there for her, who guided her through the pitfalls of youth? A mother who taught her how to do her hair and took her shopping and explained how to deal with boys?

The only way she knew how to escape the harsh realities that life had thrown at her was to run away from them. The less people she came into contact with, the better. People only brought you pain, especially the people that you had grown to care about in the first place. And it took turning into a mermaid to realize there was more to life than the isolation that she imposed upon herself.

So what about now? Would she be able to give this baby a more fulfilling childhood than she was given? Could she teach this baby how to love and open yourself to love in return?

She already knew the answer.

"I'm sick of running away from all of my problems. I'm going through with it. If I'm going to face this pregnancy, I'm going to face it head on."

She turned to look at him.

"And I'm going to face it with you."

She saw the smile form on his face. He leaned down, placing a light kiss on her hairline, something he used to do all the time at the beginning of their relationship.

"What caused you make that decision, if I may ask?"

"For going through with the pregnancy or involving you in it?"

He chuckled softly. "Both."

"I'm not the same person I was when I came here three years ago."

"You mean you don't steal zodiac's anymore?"

"Mostly. But for the first time in my life, I had friends. Real friends. I was opening myself up. Taking risks. I'd...well I'd never shown anyone my living situation until you came along. Things like that. I'm not ashamed anymore, of who I am. My mother wasn't the best parent, but I'm determined to be one. I'm not going to run away from a tough situation."

"As for my involvement?"

She couldn't help but smile.

"I kind of like you."

He raised his eyebrows.

"Being serious, we may have had some issues in the past. Cut that, a lot of issues in the past. But I'd be willing to move past them if you are. I trust you Zane, entirely. And I want you here for me. And our baby."

She moved in closer to him.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"For what?"

"For everything."

She rested her head on his chest, gripping his hand even tighter.

"Always."

#

Rikki hated school. It wasn't that she stupid, or unable to complete even the most basic of assignments. It was that she just didn't care. Why should she need to know the elements Calvin Cycle or how to solve an equation using the chain rule? But the work itself wasn't what she hated most about school. Not even close. It was the people. This awful cesspool of raging teenage hormones, where the strong clustered together to pick off the weak. High school was a perfect reflection of those old nature documentaries where you slowly follow the lion as it is about to make its kill.

This aspect of school was made worse for Rikki because she came in the new girl. She enrolled in this school a wild card. Everyone else knew where they belonged, they all had their friends, their hangout places, their hobbies. And she was left out to dry. She was never great at fitting in, or finding companionship. It certainly didn't take long for people to label her the weird girl. The loner. The outcast.

And she accepted that. Who was she trying to impress? She had three years left of school and then...well she wasn't quite sure. But certainly it would be as far away from here as possible.

She slung her backpack over her shoulder at the sound of the dismissal bell, and quickly made her way off of campus. There was no reason for her to stick around. No friends to meet up with or clubs to join. She tried not to let it bother her. She preferred to be alone, didn't she? But every day as she walked past the groups of people laughing and looking like they actually enjoyed life, she couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy.

She didn't go straight home. She hardly ever did. The trailer that her father had acquired in the latest move was even smaller than the last one. Not to mention he was somehow home even less than before, leaving her alone in her bedroom with just her thoughts as company. No. She wasn't going home.

She spent the afternoon wandering around, checking in the sights. She was still quite new to the town and wanted to familiarize herself with the layout. She soon found her way to the docks, looking at all of the boats that she would never be able to afford. Her stroll was interrupted by the sound of voices. Young voices.

Curiosity got the better of her as she made her way over to the conversation.

The sound was coming from Zane Bennet. Rikki knew little about him, other than the fact that his dad was rich. And that he was an obnoxious womanizer. She'd never formally met him, but hated him already. He was by his zodiac with his friend who's name she couldn't quite remember (Neil? Ned?) and another girl, whom she vaguely recognized from her geography class.

"C'mon Jenna," Zane said, with a smile that looked similar to the one expressed by the Cheshire Cat. "Come out on the boat with me. Weather is beautiful."

The poor girl looked terrified. "But...but what about Miriam?"

"What about Miriam?"

"Well, aren't you dating? I don't want her to get mad..."

"Please," Zane scoffed. "Miriam is way more into me than I'm into her."

He lifted the girl's chin up. "Anyways. You've caught my eye."

Rikki suppressed the urge to vomit. Say what you want about Zane Bennet, but the girls all flocked to him. Even if he was rude and self-centered, he wasn't unintelligent. He knew exactly what to say to get a girl to fall on her knees for him.

The girl blushed. "I...um, alright. But are you sure Miriam wouldn't mind?"

"Of course. Don't you trust me?"

She nodded. "Just let me get changed first, ok?"

"Take your time."

The girl left, a dreamy smile plastered on her face.

Rikki turned back to the two boys, still standing by the zodiac.

"You really think Miriam won't mind?"

Zane shrugged. "Who cares? It doesn't matter what I do, she'll always come crawling back to me. Hey, you want to grab a juice real quick?"

"You paying?"

"Unless your broke ass won the lottery over the night, then yeah."

"Sweet."

Rikki watched the boys walk off. She knew she should just turn around and leave it alone. But she wasn't that type of person. People like Zane Bennet were insufferable, and yet never suffered any consequences for their actions. Rikki was determined to change that. But how?

She wouldn't confront them directly, like that would do any good. She eyed the zodiac, left unattended. She smiled, a plan formulating in her head. She made her way to the boat, keeping lookout to see if anyone else was around watching. The docks were luckily empty at this moment. Perfect.

Rikki wasn't an engineer. But her father once had a stint where he'd fix boats for some extra money. She'd picked up some things, like what caused a zodiac to stop working. It didn't take long to nick the spark plug from the unattended boat, putting it in her pocket and quickly exiting the scene.

She made her way to the Juicenet and spent the next hour sipping an orange juice in the corner. Zane and his friend had left 20 minutes earlier and Rikki decided that was enough time for them to discover the zodiac wasn't functioning. Too bad about his impromptu date.

She paid for her drink and walked back to the docks. Zane was crouched down by the zodiac, a look of clear frustration evident on his face.

"Who do you think..."

"I don't know. But someone is going to pay."

Rikki smiled. Serves him right. As she turned to go home, the scene turned much more interesting.

"Cleo? Hey, Cleo!" Zane's voice rang out.

'Cleo?'

The name sounded familiar. As did the person he was calling out to. A girl, presumably Cleo, was walking along to docks and had to misfortune of being singled out.

Rikki recognized her from school, though neither girl had talked to each other.

"I'm in some trouble here. Can you help?"

'No. Don't do it.'

Cleo looked wary of Zane's advances. Clearly she didn't trust him either.

"Uh...I don't think so." She backed away, slowly.

'Good girl.'

"Come on." He rose to his feet. "Please? My zodiac won't go, and all I need you to do is just pass me the tools."

"He sounds so sincere," Rikki thought. That's what makes him so aggravating. Zane knew perfectly well what was wrong with his boat, and it couldn't be fixed by tools. And Cleo would follow along because she was too nice to say no.

Cleo nodded, still looking weary. "I'm not good with boats," she said, stepping into the zodiac.

"You'll be fine," Zane assured.

He bent down, untying the zodiac while Cleo's back was turned.

"Took me a while to realize that someone stole my spark plug."

"So does it work without one?" Cleo asked, still focused on the tool kit.

At that moment, Zane pushed the zodiac off the dock with his foot.

"Nah. No spark plug, no spark! I was getting sick of that thing anyways."

"Why me? I didn't steal your spark plug!"

"Because you're here, Cleo!" Zane laughed. "My dad will buy me another boat anyway. I'll tell you what, if you get it going, you can keep it."

'Perfect.' Rikki didn't sit for the rest of the conversation. All she wanted was to see the look on his face when she usurped his property.

'He said I could keep it, right?'

Rikki ran hard, measuring the distance between herself and the adrift boat. She certainly didn't want to end up in the water. She jumped off the dock, landing feet first in the zodiac, earning a scream from Cleo.

A look of fear morphed into confused anger.

"Is this supposed to be some sort of rescue?"

Rikki remained silent.

"Because there is a fatal flaw here. I don't mean to state the obvious but we are just floating out to sea."

Rikki tried hard not to roll her eyes.

"Both of us."

She took the spark plug from her pocket, holding it up in view of her companion.

Her eyes widened in recognition.

"You took that."

Rikki smiled wide, stepping past Cleo to the back of the zodiac. She spotted Zane and Nolan? back on the dock, looking confused.

"Zane Bennet's a pig. Anything I can do to get under his skin can't be a bad thing, can it?"

She put the sparkplug in its rightful place.

"Cool. Thanks Rikki!"

Now she was confused. She looked up at Cleo.

"You know my name?"

"Yeah... well I've seen you around school. Since you arrived."

She paused.

"Oh! I mean I meant to say hello and everything..."

Rikki ignored her. She didn't blame Cleo for not saying hi. She doubted if Cleo didn't just happen to walk along the docks at this exact time that they would have ever talked to each other.

She turned the ignition on, satisfaction washing over her as the engine came to life.

"Hold on!"

She drove the zodiac around back towards the docks, making sure to leave Zane drenched as they made their way past.

Cleo laughed hard, and Rikki broke out in a large smile.

"Want to go for a ride?" she asked.

Cleo nodded.

"Yeah. That'd be super cool."

They spent over an hour just talking. Silly things, like school and clothes and fun things to watch on tv. Things that Rikki had never really talked about with anyone else. She found that Cleo was easy to converse with. They had very different backgrounds, sure, but it wasn't hard to find certain things in common to commiserate over. Especially things like Zane Bennet and his cronies.

Her smile never faltered as the wind blew through her hair and she really had time to just, well, let loose.

Maybe she was a loner. The weird girl. The outcast. But perhaps this loner was also capable of making friends. Just yesterday, she never would have predicted she would be going on a joyride with a girl she had never spoken a word to before, but life is full of surprises. Maybe for the first time, Rikki would be able to not only make a friend, but keep one.

As she drove further out from shore she thought, maybe for the first time, that she was able to find happiness.