AN: First of all, thank you for deciding to read my work! This is not the first story that I have written but it is the first work with an interesting plot that I have decided to publish. English is not my first language, therefore, I'm very sorry if you find any grammatical errors.

AN2: I was really excited to post this chapter and couldn't wait to upload it. I re-read it again and decided to tweak a few things, it's not going to change the main plot. You don't have to read it again.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything of the Harry Potter world just the plot of this fic.

It's too late.

I knew we shouldn't have done that. I tried to console myself so that I can bear the decision that I made but it's no use. I know what happened.

My kids help me realized every day that I made the right decision. And then I see you and I know for sure that even though I can see the happy faces of my beautiful children, I wish that they have something of you.

I wish you were mine every time we laugh together, every time our eyes catch in one of our surreptitious glances, every time I have you in my arms, hugging or consoling you. I know I did not make the correct choice. I should have fought for you harder, I should have explained to you again and again that we would have been more than ok but I am a coward. It's still hard to relate Gryffindor with cowardliness, but that's what I am.

My mind always likes to play horrible games with me, making me remember at the worst time what happened and the consequences of my stupid actions.

I know I should have told you everything from the beginning but I cannot keep going anymore. I feel stuck between two mountains, I feel the earth beneath my shoes trying to eat me whole, the dark is surrounding me, I am breathing it, I cannot fantom why I keep this farce every day. Why am I not with you? Why I cannot be the man that can see you wake up every morning? Why you cannot be mine like before? What if I.. and that's how my kids always find me, willowing in the what ifs and the whys.

'Papa?' and everything comes to light and the darkness vanishes. 'My sweet girl! How was your day with your grandparents?' I pick her up and give her kisses all over her face.

My savior. My kids are everything to me, they help me understand that I make the correct choice all those years ago. I wish I wasn't lying when I write this, so I am going to be truthful for once, I need to be, if not the darkness will swallow me whole again. My kids do help, but that feeling does not last long. All it takes for my world to crash is for me to listen to her name, her laugh, listen to her voice, looking into her eyes, her smile, her scent… I cannot take this anymore, I cannot see her with him again, I am tired. So, so tired. I need to tell the truth to someone, I need to say it out loud, I need to….and the list goes on.

But everything is changing, because I need it to change. I cannot live another day more without telling the truth. That's what I am doing right now, writing my memoirs. If I cannot say it out loud, then I am going to write it. Someone or something other than me needs to know what happened that day. Knowing that I am the only one that remembers because I wanted to remember and she needed to forget. It has become a curse.

My name is Harry Potter, it has been 13 years since I defeated Voldemort. I have three beautiful children, James, Albus, and Lily with Ginny Weasley. I'm still married but I do not love my wife. I have learned to appreciate her and take care of her, I thought I was in love with her at the beginning of our relationship, I thought I was doing the correct thing. In reality, I just wanted to forget her. I wanted to move on from her, forget that we ever had a thing. I just wanted to breathe again. Ginny is great, she is truly an amazing woman but she's not her.

I think Ginny knows.

That has been my biggest fear from the beginning of this marriage. That she would know with time that I am not in love with her, that I have never being, that my heart belongs to another. I tried to change my mind, I did try to love her how she deserves, to cherish her every time we are in bed together, every time we have sex. However, it has been impossible to accomplish that task.

I had to learned not to close my eyes when we are having sex, because if I do, I see her. Her long curly hair spread all over the pillow, her moans, her brown eyes asking me to give in and complete her with my seed inside her. No, I cannot close my eyes when I have sex with Ginny and I think she knows why I cannot do that. It is also why I cannot say Ginny's name when I am coming, because I know the only name that will leave my lips is her name.

I should have done what you did and forget everything because I've been living in the middle of the ocean trying to survive with a float board since the day that you decided to forget.

Tears started to fill my eyes. I cannot continue living like this, my heart clench, I need to move on, I need to do something differently, I cannot be stuck in the same place anymore.

It escaped my mouth in the lowest whisper before I could stop myself 'Hermione' ..my sweet, sweet angel why did you decide to forget us, forget me?

AN3: That's all for now. Hope you like it!