A/N: I'm very thrilled to announce that I have a beta now. She's a gem and I'm incredibly grateful for her work! My stories should be easier and less painful to read now :) So, cherish her! Thank you so much Nails243 for offering your help!
Emma declined Regina's invitation to go upstairs and instead went home. She needed to process everything. Regina was gay. Regina was gay. It was on repeat in her head like a mantra.
Dreams do come true then, Emma mused. But she couldn't just jump into it, could she? Regina said it herself – she hadn't even kissed a woman yet. Maybe she thought that she was gay, but in fact she just…. Well, she wasn't.
They haven't discussed much of their previous relationships but the blonde gathered that her friend was only with men so far. It was understandable things didn't work out. Emma herself cringed just from the idea of being with one but… does this necessary mean Regina is gay? Can't she just be fed up with men?
BUT the brunette seemed attracted to her and that's what mattered, right? She might not be the most experienced with women but she clearly wanted to give it a try. So maybe she was fed up with men but it was to such degree that it turned her gay. Emma chuckled at that thought a bit.
Emma sank into her couch at home and sighed deeply. What was she going to do? Take a chance and risk another devastating heartbreak… or simply walk out while she still could? Decisions, decisions…
Like you could still walk out, you idiot, she thought to herself.
The blonde would go so far as to call Regina the love of her life. The brunette was her first crush ever. And basically the last. And damn did she age well… "Ugh," Emma let out a frustrated groan and covered her face with the pillow.
How was she supposed to train with the brunette now? She could keep it professional, sure. But could her pussy do the same? She could very well now imagine what Regina looked like in bed, thanks to their trainings. And that's the last thing that should be on her mind. It's never good to rush things and especially in this case. Emma was pretty sure that sex was not on the table for a very long time and many therapy sessions ahead. She didn't mind. She didn't touch Regina like that even during high school and she really wanted to. If she was in it just for the sex then she wouldn't have to worry about the heartbreak. Your heart doesn't break if your plaything decides not to play anymore.
The blonde couldn't decide right now. She low key knew there was no going back. She lost Regina once and she didn't want to lose her again. Even if it meant that at the end of the day, she might get hurt.
It was worth the risk. She would have many lovely moments with the brunette and maybe, just maybe, things would work out. So, she needed to try, right? If Regina was willing to do so as well.
Regina took a long warm bath. She put all essence oils in it and made a lot of soap. She sank into the water and closed her eyes. That unfortunately turned triggering sooner rather than later. She opened them and let the light in the bathroom soothe her. She guessed this was just another thing taken from her.
She was partly mad at herself for even trying. She still couldn't sleep without a lamp on, the darkness brought ugly memories right in front of her face. Why did she think this would be okay was beyond her. It's a habit, she said to herself. She indulged in bath times quite often. It helped her to sort her thoughts.
It was also a no-go for Robin so the bathroom represented a safe place to some degree. He tried once to join her in the bath. Just once. He started to kiss her neck and get touchy and Regina just announced the water got cold and left, cringing.
She could imagine Emma behind her, though. The blonde would obviously have to join the bath after Regina dipped in because Emma couldn't see her naked. She was dirty now. Damaged. But she enjoyed the idea of Emma's arms around her, holding her protectively.
Regina enjoyed the idea of being with Emma in general. That's why she tried to extend their time together by inviting the blonde over. She would cook and they could watch a movie. Maybe snuggle a little. Emma didn't want that, though. Was it because I'm damaged? Does Emma see that? She shook her head. Mal forbad her thoughts like that. Emma was good and she didn't see me as damaged.
How to make her understand that I don't want to hurt her either?
After another therapy session, Regina decided to just ask Emma out. She talked with Mal about it and the therapist encouraged her, leaving intimacy issues for later. She was certain Emma wouldn't persuade Regina into anything the brunette wasn't ready for.
Regina went to the gym and had a rather exhausting training session with the blonde. She enjoyed it, though. She felt more confident with the craft now and soon enough she would be able to protect herself. Emma was oddly quiet today but Regina was determined to ask her out. All she had to do was ask… and then hope Emma wouldn't reject her, of course.
"So, I was thinking," Regina begun on the way home. "I'd like to ask you out," she said finally.
"Ask me out?" Emma questioned uncertainly.
"Well, yes. But not really out…" she started to fidget. Why was this so hard?
Emma stopped her and smiled reassuringly. "Just tell me what's on your mind."
"I'd like to ask you on a date. With me. But now when I'm thinking about it, I don't feel like going out because I don't think I'm ready for that yet," she lowered her gaze. "So I was thinking that I would cook for you? We could have a dinner at my place. Unless you don't want to, of course. I'd understand if you're not interested… so let's just forget about it and…"
"I'd love to," she was cut off by the blonde.
"Really?" she breathed out, relieved. She never rambled like this. She was also never this afraid of rejection. Dirty.
"Of course, Regina. It's a date then," Emma smiled. "I didn't bring any fancy clothes, though. I wasn't really counting with any special occasion."
"I didn't mean today! We had training and… I didn't mean today. What about tomorrow? Are you free tomorrow?"
"I have a sparing with David in the evening but I'm free after that," Emma replied and they continued walking.
"Would 8pm work for you then? I'll have the dinner ready," she suggested.
"Yea, 8pm is great," Emma confirmed.
Emma's day went rather fast. She wasn't really present during her evening sparing and David gave her a hard time about it. She may have taken few punches because of her lack of attention. She didn't care, though. Regina asked her out. Her high school sweetheart, her first and only crush asked her out. She packed a fancy red dress in her bag and had every intention of sporting it tonight. She wasn't particularly fond of such feminine clothing but she knew Regina liked dresses on her. She also hadn't taken this dress out in a very long time. She didn't have a reason to put in the extra effort. This was Regina, though.
She said her goodbyes to David and went to take a long shower in the dressing room. She still had time. Emma applied light make up to go with the dress and slipped it on. She let her hair cascade down her shoulders and took a deep reassuring breath. Regina asked you on a date. She wanted to be with you. It will be okay.
She wanted to bring Regina some flowers but nothing was open at this hour. Thankfully she brought some fine wine with her from home. She made it to Regina's at five minutes to eight. Good timing. She rang the bell and went inside once she heard the buzzer.
Regina opened the apartment's door in a black cocktail dress, crimson red lips, and a huge smile on her face. "Come in," she said. She admired Emma's dress and how it clung to her curves perfectly. Regina loved when Emma let her hair freely hang from her head.
"I brought wine," Emma smiled, taking in Regina's dress.
"Red. Lovely. It will go perfectly with the meal," she observed.
They were eyeing each other's form for a moment before Emma snapped out of it. "It smells really good in here."
Regina blinked as it trying to remember where and who she was. "Yes, I hope you'll like what I made," she said shyly.
"I'm sure I will! You shouldn't go through so much trouble. You could have ordered pizza and I'd be fine with it," she winked.
"Pizza is not a proper dinner. I wanted to make something good since I couldn't take you out…" she lowered her gaze.
Emma lifted Regina's chin with her finger and smiled warmly at her. "Gina, this is so much better than some restaurant. I want you to be in your element and you're always more confident in your home. Plus, I'm sure the chef wouldn't be able to prepare something as delicious as you."
"You hadn't even tasted it yet," she chuckled.
"So? I know you're the best cook out there," Emma shrugged.
Regina blushed at that and guided Emma into the dining table. "Take a seat, I'll serve everything."
"I can help!"
"Nonsense. You can however, light the candle. The lighter should be right next to it," she smirked from the kitchen and set the food on the table. "I hope you'll like it. I made a lamb with roasted potatoes and beans on the side. Rich for protein and nutrition."
"It looks delicious and smells even better."
And true to her word, Emma did like it. She liked it so much she moaned with the first bite. That made Regina blush heavily.
When they were done with their portions, they were sipping wine and looking at each other admiringly. Emma couldn't believe she got this lucky. How could a woman like Regina show any interest in her was beyond her.
Regina was thinking she's the lucky one because Emma chose to be here with her. Emma wasn't looking at her like she was damaged. Emma was looking at her lovingly. She was sporting the exact same look as she was during their high school years. Nothing had changed for the blonde. Regina was still just Regina and not someone used.
The brunette however wasn't over the incident yet. No matter how much she tried. She wanted to be sexy and beautiful for Emma but the amount of skin on display was making her uncomfortable. She knew she had nothing to be afraid of with Emma but this was somewhere deep inside her now. Her arms weren't completely healed either and even though she tried not to pay attention to it, it did scream at her. She started to fidget in her seat and of course Emma noticed.
"Are you alright? Is this too soon?" the blonde asked.
Oh Emma, always the considerate one. "It's fine," she smiled reassuringly. Emma however was having none of it.
"Gina, you know I can read you like an open book, right? Talk to me. Why are you uncomfortable?" she asked and placed her hand on Regina's on the table, stroking her wrist with her thumb.
Regina sighed deeply. She could trust Emma. The blonde wouldn't judge her and Mal advised her to talk about everything if she wanted this relationship to work.
"I feel exposed," she started. "I know you wouldn't hurt me but I haven't worn this dress since before the incident and I'm not very comfortable in it. I really wanted to wear something nice for you. I'm sorry," she lowered her gaze. How come she always screwed up when it came to Emma?
"You do realize you would look nice even in a potato sack, right?" Emma chuckled. "Go change into your hoodie. I couldn't care less. You're beautiful in whatever you decide to wear. I'd have the same reaction I had to the dress if you were in yoga pants and a sweater Regina, and do you know why? Because it's you. You are beautiful, not the clothes you wear."
Regina had to try really hard not to let the tears slide from her eyes. How could Emma be even real…
She nodded and smiled after a moment and went to change into something more comfortable. Something with way more material and therefore less skin. She loved the dress but she clearly couldn't wear it yet. And she only tried at home… with Emma. She was sure there would be a full panic attack if she took it out of the safe space that her home provided.
She sat back at the table in sweatpants and a hoodie. Emma smiled at her again approvingly. I don't even deserve you, Regina thought.
"See? Nothing's changed. Still gorgeous," the champ smiled and Regina blushed. She was doing that a lot this evening.
"Emma, I wanted to talk you…" she took a deep breath. "I'm really sorry if I'm giving you mixed signals but it's probably because I myself am trying to figure it all out… I do know I want to give this a try though, because I know one thing for sure and that is that you're beautiful inside and out. You're amazing, Em. You always have been."
"I'm nothing special, Regina," the blonde shrugged. She wasn't really used to getting compliments. Not from the heart.
"You are so special, Emma. Remember that. Always."
They sat in silence for a moment until Emma stood up. "I should probably get going. It's only the first date. I shouldn't be in your home," she winked. "Do you want help cleaning it up?"
"I definitely don't need help with that. And it's true you surely wouldn't make it to my apartment if this was our real first date but since you're already here… how about a movie?" Regina suggested.
"I'd love that," Emma replied with a smile on her face. "And Regina?" she called after the brunette when said woman disappeared in the bedroom.
"Yes?" came reply.
"I'd really love to give this a try…" she said sincerely. So what that Regina hadn't figured everything out yet. She would wait until she had.
"Are you talking about the movie or about being my girl?" Regina teased as she brought Emma a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie.
"Both?" Emma chuckled. "What are these for? Don't you like the dress?" she sulked a little when seeing the clothes.
"A dress is not very comfortable for a movie night, dear. You look like a piece of cake but to use your previous words: 'you are beautiful, not the clothes you wear'. And I want you to be comfortable so go change while I make popcorn and set up the movie," she smirked. Emma nodded eagerly and took the offered clothing articles.
Regina's scent engulfed her completely once she put the clothes on and she enjoyed every second of it. Regina's scent was Emma's opium. She would probably get high on it if she wasn't careful.
Emma joined the brunette on the couch, giving her enough space. The blonde wasn't sure where exactly the other woman was when it came to touches and snuggles. Sure, they touched during trainings but that was different. That wasn't intimate nor romantic.
Regina put glasses on and started the movie. She hasn't shifted towards the blonde just yet.
"Wait, since when do you wear glasses?" Emma chuckled.
"Well Emma, we are not in high school anymore," she rolled her eyes.
"There, there," the blonde laughed. "No need to get all defensive. I think it's sexy," she winked and turned back to the TV. Regina in glasses, with thick black frames, was another level of hot.
END NOTE: I didnt abandon this story. I'm just writing for SQSN so time's limited now. Hope you enjoyed it. Take care!