Chapter Thirty Three: A Restless Reckless Driver

As the days went on, Sans' paranoia dulled to some extent, in spite of his efforts to cling to his old friend. The pressure in his chest again faded into the background, air coming easily enough. He tried each day to find a way back to his world, to no avail.

The anomaly's basement lab proved useless for the most part. What few pieces of interesting information he found lead nowhere. There was much to be discovered in that mess of a room, however, driving him to continue the search. He'd yet to correctly guess a password. He could only get it wrong so many times before needing a break.

Much as he disliked spending time around the creatures, he needed to look at something other than this room. He reluctantly ascended the stairs to join the other Papyrus.

"OTHER SANS! YOU'RE JUST IN TIME FOR LUNCH!"

"Not hungry."

It was a lie, of course, but his only alternative was Grillby's, and he wasn't in the mood to socialize.

"BUT I EVEN COOKED IT WITHOUT SETTING ANYTHING ON FIRE THIS TIME!"

Curse this world's mind control! The creature's disappointed expression was enough to break his will. He knew he'd regret his fearful agreement, as he shuffled into the dining room behind the anomaly.

"AS AN EXPERT COOK, I DECLARE THIS MY BEST DISH YET! PREPARE YOUR TASTE BUDS, OTHER SANS!"

He blinked. "We don' have taste buds. Or tongues."

A plate of spaghetti appeared before him, drenched in tomato sauce. To his surprise, the scent was fairly pleasant. His stomach demanded the food. He took a tentative bite as the Papyrus impersonation rambled. Finding the taste mostly bearable, he decided to finish the meal. Having skipped dinner the night before, the pasta disappeared rather quickly. He declined the offer of seconds.

He stared at nothing as it cleaned up, deaf to the hiss of the kitchen faucet and Papyrus' singing. An odd feeling stirred within him, one he hadn't known in a while: restlessness. He was unaccustomed to this inactive life his lookalike so enjoyed. To leave the relative "safety" of this abode was to expose his presence to others, rendering him stuck in a miserable loop.

He crossed his arms on the table, unfocused vision going black once he closed his eye sockets and buried his face in stained sleeves. A part of him felt this world's voice tempting him to sleep. Much as he loathed to admit it, this foul situation was the closest thing to a vacation he'd experienced in years. He resisted the notion, of course, and wouldn't have been able to nap even if he were open to the idea. A phantom electricity crackled in his skull. Not only was he awake, he was slightly more awake than usual.

He quietly mimicked the sound of a dying whale.

"WHAT'S WRONG?"

"Nothin'."

"NOW THAT'S JUST SILLY. ONE DOES NOT MAKE SUCH SOUNDS FOR NO REASON! THEREFORE! I KNOW YOU ARE LYING."

He sighed, deciding to face the anomaly and explain. It would only pester him into submission if he refused.

"HMM…. SO YOU DON'T WANT TO BE INSIDE, BUT DON'T WANT TO BE OUTSIDE EITHER?"

"Don't wanna talk t' people, don't wanna pretend t' be yer brother. Gettin' sick o' puns."

The Papyrus impersonation blinked at him as though that final statement was the most absurd thing it'd ever witnessed anyone say.

Upon recovering from the shock, it said, "WELL… THAT IS QUITE A CONUNDRUM. HOWEVER! THE GREAT PAPYRUS HAS A SOLUTION!"

He glared at that theatrical pose. "What?"

"WE CAN GO FOR A DRIVE! THAT WAY, YOU CAN GET A CHANGE OF SCENERY, AND BE RECLUSIVE ALL AT THE SAME TIME!"

He stared, surprised that this strange being had actually suggested a decent solution.

"Y'know what, let's do it."

It used some kind of telekinetic power to make its scarf dance to imaginary wind, saying, "THEN I SHALL MEET YOU IN THE CAR!"

It pranced from the room as he rose from his seat. He glanced down at the faded blue sweater, wondering if he should attempt another vain search for something cleaner. Deciding against it, he made the short trip to the Papyrus' car.

An idea struck him as he approached.

He opened the driver side door and asked, "can I drive?"

"YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE?"

"Yeah."

"WELL, I'M NOT SURE IF YOUR LICENSE IS VALID IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE, BUT SURE! WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?"

…

Once out on the open road, Papyrus was sure he would soon find out.

"OTHER SANS, PLEASE SLOW DOWN! YOU'RE GOING TWENTY MILES OVER THE SPEED LIMIT!"

"Ain't nobody care 'bout those unless there's cops around!"

This world's version of his sister released a fearful "NYEEEEEEEHH!" as he chuckled.

The peripheral world existed as nothing more than blurs in the corners of his vision. He wove a path through existing traffic, shifting from lane to lane as he questioned how long it'd been since he'd enjoyed such a ride.

His insides were alive with a storm of conflict; exhilaration mixed with simmering rage to bring an unhinged look to his face. A laugh erupted from him as he left behind the mimic city he'd been trapped within for far too long. He entertained the notion of making his grand escape. To leave behind this world of anomalies, find a way back home, and add a new victory to his impressive collection… It was a goal that seemed possible in these beautiful moments.

There was a presence missing from the air, which allowed him to breathe unhindered.

"OTHER SANS, THIS DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A VERY RESPONSIBLE THING TO DO!"

"What's it with you an' bein' responsible?"

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE OPPOSITE OF MY BROTHER: A MATURE, RESPONSIBLE ADULT! WHO DOESN'T BREAK ROAD SAFETY LAWS!"

"Screw road safety laws; Imma do what I want!"

"YOU'RE A CRAZY PERSON!"

"Yeah, well sometimes ya jus' gotta go a little crazy!"

"BUT YOU'RE GOING TO CRASH!"

"I ain't gonna crash! I know what I'm doin' so shuddup!"

A traffic light he wasn't expecting- a line of cars blocking the way. His eye sockets went dark. He slammed his foot down on the break pedal, screaming in unison with the creature beside him. A horrible screeching tore through the air, ending just as they reached the red light. There they sat, the stares of a few other drivers upon them, panting and clutching at their pounding souls.

"I-" the being's voice was far quieter than usual. "I'm driving back."