Let me tell you, having no glass windows sucks.

Storm clouds had gathered overnight, which meant getting kicked out of bed in the dead of night by the guard and moving into the dining hall with my pillow, blanket and the thin mattress, seeking out my favorite spot on the floor near the counter and passing right out. My back didn't like it much, but it was better than freezing my butt off in a pitch-black room with creaking storm shutters.

Did I mention that having no glass windows sucks?

I started my day late, and by being stepped on. It was an accident, of course, since the hall was packed and there weren't enough lanterns to go around – crazy people and candles didn't mix well, and while the dining hall was, in fact, high enough for glass windows to be put under the ceiling, the light filtering through them barely counted as such because of the thick, black clouds.

Now, I didn't mind storm days. With everyone crammed into the one storm-proof room, interesting things were bound to happen. Whether these things were good or bad, that was a different kettle of fish, however, interesting-things-time tended to come towards the afternoon while mornings were generally quite boring. So I just sat there with my back against the counter, on my pillow, wrapped in my blanket and probably smelling of morning breath. Too tired to talk to anyone, but too awake to go back to sleep.

And that was the moment when I had a realization: "He called me by my name."

"Did you say something, Kai?"

The thought had hit me out of nowhere, and thus I hadn't actually been talking to anyone. The answer startled me out of my daze, and I looked up at a familiar face: "Arthur?!"

I could tell from the way his bushy mustache moved that he was smiling. "The one and only!"

I chuckled awkwardly. "Honestly, I didn't expect you here. I thought it would be Austin or Theo, or perhaps Head Nurse Maurina who would show up first."

Arthur waved it off. "Well, it's a little early for young Austin."

"True." I sighed and shook my head before looking up again. "Mind joining me in my little Kai spot? I'd like to talk to you for a second, if that's alright."

He seemed a little surprised, but he took a quick look around and nodded before planting his posterior on my mattress, next to my pillow. "What's eating you, Kai?"

"Not much. I was just wondering..." I turned away and took a deep breath. "Y'know... Yesterday. Did you notice something weird about him? Raccoon Boy, I mean."

Arthur burst into hearty laughter. "Apart from the raccoon, you mean?"

I winced and my face heated up. That wasn't what I was thinking about, but shoot no! "You noticed?"

"Indeed I did."

I buried my face in my hands with a low curse. "I'm so sorry, I know I shouldn't have left him there, but I just couldn't bring myself to–!" I cut myself off. Wait a minute... I raised my head and eyed Arthur up and down. "You didn't take him away, either. Raccoon Boy thinks you didn't notice Rudiger. Why? Aren't you worried he'll try something?"

"Are you?"

That pulled me up short, but I couldn't relax. "Not really, no. But I'm not exactly the one to ask, considering I don't even know who the flying flappadoodle that guy even is! Who knows what he could do with a raccoon?"

Arthur raised an eyebrow, though he still looked amused. "Which side are you arguing for, exactly?"

I opened my mouth to respond, then realized that I didn't have any appropriate words, and closed it again. Was I trying to get into trouble?

Arthur sobered, too. He leaned against the counter, apparently searching for words. Eventually, he sighed. "Before I was assigned to the ward, I was part of the town watch. I got a few chances to chat with the lad's father."

"His father?!" I burst out, then clapped my hands over my mouth. I really needed to work on that... "Sorry. Please, continue."

This time, Arthur raised both his eyebrows. "So you know something about that? That's unexpected."

I faked a dramatic sob. "Why can't I just keep my mouth shu-hu-hut?!" I took a deep breath, disguised as another overly dramatic sniff, and chose my next words carefully. "Anyway, yes, Raccoon Boy did mention something. Not much, though. Just something about his dad being..." Now, how would I finish this without revealing that I offered to get him writing stuff? "...out of action." Yeah, that should work.

Arthur removed his helmet and ran a hand through his hair. "Out of action," he repeated, and I felt my muscles coil. Please, please, don't ask... But then he put his helmet back on, and I realized the gesture had been more along the lines of paying respect to a fallen comrade. "I see," Arthur said, and a wave of guilt washed over me. There were bigger things to worry about than me getting caught in a lie.

"What happened? Did he... like..."

I couldn't say it out loud, but Arthur could. "Die? Not that I know of."

I heaved a sigh of relief. "That's good. But..." I gritted my teeth. "There's a but, right?"

"I'm sorry, Kai." Arthur shook his head. "I don't know much, either. The king has declared the area a restricted zone. There are a lot of rumors flying around, each one wilder than the last, but it's impossible to separate falsehoods from truth." Arthur's eyes searched mine, and I did him the favor. He was so serious, almost pleading. "But Kai, if you managed to get this far, maybe you can find out what happened."

I made a really weird noise at that. The closest I get to describing it would be 'the whimper of a kicked puppy', probably because I felt like one. Or rather, like a crushed puppy. Every time I thought I could deal with the pressure, something else came up that added to it.

I turned away and pulled my blanket higher up my shoulders, as if I could shield myself from the expectations that way. "Don't hold your breath."

A gloved hand ruffled my hair, and I couldn't help but laugh and drop the blanket so I could fix it. "Hey!"

When I looked up, there was a rueful smile on Arthur's face. "Sorry, Kai. That's probably a lot to put on you. Don't hesitate to call it quits if you need to, and for goodness' sake, don't listen to the ramblings of an old fool like me!"

"Aww, come on, you're not that old! You're like, what, forty? That's still young and dashing!"

Arthur smiled. "Forty-three."

"See? Young and dashing!"

I gave him my broadest grin, making him laugh out loud and mess up my hair all over again. "You better look out for your teeth. Wouldn't want them to decay from all that sweet-talking!"

I stuck my tongue out at him and pawed at his arm. "And you get your hands off my hair, you young and dashing swashbuckler! I don't have a comb!"

"As you wish, ma'am!"

I shook my head and fixed my hair. We both calmed a little, and I remembered that there was something I wanted to talk about. "So, uh... What about Rudiger now?"

"I suppose we'll just have to keep an eye on the little fella. It's a risk, but I agree that we'd probably do more damage taking it away than it could cause."

I should have been reassured by the support of a trained guard, but knowing that Arthur was an acquaintance of Raccoon Boy's father and perhaps, by extension, Raccoon Boy himself, I couldn't help thinking that he was what Head Nurse Maurina had called 'biased'. It left me with a sickly feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I pulled up my knees to hug them to my chest. "Alright then. But I'll make super duper extra sure that that raccoon won't be putting a single paw outside that cell!"

"Spoken like a true guard!" Arthur slapped my back (no ruffling, yay!) and the corners of my mouth twitched upwards in spite of my misgivings.

"Thanks."

"Is there anything else I can help you with?" Arthur asked, and I turned my head to look into his eyes.

"Tell me everything you know about Raccoon Boy's dad. You can do that much, right?"

Arthur pursed his lips, looking conflicted for a moment. My hopes flew out the window at lightning speed and I buried my face in my knees.

"You can't."

"I'm sorry, Kai. I'd love to, believe me, but it wouldn't be much anyway and I can't risk giving out hints by omission. I'm afraid you're on your own with this."

"Then tell me at least if you've met Raccoon Boy before!" I was positively whining at this point. I was very well aware that I was grasping at straws and wouldn't be able to do anything with that information besides confirming what I already knew, but I was getting desperate. For anything!

I've waited for what seemed like hours. Hardly breathing, and not daring to raise my head. But then finally: "I did."

I jolted upright. I was actually getting an answer?! "You did?"

Arthur nodded. "Adorable little bouncy ball, couldn't stop talking when something caught his fancy. And he was incredibly curious, always asking questions. 'What's this?' 'What's that?' 'Why do you do that?' 'Why can't I do that?'" Arthur chuckled. "I didn't think I'd ever see a kid who becomes less bouncy when bribed with a handful of candy, and I haven't seen any since."

It was indeed quite a sweet mental image. "Bet his father couldn't stop gushing about his precious son."

"Well, he wasn't exactly the gushy type. But yes, you could tell they loved each other very much."

"That's so nice." I couldn't keep a wistful smile off my face. As heartwarming as it sounded, it got me thinking about my own dad, which was about the last thing I needed at the moment. I slapped my temples in an attempt at distracting myself and returned my attention to Arthur. "Do you think he remembers you?"

"I doubt that," Arthur stated firmly, a warning in his eyes. "And I'd like to keep it that way."

"Why?"

Arthur squeezed my shoulder and stood up. "Because a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. And that applies to the guard as much as to anything else, if not more so."

Right... Who knew what would happen if Raccoon Boy found out that one of the guards was somewhat sympathetic towards him? "I see. Can't have that, huh? Where are you going, though?"

Arthur grinned and gestured towards a tall, thin and definitely goatee-less figure weaving his way through the mass of people, tables and textiles pretending to be beds. "Shift change."

"Austin!" The sun rose in my heart. I leapt to my feet and hopped up and down in my nightgown, waving enthusiastically. "Over here!"

I could tell from the more purposeful movement that my friend had spotted me in the dim room, and a few seconds later, I jumped into his arms. "Hey! Long time no see!"

"Kai, we saw each other yesterday."

"I know! Long time!" I grinned. Austin flicked my forehead, but he was grinning, too.

"You know, I'll be choosing a room for myself if you keep driving me insane like that."

"Ooh, nice! I'll keep doing it, then!"

Austin rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically before turning towards Arthur and saluting. "Good morning, Sir!"

Arthur laughed. "You'll never relax, will you, Austin?"

"Just adhering to protocol, Sir!"

"Well, good morning to you, too, Private. But don't scare the ladies with that stuffiness of yours!" He winked at me and turned around, whistling as he sauntered off, probably to enjoy a beer with the rest of the graveyard shift.

I shared a look with Austin, scratched the back of my neck, and shrugged. "If it helps you any, I think Arthur is a lot weirder than you are."

"Thanks. I know you don't mean that, but thanks."

I chuckled awkwardly. "Well, we're all weird here. Guess that's the point."

Austin gave me a skeptical look. "Guess it is." He rubbed his helmet and tilted his head back a little to eye the windows, which let in slightly more light than before. "Storm day, huh?"

"Yeah..." I could hear thunder rolling somewhere in the distance, but couldn't recall any lightning flashes. Must have been quite far away. "But at least it's not going to hit us directly. I hope... I don't feel like being stuck here for the whole week."

"Neither do I, Kai." He sighed. "And here I thought I could hit Uncle Monty's today..."

"Uncle Monty's?! Oh, oh!" I exclaimed, clapping excitedly. "I need nuts! Loads and loads of nuts! And chocolate! And jelly beans! And gummi bears!"

"Shush!" Austin hissed. "You'll announce it to the whole ward!"

I froze on the spot. "Sorry," I whispered before bouncing up and down in a slightly more subtle manner. "But I really do need nuts."

"For what?"

"Umm..." I inhaled through clenched teeth, realizing I hadn't actually told Austin about my little stunt with Rudiger, and how little he was going to like it. "Yeah, about that... I was just talking to Arthur, and I think I owe you an explanation..."

The storm peaked around noon. Mealtimes were a somewhat unusual affair anyway during a storm, but sitting in one of the fixed chairs, a cheese-and-spinach roll in one hand and a set of rummy cards in the other, and giving it my all not to spread crumbs all over the plateless table while the wind howled outside, trying to rip the windows from their frames... well, I wasn't too happy. I preferred Mau-Mau, for one, but the storm was too loud to make myself heard. For another, I couldn't cuddle with Austin if I didn't want him to see my hand.

And then there was the fact that I couldn't get my mind off a certain someone who wasn't here, for obvious reasons.

Now, it wasn't the first time I wondered what 'storm-proofing' means on the other side of The Door, but it's never been this personal. I always either forgot about asking or simply found myself unable to get the words past my lips. That part of the ward had always had this aura of the unspeakable, the scariest place on earth in the mind of a nine-year-old, then a fear turned into a habit that never crossed the the fourteen-year-old version to try and grow past.

It was kind of ridiculous, come to think of it. The people behind The Door were just that – people. Now granted, they were more violent than the rest of us, but there was plenty of violence to go around in every other place. We didn't generally fight wars in here. And while I couldn't deny this underlying sense of danger, I felt pretty awful for not realizing it sooner.

I'd been picked for the Raccoon Boy Mission because Head Nurse Maurina thought I could relate. But the truth was that I couldn't. If I did, I wouldn't be sitting around losing rummy game after rummy game because I was too busy pondering how stupid I was.

How fine I was. I was fine, because I had friends, I had games, I had all the freedoms a girl from the mental ward could possibly have. I could go into the yard and enjoy the sun or snow if I wanted. I could wander around, I could exercise, and the people here even trusted me to handle some of the medical stuff, a skill I could very much use later in life. I could write and receive letters from my family, and even see them when they traveled here.

Raccoon Boy had none of these things. He was locked in chains, no access to the yard, no games to help pass the time, no family, and certainly not the trust of the people around him. The one thing he did have – a friend – could be taken from him at any given time, and it wasn't even a friend he could talk to.

How the everloving torchweed could I ever relate to that?

Something poked my shoulder. It was Theo's finger, and I realized it was my turn. I pushed the rest of my cheese-and-spinach roll into my mouth and looked over the cards on the table, if only half-heartedly. I had no doubt there'd be questions later, which worried me even more. I was yet to ask Maurina whom I could talk to about Raccoon Boy – another item on the long list of things I forgot.

"I'm so hopeless," I mumbled, and the rain beating against the windows swallowed the words before they reached even my own ears. In a burst of despair, I pushed the rest of my cards into Austin's hands (he'd finished ages ago), strode over to my mattress and curled into a tight little ball. It was the closest anyone could get to alone time during a storm and I, secure in the knowledge that no one would disturb or hold it against me, let the tears run.

I still had a long, long way to go. But even as my shoulders shook and the sobs choked all the breath from my lungs, I knew better than ever that I couldn't stop there. No, I couldn't save everyone. It was entirely possible that one boy was already too much. But I just found out that Raccoon Boy hadn't always been like this, and if there was a chance to bring back that little ray of sunshine Arthur had described to me, and be it ever so tiny... I'd find it.

I'd find it so hard, Raccoon Boy wouldn't know what hit him!

I didn't realize I'd fallen asleep until Austin woke me for dinner. The storm had calmed considerably, and people had begun to move their bedding back to their rooms or set it up around a table in the center of the hall which would serve as a stage for our traditional ghost story contest. Personally, I wasn't any good with those. Kind of ironic that someone who'd been possessed by a ghost for half her life couldn't come up with a single one of these stupid things, but I still enjoyed listening to the others – if only for that very same irony that drove us to tell ghost stories in the first place, and storms provided the perfect atmosphere.

However, I was going to pass this time. As soon as I'd put my stuff back into my room, I went looking for Head Nurse Maurina. She wasn't in her office, and I couldn't find her at dinner, either. Asking around revealed that she was working with one of her patients behind The Door, which was frustrating but couldn't be helped.

Austin was far from pleased when I told him I'd be going in blind then. He tried to argue that it was way too late for a visit, that I'd be tired in the morning, and I argued back that I'd slept through half the day. Then Austin whipped out the fact that the same probably didn't hold true for Raccoon Boy, which... honestly surprised me. Austin didn't seem like one to care about Raccoon Boy's sleep schedule, even if only in a somewhat backhanded way via yours truly. Well, and the other surprise was that I didn't think of that myself. Or rather, it wasn't so much a surprise as it was a slap of reality. After all, knowing was only half the battle, and no amount of crying was going to change that.

I took a deep breath. "I'll make it quick and quiet then. I just want to make sure he's okay after the storm."

"The nurses and the guards do that already."

"I'm sure they do. I still think I should show my face." I pinched the bridge of my nose. Austin had the keys, so if he didn't want me to go, he could just keep them. And while Head Nurse Maurina would probably have some words about that, I wasn't going to tattle on my best friend. Plus, maybe this was a good moment to test my new perspective skills, so I took a deep breath and looked squarely into Austin's eyes. "Why are you so bent on stopping me from going, anyway?"

"Because..." Austin sighed and rubbed his face before motioning towards the closest table. "Let's sit down for a minute."

I blinked at the table. So this was going to be a long talk, huh? "Alright then. If you insist."

As soon as we sat, Austin took a deep breath. "Look, Kai... Remember when I was assigned to the mental ward two years ago?"

I chuckled. "How could I forget? It was your first assignment and you were so lost!"

"And you showed me around."

I nodded. I remembered that. Austin used to be so shy. He wanted to do everything right on his first assignment, but didn't dare asking questions for fear of looking stupid. Even my preteen self noticed that, and it turned out he was much more comfortable with asking a kid than his superiors.

But that didn't explain anything. "Yeah? What does that have to do with Raccoon Boy, though?"

Austin closed his eyes. Lost in memories, I figured. "You used to be so bubbly and optimistic. You'd talk about your village, your family, your friends, your dreams. You'd always talk about your dreams, and what you were going to do once you're healed. You don't do that anymore. You still talk about your family, but rarely with joy. And you stopped dreaming about the future entirely."

"Not true!" I wasn't quite sure why I felt the need to defend myself, but I did. "I want to become a nurse, you know that!"

Austin looked me up and down, a hint of sadness in his eyes. "Do you really? Or is it because you simply can't imagine a life outside these walls anymore?"

The question caught me off-guard. Now, I did care about the people here, and I did want to help them as best as I could. I had quite a bit of experience with mental stuff and even some medical skills. Becoming a nurse seemed like the natural thing to do.

But Austin was right. All these dreams I used to have – to go back home, to learn how to ride, to travel around by horse or ship, maybe work on a ship and hey, even fall in love on a ship and have a little seafaring family... Well, that last one was probably a pipe dream even under normal circumstances, but I loved ships so hard as a kid. When did I lose that? And could I still swim after all this time?

I didn't mean to burst out laughing. Now, I was no stranger to laughter as a coping mechanism, but in these kinds of laugh-or-cry situations, there was always this sort of push behind it. A conscious decision to laugh.

This was no laugh-or-cry situation, and there was no choice. The laughter came completely unbidden, and it didn't stop, either. Not until Austin leapt out of his chair and held me, one hand on my shoulder so I wouldn't hurt myself on the edge of the table, the other rubbing my back. There also were soothing words, and even though I don't recall anything besides the tone, they did help me pull it together. Eventually, I found myself stretched out on the table, face buried in my crossed arms and struggling for air.

"Kai?"

"I'm sorry, Austin." I straightened and let out a chuckle. A non-maniacal one this time. "But hey, maybe you should become a nurse instead of me! You totally have a talent for it!"

I doubt Austin liked my reaction, judging from his slightly disturbed expression. "Kai, I don't..."

I shook my head. "It's okay, really. I don't think I've lost my mind quite yet, and even if I did, I'm already at the right place!"

"That's not reassuring."

"No, it's not," I admitted, heaving a sigh. "Anyway, I still don't see how any of this relates to visiting Raccoon Boy?"

Austin patted my back and sat down in his chair. "That's how it relates to anything. You're obsessed with this kid." He lowered his eyes, cupping his chin in the process. "And I can see how much it hurts you. You're crying, you're breaking rules left and right, you're even going to skip the ghost story contest! That's not like you. And I guess I'm just... afraid. That he'd drag you down with him. That you'd lose yourself even more, even if he doesn't physically hurt you."

Goosebumps ran up my arms, and I caught myself tapping my nails on the table. Austin was always so dramatic, it was easy to forget how deep his thoughts could run. (Gosh, that sounds so mean.) But I appreciated the reminder.

I felt the urge to rub my arms. I was cold all of a sudden. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I am a little obsessed. But you know what?" I finally found the strength to look Austin in the eyes. "I don't think of it as something unhealthy. Sure, I've been crying, and Raccoon Boy can be quite exhausting to deal with, but still... I feel like I finally have a purpose." I nodded to myself. "Yes, that's a good word. Not an obsession, a purpose. Do you have any idea how good that feels after years of doing nothing? Of never getting anywhere, just sitting around waiting for this nonsense to end? I'm not doing this because Maurina wants me to, but because I want to. And maybe it's selfish of me to expect you to go along with it, but honestly..." I couldn't keep a small smile from breaking out on my face. "There's no one I'd rather have by my side through all of this than you, Austin."

He looked a little shocked at first, too, but then he took off his helmet and ran a hand through his hair. "Whew... We should arrange these heart-to-hearts a little more often, don't you think?"

I giggled. My drama king was back! "Yeah, we totally should!"

"Well..." Austin placed his hands on the table and pushed himself out of the chair. "Looks like we have a purpose to fulfill."

It took me a moment to process the words, but the result was the biggest grin I had all day. I nodded enthusiastically. "Yes!"

"But Kai?"

"Hmm?" I stared at Austin, a little uncertain what to expect, and he stared right back with the most serious look in his eyes. "What?"

"I swear, if you come out crying again, I will kick your butt!"

And the grin was back, perhaps even broader than before. "Deal!"

*waves* Yeah, I'm still alive, and a part of me is quite amazed at this fact. Well, anyway, here you have some fanfic to (hopefully) brighten up your quarantine! With... some thoughts on lifelong quarantine? Well, let's hope we don't need to go full Rapunzel and stay inside for the next eighteen years.

Stay safe, everyone!