Ch. 36

Monday 23 November 1998

As Hermione came into the room, both women looked a little surprised. "How're you feeling, dear?" Dromeda asked.

"I hurt a lot." She grimaced as she tried to move around in her chair. "But otherwise I'm fine." She reached down to pick up Teddy. "Hi little man." She smiled as Teddy reached for her hair as he changed to match hers. "You are so adorable." She kissed him repeatedly. "I love you so much little man." She told him in between sobs. "I just wish you were going to have three little cousins to play with instead of two."

Dobby popped in and looked at Hermione. "Miss Mione, lunch is ready if you want it. Or I can bring it in here for you?" He asked softly.

Hermione sniffled as she wiped her face and gave Dobby a half-hearted smile. "No Dobby. I'll eat with everyone else." Then she looked at him with her sad eyes and said. "Thanks for the thought Dobby."

"You're welcome. If you need anything, just call and I'll be there." He put his hand on her thigh comfortingly. She nodded as she levitated herself into the kitchen.

When she was next to Harry, she let the legs of the chair down. "As much as I like this chair, I can't stand sitting in one place without the legs down. It feels unnatural." She commented to Harry.

"I find the whole concept of levitating yourself around the castle weird." Harry snorted as the rest of The Family joined them. He took Hermione's hand and raised it to his lips. "I love you Mione." She just nodded.

As everyone began eating in an awkward silence, Luna asked. "How're you feeling Mione?"

"Fine." She mumbled noncommittally.

Luna felt she needed to get Hermione to talk, she didn't want Mione to close off, so she took another direction. "I've got all of this mornings classes on tape for you."

"Thanks." Hermione just kept eating. Luna sighed, realising Hermione wasn't going to talk to her, at least here.

"My wife is coming tomorrow morning to take over your classes at least until after Yule." Mark tried to engage her.

"Good."

"Is she a teacher?" Harry asked.

"Yes. Before the baby, she taught History at the same school I teach Transfiguration at. However, this week I'll be taking over your defence classes Harry."

"Sure. I'll get you all our lesson plans. Feel free to use the study here or my office." He smiled. "I think the kids will get a lot out of a new teacher."

"Are you okay, Hermione?" Nev asked. The entire time the family was talking, he was watching Hermione, he could see her close down with a blank expression on her face, it was the same expression she got on her face when she got really stressed but didn't want anyone to notice.

"Fine." Hermione replied as she picked up her wand and zoomed out the door. "I'm going to bed."

When they heard Hermione close the door, Sirius burst out with, "Well, who the hell was that? That wasn't Hermione."

"Give her a few days. She'll start talking again but it'll take her a little while to get there." Dan replied, having some experience watching Emma go through this. "She's not going to be the same girl she was but it'll get better with time."

"She barely ate." Harry was worried. "She has to keep eating for the twins' growth."

"She will." Mark chuckled. "Babies take what they need. Somehow through the most horrible morning sickness, Jordan and Sarah both survived."

"Well, we ought to get to classes." Sirius sighed looking at the clock as he got up.

"I'm going up to Mione." Harry said as he picked Teddy up from Dora. "Maybe Ted can help me." He took Teddy up to be changed as everyone left the table.

HP

When Harry came upstairs and laid Teddy in Mione's arms, she immediately curled into him. Harry laid down next to them and took them both in his arms.

"I love you Mione." He whispered.

"Why? I let one of them die." She whispered right back.

"You didn't let the baby die. There wasn't enough room for all three, I imagine." He replied. "Could you imagine three tiny people in your itty, bitty belly?" He put his hand on her tummy. "You weren't made for carrying three, love and the babies knew that. I can just see them drawing lots to see who has to vacate the premises."

She gave a low chuckle at that as she gave first Teddy, then her Harry a kiss. Teddy was almost asleep, so he just sighed contentedly as Harry kissed her back. They then fell into a deep sleep.

When Sirius came up after school to check on them, they were asleep with Hermione and Teddy curled up in Harry's arms. He sighed, glad to see them together.

HP

That evening when Harry and Hermione came down after their nap, Dora held out her hands for her son. "I need to feed." Dora groaned.

"Why?" Hermione asked.

"It can hurt if you don't either feed or pump at regular intervals." Emma smiled.

"And right now, I'm really hurting!"

"I don't need to hear that about my cousin, yeah?" Sirius groaned.

"Then you should find a cousin that cares." Dora sighed as Teddy latched on.

"I don't need to hear about that part of your life. I remember you as a 4-year-old. This is gross."

"Then go somewhere else." Jaime laughed. "Sarah's gonna be here tomorrow with Jordan so we'll have more of that around here soon."

"Then you'll have the twins too." Emma looked at Hermione.

"Yeah, if I don't kill them first." Mione muttered under her breath.

They had settled in the game room and Sirius and Harry were playing pool when he heard her say that. He put his cue down and turned to her and said, "That will not happen, kitten." He bent down to her. "This wasn't your fault. Merlin, Fate, Destiny might be at fault but you are not."

She tried to smile at him. "Okay Uncle Sirius." she agreed, not that anyone believed that she thought that.

Friday 27 November

On Tuesday, Sarah Richardson arrived with their daughter, it took the morning but eventually Mione went over her classroom schedule, for the rest of her bedrest. Slowly they made their way to the classroom and Hermione showed Sarah around, she was very specific about how and where she kept everything.

Sarah took her plans and suggested a few adjustments to them, it was very interesting for Hermione to hand over something that had become a vital part of her life. She was not one to like giving up control normally, so this was a very difficult thing for her, especially on top of feeling guilty about losing the baby.

Over the next few days, everyone noticed that no matter how they tried to bring Hermione into family conversations, she kept quiet and distant. Sirius and Harry had several conversations about how to help her but they were at a loss. The only person Hermione would have anything to do with was Teddy, she had taken to being responsible for him during Dora's lessons instead of Andi. She got so attached to him that on Wednesday night, she fell asleep cuddled up with Teddy in bed.

HP

Finally, on Friday, when everyone else was at lunch, Jaime came back to the Playhouse for lunch. It was just her, Hermione, Dan and Emma at the table and still it was a very quiet lunch.

After lunch, however, Jaime followed Hermione to the study where Hermione was going through classwork that she had missed this week. When Jaime followed her in, she rolled her eyes. "What's wrong Jaime?" She asked rather sharply, shuffling her work wishing Jaime would just leave her alone.

"I just wanted to talk about how you're doing. As far as we can tell, you haven't talked at all about what happened and the family is worried." She responded quietly.

Mione snorted. "You mean Harry and Sirius are worried and they talked you into talking to me yeah?"

"No. I mean that I've had a few friends who've gone through this and I've seen what not talking does." She looked sternly over at Mione. "If you don't want to talk to me that's fine, however your mum's been through this as well, talk to her if you wont talk to me." She sighed. "I'm worried about you, sweets. Please talk to someone, it'll eat you up inside if you don't. I thought you might like to talk to an impartial party, rather than someone who has known you for as long as the rest of the family." She sighed as she got up, feeling dejected that she couldn't help. "That's all I came here to say."

As she was leaving, Hermione grabbed her arm and Jaime looked down. "Thanks for caring, Jaime."

"Your welcome, sweets." She smiled.

When Jaime left, Hermione sat there thinking about the baby and how she felt about losing it. She decided Jaime was right, she needed to talk to someone who had been through this before and went in search of her mum.

"Hi, love." Emma greeted Hermione as she came into the kitchen. "Want some tea?" She asked as the kettle whined.

"Sure Mum." She sat down at the island as Emma went about making tea, Hermione looked at her mum critically. Her mum had always been the consummate business woman. However, when Hermione was little, she remembered how she loved Hermione and would play dolls or tea with her. She knew that her parents had a hard time having her but now wondered why they didn't try again. "Mum, why don't I have any younger siblings?"

Emma sighed as she put Hermione's cup in front of her. "We lost two babies before we had you. You know that, yes?" At Hermione's nod, she continued. "I was convinced that I was cursed, that I'd never have kids. Then you came along and your dad and I were so happy, we couldn't believe it." She smiled at her little miracle all grown up. "And we couldn't have been prouder, we decided that one was enough for us." She paused a moment. "When you were around five, we got pregnant again, it was a complete accident, but we were just as pleased with that pregnancy as we were with you. As the weeks went past we sighed in relief at 12 weeks it felt like a weight was starting to lift from my shoulders. A few days later, I began cramping… we lost that one too." She leaned over and kissed her girl. "Daddy decided to have a Vasectomy after that, he said he was perfectly happy with his perfect little girl and beautiful wife-his words-what more could he want?"

"Did you resent him for having that done?" she asked curiously.

"No. I understood his reasoning."

"How did you not blame yourself? For the miscarriages?"

"To tell you the truth, I did." She looked sad. "I thought I must not have done something right. Maybe I didn't eat the right foods; maybe I got too much exercise. Maybe, maybe, maybe. I doubted everything; your father included. Maybe he didn't want the baby enough. God knew I did, so it had to be Dan, yeah?" They both chuckled.

"So, how'd you get over it?"

"I buried myself in work and with time was able to talk about it." Emma paused. "Love, this may seem harsh but for the good of the twins, you have to let this go, you have to think about what's best for them. Their mum being so upset is bad for their development."

"I just feel so guilty." She started crying softly. Emma came around and held her. "Like you said, was there something I could have done differently? Did I not eat enough of something or eat too much? Did I not want them enough? Merlin knows I was really nervous about the pregnancy. Did that have something to do with it?" She looked up at her mum pleadingly.

"No, love. Nothing like that." She began petting Hermione's hair like she used to do when she was sick. "This isn't anybody's fault; it just is. You know I don't believe in God, what I do believe is that everything happens for a reason. Looking back on all our struggles to have you, maybe I went through that so I could help you." She shrugged. "I don't know. What I do know is that eventually the gaping hole you feel in your heart closes, little by little until it is almost full, never completely whole again but mostly."

HP

After talking to her mum Hermione was able to start to processing the pain she felt due to the miscarriage, she was still distant with the family and showed a distinct lack of interest in school, teaching and inventing, but she was starting to eat more and be around the family, even if she didnt interact with them. When Sarah and Jordan arrived back to the Playhouse, after class finished for the day, Hermione emerged a little from her self imposed exile, and talked to Sarah, properly for the first time since she arrived.

"Hey, Hermione." Sarah greeted as she sat down with Jordan to breastfeed.

"Hey Sarah. How's my classes going?"

Sarah's head popped up curiously. This was the first time Hermione had shown any interest in anything as far as Sarah could tell. "The kids are adjusting pretty well, right now we're talking a lot about the members of the royal family who lived in the Tower and of course those who were witches or wizards. They're getting a kick out of that." She laughed. "I understand from the way the kids talk that this is the first year you've done field trips?"

Hermione laughed. "It's also the first year we've had a live history teacher in centuries. It was so bad that my fiancé and almost everyone else fell asleep during his lessons."

"Well, they can't stop talking of the trip to Stonehenge and are really looking forward to this next trip, although we've put it off until January." She smiled.

"Are you having any discipline problems?"

"They're pre-teens so there are some but nothing I can't handle."

"That's good."

"Hello, Hello." They heard Sirius yell.

"In the game room." Hermione called. They heard Sirius' boots clomping on the marble floored entryway.

"Hey you two." Sirius grinned at Hermione. "It's good to see you up love." He leaned down and kissed her forehead as he went towards the study to put his bag down.

As everyone came wandering in after classes, they all settled in the game room. By the time everyone was there, there were: Sirius and Jaime, Dora and Teddy, Harry and Hermione, Nev and Luna, Dan and Emma, Mark and Sarah and Jordan.

"Has this room gotten bigger since last night?" Sirius asked.

"Yes." Hermione laughed. "I heard Dobby and Mitzy commenting that if we brought any more guests to stay, they'd have to make another floor for this room." She looked at Harry, giggling. "Dobby was muttering all while they were enlarging it."

Harry and Sirius laughed as well. "Dobby?" Sirius called.

"Yes, Master Dogfather." Dobby grinned.

"Thanks for expanding the room."

"You're welcome. Mitzy wishes to know before guests come to stay so she can help me get ready, please." He smiled shyly.

"Of course." Sirius smiled as Dobby popped out. "Well, I better go work on lesson plans for next week. Dan, want to play some poker tonight?"

Dan grinned. "Sure. After the kids go to bed, I'll take you to the cleaners."

"What if we want to play?" Nev asked.

Dan and Sirius grinned evilly at each other. "Sure Nev. Especially if you have your dad's talent." Sirius agreed.

"Did my dad play poker?" Nev asked excitedly.

"Yes. I suppose what he played was called poker." Sirius laughed, memories of teaching Frank the game pouring through his brain. "He was really bad at it. But then again, so was James. They were both too easy to read."

"Okay." Jaime got up and pushed Sirius towards the study. "We need to work." Everyone split up, including Hermione who went to work on her own homework.

There were several similarities and differences between the Playhouse and the Madhouse. First, there was no drawing room in the playhouse. Where the sitting room was at home, there was the game room. A door behind the bar led to the study. The kitchen, like in the Madhouse, was on the other side of the entryway.

The differences were really on the first floor. Yes, there were six master bedrooms. However, each had an extra bedroom like Dora's did at home plus a small study. Then there were three extra bedrooms, each with an ensuite attached.

"I love magic." Harry breathed as he looked into the new rooms again. Mione just shook her head with a smile as she went to the study and like they'd done in the past, they did their work as a pair.

Occasionally, Harry would reach for Mione's hand and kiss it, after studying for an hour or so, Hermione decided to go for a nap. At around half four a student came in to get Neville's help with Herbology.

For The Family, it was the first normal afternoon since the miscarriage, that night they made pizza and watched Snow White (one of Hermione's favorite movies).

Sunday 29 November 1998

While Friday saw Hermione showing some interest in life, Saturday, she slept most of the day. Consequently, Harry spent most of the day holding Hermione while she cried in her sleep.

On Sunday morning, Harry woke up earlier than most mornings, quietly he got out of bed and headed for the kitchen, rounding the corner he walked smack into Sirius, quickly Sirius grabbed his arms and steadied him, before asking. "Feel like going for a swim?"

Harry cocked his head as he thought about it. "Sure. Let me get into my suit and leave Mione a note." He headed back to his room and began getting changed, as he did this he watched Mione's frown slightly in her sleep. She was still paler than normal but it wasn't as bad as it had been. However, there was an underlying sadness about her that he was concerned about.

A few minutes later, he found Sirius in the game room, with a towel thrown over his shoulder waiting for him. As they left the Playhouse, Sirius asked. "So kiddo how are you doin'? We didn't see either of you at all yesterday, had us a little worried."

"Well, I woke up to Mione crying. So, you can imagine how the rest of the day went." He groaned. "I'm just glad Healer Axel gave her clearance to go back to classes tomorrow. She needs something to focus on, instead of laying around and just thinking, which always leads to these crying bouts. I get it of course, but it still worries me."

"How are you doing though?" Sirius asked again as they got in the pool.

"Fine." Harry started doing laps then.

Sirius sighed, for some reason he couldn't get Harry to talk about the miscarriage and it was getting irritating. Sirius knew that after that first day, Harry hadn't spoken about anything except Hermione since, especially not his feelings regarding the miscarriage, he had checked, he'd even asked Mark, hoping Harry would talk to someone, but no.

That's why he'd invited Harry along this morning, hoping that getting him alone would give him time to open up about it. As he began doing his own laps, he made a promise to himself that he'd get Harry to talk to him today.

About an hour later, they got out and started walking back. "So, talk to me Harry. How're you doing with all this? I know you're not fine."

"Okay Padfoot, I'm not fine." Harry admitted. "Remember when we talked about the triplets and my being scared? "As Sirius nodded, he continued.

Sirius stopped dead and grabbed Harry by the arms with an incredulous look on his face. "Are you really blaming yourself for this because you said you thought you couldn't handle three but you could handle two?"

"Well, what am I supposed to think?"

"That it was a tragic accident that was no one's fault." Sirius said firmly.

"Then why does it hurt to even think about the baby?" He pleaded with Sirius.

"Because you loved it Harry. Hermione may have carried it but you loved it too. You are allowed to grieve it as well."

HP

When they got back to their quarters, everyone seemed to already be up. Harry looked around for Dora. "Where's Teddy?"

"With Mione." She smiled. "She came in to get him a little while ago."

Harry smiled back. "He'll be good medicine for her."

"That's what I thought." Emma replied as she came into the game room. "I think they were going to go into the bath."

"I'll go up and check on them." He hurried up the stairs to their room and heard Hermione singing but couldn't make out the words, so he moved closer to the door to the bathroom.

"It happened one day, as Bo-Peep did stray

into a meadow hard by,

there she espied their tails side by side,

all hung on a tree to dry."

He heard his fiancée singing in her sweet voice, he let out a deep sigh as he realised that if she was singing to Teddy, she might be feeling better. His greatest wish at that moment was that Hermione never stopped singing to any of the children, no matter how old they got.

After he got dressed for the day, he sat down and started reading a new book. When Hermione got out of the bath, she smiled at him. "Hey love." She put Teddy on their bed. "Why don't you get Teddy dressed while I get myself ready?"

"Sure. You're done with my godson then?" He grinned at his future wife.

She grinned back as she turned to her closet, dropping her robe as she looked back at him and quirked an eyebrow. "For now."

"Not fair." Harry groaned as he got off the bed. He heard her laugh evilly as he took Teddy in his arms.

At about 10 Augusta arrived for brunch, while they ate they talked some more about the war, developing more of the back story for Jamie, who was recording the entire conversation for later use, they didn't really talk about anything deep or important more filling in the holes of previous stories, describing people or events in a better way. Augusta stayed until almost 4 o'clock just talking with the family and generally basking in their laughter. It turned out to be one of the most normal days since the miscarriage happened, Harry had a hard time believing it had been only a week.

Tuesday 1 December 1998

Tuesday was both Hermione and Luna's light day. Luna only taught two classes and Hermione wasn't teaching any. When Luna returned to the Playhouse, she found Hermione sitting with Teddy, rocking him in the game room.

Luna ran up to her room to put her stuff away, yelling "Be right back, Mione."

Mione just laughed and looked at Teddy. "Auntie Luna makes so much noise when she runs up the stairs." Teddy just giggled as he grabbed Hermione's hair.

"So, how're you doing Mione?" Luna asked as she sat in the game room.

"Okay. Thanks to you, I turned in all my homework." She smiled. "It's funny. Homework and grades are still important to me but they aren't nearly as important as Harry or these two." She put her hand on her slightly protruding belly.

"Priorities shift." She shrugged. "My grades have lowered in importance too. After everything that happened in the war, I can't see myself worrying about my grades the way I used to." She smiled. "Besides, I have Nev to think about now."

"All I know is that I have to take care of these two. They're the most important things in the world to me now."

"You seem to be doing better these last two days." Luna commented.

"I'm still sad and it still hurts but being in classes has helped me realise that I can't close off to everyone. Like mum said yesterday, the twins need me to take care of myself, not wallow." She sighed. "I have a feeling it'll always be there but I'm hoping it won't hurt as much as time goes on."

Wednesday 2 December 1998

As Harry and Hermione were getting ready for bed that night, Harry commented nearly the same thing as Luna. "You seem to be doing a lot better these last few days."

"I am. I can't help feeling sad but we can't forget that we still have babies to look forward to." She smiled at her lover and best friend as she settled in bed and laid her head on his chest.

"I love you Mione. We could lose all of them and as long as I had you, I know I'd be okay." He kissed her hair as she looked up at him.

"Don't say that. I don't want to lose them. But I love you too Harry." She settled back down to his chest and promptly fell asleep.