A/N: So, this is that humor one-shot I mentioned back when I wrote Maiden – essentially, in Final Fantasy XV, near the start of the game, you can go into a place called the Balouve Mines. The mines are filled with very weak lv7 Goblins pretty much all the way through, until the bottom where you run into a lv50 Samurai monster. Funny thing is, there's a location where you can stand, where he can't hit you even though you're in his agro zone, so if you equip Noctis with a gun (and are willing to waste literally 45+ minutes of your life), you can kill him at lv3. You can't get the weapon he's guarding til later on when you get the key, but you get a shit ton of experience, which is always nice. Anyway, I sorta wanted to see a fic that addressed this silly game mechanic, so here you go! Noctis and Prompto make bad life decisions, the fic.

It feels like ages before Ignis gets everything put away and goes to bed. His organization and meticulous nature are always a boon when camping, but times like this Noctis wishes his friend were a little less concerned about the details. He waits a few more minutes, until Iggy's breathing evens out, before sneaking out of bed as quietly as possible and creeping towards Prompto's unconscious form.

Shaking the blond's shoulder lightly, he waits until Prompto stares blearily at him to walk towards the door to their room. A moment before he steps through the door he hears Prompto's attempt at quiet scrambling, before suddenly they're side-by-side. Putting his finger to his lips, Noctis closes the bedroom door gently and leads his friend down the hallway and out of the Inn they'd been staying at.

Prompto waits until they're all the way outside before relaxing enough to look at him.

"Geez Noct, what the fuck? What are we doing? I don't even want to think about what Ignis is going to do to us if he hears that we snuck out at night! W-wait are we leaving the city?!" Noctis looks back at his friend's alarm, tossing a casual grin.

"It's okay, as long as we're fast we'll be back before Ignis ever even notices! Don't worry about the daemons, we'll just run away if any show up. Let's go!" So saying, he picks up the pace to a light jog, and Prompto quickly falls into step beside him.

"Okay but seriously man, what are we doing?" the blond asks, still somewhat apprehensive as to his friend's motives.

When Noctis gets that look in his eyes, it always means trouble.

"Remember when we were exploring those mines?"

Prompto already has such a bad feeling about this.

"Yeah…?"

"And how everything inside them was really weak, even after the sun went down?"

"…yeah…"

"Right up until that one daemon that nearly killed us?"

"Noct…"

Noctis throws a grin at his pale friend. "Well, we found him again at the heart of the mine, yeah?"

"And he nearly killed us again, in case you've forgotten!"

"Yeah, but he didn't hit Gladio." Noctis' grin spreads wide across his face. "He couldn't hit Gladio at all! Even when I warped over to join him, that daemon didn't even try to touch us!"

"…please tell me you aren't about to say what I think you are."

"I think that daemon got stuck down there. I bought a spare gun at that one caravan, remember? I think if we stand where Gladio was, we can kill it!"

Prompto slows to a stop, staring at Noctis in horror.

"Y-you mean… we're gonna… without… ARE YOU MAD?!"

Noctis jumps, a bit surprised by his friend's sudden shout.

"We're gonna run, all the way to Balouve Mines, alone, in the dark, which we are then going to go through, alone, in the dark, with a bunch of daemons –" "Yeah, weak daemons." "-A BUNCH OF DAEMONS, and we're going to go all the way to the heart of the mines, to try and take down a sword-wielding daemon that already nearly killed us once, just on the assumption that he can't hit us, and then get all the way back to the inn without Ignis ever realizing?! DID YOU EVEN THINK THIS THROUGH?"

Noctis laughs, draping his arm across his friend's shoulders. "Don't worry so much! If it turns out I'm wrong, we can just run away! Come on, something that strong in such a weak mine has to be guarding something cool, don't you think? Don't you wanna know what it is?" Noctis grins at Prompto and starts walking, dragging his friend along beside him.

Prompto resists for a minute, before reluctantly relaxing into Noctis' pace.

"Okay, fine. But if Ignis finds out about this, and you know he will, I'm telling him it was all your idea and I only went along with it cause you threatened to go alone if I didn't."

"Psh, trust me, Iggy won't suspect a thing. Now come on, faster we get there the faster we get back!" Noctis lets go of his friend, breaking back into a jog, and Prompto sighs, loudly, before following his prince.

The journey to the mines goes off without a hitch (Prompto would like to disagree. They passed three – count that, three Iron Giants, which they had to run for their lives from), and Noctis eagerly gestures for his friend to join him in the elevator.

Prompto glares scornfully at his prince, considers just waiting in the entrance to the mine, before remembering he'd be in the dark, alone, while his friend did something stupid alone, and quickly jumps in.

The elevator rattles a bit, and Prompto whimpers, before it starts to descend.

"I hate you so much you have no idea Noct I swear I am never going along with your stupid ideas again I hope Ignis makes you eat vegetables from now until Doomsday do you hear me?!" Prompto exclaims, as the elevator jerks to a violent stop.

His friend just laughs, shrugging Prompto off his arm and eagerly stepping out into the mine proper. Prompto throws a few more curses for good measure, before following his prince, wrapping both hands around his gun as he creeps behind the Lucis.

The mine is even more harrowing than before, without Gladio's great broadsword clearing the way, without Ignis' sharp eyes watching their backs, and Prompto jumps at every little sound. Noctis looks a little more cautious than he did before, which, good, but he doesn't glance back even once, determined to go through with his ridiculous plan, and Prompto would quite like to cry but no way is he turning back alone at this point, so he keeps following and Noctis keeps leading, all the way to the depths of the mine.

They get to the rickety stairwell that leads down to the basin where the katana-wielding daemon paces, back and forth and back and forth, its corrupted aura sending cold shivers up and down Prompto's spine.

"Noct… are we seriously doing this man?"

Noctis looks back, and bumps shoulders with his friend reassuringly. "Definitely! Come on, it's that ledge right over there – we'll have great line of sight and the entire basin will be in-range."

He jumps down immediately, taking the stairs quickly, and Prompto groans, praying to the Astrals that they don't just die here, because he's pretty sure he'll be the one getting in trouble for it… Noctis calls for him to hurry up, and Prompto throws a rude gesture at him, causing the prince to laugh, before he starts down himself. Noctis waits for him to catch up, before they continue to the ledge side-by-side.

Prompto jumps every time the daemon lets out a cry, cold shivers racing up and down his spine without mercy as they quickly dispatch any goblins that get in their way. Noctis slows down for a moment, as they come across a wide ledge.

"I'm… pretty sure we're in range right there." He says, gesturing. "So we'll have to run. Ready?"

"Wha-ABSOLUTELY NOT- NOCTIS!"

Prompto screams in frustration as his friend rushes out, but bolts after him anyway not two steps behind – and Noctis was right, they are in range – Prompto screams and throws himself forward as an attack passes overhead, so powerful its passing nearly blows him over-

Noctis grabs him, shouts - "I've got a clear shot!" - and for a second, Prompto freezes in horror because they're still in range, but there's a whoosh, a sensation of warmth, and Prompto realizes that Noctis meant he had a clear warp-point.

He collapses in relief, leaning against his friend's leg.

Noctis laughs, and pokes him in the head.

"Come on, look, I was right! He can't hit us here. Grab your gun, let's see how many bullets it takes to waste this thing!"

Prompto groans, throwing another rude gesture toward his friend, but straightens up and finds a good kneeling position against the rails. He hates to admit it, but Noctis was right, they've got full sight and range of the basin from here, and the daemon really can't hit them – throwing ranged attacks whose wind stirs his clothes but no more than that – leaving them a perfect opportunity to dispatch it.

"I'd just like to remind you that I still hate you." Prompto complains, before drawing aim and firing the first shot.

The daemon roars, causing him to nearly fumble his grip, but nothing more happens, its attacks still can't reach them, and Noctis chuckles before joining him.

The air is quickly filled with the sound of gunfire.

"A Friendship Band. All that work. For a fucking Friendship Band. Noctis, I am going to shoot you."

Noctis laughs nervously at the very sincere annoyance in his friend's voice. Prompto sounds fit to kill and the prince wonders if walking in front is really the best idea… tossing a grin behind him, he tries to calm the blond's (very well-deserved) ire.

"There was that locked door too!"

"Yes. A locked door. That we don't have a key to. That you can't phase through. Load of good that does!"

"Ehehe, well… it was fun?"

"THAT WAS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF FUN NOCTIS!" Prompto tackles his companion from behind, bearing them both to the floor as he tries to get a stranglehold on the Lucis Caelum's neck. "I CAN'T BELIEVE I WENT ALONG WITH THIS, I THOUGHT MY FINGERS WERE GOING TO FALL OFF FROM THE STRAIN YOU JERK!"

Noctis laughs as they wrestle on the ground in front of the mines, letting the tension from the fight seep out of him (not that he'd admit to it at all, Prompto was too furious, the teasing would never end).

The tight groaning of an Iron Giant echoes across the cavern, and they freeze, Prompto's hand still fisted in his shirt.

Trading looks of mutual horror, Noctis grabs his friend and warps as far as he can, as a greatsword crashes to the earth behind them. They take off running, bolting back toward the small town, and lights.

Exhaustion curls unpleasant in Noctis' gut, as he hastens Prompto forward, as they flee across the plains. His blond friend keeps pace, not breathing half as hard, and Noctis curses the photographer out in the privacy of his mind.

It's a long, miserable journey back, walking when they could and sprinting every time something rises out of the darkness. They make it back into the city limits not even half an hour before true dawn, leaning on each other as they stumble down the road.

Noctis stares down at his feet as he places one in front of the other, leaning most of his weight on his blond companion, who may look gangly, but clearly has more stamina than he ever realized to not be dead on his feet from all that running…

Prompto freezes suddenly, his grip on Noctis tightening as the prince trips in surprise at the sudden halt, and at his friend's sudden, terrified laugh, Noctis slowly raises his head.

Ignis and Gladio stand in front of the Regalia, and Noctis feels a sudden wash of cold terror more potent than anything the daemon inflicted.

Prompto drops him, takes two steps away as Noctis' legs give out and cause him to collapse, points his finger, and speaks before Ignis even has a chance to open his mouth.

"It was all his idea I swear!"

That dread in Noctis' gut thickens and churns unpleasantly, as Ignis adjusts his glasses and curls his lips into a severe frown.

…maaaaaaaybe it wasn't such a good idea after all…

Laughing nervously, Noctis wonders with hysteria how long Ignis is going to ground him this time…

The taste of vegetables lingers unpleasantly on his tongue as his advisor tears into the prince with a vengeance.

Oh yeah. This had definitely been a bad idea.