Trigger warning: descriptions of an accident, and panic attacks ahead.

I used to be a superhero. Miraculous Ladybug, that's what I was. Before. People loved me, looked up to me, had expectations. But that was all before.

I used to be Marinette. A normal girl with a normal life, to be sure. But that was before. One day a tiny fairy came into my life along with a pair of earrings, and everything changed. Who knew one pair of earrings and a fairy could do so much for one person. They gave me confidence, boosted my creativity, helped me grow. Tikki, my sweet kwami, helped me fly higher than I ever thought I could reach on my own. I graduated at the top of my class in university, secured the coveted internship at Gabriel Fashions. I was Ladybug, leader of Team Miraculous, hell bent on stopping Hawk Moth once and for all. We had a plan to figure out the super villain's identity. I was in charge and ready to go.

Three seconds. That's all it took to change everything, forever.

I always thought that if I stopped being Ladybug it would be because she was no longer needed. Hawk Moth would be defeated and I would be free to resume my normal life. Or not so normal life, because really, after being partners with Chat Noir for so long, I don't think normal would be the same. It was always our plan to reveal identities after Hawk Moth's defeat, because after so many years together I couldn't imagine my life without him. He was my best friend, better even than Alya. He understood me. He usurped Adrien's place in my heart, even though I never told him, too afraid of what it might look like with Hawk Moth still at large. But before we could put our plan to discover the despicable butterfly's identity, there was an accident.

It wasn't even an akuma related accident. Just a normal girl, normal life accident, only this time it wasn't my fault. No one could blame poor, clumsy Marinette for this one. I wasn't even driving, just sitting in the passenger's seat of my papa's car, chatting about nothing when I heard a muffled bang and the world started spinning. Our car was hit from behind, and for what seemed like eternity, but was really only a few seconds, our car spun across four lanes of traffic. I was completely confused. Didn't know what world I was in, I just heard Papa's voice saying we're ok, we're ok over and over again. When we stopped spinning in a grassy patch beside the road, Papa squeezed out of the car and called emergency services, but I was stuck in the car since the jerk who hit us, and then ditched us, hit the car on my side. I couldn't move my arm, but my heart was beating so hard in my chest that I didn't feel any pain.

They cut me out of the car and took me to the hospital where I learned my arm was broken, severely, and required surgery to correct. The surgery was scheduled, performed the next day, and they sent me home to recover the next day. The doctors and therapists told me I would heal well, although I never did regain one hundred percent movement in my arm. And then there were the nightmares. Well, really, they were more like flashbacks. Most nights I would feel the world start to spin as soon as I closed my eyes to sleep. I could hear the bang of the other car ramming into us like it was happening all over again. I was afraid to sleep.

When Master Fu heard of my predicament he suggested I loan the earrings to Chat while I recovered. There wasn't anything I could do with an akuma anyway, with my dominant arm out of commission for the next few months. I couldn't even button my own pants, much less catch and purify a butterfly. So the earrings went to Chat, Plagg came to stay with me, just in case, and Master Fu loaned Rena and Carapace their jewels on a semi-permanent basis, until I was recovered. It took four long months to get to a point where I could confidently sling my yoyo again. I was so relieved to have Tikki back. I really missed her. Plagg is such a grump.

And so my miraculous life continued. Or so I thought it would, but I kept having accident flashbacks. At first it was just at night when I was trying to go to sleep, and then it started happening during work hours. I had already missed several months of my internship and Gabriel Agreste is not a patient man, so when I started having panic attacks while I was supposed to be learning from the master, it was "suggested" that I take some time to get my life together. A cut throat fashion empire had no place for an intern who was constantly taking breaks just to breathe, no matter how talented of a designer I was. I found myself adrift, with nothing to do but be Ladybug. In my disappointment, I withdrew and started living in my head. I worked for my parents to keep the bills paid, but otherwise kept myself to myself. I didn't know how to tell my friends what was happening to me, and Ladybug had to be Ladybug. Strong, kind, clever. There was no room for panic or anxiety.

Then the flashbacks started happening during akuma attacks. The akuma would grab ahold of me and fling me off somewhere and I would be paralyzed, just sitting there while Chat fought the akuma alone. I would come back to myself as soon as the possessed item was broken, just enough to catch and purify the butterfly, and then I would swing off in a hurry to get away and get myself together. After a month of fighting akumas this way, Master Fu stepped in and made the Miraculous switch a permanent one, so some of the stress of being a superhero would be lifted from my shoulders. And so the little curmudgeon Plagg came to stay with me and we became Mister Bug and Lady Noire. It wasn't the same, and I still had flashbacks during fights. Rena and Carapace came back permanently, and even though he never said so, I knew Master Fu was looking for a new hero to take my place. Chat preferred being Chat, after all, and I was useless as Ladybug.

He found her. A girl to take my place as Ladybug. She was exceptional, of course she was. And I was out. I couldn't handle the stress anymore. I was angry. I was relieved. And I never saw Chat again. As Ladybug, anyway.

Chat began coming to my apartment shortly after the accident. He came by every now and then as Mister Bug to see how I was healing up, to see if I needed anything now that I didn't need as much help and Maman had moved back to the bakery with Papa. He kept coming by as Chat after I was physically healed up, and the visits became a little more frequent. He always seemed to know when I was having a particularly bad day, and he was there the day I lost my internship. He would come and give me the tightest hug, pet my hair, and tell me I would be ok. His visits became less frequent after we switched to Mister Bug and Lady Noire permanently. After I left the superhero business and he became Chat again, the visits picked up. He would come by everyday to see how I was doing.

He really helped me see how much I needed help. He gave me a number to a counselor and encouraged me to call. He helped me see that it's ok to need help, it's ok to ask for help, and it's ok to be angry, to be sad, to feel weak. I got help. It took me a long time to come to terms with my anger, to talk about my fear, to accept that I am only human after all, to stop living in my head so much, to ask for help, or grace when I needed it. He told me about his own grief, how his counselor helped him come to terms with it. He was my soft place to land.

He came by the day Team Miraculous finally defeated Hawk Moth. He cried when he told me Hawk Moth was his father. We cried together when he told me he knew I was the first Ladybug, ever since we switched kwamis the second time. I sobbed into his chest when he told me that he has loved me since the first day he saw me, and then he dropped his transformation and we sobbed together. Because of course, he is Adrien. Who else could he possibly be? This exhausted man sleeping fitfully on my couch who I have held a torch for in one way or another since I was thirteen, is the same man who has been by my side when I need him. My partner, my friend, my love.

I used to be Ladybug. I used to be Marinette. Now, we are Ladybug and Chat Noir. Marinette and Adrien. Stronger together. Always.

Originally this story was not going to have a happy ending. But my MariChat shipping heart had it's way, and they had to end up together in the end.