CHAPTER ONE

Summary: AU of New Moon in which Bella bounces back from her relationship with Edward instead of falling into a depressive state.

Bella started at the cracks in her ceiling forlornly, trying to ignore the empty feeling in the pit of her stomach. She'd been laying in bed for four days now, and besides drinking the water her father her and picking over the sandwiches he made, she hadn't moved much. She was still in the same clothes from four days ago, from when Sam Uley had found her in the woods and brought her home. The only consolation was that her shoes were off, although it wasn't like her bed could get any worse. She, and her sheets, were covered in dirt, leaves, and splashes of mud. Her body felt gross, her skin itchy, but she lacked the energy to roll out of bed and do something about it.

The four days spent in bed had been spent trying not to think about her current situation, but then thinking about it anyways, the thoughts playing on repeat in her head. Her father kept gently asking her what happened, but Bella had just shaken her head and remained silent. How could she explain to her father that she had been played by a family of vampires?

Laying in bed had given her a lot of time to think, and once she got going, she couldn't stop. She began to analyze every interaction that she had with the Cullens, and she finally saw what made her father so wary of Edward.

A few years ago, when Bella was still living in Arizona with her mom, she'd had to write a paper for health class about toxic and abusive relationships. She'd spent weeks going through databases to find information on warning signs, how to spot them, and how to safely remove oneself from the situation. After working her ass off on that paper, the information was permanently ingrained in her head.

However, it was like moving to Forks had made her forget everything she'd learned.

After spending four days curled up into a ball, Bella was forced to confront the very real, very unhealthy nature of her relationship with Edward. She was always guilted into wearing things she didn't want to wear, going places where she didn't want to go, not being allowed to drive herself anywhere or spend time with who she wanted, being told that she couldn't make her own choices and that it was "for her own good".

Edward and his family had done all of those things to her, and she never questioned it, just kept retreating further and further into herself so she wouldn't upset them.

Every interaction with the Cullens had made her feel like she was walking through a field of landmines, heart beating furiously in her chest as she worked to avoid any explosions.

She wore what Alice told her to wear because it made the smaller girl happy. She let Edward choose how she got around town and when she could go out, let him dictate when it was time for her to eat and sleep, just to appease him. Gorging herself on Esme's food so that her feelings wouldn't get hurt. Not expressing her concerns over Emmett manhandling her, or about how poorly Rosalie treated her.

Bella spent a year of her life being okay with not being treated with basic human decency. Didn't she deserve happiness? Didn't she deserve respect?

Edward treated her like she was made of glass, as if she would die without him guiding her through life. But being human didn't make her invalid. She survived without the Cullens for, what, sixteen years of her life? Bella seriously doubted that she'd spontaneously combust without being babysat.

Inhaling deeply, Bella gagged as her nostrils filled with the awful stench of her body odor, reminding her that she hadn't showered in several days and that she was currently laying in a pile of her own filth. She supposed that going so long without a shower wasn't really doing much to prove that she didn't need a babysitter.

Bella sat up slowly, closing her eyes for a second to get herself together. The room spun a bit, no doubt a result of her suddenly being upright after being horizontal for so long. She reached for the glass of water her father had placed on the bedside table and sipped it slowly, humming contentedly at the wall the cool liquid slid down her dry throat.

She placed the glass back down and slowly got to her feet, stretching her leg muscles, grimacing at the mud print she left on her sheets. Bella tugged off her clothes, tossing them in the laundry hamper, then took the sheets and blanket off her bed. Peeling both off proved to be a challenge as she struggled not to make an even bigger mess on the floor. After stuffing the filthy fabrics away, Bella grabbed her bag of toiletries, a towel and rag, and slipped into the bathroom.

The scorching hot shower that followed was downright heavenly, dirt and leaves washing away down the drain. The scent of her strawberry shampoo and conditioner was a comfort, made her feel better already as her hair improved from its previous matted and sweaty state. She washed herself thoroughly, enjoying the feeling of the water beating into her skin.

The shower gave her time to think about what she was going to do next.

She wouldn't heal from Cullen induced damage right away, but recognizing the issue and citing several examples was the first step to recovery. Now that she could see how toxic Edward and his family were, she was better equipped to protect herself should they ever decide to cross paths with her again.

The main issue was making sure she didn't fall for their same tricks again.

Her self esteem was low, had been for several years, and Edward had made her feel special; the handsome, heartthrob of the school focusing on the plain Jane. She had fallen for his charm hook, line, and sinker. She supposed it was also due to his natural vampiric nature; vampires were natural predators, and so it made sense that Edward was able to mold her to easily without her even realizing. All they had to do was dazzle her and she was putty in their hands.

And now, with their sudden departure, she had collapsed in on herself and become bedridden, as if going through withdrawal. Normal breakups shouldn't be like this. She shouldn't have been borderline comatose without them, as if their presence was her only lifeline.

The water started to get cold, so Bella turned the shower off and got out, wrapping the fluffy towel around her. Standing in front of the sink, Bella wiped at the mirror to clear the fog. Plugging in the blowdryer, she turned it on low and used the brush to slowly work the tangles out of her hair as she dried it. Finally clean and put together, her hair fell in waves down her back.

After brushing her teeth and cleaning up her hair, Bella went back to her room and turned on the lights, inhaling sharply at the stinging sensation in her eyes. She'd been in the dark for way too long.

The next forty five minutes were spent moisturizing, getting dressed, and making her room less like a landfill. She picked up the dirty clothes on the floor and put them in the hamper, and moved the hamper by the door so that she could do laundry later. She put fresh sheets on her bed, smoothing out the wrinkles. As Bella moved to go open the window, she looked at herself in the floor length mirror hanging from her closet door.

The dark blue jeans, forest green sweater, and dark brown ankle boots was a decent ensemble, and she was impressed that had the balls to wear shoes with a heel, although the heel wasn't very large. Just two inches, and thick, so she was sure she wouldn't fall too much. While she still looked pale and tired, she looked significantly less dead.

Bella opened the curtains and the blinds, allowing thin rays of sunshine to filter in through the room. The ground was wet, telling Bella that it had rained very recently, but the roads didn't look too bad. After being in the house for four days, Bella actually wanted to go outside and get some fresh air, although she doubted her father would let her take another walk after what happened the last time. She wondered if Charlie would want to go out with her, maybe get something to eat.

Just as she turned away from the window with the intent of going downstairs to find him, her door opened, and Charlie stood in the doorway, gaping at her.

They stared at each other for a moment before Bella finally broke the moment with a hoarse, "Hey."

Charlie crossed her bedroom in just four steps and pulled her into a hug, and that's when the dam broke. Bella sobbed into his chest, finally letting herself truly feel for the first time in a while. Bella felt wetness seeping onto her shoulder, and she guessed that he was crying, too.

Charlie finally let her go, pulling back, keeping his hands on her arms.

"Hey," he whispered back.

Bella cleared her throat and wiped her face, mustering up a sheepish smile. "I was just about to come find you. I was wondering if you wanted to go out for dinner. Or I could cook! Whichever one yo -"

"Let's go out!" Charlie said. "And we don't have to go to The Lodge. We can go anywhere. Wherever you want to go."

"We could go to that new diner in Port Angeles?" Bella suggested. "I'm kind of in the mood to eat my weight in pancakes."

Charlie stared at his daughter as she browsed the menu.

After their little cry session, Charlie had gotten dressed and they headed out. He'd made Bella grab a jacket since her raincoat was currently soiled, sitting in her laundry hamper. They'd taken his cruiser to the diner, and he hadn't protested when Bella turned on the radio, flicking through the stations. It was the most he'd seen her move in four days, and he didn't want her to shut down again. She'd finally settled on listening to some old nineties music, bobbing her head to the beat.

It was like she had become an entirely different person in the hour and a half that she'd been out of bed.

Four days ago, when he'd come home and he hadn't been there, he wasn't really phased at first. It was normal for Bella to spend time with the Cullens, specifically Edward and Alice, before coming home. But then he saw her note on the kitchen table about how she'd gone out for a walk, and that was when the panic set in. Bella liked nature good enough, but she was clumsy and not very athletic, so she kept her outdoor activities to a minimum. For her to suddenly take an interest in the environmental scenery? Incredibly shady. His feeling of dread had gotten even worse when she didn't answer any of his calls, and it had gotten dark outside.

Desperate to know that she was safe and not dead in a ditch somewhere, Charlie had called everyone he could: other police officers, Billy, Harry, the neighbors, and the Cullens.

Imagine his surprise when Dr. Cullen and Alice's phone numbers were found to be disconnected.

After the most emotionally and mentally draining few hours of his life, Sam Uley, bless his soul, had returned from the woods with Bella in his arms, saying that he'd found her laying on the ground. Dr. Gerandy had looked her over, said she was fine, but Charlie knew that the wounds weren't physical. As angry as he was at the Cullens for leaving so suddenly, he couldn't focus on them right away, he just wanted to make sure Bella stopped shivering and ate something.

The next four days after that had been stressful. Bella refused to get out of bed, just laid there, curled up in the fetal position. She wouldn't talk, just stared at him blankly when he spoke to her. After the first two days, Charlie called Sue over to help him get Bella in the shower, and for a second it seemed like she would go, but when Charlie had muttered to Sue about sending Bella back to Renee, she threw a fit, screaming and swinging on them. Charlie and Sue resolved to let her sit for a bit more.

Every night, Charlie was jerked awake by the sound of Bella's agonized screams, the nightmares visiting her every night. And every night without fail he'd go in and sit with her until she fell back asleep. She drank the water he gave her and ate a few bites of the sandwiches, but after that she'd flop back down on her soiled sheets.

So it had been quite surprising when, as he was washing his breakfast dishes this morning, he heard the shower turn on.

Charlie may not be the best at expressing emotion, and there was some distance between him and his daughter, but he was a teenager himself once, and he knew that Bella would never open up if he darted up the stairs that very second to harass her. So he'd paced the hallway by the door and attempted to watch TV, before he finally cracked and went to go see if she was up and about.

Seeing her standing there, dressed, clean, and looking less dead than before had made emotion swell in his chest. He didn't even have to think twice about going out for dinner, Bella didn't need to be cooped up indoors anymore than she already has.

When they'd gotten to the diner, Bella had quietly asked for a table outside, and at Charlie's questioning glance, she'd flushed and explained that she needed some fresh air.

Just as Charlie opened his mouth to speak to Bella, the waiter arrived.

"Good evening, my name is Marian and I'll be your server for today!" the woman smiled at them. "Can I start you two off with something to drink?"

"Orange juice, please," Bella said.

"Same for me."

"Alrighty!" Marian scribbles their drink orders down on her notepad. "And were you guys ready to order, or did you need some more time to look over the menu?"

"Can we get some more time, please?" Charlie asked, realizing that, in analyzing Bella's actions this morning, he hadn't even glanced at the menu.

"Of course! I'll have your drinks out in a minute."

Marian leaves, and Bella and Charlie are left alone.

The diner, Corner House Restaurant, was pretty busy, not overflowing with customers, but definitely bringing in a good amount of business. They weren't the only ones outside; a few other people were sitting out on the patio that connected to the diner. It was a pleasant enough day outside. The sun was out, but it wasn't too hot, the rain from last night making the day cool, but not too chilly.

As they wait for their drinks, both father and daughter wonder what to say.

"I'm sorry," Bella blurted.

"What?" Charlie jumped, not expecting the abrupt apology.

"You tried to warn me that Edward was bad news, and I didn't listen. I thought that just because I've been taking care of myself and my mother since I was a kid that I was mature enough to handle a relationship, but I was wrong. If anything, that type of upbringing made me even more vulnerable because I didn't really know what to expect. I should have listened to you, and then I went and made you panic by going into the woods."

"I'm not mad at you Bella," Charlie assured her, reaching across the table to grab her hand. Both of them were bad with emotions, but now they had to try. Bella's downward spiral and Charlie's fretting weren't going to come to an end until they talked it out. "I'm mad at the Cullens for hurting you. When I got home that day, I knew you weren't really on a walk, at least not by your own choice. You're not an athlete, Bells," they both gave a watery chuckle, "and I knew that there was no way you were out for a hike."

"That day that I went in the woods, Edward said he wanted to speak with me. We went for a walk on the trail, the one right behind our house. A few minutes in we stopped, and that's when Edward told me that he and his family were leaving. I didn't understand what he meant at first, but then he said that he and his family were moving and that he wanted to break up with me. He, um, told me that he didn't want me, and that he didn't really care for me in the first place, and that my mind was weak, so I'd forget him quickly, as if he were never here."

Charlie's hand tightened around hers, his face turning bright red in anger.

Bella continued, "I asked about Alice and the others, because I hadn't seen them since my birthday party. I wanted to know why they didn't say goodbye, and he said that they all thought a clean break would be best. He left me in the woods then, and I tried to follow him but, you know, he's fast and I'm clumsy. I got lost in the woods, and then I tripped, and I didn't get back up. That's how Sam found me."

"That piece of shit," Charlie growled. "That rat bastard!"

Charlie's filled with the intense urge to hunt down Edward Cullen and strangle the life out of him, just wrap his hands around the arrogant little prick's throat and squeeze.

"Dad, I'm okay," Bella insists. "I mean, not okay, but I'll get there. I just...laying in bed, I had to confront a lot of things that I had been ignoring for months, like the fact that Edward and I's relationship wasn't healthy."

Marian returns with their drinks, and asks if they're ready to order.

Bella asks for a stack of buttermilk pancakes with a side of scrambled eggs and sausage. Charlie, originally going to order their meat lover's option, decided that he didn't need all that pork, and instead ordered the chicken and waffles. Marian smiles at them and disappears to go put their order in.

"You don't have to tell me everything right now if you don't want to," Charlie said, breaking the silence. "But I am here for you when you're ready."

Bella smiles, and Charlie's heart breaks because he can't remember the last time her smile was that genuine; certainly not when she was with Edward.

"Thanks, Dad. I, uh, was also wondering if you knew about any programs that help... battered women that have gotten out of bad relationships."

"Did he hit you?!" Charlie demands, hand instinctively going to his waist, only to realize that he'd left his gun at home on the rack.

"No!" Bella assures him. "No, Edward didn't hit me. I swear, Dad, he never hit me." Charlie slowly relaxes in his chair, and she continues. "I suppose battered wasn't the best word to use. Edward was controlling, Dad. He chose when I got to eat, when I slept, who I talked to. That's why I never really hung out with Jacob as much as I wanted to last year, because Edward didn't like it. I was living my life by his rules for so long, and it feels like I've forgotten who I really am, and I think one of those programs can help me, you know? Help me figure out how to heal, how to move on and forget about him. I just... I'm scared that if I don't get better, if I don't learn how to let him go, then if I ever see him again, or run into another guy like that, I'll be right back where I started."

Charlie was silent for a moment, taking it all in. His eyes watered with tears he refused to shed; this wasn't about him right now. He hated himself for not noticing. Sure, he'd had a bad feeling about Edward since the beginning, but he had felt weird attempting to go to Bella about it, because he'd been so out of place in her life. He only saw Bella once a year, if that, and as she got older the visits dwindled impossibly more. Now, Bella was a teenager, and he had missed out on so much that he didn't know if she'd be receptive to his advice on her love life.

He knew that he didn't have the best track record himself, seeing as how he'd only been married once and his wife and left in a flurry of harsh words and hadn't looked back, and he hadn't exactly been active on the dating scene since then. But he still cared for Bella, and he should have been more open and observant so she could have avoided Edward altogether.

"I can hear you, Dad, and it's not your fault. Edward had everyone fooled. It was so easy to get caught up with him. When I started school, Jessica talked about him like he was this forbidden treasure, and I felt special when he focused his attention on me, especially since he ignored every other girl. I thought that maybe I wasn't as plain as I thought, and so I let him, and Alice, dictate my life because I wanted to fit into their world. I wanted his family to like me, I wanted to be one of them. I've never had a guy chase after me like Edward did, so I was flattered. I never expected everything to get so crazy."

"It's not your fault," Charlie says gently. "Both of us got blindsided by the Cullens. Ever since Carlisle moved here I had a blind sense of hero worship towards him. He was a great doctor that was willing to take a pay cut to work here, and Alice was always so charming... even though I didn't like Edward, I convinced myself that there wasn't anything wrong. We both got caught up in the moment." The two shared a watery smile, and for the first time in a long time, it felt like everything was going to be alright. "I'll call the station tomorrow morning, let them know I'll be coming back to work soon, and I'll get the information for the battered women programs."

Once their food arrived, Bella and Charlie spent the rest of the evening talking, making up for lost time.

That night, after taking another shower, Bella collapsed into bed, physically and emotionally drained. After spending so many years bottling up her true emotions while living with Renee, having to open up to Charlie had taken a lot out of her. She didn't regret it, not at all, but she felt drained.

Bella scooted under the covers, tugging the blanket up to her chin.

It had been nice to sit with her father and talk. She wondered why they didn't do it more often. They had a similar sense of humor, and Bella was sure that, if they spent more time together, she'd find other things they had in common. She'd bring that up with him soon, maybe find something that they could do together.

Despite all the talking she did today, she knew that opening up about her relationship with Edward was just the beginning. She needed to go to those programs, needed to do a lot of things, like apologize to Billy for not taking him seriously when he tried to warn her about the Cullens; apologize to Jessica and Angela for being such a crappy friend; apologize to Jake for not spending time with him and letting Edward dictate who she could hang out with; and hunt down Sam to thank him for coming to search the woods for her.

She still felt guilt for sending the entire town into a panic. As the chief's daughter, she knew that her disappearance had been made a top priority, especially since damn near everyone around knew how clumsy she was; for all they knew, she could've fallen down a hill and shattered every bone in her body. And the people loved her father, so of course they wanted to help.

Bella wondered how her life could be so chaotic. Sometimes it still felt like some fever dream. When living in Arizona, this teen drama and angst was never an issue for her. She had a small group of people she was friendly with, but she kept to herself and took care of the house and did homework. Never dating anyone and not going out prevented her from getting caught up in the dramatics of her fellow peers. While the girls in her grade freaked out about prom, losing their virginities, and the occasional pregnancy, Bella freaked out about her mom quitting yet another job on a whim.

She supposed it was good that she never had to worry about getting pregnant and having to explain it to her mother, but at the same time, Bella felt like she missed out. Having to care for her mother all the time, Bella realized that she never really got the chance to be a kid. The only time she ever got to take a break from being a caretaker was when she was visiting her father. Bella always looked back on those times fondly, as those weeks during the summer had been filled with trips to the beach, cookouts, and playing with her friends on the reservation. She faintly remembers making mud pies with Jacob, much to the dismay of his older sisters. Bella realized that she had always loved Forks, deep down, but hadn't been able to stay too long since her mother needed her. Now that Phil was in the picture, Bella was free to fade away from her mother's side.

Sighing, Bella rolled over onto her side, gazing out the window.

After being stationary for four days, she wasn't very tired. Every time she closed her eyes to try to sleep, they flew back open. Her mind kept spinning, and Bella didn't want to think anymore, she just wanted sleep.

Giving up, Bella pushed the covers back and got up, slinking down the hallway and down the stairs. Halfway down, she could see the light from the TV in the living room, and when she peeked her head around the corner, she saw her Dad in his pajamas, watching reruns of Malcom In The Middle.

When Bella's foot made contact with the last step, it moaned loudly under her weight, and Charlie's head swiveled towards her. Bella blushed and shuffled to the living room, twisting her fingers together nervously.

"Can...can I watch with you?" Bella asked.

Charlie smiled and waved her over, scooting over on the couch to make room for her. Bella sat next to him, drawing her knees up to her chest.

Sitting there with her father, just enjoying each other's company, Bella felt the urge to just spill every thought she's ever had. Despite living with Renee for most of her life, she felt closer to her father. She and her dad were so much alike, and she felt like he would understand anything she'd tell him, opposed to her mother, who, while she did try her best, wasn't always checked in mentally and emotionally to Bella's needs. In fact, that was why she was so adamant about not going back to her mother's like her father had suggested.

"I asked to live with you when I was eight," Bella says, and Charlie tenses next to her.

"What?"

"When I was eight," Bella murmurs. "I told mom that I didn't want to live in Arizona with her, I wanted to come to Forks with you. I missed you. She said she'd call you, and then a few days later she said that you didn't want me here so I didn't ask again. I thought that maybe you just didn't want a kid full time, and I understood, so I settled for the summer visits."

"Bells," Charlie says, voice cracking. Bella drags her teary eyes up to meet his, fingers playing with loose thread in the couch cushions. "Bells, that's not true!"

"I know that now," Bella replies, throat thick with emotion. "I just...for years I thought you didn't want me here long term and I didn't want to scare you away by being pushy, I just- -"

Charlie's eyes start to water at the sight of Bella falling apart in front of him.

"I always wanted you to live with me," Charlie swears. "The courts thought it would be better if you stayed with your mother for the majority of the year. Bella, I promise you, Renee never called me about you wanting to come live with me. That conversation never happened, not once. If I had known you wanted to come with me, if I had known you hadn't liked Arizona, I would've come for you immediately. I'm so sorry."

"I just," Bella cried, breath hitching, tears streaming down her face. "I've always had to take care of her! I've always had to make sure the bills got paid on time and make sure the house was clean, and I don't have to do any of that here and I don't know what I'm supposed to do with all this free time. I don't -"

Bella started to sob, and Charlie enveloped her in his arms. She clutched at his T-shirt like a small child, gasping for air. She didn't know how to tell him that her outburst was about more than her mother at the moment. She'd felt off balance ever since she got to Forks. It had nothing to do with her father or having moved to an entirely new state. Her dazed state was a result of not knowing how to fit into her own life anymore. Growing up, she was the adult, the caretaker, the responsible one. She did the cooking and the cleaning and the bill paying, and not, in Forks, she didn't have to do any of that. Charlie paid the bills and they took turns washing the dishes and he was capable of feeding himself without her.

She wasn't needed by him the same way she was needed by her mother, and it was unsettling. It wasn't a bad thing that Charlie was capable of taking care of himself, not at all. In fact, it was a very nice change. But it was a sudden change; after more than a decade of having to be an adult, Bella wasn't sure she knew how to be a child. She was always so tense, always so worked up, and didn't know how to let people take care of ehr. And so she threw herself into her relationship with Edward, unaware that she was subconsciously letting him treat her like she couldn't take care of herself and needed him to baby her every step of the way. Bella wondered if she tolerated that from him because she didn't have any other knowledge on how relationships worked.

Bella inhaled sharply and wiped her eyes, and Charlie let her go.

"Sorry," Bella whispered.

"It's okay," Charlie whispered back. "God, Bella, I swear I never knew."

"You didn't know because I didn't want you to. I was convinced that I had to keep everything bottled up and be the adult, I never knew that it could be any other way."

"You know things are gonna be different now, though, right?"

Bella leaned her head against his shoulder. "Yeah, I know."