Epilogue 1
One and a half years later
You know how people tease about babies only eating, sleeping, and pooping?
Well… here is how my life goes.
Anton, the apple of my eye, the treasure of my life, doesn't like to sleep. He loves to eat, so my tits now hang to my knees and they are constantly sore and crackly and super attractive. My gorgeous husband used to get really into my boobs, but nowadays, the only time he gets to touch them is to rub salve on them. Carefully and quickly.
I promised myself I would nurse a full year. That was a stupid fucking idea. Yeah, it's great for Anton, but my body thinks I'm a real asshole. I'm weening him, but I think the little guy is going to fight tooth and nail—and did I mention he's getting teeth and he likes to nibble?
I'm either whipping out my tit, or wiping his ass. He is like a machine.
But, oh, Anton. This beautiful baby with giant brown eyes and long, thick, black lashes is a professional shitter. He has zero chill.
I'm so tired all the time. In love, and so happy, but tired. Dog freaking tired.
It's all the poop!
Today was the worst yet. I promised him, and promised myself, that never, and I mean ever, am I going to feed him sweet potatoes with quinoa.
Ever.
Never.
Again.
"How are you this beautiful and sweet and smell like a rotting possum all the time? How? Huh?"
He giggles and waves his bottle by the little trainer handle we started putting on them a few weeks ago. He doesn't like them much, but I want my sex life back, which means he has to turn the boobs over to his dad.
I finish rubbing lotion on his fat little legs and slide his pants over them. I could squeeze the chunks all day long. But his daddy will be home soon, and I need to get dinner started.
"Time for your bed. Your little star friends are waiting on you, monkey boy."
I put him down in his crib, slide his socks over his feet, and turn on the mobile before I flick off the light and go to the kitchen to get started on the food.
Since we moved into our new house, I'd gotten better in the kitchen. Esme helped, and by the time Anton came along, I was cooking food we could actually eat and enjoy without burning it.
Our new home is about as perfect as I could have imagined. We were only a few blocks away from his family, which was a blessing. I wouldn't know what to do without Esme popping in to help with Anton when Edward is on the road. And Kate had become my guru for all things new mommy.
I would have had a complete break down if I had been all alone.
We opted for a single story bungalow. The lawn was green and big enough for Anton to play in once he was a little bigger, and we didn't want to have to deal with stairs. Plus, it was nice to have us all together and the rooms close.
For now, it was just us. We wanted a bunch more kids, but later. For now, our little family of three was the best thing in the world.
I did miss Rosalie and Emmett, but we talked regularly, and they were even considering a move to Chicago. Edward had hired Emmett as his personal assistant, since Emmett was a computer savant and kept things nice and tidy in Edward's life.
I couldn't imagine things going any better than having my family, and my best friend all in one place.
I heard the front door open just as I take out the tray of chicken I'd had marinating all afternoon. I had no idea what time it was—I figured it was around late afternoon. But it wasn't dark yet, so that meant hubby was home early.
Of course, of all days, today he comes early. When the house looks like shit, I look like double shit, and the whole day was complete shit.
I cover the chicken with foil, throw it in the oven, and wash my hands so I can peel potatoes.
Edward comes up behind me, wraps his arms around my waist and kisses my bare shoulder. Instantly, I feel calmer.
"I like this surprise," he murmurs into my neck. "Is Anton asleep?"
I nod and then turn in his arms so I can see his beautiful face. I've missed it. This trip was only three days, but it feels like an eternity. I've gotten better with the trips he has to take for games. I still miss him like crazy, but I know he is out there doing what makes him happy, driving his passion, and providing for us. Still, doesn't mean I don't cry every single time he has to go.
"I don't think you've ever greeted me in your underwear before."
I realize I am standing in the kitchen in my panties and sports bra. It wasn't intentional.
"Oh, this wasn't the surprise. The butter and herb chicken and roasted potatoes were the surprise. I got shit all over me."
He jumps back and drops his hands. The look on his face is pure horror. I have never felt more sexy. The joys of motherhood, I tell you.
"I'm clean now. We just got out of the bath. Third blow-out today. Second shower."
He looks relieved, and a little bit amused. Then points out the window behind me. "What's going on in the yard?"
I turn and look at the patio. The highchair, two blankets and his belly pad and the mattress from the pack and play are laying out there—waiting to be burned.
"I threw them out. They're covered in shit. I told you when you called it'd been a shitty day. I meant it literally."
He barks out a laugh and I want to knee him in the balls. He'll think it's real funny in a little bit because he's on poop duty for the next two days while he's home.
"I'm sorry. Where is my baby boy? He's not asleep already is he?"
I sigh and press my hands against his chest. I truly wanted him to come home to a hot meal, a hot wife, and a beautiful, well-rested baby. He's tired, he's worked hard, too. I can't even pull off the easiest task. I should hang up my apron and join Housewives anonymous. Because I have some confessions to share.
I just nod. Yeah. He's asleep. And hopefully, not pooping.
"Why don't you go take a nap while he's sleeping? I'll finish dinner. I'll get this in the oven and come join you."
I close my eyes and sigh. I want to cry. I really do. I want to just fall in his arms and cry.
"He was human yesterday. I swear he was. We played and went for a walk around the neighborhood. Then, he ate all his food without spitting up, and he even caught on with patty cake and played along. Today it all went to shit. Again—literally."
He pulls me into his arms again, his big palms going straight for my ass. God, and it feels so good. What I wouldn't give to have a quick roll in the sack. I'm way too tired. I'm going to take him up on the nap, and if he comes in to cuddle, that will be awesome.
"Maybe he's teething again. Didn't my mom say that happens when they are cutting teeth."
I laugh into his chest and grip onto his shirt a little tighter. "I think she says that stuff so I don't feel like a total failure. She hates it when my feeling get hurt."
He rubs my back and then pulls away, leaning down so we are eye to eye. "You are not a failure. You're tired. That's all it is. You're a great mama. Anton is lucky to have you."
I was sure that kid questioned my skills on the daily. I saw him staring at me some days, trying to figure out what my deal was. We were learning as we went along.
"Go. Nap. And if my boy has any diaper issues, I'll deal with it. Deal?"
Oh, it was so a deal.
"Okay, I'll go nap, but I have one request. Put the chicken back in the fridge and come with me. We'll order food later. I want to snuggle. I really need to hug it out. I missed you too much."
He lays a kiss on my nose and smiles. God, that smile could get me pregnant again in a hot second.
"Deal. Go on. I'll handle this and meet you in there."
I wake up alone. The sun is long gone and I still feel like I've been through the ringer.
I get up and move through the house in search of my boys. I can hear Edward talking and stop right outside of Anton's room. The door is half open, but I don't want to intrude. They are having a moment, and I'd hate to butt in.
I can't see them from where I stand, so I lean on the door jamb and listen.
We'd had a lot of fun decorating his nursery. It was the first room we worked on when we bought the house. It was also the first room I'd ever gotten to decorate in any house anywhere.
When I moved into Rose's apartment, I didn't have money to really do anything with it. I had a bunch of junk. And I made it home—but it had always been temporary. Like a hotel room. You unpack, but you know you don't belong there.
I belonged in this house and it belonged to me.
And the nursery belongs to Anton. We chose it because there are two windows. One on the back side of the room and one in front. There is a huge Oak tree outside the front window and it's full of birds all day every day. I figured he'd like to hear the birds when he was laying in his crib, or when he woke up.
We painted the walls slate blue, and stenciled glow in the dark stars on them and a big green dragon on the wall across from his crib. I wanted dragons and stars because he was my fairy tale boy. My dream come true.
I figured Edward would have wanted a hockey or sports theme, but he got all into my dragon dream.
And it was the cutest little nursery in the world.
Perfect for my little Prince Anton.
"Were you giving mama a hard time today? You can't do that, little guy. Remember? I told you to take care of her while I am gone."
I hear a groan and know what he's going through. The poor baby is a shit maniac today. Freaking sweet potatoes. Screw those things. I am never giving them to him again. His body just rejects that crap.
"Jesus, man. You smell worse than your uncle Jasper."
Truth. He smells worse than a fifty-gallon drum of rotting skunk. And I have never been more in love with my husband for cleaning that up.
"Gah. Bughh. Fuck me, you're rank."
I press my fist against my mouth to stifle a laugh. Poor guy is dying in there. But he seems all in, so I let it go.
I just want to listen to more of their little talk. I listen quite a bit. I love the way Edward loves his son. How he talks to him like he's the best friend he's ever had.
The day I went into labor, I thought Edward was going to have a straight-up aneurysm. Every time I screamed or cried out, his hands would shake and his eyes would bulge. He actually grabbed the doctor by his collar at one point.
Yes, my sweet mild-mannered man went batshit.
He couldn't stand seeing me that way.
He apologized. He promised he would never do this to me again.
But he never gave up. He was by my side every second. Even when I thought he'd pass out. He bucked up and let me squeeze the shit out of his hand and punch him and cuss at him. He stayed strong and supportive.
And the second he saw Anton's head crown, I saw a look on his face I'd never seen before. It was utterly beautiful.
To give him that smile, after he'd given me the entire world was priceless.
Me, fuck up Bella. Doer of all the stupid things. Wandering brain and gutter mouth. I'd created a tiny, perfect little human. I'd given Edward Cullen, the man everyone wanted a piece of, a piece of me. And him.
Basically, I was magic. I brought life. No matter what, it would be the best thing I had ever, or would ever do in my life.
"There we go. You still smell, but you're going to have to deal with being a stinky kid for a while. I'm going back to bed with your mom. Maybe I can convince her to give you a sister. How'd you like that?"
My eyes bulge. Uh. No. Good thing I grabbed condoms when I hit Costco the week before. I was doubling up if he was going to make an effort in that direction.
We'd talked about getting pregnant again not long ago, but decided to stay a family of three for a while.
And after the craptastic day I'd had, it would stay that way for a minute.
"I love you, son. Sweet dreams."
Fucking. Swoon. Gah, when he said sweet things to this baby, I melted.
Okay. So no condom tonight. We'll just see if those birth control pills hold his sperm back.
Maybe I can accidently sort of drop those pills in the toilet in the morning. I don't know. We'll see how it goes.
I hear the click of the little lamp and scamper away from the door, but he catches me before I get to the door of our room. It's not a stretch, it's only eight feet away.
"Get in bed and wait. I have to wash my hands. And then I'm going to make you come."
"Okay," I manage to push out. "I heard you in there. You want a baby? Again?"
He bites my neck and then moves away, swats my ass, and opens the bathroom door.
"We'll talk about it. But, yeah. Anton wants a sister." He wiggles his eyebrows and walks inside and heads to the sink.
I follow because where the hell is this coming from. I'm tired. I am thinking I don't want to give up cheese and yogurt for half a year any time soon.
At least not after the day I've had.
"We can think about a girl. I want a girl. Maybe she won't make me puke or give me cankles. Maybe a girl won't smell like a rotting carcass."
He finishes washing and grabs a towel. He's smiling.
Oh. Boy.
"You didn't have cankles, and he smells more like a landfill full of rotting carcasses. I could picture a girl. Either way. I think we should think about it soon."
I hold up a finger. "Not tonight. I'm still on the pill anyway, but yeah."
He puts his hands on my shoulders and turns me back toward the hall and walks me to our room.
"We'll talk about it when the season ends next month. And when you haven't had a shitty day. Tonight, I make little mama feel good and get to get reacquainted with my wife. Now move it."
I climb on the bed and he climbs over me, peeling my underwear down my legs, but leaving my sports bra on. My boobie bottles are sensitive and the extra layer helps with mishaps. Been there, done that, splashed the hubby in the face.
He kisses his way over my chest, my belly, and just reaches the holy land when the monitor next to the bed lights up with a shriek.
"Not happening," Edward growls into my inner thigh. He's inches. Millimeters from where I want his lips, but Anton must know this as well because he's the Olympic cockblock champion.
"Give him a minute. There's no way he's hungry. He just ate. And I'm not sure there is a poop left in there for him to poop. Let him get settled. He'll go back to sleep."
Edward listens, and rubs his thumb over my clit. My back arches and my hips buck. I can feel the days tension slipping as he works me. He presses a finger inside and curls it just right and my legs shake. God, it's glorious.
My orgasm pushes its way through my body, and it's not easy to relax into this with the background screaming coming from the monitor, but damn. I need to get off. I want to hump my husband.
His lips cover my pussy and I break. The orgasm is fast and my body shakes with the power of it. I cry, fat hot tears fall from my eyes and a sob tumbles from my chest.
God fucking damn. I was as tight as a drum.
"That's it, gorgeous. Let it go."
His sweet words, and his pretty mouth. Is there anything better? I can't even think.
I come down and the room comes back into focus and Anton's screams are coming out sharp and shrill.
"He needs me," I say, pushing Edward's head away from my crotch. "I have to go get him."
He looks up at me confused, his forehead crinkled and eyes narrowed. "You said to let him cry it out. He's fine."
I shake my head. Poor baby. "I'll go check on him and make sure he's okay and then I'll be back. He could need a diaper change. I'll be right back."
He sits up and adjusts himself in his shorts with a frown.
He'll live. I've gotten really good at super fast diaper changes. I'll have him changed and back to sleep in five minutes tops.
But as soon as I open the door and see him holding on to the rails of the crib, pressing his pretty little face against them with those fat tears lining his face, I'm done for.
"What's wrong, little monkey? What's wrong?"
He takes a few gasp for air and reaches for me. I pick him up and the second I hold him against me, the whole shitty day is behind me. God, how in the world did I get so lucky? Stinky, poopy kid is so freaking perfect.
His eyes kill me. I would do anything for him. Anything. My whole world shifts when I see him. But when he smiles at me? All the way down to my toes I feel those smiles. My heart skips beats and my soul shines.
I wonder if my parents had that feeling when they saw me? I can't imagine ever putting anything before this little boy. My world wouldn't exist if he weren't in it.
I am so blessed to be his mother, and even when I fuck up, I will give him every ounce of energy I have. He will always feel it. Even when he's sixteen and hates my guts. He'll go to sleep knowing his mom loves him.
I adjust him in my arms and whisper in his ear while I make my way to the bedroom.
Edward is laying on his back, shorts shed and dick in hand when I walk in with Anton in my arms. His eyes go wide, and he pushes the sheet over to cover himself.
"What? What's wrong?"
I climb on the bed, lift the blanket, and settle Anton next to me. Smiling at Edward and the concern and worry I find on his face, I pat the bed for him to come closer.
"I couldn't leave him. He misses his daddy, too. We're going to cuddle instead."
He blinks twice and then waves his hand in front of his crotch. "Um…"
I roll my eyes and then nuzzle Anton's head. "Get rid of it and put on some pants. He's sleeping with us."
He doesn't argue. Instead, he looks over at the two of us, smiles, and reaches over to grab his shorts off the floor and pulls them on. Once he's dressed, he gets under the blanket with us, and moves close. Running a finger over Anton's soft hair, he kisses the top of his head, and then leans over to kiss me on the forehead.
"Since you're one ahead after this, and I'm never getting laid again anyway, I want you to throw the pills out tomorrow. We start working on my baby girl as soon as possible."
I grin and wink at Anton. He doesn't know what that wink means, but a little smile pulls up on his lips. It could be gas, knowing him, but I think he gets it.
We don't let him sleep in the bed with us very often. But after a day I can only describe as battling a war, we deserve this. I think we both missed daddy more than we thought.
"I'm on board," I tell him. "And guess what else?"
He props himself up on his elbow and raises an eyebrow. "What else?"
I rub circles on Anton's back as his little murmurs start to slow. "I'm really lucky that you walked into Rose's coffee shop to buy coffee."
He smirks. "I didn't go for the coffee."
"It was the lemon muffins, after all, wasn't it?"
He pushes his arm under my back and brings me closer and pulls Anton into the crook of his arm. "No. It was you. It was always you, Bella."
The End
Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading.
So sorry it took so long to post! I jinxed myself with my grandson coming early... He did! Jasper Donovan is in the house! Mama is doing well and his big brother is stoked to have him around. And Grammy... I'm so freaking blessed. There is nothing better.
I have another epi in my brain so I will work on that once I get my book to my editor at the end of the month.
Thanks for being patient and for reading and your lovely reviews. I have missed so many of you over the years and it feels damn good seeing you all again!
Much, much love.
Peace,
Jami xoxo