Epilogue
From: Blaine Anderson
To: Kurt Hummel
Date: September 3, 2017
Subject: Is this real life?
Hello so it's been almost two weeks and I'm just sending a follow up email to see if you're still interested in dating me because hoooooooly poop, this seems too good to be true. You're pretty spectacular and you're unbelievably good looking and you want what I want and I've never had a relationship with such massive amounts of honesty and it feels suspiciously right. So, you know, just drop me a line to confirm or deny your continued attraction to me.
It's too bad you're in rehearsals right now, because Tina just found out that Sam is seeing someone else and I could use some moral support and/or a new best friend. She's giving me serious mood swings. First she was all screamy and then she was all weepy and now she's lying on the ground like a starfish while humming a funeral dirge in the most awful vocal fry.
I feel like the world's worst friend because I have to leave her in an hour to go out with Sam to meet this new mystery lady in his life. We're going to a place I've never heard of called Hoopla. Apparently famous people go there. Swanky. I'll let you know if I meet Sia or Don Cheadle.
See you tomorrow morning! x
Love,
I'm still dreaming, right?
From: Kurt Hummel
To: Blaine Anderson
Date: September 3, 2017
Subject: Yes, yes it is.
I'll remind you with kisses and hugs later, but yes, this is very, very real and very, very right. Nothing about it is suspicious except for the food that keeps disappearing from my refrigerator every time you visit. You have made every part of my life brighter. x
I'm sorry you had to be a horrible friend to Tina in order to be a good friend to Sam. Such is life sometimes. Take it from someone who is always stuck between Rachel and Santana.
I just got out of rehearsal and am heading out to meet with my girls. Coincidentally, we're going to Hoopla too. I guess I will see you tonight after all!
Love,
Pinch yourself to find out
From: Blaine Anderson
To: Kurt Hummel
Date: September 4, 2017
Subject: Wow
We are a special kind of obtuse. I still can't believe we didn't put that together.
Also how did it somehow never come up that your best friend is THE Mercedes Jones?
Love,
Dead
From: Blaine Anderson
To: Kurt Hummel
Date: September 4, 2017
Subject: Wow Pt. 2
Tina just found out that Mercedes is the girl Sam is dating. She peeled her starfish self up off the floor, shrugged, and said "huh. I don't even blame him," and went about her regular business. I have the weirdest friends.
Sincerely,
I don't give free passes for celebrities
From: Kurt Hummel
To: Blaine Anderson
Date: September 16, 2017
Subject: You know what is extremely boring?
"Watching" a half marathon. But I am suffering through because I am a really, really good boyfriend.
I'm keeping my eye out for you, a purplish splotch, to run by so I can yell "That's my man!" and then throw this handful of confetti on you before going home to go back to bed for another three hours.
Did you even know you're running 13 miles? . What the hell is wrong with you? I realize you signed up for this before we knew each other, so my good sense hadn't rubbed off on you yet, but I expect you to make better decisions from here on out.
A guy next to me literally just laid down on the ground and started snoring and I can't even blame him, because not only is nothing happening, but nothing will happen for at least 30 minutes, and also it's 8:00 in the freaking morning. You runners are the definition of masochists.
(I'm doing a lot of complaining but I am really very proud of you and impressed and I can't wait for you to finish this amazing accomplishment so I can kiss your sweaty face.)
Sincerely,
Sleeping guy does have an extra blanket…
From: Kurt Hummel
To: Mercedes Jones, Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez
Date: September 17, 2017
Subject: So weird
Blaine and I just had lunch with the real Troy Levison. It was so weird because it wasn't weird at all. Like, this is the guy whose boyfriend I sort of almost unintentionally stole, and whose money I wasted (for him, it definitely wasn't a waste for me). He's probably read all of the emails between me and Blaine (though he didn't admit to that), so that alone should have been awkward. But he's so cool. We already knew that because he helped Blaine track me down when I was being an ass clown, and because he never reported me to make me lose my job, but whatever.
We made plans to all hang out again, so I guess we're friends now?
Hope you're all having a good time out to lunch without me.
K
From: Blaine Anderson
To: Kurt Hummel
Date: October 1, 2017
Subject: Your (Off) Broadway debut!
Yes I'm sending you an email at intermission. The girls all went out to get snacks and probably so Rachel can walk around loudly talking about Jesse in hopes that everyone hears her and is envious.
I never knew it was possible to feel so proud of someone else, but Kurt, you are shining on that stage. Jesse was absolutely right that you'd be a good fit in this ensemble. Though I think you'd be brilliant in his leading role, too. (If he suddenly and mysteriously goes missing, don't think anything of it.)
Oh how sweet, an elderly woman in front of me just turned around to say she'd heard Rachel talking about how our boyfriends were in the production and she asked which one was mine. She said I should be very proud because you are phenomenal.
OH MY GOD IT HAS JUST BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT ELDERLY WOMAN IS IRIS PALMER.
Broadway legend Iris Palmer just complimented you. I have died on your behalf.
Sincerely,
Future tony award winner Kurt Hummel's boyfriend (I better get used to being referred to like this)
From: Thomas Anderson
To: Kurt Hummel
Date: October 11, 2017
Subject: Welcome
Kurt,
I hope you and Blaine had a great Gaybor Day weekend together!
Now that you are my favorite gay son's fabulous boyfriend and life partner, I'd like to extend my official welcome to the Anderson family.
You and Blaine are invited as guests of honor at our annual New Year's Eve party. This year's theme is "Spectacular Spectacular, Henny!"
You are welcome to invite your friends as well. Blaine tells me you are friends with Mercedes. Please invite that Queen. Her song "Love At Last" is a bop.
We are thrilled that you came into Blaine's life, Kurt. He is so happy with you around and doesn't stop gushing about how smart and hot you are. We stan a sexy scholar!
We can't wait to meet you over the holidays. Pam wants me to remind you to be safe with Blaine and that you should be tested for STIs at least every year.
Love,
The Andersons
Blaine: I'm sorry for giving your email address to my parents.
Blaine: They're the kind of people you just can't say no to!
Kurt: How dare you apologize?
Kurt: This email from your dad is giving me life.
Kurt: Also.
Kurt: Your parents are having a New Year's Eve party.
Kurt: With a gay Moulin Rouge theme.
Kurt: I'm officially in love with them.
Kurt: Sorry you're out.
From: Burt Hummel
To: Kurt Hummel
Date: October 29, 2017
Subject: (No subject)
So you're telling me that you and Troy, the guy you stole Blaine from, went together to watch Blaine open for his friend Sam's band last night? Sometimes I wonder how you get yourself in these situations…
It's good to hear that he's a nice guy and a good friend, though. And that Blaine's gig went well and he was "glorious and angelic and meant for the stage." It's great to hear you talk about a guy like that, Kurt, after all those years of heartbreak. Blaine seems like the perfect guy for you. Next time you Skype, make sure he's around so I can say hi again and we can talk about the latest OSU game.
Burt (Dad)
From: Kurt Hummel
To: Blaine Anderson
Date: November 24, 2017
Subject: No, I'm drunk
Blaine. You look delicious all cute over there in that grandpa sweater and your turkey print bow tie. I wanna tear it off with my teeth.
Your ass butt is so good. Thank you for doing so many squats but also genetics. You know when it looks the best? When you're holding yourself open for me and you're definitely not complaining about my licking thing then…
Speaking of licking, you just licked your lips and it reminded me of how I'd rather have you licking my dick right now.
OH NO.
Suddenly sober.
Rachel just came over and sat in my lap, so that was the most awkward moment of my life. That was what happened when you saw her shrieking and falling on the ground. Then she saw me typing on my phone and said "Oh my god, stop sexting him, he's RIGHT THERE."
But I won't because you're talking to Troy and his new beau and you are a gracious host and I'm not about to ruin that just because I want to sex you very very badly. Plus Rachel killed the boner.
K x
From: Blaine Anderson
To: Kurt Hummel
Date: November 24, 2017
Subject: No, I'm drunk
Stop being so polite (even in my deep inebriation I recognize the irony of me saying that) and come sex me very very badly then. But goodly.
Also maybe stop talking about my ass and do something to it. I'm in my room because your email made me want to do unmentionable things to both you and myself. I can hear you talking to Tina and your voice is that raspy kind that it gets when you're about to come and I definitely am touching myself now so please come join me and make this much more fun.
OH MY GOD.
Guess who just barged in attached at the mouth to Jesse? Rachel Cockblock Berry.
Have you ever considered roommateicide?
B x
From: Kurt Hummel
To: Blaine Anderson
Date: December 1, 2017
Subject: Love love love
How is it possible that each day with you keeps getting better and better?
I've never had anything like this before. I want to share every part of my life with you. You're the first person I want to see when I wake up and the last person I want to talk to before bed. Maybe someday (not too soon, but not too far away) we can make that our everyday reality by living together? If you think that is a bad and dumb idea, please ignore this email and pretend it never existed. If you think it is a good idea, just slip a code word in your next email, like pickles or flamin' hot Cheetos.
Just because I'm feeling extra cheesy and romantic today (something about the snow and the holiday vibe that the city has going on, perhaps?), I'll bring up that horribly guilty pleasure of a song that says "I knew I loved you before I met you." Call me Savage Garden because I might as well have written that song for you.
Ugh. I just. I love you, Blaine, and I'm so glad I (Troy) found you.
Love,
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
From: Kurt Hummel
To: Blaine Anderson
Date: December 2, 2017
Subject: Hate hate hate
I know we just yelled at each other for a half hour on the phone about this, but maybe I can say it more eloquently in writing.
I don't understand how you could do this to me, Blaine. I am so beyond mad at you right now, and really hurt. You aren't the only one in this relationship with insecurities, you know? There are thousands of guys out there who would line up to date you, and who am I to stand against them?
You knew that guy was hitting on you and you didn't stop him or even try to tell him you have a boyfriend. Would you have even told me if I hadn't walked in and seen him trying to maul you? Please be honest with me.
K x
From: Blaine Anderson
To: Kurt Hummel
Date: December 2, 2017
Subject: Apologize apologize apologize
I am always honest with you. It never would have crossed my mind to keep something like that from you.
I didn't know he was hitting on me, I swear. Ask my roommates. I'm generally oblivious to stuff like that. I didn't realize there was a need to lay down boundaries or walk away until he was trying to kiss me.
I'm so sorry I hurt you and made you angry. I'll try to pay more attention to the signals other guys are putting out. Or I'll just wear a sign around my neck that says "Kurt Hummel's Boyfriend."
There aren't thousands of guys waiting in line to date me, but if there were, I wouldn't give any of them a second glance because I have everything I need with you including endless snuggles which I am currently missing.
Please say you'll forgive me and still come home with me at the end of the month.
Love,
Flamin' Hot Cheetos, if you still want them
From: Kurt Hummel
To: Blaine Anderson
Date: December 2, 2017
Subject: Forgive forgive forgive
Damn you. You're too pure and endearing for your own good. Of course I believe you and forgive you and of course I'll still visit with you. (Mostly because I can't wait to meet your parents, but also because I love you with my whole heart.)
Love,
Would it be weird if I said I already have a couple apartments picked out to go look at?
From: Kurt Hummel
To: Mercedes Jones, Santana Lopez, Rachel Berry
Date: January 1, 2018
Subject: Spectacular Spectacular, Henny!
I know you've all been dying to know about the Andersons' New Year's Eve party. It was a fuckin' ball. Here are some highlights:
- Blaine's dad Thom (he insists we spell it with an h) was dressed as the girl in the movie version of Moulin Rouge with the horrible bangs who says "a penniless writer. Oops! I mean sitar player!"
- Cooper and Blaine and Thom and Pam opened the party by singing "Lady Marmalade" I SHIT YOU NOT
- They raised $15,000 for the LGBTQ shelter in Columbus. They apparently have very rich friends.
- Pam got really drunk and slow danced with me for 3 songs in a row and happy cried to me about how ecstatic she was to see Blaine in love and how it was everything she had always dreamed for him.
- Cooper was dressed as the sitar and kept running from room to room shouting "I ONLY SPEAK THE TRUTH!" And then he'd say something very honest but not exactly kind about someone in the room.
- Blaine and I (dressed as dapper Christian (him) and disheveled Christian (me)) shut down the stage by singing "Come What May" and I'm even more impossibly in love than I was yesterday.
Next year you all have to come. They were brainstorming theme ideas already this morning over breakfast. See you all in a couple of days!
K x
Cooper: Awkward question...do you know where I might find my underwear from last night?
Kurt: Why the hell would I know that?
Cooper: I vaguely remember stripping out of everything but my mom's jewelry while singing "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend."
Kurt: Oh. Oh my god you did. I totally forgot about that. Please tell me there's video evidence.
Blaine: I have the footage.
Blaine: I also have possession of the underwear in question. You may have it back on the condition that you let me post this video on my instagram.
Cooper: Come on, that was the only pair I brought with me for the weekend.
Blaine: Sounds like it's an easy answer, then.
Cooper: Fine.
Kurt: HAHAHAHAHA this is the best thing I've ever seen
From: Kurt Hummel
To: Blaine Anderson
Date: February 17, 2018
Subject: Would you rather...?
...Always be hot or always be cold?
...Propose to someone or have them propose to you?
…Eat burritos or pizza for lunch?
These questions are purely for scientific research.
Love,
A scientific researcher
Google Chat
March 9, 2018
Kurt: We are gathered here today to discuss Blaine's graduation party. His family and mine are coming into town, so it has to be something awesome. Opening the floor for ideas.
Sam: Spider-Man party.
Kurt: No.
Rachel: Tea party!
Kurt: No.
Tina: Rent out a room at the karaoke bar?
Kurt: No. But only because that's too predictable.
Troy: Run a 5k together!
Kurt: Hell no.
Tina: Hell no.
Rachel: Hell no.
Mercedes: Hell no.
Mercedes: Magic Mike show.
Cooper: Magic Mike show.
Mercedes: That's what I just said.
Kurt: No. But only because my dad wants to be involved in this party.
Santana: And because I don't like dudes.
Santana: You can all stop your brainstorming right now because my suggestion is the clear winner.
Rachel: I doubt it. But what is it?
Santana: Drag brunch. You're welcome.
Rachel: Oh.
Kurt: Oh.
Kurt: That's actually a great idea.
Santana: Don't act so surprised.
Cooper: HELL YES. Santana, I don't know you, but you're a genius.
Kurt: It's settled, then. I'll send out an invite when it's all arranged.
Kurt: Also since everyone is here, I'd like to make an announcement.
Rachel: You're getting married?! Oh Kurt, I've been waiting for this moment ever since you and Blaine met!
Sam: What?! You're getting married? How come Blaine didn't tell me? I'm his best friend!
Kurt: No! Not that. We are not getting married.
Mercedes: Your show is moving to Broadway?
Rachel: Can't be. Jesse would have told me.
Kurt: Sadly, no.
Cooper: You're leaving Blaine for his hotter older brother, Cooper Anderson?
Kurt: You're not even gay.
Cooper: Maybe I just haven't met the right man?
Kurt: That's not really how it works most of the time.
Troy: You're getting a dog together?
Kurt: Getting warmer.
Kurt: We're moving in together!
Tina: Congratulations!
Mercedes: I'm so happy for the two of you.
Rachel: This is the end of an era!
Santana: Stop wailing. I can hear you, you know.
Santana: I am NOT living alone with Berry.
Rachel: I've been thinking of moving in with Jesse anyway.
Santana: Great. Now I'm alone in the world.
Troy: I'll adopt you, you little stray.
Santana: Meow.
Kurt: Before this gets any weirder, I will adjourn this meeting of the minds. See you all at dinner tomorrow!
From: Blaine Anderson
To: Kurt Hummel
Date: April 30, 2018
Subject: My graduation
I can't believe you pulled off that surprise this morning. Everyone knew about it for two months and nobody spilled! Did you know that Cooper and my dad were going to show up dressed in drag? I had no clue my dad could do a death drop like that.
The words thank you don't seem big enough for all you've done for me in the last year and the love you continue to show my every day. You're the absolute best and I can't wait until you move into the new apartment and I spend every night there with you even though I'm officially still living with Tina and Sam.
[Bashful sweating, this is new]
Were you serious about my graduation present being a trip to the shelter?
Love,
Please please please say yes
From: Kurt Hummel
To: Burt Hummel, Carole Hudson
Date: May 19, 2018
Subject: I win the contest forever and ever
Say hello to your grandkitten Hallmark and grandpuppy Otis (aka Hall and Oates) (I'm never betting against Blaine ever again).
[Video attachment]
From: Troy W Levison
To: Kurt Hummel
Date: May 20, 2018
Subject: Thank you!
Thank you so much for letting Ang stay with you for a few months while they're renovating his apartment building and Blaine finishes out his lease. You're the best.
Oh, but Kurt? If the opportunity arises to fall in love with my boyfriend? For the love of god, DON'T DO IT.
Author's Note: Thank you all for joining me in this fic. You're the best.
Find me on tumblr at xbeautifulunseenx
I've already received a few prompts for one shots to follow up this story, so if you have more, please send them my way!