1

"You need to go back to the place where you were at your happiest."

"I don't think I can do that… they're still there."

"I know, but they are everywhere and will always be everywhere, which is why it is time to face your fear. You can face your fear of Lupophobia, if you truly want. Doesn't your grandmother still live on the reservation?"

"Yeah."

"Don't you think she will be happy to see you again?"

"Yes."

"I want you to continue to journal any interactions you have with a wolf or when you're thinking about Nathan and Leila and send them to me. I will respond and you can call me at any time. I think this could really good for you, Briseis. It's time to push forward pass the fears, pass the memories, and regain control of your life."

I replay the conversation over and over again in my head. You'd think after experiencing and accepting that death comes to us all, that it would make it less painful when it happens to loved ones. I have accepted their deaths. But I promised myself that I would love no other, because of a truth that makes me forever weak. I can't handle the death of those I cared for. It hurt too much. So it was time to live a life of solitude, find happiness in the world around me and learn to be by myself.

My name is Briseis, yes like Rose Byrne's character from the movie Troy, Denai. I'm twenty-five and these are supposed to be the best years of my life. I opened my eyes and looked around at the small but quaint room I could call my own. This was my grandmother's home. Evelyn Denai, has lived on the La Push reservation all her life when my great grandparents immigrated from Jamaica. She felt no reason to leave really. She wanted to be a mother and wife. She married a Quileute man, Darian Denai, who was a retired veteran. The two opened an antique shop and raised two children, twins, my mother and Aunt Viola.

My mother died of cancer when I still a baby. My dad, was too distraught over my mother's death, to raise me so he left me with my grandmother. That's what she tells me at least. If she was telling the truth then I wouldn't let it bother me much. At least he was honest. Grandma would tell me he would drink himself to the point he blacked out. He could never hear me crying.

Now I understand his need to drink the pain away. I moved back in with my grandmother yesterday after my therapist advised I try and start over here where I was happiest. Beside from being almost mauled to death by a pack of wolves when I was in high school, I would say this place was the source of any happiness in me. I got up and pulled a large t-shirt over my body and scratched the top of my head. I could smell food and immediately my stomach began to growl. I moved over to the door ignoring all the unpacked bags in the corner of the room. I smelled buttermilk pancakes. I moved out into the hall and kept my eyes forward not bothering to look at all the memories captured in the portraits. Once I was at the bottom, I rounded the corner and moved passed the living room and into the kitchen.

I looked at Grandma's back. She was short and plump and was always in a dress. Her arms are thick from eating too much good food. Her thick white curls are pulled back in a nice bun.

"Morning, Grandma, you could have woken me up, I would have made you something." I replied. She gave a pleasant chuckle as she looked over at me with pale blue eyes.

"Good morning, Bris, and what do you mean you'd make me food? You can't cook!" she exclaimed, her accent still heavy. I grinned and sat at the table.

"I can a little bit." I replied. Nathan was the cook between the two of us.

"Right, right!" she exclaimed. "Have you unpacked?" I shook my head as I leaned back lazily into the chair.

"No. I told you I don't plan to stay here long. I'm going to find a job and get my own place." I replied. She waved her spatula at me.

"Aw why you so quick to leave me, huh? I told you you can stay right here with your grandma. Run the antique shop with me, I pay you and make some money, huh." she spoke as if she were reminding me of a deal we made, even though no negotiations were made. I shook my head.

"Grandma, I'm grown. I can't be dependent on you." I said.

"Needing help does not make you dependent child. It makes you brave." she said flipping a pancake on a plate that had about eight pancakes on them. My eyes widened.

"Grandma, why you make so many pancakes?" I asked. I am five-seven and two hundred pounds, but I was not trying to get any bigger than that. She scoffed.

"This not for just us. This for Sam Uley who is coming to fix my bathroom. I fix him food too." she said. I blinked some at the name.

"Sam Uley?" I asked and she nodded.

"Yes. He's my boyfriend you know." she winked at, me and I laughed out loud now at her jokes. Sam was a senior when I was a sophomore in school. He was your usual hot head, flirted with everyone, and played football type of guy. I knew he stayed with his mom, but had issues with his dad.

"What he a handyman or something?" I asked.

"No he's on the Quileute Council. Helps host many fundraisers and money for the tribe. But he comes by to check on me and help me out every now and then. He a strong man now. You should talk to him, huh?" she pointed and I just shook my head feeling my eyes soften as I looked away.

"Grandma I am not here to date again. I'll never get married or love again." I replied. She sighed and sat the frying pan on the back burner before looking at me with old eyes.

"Don't you do that, my love. When I heard about the accident, God knows I prayed he didn't take you from me. It is a great pain, what you went through. But you cannot let it win, you cannot stop living for yourself." she said. I looked up at her feeling my eyes water some before nodding. She nodded back once and moved to grab her oven mitts from the drawer. "Now… Sam is gonna be here any minute now, so you go upstairs and put some clothes on while I take the bacon and eggs out of the oven, huh!" I chuckled and nodded.

"Yes ma'am." I replied and got up hurried upstairs because I wanted to eat now. I went upstairs and washed my faced and removed my braid so my curls sprung to life after spritzing some water on them. I pulled on a navy green dress and then returned back down stairs. Before I entered the kitchen, I hear my grandmother's voice.

"Bris, can you let Sebastian in please?" she called. Sebastian is Grandma's black cat. He's been around for five years now. I am surprised he's still alive since he's always outside. I turned and moved back to the front door, not even registering the sound of a car door shutting. I opened the front door only to see a black pickup truck out in the front yard. I looked out to see a rather large bronze colored man turning to me. He was in a grey tank top and blue jeans with a brown around and black shoes. He had long rounded muscles with cropped black hair and from the stair he was giving me I could see his dark brown eyes. He looked to be about 6'6. However, all that I ignored since he was just staring at me with deep thick, alluring eyes. Why was he staring at me like that? It was not a discreet stare either. No he was staring right at me. He didn't move at all. My heart began to beat faster as my fight or flight response began to kick in and I began to grow fearful of his strong gaze.

I jumped suddenly upon feeling the soft fur of Sebastian moving past my feet. I looked up once more, only to see the man getting back in his truck and immediately backing out of the driveway. He was basically speeding away. Grandma came up behind me.

"Hey what you do, scaring away my boyfriend, huh?" she barked before shaking her head and turning away. "Maybe he had an emergency. Come on let's eat yeah?" I definitely did not want to see that man again and I didn't want him alone with my grandma.