Disclaimer: I do not own 'The Loud House' or any other property in this work that I did not make myself. Any resemblance in this work to any other work is meant to be seen as a parody.

An experiment in terribleness

Luna and Sam participate in the Purge

The Louds were at their house in Royal Woods, Michigan, one day that was getting close to late evening to early night. Inside the living room, Lynn Sr. was hurriedly nailing boards over all of the windows, the ones upstairs having already been boarded up. Likewise, some of Lynn Sr.'s children were going about in something of a panic as they check for any possible location in the house that someone could use to force their way onto the premises.

…The children that weren't freaking out like judgment day had come at last, that is; Lori was banging her head into one of the walls, Luan had somehow acquired a bright neon pink dildo the size and length of a lightsaber and was wielding it as if it was a lightsaber, Lucy was on her knees and had her hands together in prayer as she prayed to God to not have anyone bust their way into the house tonight, and the twins Lola and Lana were so wound up with worry that they were dressed as each other.

And this is nothing to say of how Rita, Lynn Sr.'s wife, was acting; she had a bottle of red wine that she was drinking straight from the bottle. When it was drained dry, the Loud matriarch, very clearly smashed off her rocker, took the now empty wine bottle and, holding its neck in her right hand, swung it against a wall causing it to break. The jagged ends of what used to be part of the wine bottle's body gleamed ominously in the shine of light that was cast on them, as well as a few stray drops of wine.

"Let thoshe fuckersh come, I shay!" Rita slurred drunkenly and loudly, "I'll shank them all with thish oh there's shtill shome wine left on the inshide of the bottle." Rita then held the broken end of the wine bottle up to her face so she could lick out the last bits of wine droplets on the inside of the bottle. However, and very predictably, she ended up cutting her tongue on one of the sharp ends of the broken bottle's body. "Fuck!" Rita swore loudly, "The wine bottle betrayed me!"

"Everyone, keep your shit together!" Lynn Sr. yelled, making everyone take pause and turn to face him. Sighing, Lynn Sr. continued, "Look, I know what's going to be happening starting at seven has us all freaking the fuck out. I understand that full well. But acting like Twinkies when they see a fat chick walk up to them is not going to help the thirteen of us get through the night any easier! In fact, it'll only make things easier for people wanting to break in to do any matter of criminal activity to us!"

"Whose idea was it to legalize the Purge and make it a real, yearly thing anyway?" Luan practically screamed out of extreme worry, "You do realize that Leni was raped three times during last year's Purge, don't you?!"

"Actually, Luan," Lisa began to point out in her boring nerd voice that doesn't endear her to anyone and I don't give a fuck what you say, "Leni wasn't raped three times last year, she committed rape three times last year." As Lisa talked about Leni's actions during the previous Purge, Charles the family dog had a worried look on his face as he whined out of fear.

"We still need to get our shit together!" Lynn Sr. snapped at everyone, "It's about five minutes until seven, so we have to do what we can in case anyone tries busting into the house while the Purge is in effect!" Snapping at his panicking daughters in appropriate order, Lynn Sr. demanded, "Lori, quit banging your head into the wall! Luan, give Junior her dildo back! Lucy, you're a Goth so you don't get to pray to God, pray to Satan instead like you're supposed to! Lola and Lana, give each other their clothes back! Luna, go upstairs and get us some of your electric guitars, they'll make for useful bludgeons to hit home invaders with!"

When no response came from Luna, Lynn Sr. looked around for a bit. "…Where the fuck did that dike daughter of mine go off to this time?" Lynn Sr. muttered to himself.

"She went to Sam's," Lincoln provided, drawing a truly horrified look out of Lynn Sr., "She said something about participating in the Purge with Sam."

Sighing in a resigned tone, Lynn Sr. remarked with an indifferent shrug, "Oh well, so I'm going to lose a daughter tonight. Meh, I'll still have, like, nine left over. And I still have Lincoln, who I need to pass on the family name as he's the only boy and only boys can pass down family names since girls are supposed to take their husband's name upon marriage because the world in run by men, as it should be."

"I'm going to take my wife's name upon marriage," Lincoln said.

Falling to his knees, Lynn Sr. looked up at the ceiling as he held his clenched hands up while shouting, "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!"

Right at the stroke of seven PM, Luna and Sam walked out the front door of the Sharp family house. "Hot diggity fuck, the Purge is now officially in effect!" Sam exclaimed. Turning to face her smoking hot girlfriend, Sam said, "You ready to rob some people fucking blind tonight, sweetness?"

"Totally," Luna replied in a tone of agreement, "I mean, the people who use the Purge as an excuse to kill care only about getting to kill. There's just so much wasted potential for them to strike it rich on nights like tonight, ya' know?"

The two teenage girls, armed with multiple weapons each, proceeded to begin their Purge night activities. The first thing that either of them did was hijack a Hummer that was driving through that part of the neighborhood. Sam shot the front window, with the bullet going through and hitting the fat mid-fifties man driving the Hummer square in the forehead, killing him instantly and making his equally fat wife reach over to stomp on the breaks so the Hummer wouldn't crash.

"What the fuck is wrong with you girls?!" the fat woman screamed in anguish, given that Sam had just widowed her.

Aiming a gun of her own at the fat lady's forehead, Luna merely said, "Happy Purge-oween." The purple dressed Loud girl then pulled the trigger on her gun, bringing the total kill count that she and Sam had scored up to two. With both fat people dead, the girls stole the Hummer, with Sam having to drag the fat man she killed out of the seat first. The two teenage girls also took some time to loot the two fat people before getting in the Hummer and driving off, running over the fat man in the process and causing his guts to squish right out of his mouth like some sort of macabre toothpaste.

The two teenage girls had a blast in their Purge escapades; the first thing that they did was crash through the gates of Tetherby manner, storming Lord Tetherby's manor, and killing everyone they found until they found the fat man himself. They forced him to unlock his safe that he had in his mansion, then when the safe was open, Sam proceeded to shoot Tetherby in the head and kill him while Luna went about stuffing some of the duffle bags that she brought with her full of the safe's contents. Luna ended up filling one and a half duffle bags, with the space in the half full bag being used to hold all of the bottles of alcohol that Sam acquired when she raided the liquor cabinet.

The girls decided to retrieve all of their gear from the Hummer because they decided to steal the limo that Tetherby had in his garage; also, the limo was much more fuel efficient than the Hummer, and the girls wanted to ride and raid in style. As the girls drove off in Tetherby's white limo, with Sam at the wheel, they eventually came across their next target, which was Flip's food and fuel. Luna and Sam had discussed with one another in length about how this was one of the places that they wanted to raid during their Purge night activities.

…

"Read the script, pussy," Sam said as she held a gun to Flip's head with her right hand while handing him a seventy-page spiral bound notebook with her left; the notebook had some lines that Sam wrote out ahead of time. Also, while Sam was threatening Flip into reading the script that she wrote, Luna pulled out and turned on a handheld tape recorder.

The fat cheap fuck that ran a shady convenience store cried as he was on his knees, his hands tied behind his back with hemp rope that Sam carries around with her at all times because reasons. Sobbing like the pathetic little cat shit he was, Flip stammered as he read the script, "My n-name is Flip, and I l-l-like Princess P-Pony a-and I have a f-funny looking wiener a-a-and…oh God, oh God please don't make me say that la-"

Flip's inelegant blubbering was cut off when Sam pistol-whipped him on the left side of his head with her handgun that she was threatening him with. "Say it, you fat sack of shit," Sam said, hissing the threat through her teeth.

"And I like giving money to charity-he-he-he!" Flip cried out in anguish as he was forced to read the rest of the script for his life, "Now, if y-you'll excuse m-me, I'm g-going to h-have to b-blow this fat f-fuck's brains out OH GOD NO-" Flip was cut off when Sam shot him in the head, blowing his brains out all over the floor.

"Ah ha, that was fucking wicked, babe!" Luna laughed, slapping her right knee as Sam had nonchalantly kicked Flip's body over. Looking around the convenience store, Luna said, "You want to raid the place now? Because not only should there be a royal fuck ton of money in the register, but we can also pillage this place for some serious munchies."

"Yeah, killing this fat sack of shit made me a bit peckish," Sam admitted as she began to look around Flip's store for something to eat, "I swear, if this place doesn't carry those honey mustard and onion flavored pretzel bits that I like so much, I'm going to shoot Flip's dead fat ass."

As it turned out, Flip's store did carry the snack that Sam wanted, so as a token of consideration to the late Flip, Sam did not shoot his corpse in the ass. Instead, she merely emptied her bladder on his deceased remains, because she had to take a piss either way. As the girls left Flip's store, with bags full of money and various snacks and drinks that they looted from the place, Luna doused Flip and the vast majority of the inside of his store in barbecue lighter fluid before she tossed a lit long match into the store, burning it all down.

With two car jackings, two robberies, one case of arson and twelve murders (admittedly most of those murders were butlers), Luna and Sam had already done more than enough to get them both put away for life. A good thing that it was the Purge, otherwise they would have been totally screwed by now. As the two teenage girls drove in their limo that they stole, Luna said suddenly as she looked out the window, "Sam, dude, stop it here!"

"What's up, hotness?" Sam asked her totally spankable girlfriend as she brought the limo to a screeching halt.

"I just saw those fuckers Hawk and Hank go into a house that looks like where one of them lives," Luna said, "I want to fucking kill them."

"I'll help," Sam said as she and Luna got out of the limo and went into the house after Hawk and Hank. The two girls soon found the boys, and before either of them could turn to face who they heard come up from behind them, Luna and Sam shot and killed them both.

"Oh my goodness, you killed my Hawky-poo!" an old lady's voice called out, making the girls turn and see a really old fat lady waiving a cane at them. "How dare you kill my grandson and his boyfriend!" the fat old lady said, "I ought to teach you little bitches a-" Hawk's grandmother was cut off when Sam nonchalantly pulled a gun out and shot her in the forehead, killing her and dropping her body to the floor.

As Hawk's grandmother laid dead, Luna turned to Sam and said, "What do you want to do now?"

Putting her gun away, Sam said, "Meh, maybe we'll raid this place to see if there's anything of value that we can steal. After that, I was planning to rape you."

Nodding in agreement, Luna said, "Yeah, that sounds like a totally balling wait you want to rape me?"

"Well we haven't had sex yet, and I'm tired waiting for it," Sam explained, "So I was just going to force it tonight, since it's currently legal and all."

"Sam, if all you want is to have sex with me, then all you had to do was ask," Luna remarked.

"…Seriously?" the blond Sharp girl asked, looking mildly surprise.

Nodding once, Luna said, "Yeah, you don't have to force it or anything. I'm totally down to make the beast with two backs with you. All you have to do is ask."

Looking to both sides of the room that she and Luna were currently in, Sam then looked to Luna and asked, "You want to fuck on the old lady's bed?"

"Let me find Hawk's room first so I can take a shit in his sheets," Luna replied, drawing an agreeing nod out of Sam. And so, after Luna answered a call of nature, using the one corner of Hawk's cover sheet to wipe, the two teen girls lost their virginity to each other, on the bed of an old fat lady that Sam killed.

The following morning at seven fifteen AM, a good few minutes or so after the Purge came to an end, the Louds that were still in the house began to take the boards they had put up down, given that the danger had passed. "If Luna's dead, I'm keeping the bedroom to myself," Luan said as she assisted Lori in taking a board over the main window in the living room down.

"Understandable," Lori replied as she nodded in agreement, "It's literally Luna's fault for wanting to participate in the Purge anyway, so she better take the-"

"Some-" Luna's voice said outside the house, then she kicked in the door and said, "-BODY once told me the world ain't gonna roll me!" Luna's entrance had not only cut Lori off, but Luna and Sam walked into the house, carrying the fruits of their Purge night labors. As the Loud siblings began to crowd around, Luna said with a hint of pride in her tone, "Guess who here in Royal Woods just shot up into the one percent?"

"Yay!" Lola cheered, "Now we don't have to do poor jokes in the show anymore!"

Jerking a thumb over her shoulder, Luna said, "You and the others go out to the limo and start help with unloading everything into the house. Also, Hawk and Hank are dead."

"Yes!" Lincoln cheered as he pumped a fist into the air.

END

Author's notes:

…Yeah, this was my attempt at writing a completely nonsense 'bad' LH story, with the intent to poke fun at other stories that people rip into for being so terrible. Overall, this was just all in good fun and is not meant to have any real bearing on any of my serious works, so please take it with a grain of salt.

I'll consider suggestions for plots for future chapters. Let's have some fun together!