Chapter 1

'I hope he's okay…'

It was the third time she knocked on his door at this point and there was still no answer. It had been nearly a week since she last heard from him. He had come into the hospital again to get a couple of nasty wounds healed from his most recent mission and the moment she said he was stable, he bolted.

It had been the same cycle for nearly six months now.

Countless A and S rank missions. Countless wounds that she would heal, some minor, but most seemed to be more severe. Countless mad dashes to the door the second he was basically healed. He would barely utter a word doing those check ups too.

Something had changed in him. Sakura knew Kakashi to be a bit of a hermit, but not even Gai or Yamato had seen him in months besides on their missions, if they shared any. He seemed to live at home if he wasn't out throwing his life into the wind on some mission.

The reason she was even standing in front of his door right now was a year before this pattern of behavior began, she realized she felt something for the man. She never acted on the urge because she knew he'd never feel the same back. But, that didn't stop her for caring about him or his well being. If she couldn't be with him, she would tell take care of him in every way possible.

She decided to come see him when she got out of work this evening to figure out why he was acting so strange.

After the fifth knock and still no response, Sakura gave up on trying to be formal with her entry. She knew he was inside the small apartment, she could sense his chakra signature and he hadn't moved from his spot for the nearly entire ten minutes she had been knocking outside.

'Damn it, Kakashi.'

Turning the knob, she found the door had been unlocked the entire time.

'You're an idiot…'

Pushing the door open, she stepped inside and was consumed into the near darkness of his apartment.

"Kakashi?" she tentatively called out as she shut the door behind her, "It's just me."

He probably knew it was "just her." He might be avoiding the world, but he wasn't stupid. The pinkette strained her eyes to adjust to the darkness and the sudden smell of stale liquor invaded her nostrils and it took everything in her to not recoil and gag at the overwhelming stench. There wasn't much in his apartment, so as her eyes adjusted she quickly located the hunched figure sitting on a couch.

"Kakashi." she said softly as she slowed walked towards him, "Why didn't you answer the door? I'm sure you heard me knocking."

For a moment she thought that maybe the man had fallen asleep sitting like that, but when he moved and ran a hand over his face, she knew he was fully aware. Ignoring her.

"Kakashi." she said a little harder this time as she furrowed her brow at him.

"Maybe I didn't answer because I didn't want to be bothered?" he replied instantly, irritation clear in his deep voice.

Sakura froze when he snapped back. His voice had a combination of emotions that she couldn't pinpoint. Annoyed? Clearly, but she didn't care. Anger? Hopefully not. Sadness? Possibly. Pain? Definitely, but she couldn't tell if it was physical of emotional pain and that worried her.

"You're worrying me." she told him as she made to stand in front of him.

She looked down when her foot kicked something and the sound of glass scooting across the floor came her ears. Her eye caught something next to his feet and gasped when she saw a pile of discarded liquor bottles. There had to be at least fifteen bottles of the same stuff. She quickly squatted down in front of him and spoke as she grabbed one of the countless empty bottles.

"You're completely wasted." she said more as a statement rather than a question as she looked over the bottle.

'This is hard stuff… How much has he drank?'

"I'm a grown man. I can get wasted if I want too." he mumbled as he kept his hand on his face as he slouched back against the couch.

Sakura just stared at the man sitting in front of her in disbelief. This wasn't the Kakashi she knew or cared for. Something was clearly wrong.

'He's worse off than I thought…'

"Are these bottles all from today?" she asked the most pressing question that worried her.

'He could have alcohol poisoning.'

"No. Last couple of days."

The medic sighed a partial breath of relief. It wasn't an immediate cause for concern, but that many bottles pointed at a deeper issue. You only drank that much if something was bothering you. If something hurt.

"This is still a lot to drink in a single day, these bottles are huge. They're what? Over a liter each? Are you at least eating while drinking this much?" she asked the next series of worrying questions.

'Oh, Kakashi…'

"No."

Sakura bit her lip then as sadness flooded her. She hadn't been expecting to walk into this when she finally decided to check on him. She raised a hand and reached out to him, the medic in her becoming more and more concerned for his physical and mental state. She flinched when he shot a hand out and snatched her wrist up.

"Don't." he said flatly as he finally looked to her, "Just leave me be."

Sakura's mind went blank when she saw the look he was giving her. He looked like he just took on an army by himself. There was no life in his eyes. She could smell the liquor clear as day from his breath. His mask was partially down and she could clearly see his nose and more of his scar.

"Tell me what's wrong." she shot back, refusing to step down.

She knew Kakashi and she knew of his resolve to never hurt the ones closest to him. He was all bark and no bite.

"Nothing's wrong."

She shot him a dirty look through the dim room.

"You're lying."

"You're stubborn." he spat as he dropped her wrist and slouched further back against the couch and let his head fall back.

Sakura stood back up and looked back down at him and crossed her arms.

"Have you been drinking like this a lot?"

Kakashi reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose at the question. This was not something he wanted to deal with right now and he was just starting to sober up when she started knocking earlier, so the slow throbbing in his head was making his already sour mood worse.

"Not at first." he mumbled.

He kept his eyes closed as he heard her audible sigh. It was clear her patience was running thin with him. He didn't blame her, but at the same time he didn't care either.

"How long have you been drinking like this?"

"Couple months."

"You're lying again!"

He frowned to himself at her call out.

'How does she know?'

"It doesn't concern you how long or how much I've been drinking. Please leave." he bit out.

He wasn't in the mood for her to be poking and prodding at him.

"Six months! You've been acting off for six months! What's wrong? Have you been drinking like this for six months?"

He finally opened his eyes but kept his head rested against the back of the sofa.

"Very observant. I've taught you well in like, what, the year I was your sensei? Now, please leave. I've asked nicely plenty." he sarcastically replied.

She just shook her head at him as she shifted her weight to a hip. He knew she meant well, she always did, but he wasn't in the mood to deal with this and felt his irritation grow as the pounding in his head only got worse and worse.

"You're pissing me off. Why can't you just listen for once?!" he finally snapped as he stood up and loomed over her. It took everything in him to keep himself balanced as he stared down at her.

Sakura was stunned by his sudden outburst, but she stood her ground. He took a deep breath to try and calm himself, but nothing worked. He didn't know why he was so frustrated right now. She hadn't replied once to him, but he could read her easily enough to know what she was saying without words.

They were always good like that together. They didn't have to exchange many words to know what the other is feeling or thinking. One look to each other could relay an entire conversation.

"Leave or you'll regret it."

Green eyes narrowed at him as she called his bluff.

"You're hurting." she said with no feeling.

She was stating a fact and he knew she knew.

"You healed me a couple of days ago. I'm fine."

Sakura just shook her and regarded him with sad eyes then and he grew confused.

"Not physically, but mentally. Emotionally. Somethings hurting." she spoke quickly, "Let me help you."

The pounding in his head doubled then.

"Please go."

'You can't fix me. Don't try and fix me. I don't deserve to be fixed.'

"I want to help you."

"You can't help me."

"Because you refuse to let me." she shot back.

They stood like that for a while staring hard at each other. The pounding headache finally made him reach his breaking point.

"I just need to forget for a while." he admitted against his wishes, "I'm overwhelmed. My brain won't turn itself off, that's why I'm drinking. It helps me dull it down. Slow it down."

Sakura's face registered surprise as he finally told her something worthwhile before she surprised him and nodded.

"Drinking is only a bandaid. Let me help you forget." she boldly told him.

Kakashi narrowed his eyes at her thinly veiled suggestion. She even looked surprised by what she said.

'There's no way she means that.'

"You don't mean that." he argued, calling her bluff

She stood straighter as she showed her own resolve.

"It's better than destroying your liver and brain cells." she countered.

He took a half step closer to her and came within centimeters of body contact.

"You're making a big mistake." he continued, giving her a chance to back out and leave.

"Isn't that for me to decide?"

He knew she was grown. She was beautiful. She was fully capable of making her own choices in life. But he didn't want her to use herself like that. She was more than that in life. Has she done this before? He prayed not. He leaned his head down close enough that his masked lips were right next to her ear.

"I'm not gentle." he whispered the lie as a last ditch attempt to scare her away.

Sakura sucked in a breath as his comment and the feeling of his warm breath on her ear.

"Do you hear me complaining?"

Before she could continue her train of thought, Kakashi had shot a hand up and buried his fingers into her hair as he yanked her forward and she felt his lips on hers. She felt as he pulled her flush against him as he turned and walked them backwards towards what she could only figure was his bedroom.

Sakura snaked her arms up and around his neck as she heard a door open.

"You're not thinking straight." he mumbled as he pulled away and kissed aggressively down her neck.

She just leaned her head away and gave him more access.

"I'm not the one whose been drinking nonstop for the last three days." Sakura sighed as the pleasant shivers ran up her spine.

Kakashi just hummed as she worked her hands under his shirt and he helped her remove it. She opened her eyes and gaped up to him when she realized she was seeing his bare face for the first time.

'Oh god, why does he have to be this handsome?!'

She didn't get a chance to admire as he pushed her down onto his bed and crawled on top of her.

"I told you I'm not going to be gentle." he said again as he sat her up and nearly tore off her tank top.

She swallowed hard before his lips found hers again. She had never had proper rough sex before, but she was willing to do this for him. Part of her was excited anyways since she was with him to begin with. Plus, he would never really hurt her. She knew that. It would be rough, but she knew it wouldn't be painful.

"Just take it out on me. Whatever is bothering you, whatever is hurting you, just take it out on me." she whispered as he took off her bra and felt his hand on her immediately.

Sakura felt the fire pool in her stomach as he groaned loudly at her statement.

"Are you on birth control?" he asked as he undid her shorts and helped him as she shimmied out of them.

"Yeah." she replied breathlessly as large hands trailed up her thighs and quickly tugged down her panties, leaving her fully exposed.

There would be no foreplay she realized, but she was ready enough. She honestly had never been so turned on before in her life. He was strong, fit, and handsome as hell. What else could she ask for?

"Good." Kakashi grunted as he quickly stood off the bed and she watched as he unbuckled his own pants and drop them to the floor along with his boxers.

She bit her bottom lip as she watched him stroke himself a couple times as he closed his eyes and relished in the pleasure he gave himself. Sakura felt herself grow wetter at the erotic sight. He was rock hard already. When he opened his eyes, she could see the fire behind his gaze and somehow found the courage within her to raise a hand and beckoned him to her.

"You'll regret this." he mumbled as he crawled back on top of her and settled himself between her legs.

Sakura just remained quiet as she watched him stroke himself a few more times before he suddenly rubbed his tip between her folds. The pinkette screwed her eyes shut and stifled the loud moan she wanted to emit as he coated himself with her juices.

"I see you're excited." he groaned as she felt him push her knees up further, "Hold your legs against you, I'm not going to hold back. Don't let go of them either."

Sakura quickly nodded and followed his instructions as she hooked her arms under her knees and pulled them away more and held the position. She was completely exposed to him at that point and she wasn't as shy like she thought she would be. If anything she was incredibly turned on by the dominance he was showing.

'Who knew my wildest dreams were going to come true tonight? Sex with Kakashi? I'm in Heaven.'

She sighed loudly as she felt him rub against her before he pushed and entered her slowly.

"Fuck…" he moaned loudly as he buried himself completely into her and paused to let her adjust. At least he gave her that grace, she thought to herself as she marveled at the feeling of being filled.

Sakura instantly regretted blindly obliging to hold this position. She wanted nothing more than to let go and run her hands down her body and touch herself. She stifled another moan as he slowly pulled out and thrust back in, soon quickly picking up his pace as he pounded roughly into her.

"Ahh." she softly cried out against her will as he hunched over her and somehow picked up his pace even more.

She could hear the bed creak and thump against the wall violently as he dominated her and she felt herself grow dizzy as the pleasure shot through her. She wasn't sure how much longer she'd last if he kept this up. In this position, he was slamming into her sweet spot repeatedly and she couldn't keep her focus long enough to do anything but enjoy the feeling.

"You feel so good, Sakura…" Kakashi moaned loudly as he leaned down and finally captured her into a kiss since he entered her.

Sakura hummed as he invaded her mouth. He reached down and snatched up her hands from her hold on her knees and pinned them above her head.

"Ahh!" she finally moaned out as his position changed in her when her legs dropped down, "Oh, god, Kakashi!"

She couldn't stop herself as her climax hit her suddenly. The pinkette cried out a garble rendition of his name. Kakashi groaned so loudly she thought she might come a second time from the sound of him alone while he continued to slam into her at a nearly painful pace.

As she finally came to her senses, she felt him release her hands as he hugged her tightly as he buried his face into the crook of her neck and jerk into her couple more times before she felt something warm shoot inside her. His moan as he came inside her was the highlight of this whole experience.

'I did it… I made him feel good. I made him forget.'

Kakashi held her close for a while as he rode out the remainder of his climax. She relished in how content she felt laying there under him, letting her hands trail up his biceps and draw lazy circles over his back with her fingers. Another minute passed and she felt him begin to stir and look up to her. She gave him the best smile she could at that moment and he gave her a half smile back.

That was okay. That was all she needed.

She could see the fog was gone from his eyes. The pain was gone, if only temporary.

"I hope I didn't hurt you." he spoke quietly as he leaned back more and slowly pulled out of her and rolled to her right to lay down next to her.

"You didn't." she told him honestly before she asked her own question, "Did you forget?"

There was a tense silence as they laid there in the darkness. They had rushed in there so suddenly, they never managed to turn on a light.

"Yeah." he spoke quietly, "I did."

"Do you feel better?"

"I do."

Sakura couldn't help the big smile that came to her as she laid there. She had helped him, granted in an odd way, but she helped him nonetheless. She wasn't sure how much time had passed as they laid there. She slowly turned her head to look over at him and found his eyes were closed and he was breathing in slow and even breathes. She continued to lay there for a while longer watching him. He looked so peaceful, his face free from any emotions.

No pain. No sadness. Nothing.

'He fell asleep. I should leave. He obviously doesn't want me to stay. I'll be there for him though. If he needs me, I'll be here for him.'

Slowly, the pinkette got up from the bed and tiptoed around his room in search of her discarded clothes.

He continued to lay there with his eyes closed as he felt her get up and quietly find her clothes. He felt himself start to slip again as heard her get dressed. That nagging feeling returned in the back of his head. He felt as though his chest grew heavy as he heard her open his bedroom door and tiptoe through the apartment. He finally let out an audible sigh when he heard the front open and close with a soft click.

"Please stay…" Kakashi whispered into the dark room.

A/N: This will have multiple parts, but it will not be a super long story. I've never written such intense smut before and I hope you guys like it! ^_^""

Please, please, please leave a review and tell me what you think of the start of this story!? I've never done something like this before so I'm very unsure of myself right now. :o

Thank you to Taytay95 for encouraging me to write this out and helping me when I struggled to write the more intense parts.