Disclaimer: I don't owe anything.

Need Not Known

Heavy.

My brain felt muddled when I come to. I wasn't sure if I was alive or not, but certainly, one's head would not feel like a tart if they were long dead.

It took me some time to find my bearings and even long to find my eyelids, but when I did, it was a tough job to will them open because they felt downright puffy.

I blinked lazily up at the canopy, and I instantly felt thankful for the darkness which helped me to adjust to my surroundings. Blearily, I look around and deduced that the place I am in is actually a hut, and if the quietness coupled with darkness was anything to go by, it must be nighttime out there.

I inhaled as I tried to work my brain, gearing up to remember why do I feel the underlying tone of anxiety and worry in my tense body.

Steep hill... soldiers... the fall–

I sit up so fast I went dizzy, but it didn't stop me leaving my cot to go find Princess Yona and Hak.

Oh my god, I gasped in despair. I looked around desperately, my vision getting blurry, please no, please-

There were two empty cots lying adjacent to each other with two male sleeping on the other. I absentmindedly hoped that they were good people because even if they hypothetically cared for us – I knew from experience that it does not necessarily mean that they are good.

I decided to go look outside for them and get up (albeit with the help of a wall because of my whirling head) to walk out of the place. It was a slow process of shuffling forward, trying to squint through the darkness to determine an even ground to walk on. But it proved fruitful when a couple of distance away – I heard familiar voices.

I sidestepped the fallen twigs to be quiet and through a clearing between the trees, I pushed the ferns of the fiona out of my way. Ready to call out to them and be relieved.

But only to freeze on the spot.

A breath away – that's how close their heads were.

My breath halted when Hak, whose body was covered with bandages and his head spotting one too, leaned in to cover the distance some more towards a still seated Princess Yona, who had one sporting too.

I wanted to look away, the urge to break into a sprint even in my condition was so strong I struggled to keep upright. And here I thought I had long ago buried such troublesome emotions.

Well, looks like it need more work, eh? My inner knowing snarks.

I don't know whether I was relieved or numb when Princess Yona honest to god headbutted Hak in that instant, (and under any normal circumstances, I might have ducked to hide my amusement because showing is generally very inappropriate); but the feeling of my previous numb senses which were returning was so intense, I was left feeling extremely unsettled.

With a deep breath, I decidedly turned about and didn't stay around for long enough to see what happened afterwards. My mission to see them all okay was already accomplished. So drawing their attention and disturbing them would be unnecessary. Besides, I was already content with the knowing of their location, relieved to see them so lively and alive. So I didn't bother to voice that to them about how happy am I to see that when they returned back to the hut later on.

Instead, I tuned in with the songs of the nighttime where I lay down, my head buzzing as I let go for once. I let myself feel the tiredness of my body and the sourness of my head. And just for tonight, I let myself feel the words my heart had been whispering since I was fourteen years old, as I drifted into subconsciousness.

It was with a loud gasp that I woke up to in the next morning.

I felt disoriented for a few minutes before my mind supplied me with the recent happenings. And I looked to the side, squinting through the bright light to see that the princess and Hak were nowhere to be seen.

With steady steps, I decidedly but quietly walked out of the hut to see the men from last night talking out in the porch.

"Oh... so you are finally awake." The smaller of the two, a young handsome boy turned when he heard me coming. I stopped some few distances away and bowed politely.

I begin, "Even though I don't remember how, I want to thank you for saving their lives and providing us with shelter, Mr. Priest."

I heard spluttering noise and look up to see a man with dirty clothes and long bangs frantically waving his hands. I felt extremely confused because it was not him to whom I was referring to, no offense to him.

The young boy sighed at my expression and begin explaining.

"I am not a priest, he is." He pointed at the man who sheepishly waves at me. "I just take care of Ik-Soo. Though I wonder who made the mistake of making him one while doing so." I blinked at his blunt tone, while the priest from behind him looked flabbergasted. (Or what I could interpret from his half concealed face) "YOON!" Who honest to god whined.

He ignored him, "And I am Yoon, you can also call me the genius pretty boy, if you insist." He told me, his face a picture of mild tolerance before he turned to walk down and pick a basket full of chopped vegetables. "And seeing you so lively is great," he continues as he crouched to set the basket by the fire pot I did not noticed before and begin putting them in. "Because that princess of yours would not stop raving about you and that man all day long." he complained. "And would not even stay put going and forth between you both." He tsked in annoyance, muttering, "What a bother." But I completely zoned out.

I felt as though something hit my head so hard it left it lightheaded. I don't know why I felt this way, considering I only just started to be of service to her and had never really met her face to face, even though I once I used to live at the main castle. Logically, I could understand her worry about us being dead since the fall was high, because honestly, anyone would.

But I felt guilty – absolutely unworthy of her attention. Because while I promised to look after her, it was not out of the place of a loyalty, but rather from a place of selfish reasons.

Her father, King Il, had once saved me from an orphaned livelihood. He saved me from the pain, provided me with four falls to call home and a place to be safe at. He gave me a life I could live and to be the person I am now, and for which, I would forever be grateful for.

But it was also because of the knowledge. That unspoken but tangeable knowing of Hak's feelings towards her. The ever present, deep down shimmering fondness for her that he had dared not voiced, not even once. Which I had always knew, but dare not let known.

And just because of this, I owed both Hak and King Il, for helping keeping her safe and alive.

But it still doesn't feel enough.

Because hearing that alone reminds me of what a selfish, ungrateful creature I am. Such an extremely abhorrent human being.

My heart clenches, and I struggled with the weight of it. I don't like it. I do not like that. At all.

The warm weight of something on my shoulder jerks me out of my trance, and I turned to look up at the smiling face of the priest.

He whispered, "Don't be so hard on yourself." From this close, I could surprisingly make out his twinkling eyes hidden behind his bangs. His words took a moment to register but when it did, I phycially recoiled.

I didn't have the time to brush it away nonchalantly or question him, and thankfully my oddly frazzled nerves didn't feel up to it too, because the next second I heard a familiar voice calling me from behind.

"Nina?"

I looked over and saw Princess Yona standing by the threshold, her head tilted but her eyes wide with mixed emotions. I don't know where she came from, but I didn't question it and instead quickly kneeled on the spot. "Good morning, Princess Yona." I greeted her politely, my eyes trained on her hem as I let the pressuring relief bleed through my voice a little. I had never interacted with any upper royalties, but I had quickly learned to keep my voice soft but slightly monotonous. Many of my childhood adventures had taught me to always know your social place. It had always served me well over the course of the years. "I am so glad to see you in good health. I will quickly make sure that Brea–" I was about to say that the breakfast will be ready soon since I was about to help in the making of it (and assist Yoon with making them, if he will let me) but I was cut off by the arms immediately wrapping around my neck.

I froze.

"You are alive." She breathed shakily, a tremor going through her body as she hugs me. "You are OK, you are ok..." she keep on whispering those words, hugging me even tightly, and I just... sit there. With my hands hanging awkwardly in the air, perplexed and unassure. My brain struggles to play catch up with my body as it stayed blank, I could not even move. What was happening? I don't understand.

Thankfully, a voice remarks from across me.

"If you want to choke her to death than I won't stop you, Princess."

Princess stiffened before she let go of me, in favor of glaring heatedly at the suddenly seated form of the Hak, who sat perched casually at the porch and gazing at us.

"If you don't shut up soon it will be you." She snaps, standing up. I blinked. He snorted.

"With what? Your chicken arms?" he probed. A vein popped in her forehead.

"I SAID TO SHUT UP!"

Someone poke my arm, "Are they always like this?" Yoon, the genius pretty boy asked, his brows furrowed at the full blown bickering.

Feeling dazed, I shrugged as I got up, sensing the dismissal. Because I'm not close enough to them to know. He threw me a look but shrugged it off in favor of crouching down to pick up the fallen dumplings off the floor, and into the basket he carried on his head. I momentarily wondered how did that appeared out of nowhere.

I heard Hak said, "Huh? A Priest's house? This place? Seriously?"

I looked over from my position to see Hak munching on a dumpling before one more disappears from the pile of the basket Yoon is carefully handling on his head.

"Yeah." Princess Yona confirms, now looking calm. These people and their mood swings. I had long since given up on trying to make sense of them.

"Wow, what an amazing coincidence." Hak said, trying to look awed but coming up looking nonchalant as always. One more dumpling disappears from the pile. He continues conversationally, "I get that he's hiding in here. But... I pictured a priest's house more like a shrine." He was interrupted with a yell.

'HEY!" The genius pretty boy stood glaring down at him. "DON'T JUST DIG IN WITHOUT PERMISSION!" He said angrily.

But Hak only apologized with a sincere (blank) face, "Have mercy on me, O lord priest." Before he proceed to steal on more dumpling off the pile. Yoon asked loudly how is that he is so lively. Before he shouts in protest, "I'M NOT A PRIEST!"

I heard Princess muttering quietly, "Speaking of which, I wonder where he went..." Before she trailed off and starting walking down a path leading up to a curve. I let her have a head start before I quietly followed her as the people behind me sort out their differences.

The path lead up to a cliff which faces a fall where the priest sat overlooking it. Princess Yona slowed before she hesitantly called out to him.

For some reason, I felt like stepping aside and giving them a moment. Call it a hunch or whatever. Besides if what Gramps had said about the priest being out there, and finding one at the bottom of the cliff, I don't think we will be attacked here since no one really knows about where the priest actually lives.

So I backpaddled and side up to a clearing between the trees I hazily recognized as the place we'd fallen to. Even though I don't remember the aftermath of the fall, my brain produces the hazy images of the ground, the feeling of being extremely winded and the heavy weight of something pressing down on me.

I walked on for some distance before I reached a semi clearing. And at that exact moment, I saw something on the ground which I had extremely forgotten about.

I rushed forward and kneeled hurriedly down to pick up my naginata. "Oh..." was all I could breath before I hugged it to my chest. I don't know how did it survived through the fight and the fall, because I honestly don't remember carrying it with me. But I am suddenly very much grateful that I at least have one thing I could call it my own.

"I am sorry." I apologized to it, even though it makes me sound crazy. But for the first time, I let myself feel about what had transpired that day, (If what Yoon said was any indication, and if I was truly out for an entire day, than today mark as the third day of our journey to help Princess Yona find her purpose.) The panic, fear, and the utter helplessness – now that I am alone, I let myself just ... feel.

My mind was not any clear than it was the night before, nor was it the morning today. But if there was one thing I could count on – it is to make sure I do not fall apart when I need to be at my top form. The incident of that day had proved that I am far from the unofficial caretaker I was supposed to be, and that I need to strictly up my game if I want to be any help to Princess Yona.

Doesn't matter if it is for selfish reasons. I told myself. Doesn't matter if it cannot be from a place for good interest. But what matters the most is my good intentions.

Do I want to save her?

I asked myself as I sat down, looking at the fallen twigs and the dried leaves. Without any motives which fuels me, do I genuinely want to help her?

And right there, as the rushing sound of waterfalls reaches me, the resulting voice from deep within me resounds without any hesitation.

Yes.

A/N: I pulled thirteen hours straight into my thesis because of the last submission date. But when I should be sleeping or better yet, planning for my term end annual exam for my post grad - I am here once again. Which I don't mind, surprisingly. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you for the fav and follows. Any kind of questions are welcome. Until next time guys.

- MPTS