Chapter 35: Saturn or Kronos?

May 11, 1994

Guinevere's party was over the top and insane. She seemed to have invited the entire nobility and more amazingly they actually seem to have come. Even Emperor Brandon vi Britannia was there, even if he spent the entire time on the opposite side of the room and glaring at my father. Actually, that could be Father's fault as well. But both are honoring their shaky truce.

Guinevere is amazing though. At eight years old she is traversing the political minefield with ease. She is perfectly capable of being polite and kind and soothing any ruffled feathers. I must admit I'm rather envious of her. And while it is subtle, Father is definitely smiling when he is looking at her. She is useful to him and I'm suddenly wondering what my purpose is. How can I make Father proud?...

—Excerpts from Odysseus's Journal

Shinjuku, Area 11

In the space between waking and dreaming, Suzaku recovered his hearing first. The soft murmur of incoherent voices, but strangely comforting. The excited babbling of a child. And the distant clamor of a world moving on while he lay, unmoving.

Next came the sense of touch. The light weight of fabric draped over his body and wrapping him in a familiar hug. The gentle draft shifting his hair. The warmth of a hand clasped around his own.

Afterwards, smell. The familiar, acidic scent of soy mixed among sharper bitter smells and something sweet. Smoggy excess from the world at large. And the mouth watering aroma of meat simmering.

His stomach grumbled and he opened his eyes.

The warm hand pulled free and Tohdoh reached out to touch his cheek. Hesitantly, he asked, "Suzaku?"

He sounded so broken and scared and Suzaku felt so guilty... because he had caused this. He remembered now, how in a moment of weakness, he plunged the trigger and let Refrain course through his body. How could he have been so selfish?

His actions had hurt others.

He whispered, "I'm sorry—"

What was he supposed to call Tohdoh? Father? Sensei? Sama?

Tohdoh grabbed his hand again, but leaned back and pinned him with a disappointed gaze. "Why? We were so worried and you— I don't understand why you would risk your life, Suzaku. Refrain is incredibly dangerous and I— We thought we lost you."

And Suzaku hadn't thought it was possible to feel even more guilty. Ko... Had he even understood what Suzaku had done? And Chiba and Tohdoh would have blamed themselves for Suzaku's mistakes... And why?

Why had he succumbed to his weakness?

"Because"—tears were forming in his eyes—"I wanted to see Father again."

Tohdoh pulled him into a hug. "I'm so sorry, but you know he won't come back? It's not worth the risk. I'll find some pictures for you?"

"I didn't see him," Suzaku whispered, ashamed. Refrain brought back the happiest memories, but— "I only saw his kimono."

"Oh," Tohdoh said and fell silent while Suzaku prepared himself for the question that would reveal he was an awful son. "What did you see?"

Suzaku drew back and crossed his arms, unable to meet Tohdoh's eyes. "When I finally broke a board for the first time with a spin kick... and the amusement park. You gave me a popsicle."

"I remember..." Tohdoh shifted closer. "Your father kicked you out of the house because he thought you were acting too friendly with Lelouch in front of the politicians. There were two delegates from the E.U. and China there and he didn't want to seem too close with Britannia. Not when they were discussing a possible offensive strike against Britannia."

"What?" Suzaku didn't remember that. Only the disappointment at failing his father and not knowing what he did wrong. Lelouch had been there... and his father considered attacking Britannia?

"He was going to lose the election the next year so he needed good news. His plan was to secretly increase sakuradite exports to the E.U. which would lead them to attack Area Two, again. Britannia would then renegotiate the sakuradite treaties with us and he was hoping to use the goodwill garnered by fostering Lelouch and Nunnally to secure a more lucrative trade deal."

"Goodwill?" Suzaku asked because after endless shogi lessons where Tohdoh discussed his plans with the JLF and the politics at play, he knew when the truth was incomplete. Looking up at Tohdoh, he searches his face, because Suzaku's father was an honorable man and would never have—

Tohdoh smiled grimly. "Yes. With an invasion in Area Two, Britannia wouldn't have had the resources to threaten us and if they didn't agree to his terms, he would have threatened Lelouch and Nunnally."

"But—" His father was honorable.

"I'm sorry, Suzaku. It's why I was sent to Narita, even though Ko had just been born. I don't know what I would have done had Kururugi-shushou ordered me to move against Lelouch and Nunnally, but Britannia's invasion took the choice out of my hands."

Tohdoh had to be lying.

His father was honorable… but so was Tohdoh.

What was the truth?

The narrative from his childhood painted his father leading the nation to glory with pride and honor. In it, he could do no wrong. His word was absolute.

So was Lelouch's…

His father had planned to burn Japan to the ground to deny Britannia a win. Not caring for the lives that would be lost.

Tohdoh had gathered the remnants of the army and fled like a coward. He offered a sanctuary to the Japanese. Every month, the JLF grew as more people slipped into their net of contacts and more supplies disappeared from Britannian military bases.

Only one could be right…

His happiest memories were with Tohdoh and Lelouch. Tohdoh had always encouraged him and reprimanded him when he went too far, but also explained why. It was Tohdoh who comforted him and Tohdoh who brought a smile to his face.

Suzaku's father had been a damn fool. He had preached non-violence and conformity, but was willing to use Lelouch and Nunnally as pawns. Life was precious, he said, but as long as he didn't pull the trigger, the ground could be watered with blood.

A hypocrite.

And a father... who never smiled, listened, or noticed him. Who couldn't even be bothered to be there.

Ducking his head, Suzaku whispered, "I... Is it okay— I don't want to be a Kururugi anymore."

He bit his lip and waited for the harsh retaliation. A son didn't abandon his father. But Genbu Kururugi was dead and maybe Britannia only invaded because of his actions. To protect Lelouch and Nunnally.

"Suzaku," Tohdoh said softly and pulled him into a tight hug. "There will always be room for you in my family. Your heritage doesn't need to define you. You can stand outside of his shadow."

Could he?

He was betraying his father. Betraying everything he clung to. It wasn't enough to kill the man, but now, he rejected his memory as well.

"I don't know how," Suzaku whispered.

Tohdoh pulled back and stared into his eyes. "You have time. People already know you as our nephew. You can take the Chiba name and the Kururugi name will wait for when you're ready."

Hesitantly, Suzaku asked, "What if I'm never ready?"

"Then the Kururugi name will collect dust until one of your descendants brushes it off and wears it with pride."

He had time… Time to grow. Time to learn. Time to choose.

"Thank you," Suzaku said earnestly although another word burned at the tip of his tongue: father.

Tohdoh ruffled his hair. "Come on... nephew. I made some udon and Nagisa is due back in an hour with Ko from their supply run. We should freshen up before they arrive. Ko will be delighted to have his big brother back on his feet."

Suzaku nodded and stood with trembling legs. His body felt stretched and worn out, but unlike the soreness after a strenuous training session, there was no sensation of warmth or accomplishment. Only the knowledge that he made a grievous mistake... He could have died. Refrain was dangerous... and what would Ko feel if his big brother was suddenly gone?

Never again.

As he grabbed a towel, Tohdoh called out, "And Suzaku? You're grounded."

Suzaku froze. "You never grounded me! You can't ground me."

Tohdoh snorted. "And you never endangered your life before. You're grounded for the foreseeable future until I can trust you to not throw your life away. You'll be helping Nagisa with Ko and teaching everyone. I'm sure that there are plenty of kids in the area who would benefit from your martial arts tutelage."

"I can't teach!" Suzaku squeaked. "And Father never grounded me."

"You're part of my house now," Tohdoh said, smiling gently. "I told General Iki that an emergency came up so you'll have my undivided attention for the next week and I'll have time to help you with setting up classes. Maybe this will teach you to finally use your head and talk things out."

Curbing the childish retort, Suzaku stomped out of the room. He had messed up. He knew that. But grounded? How was he supposed to do his duty to Japan sitting around the house and teaching little kids?

A small weight in his pocket brought him to a stop by the counter. He reached down and pulled out his father's pocket watch. It was the last memento from the Kururugi shrine and a time long passed. The hands were frozen.

The lump of metal rested on the counter as he left the room.

Scotia General Hospital, Area Two

Marianne stopped in front of the impromptu cell, a converted storage room, and waved off the guards. Her son lay in a hospital bed upstairs. His skin deadly pale and painfully stretched across his bones. She couldn't bear to look at him lying helplessly as the IV provided him with essential nutrients and kept him under sedation while the ventilator kept his breathing steady.

Every six hours, they attempted to wake him, but tremors would ransack his body and he would begin to cry out in pain. She didn't know what was wrong or what the Count had done. His blood count and metabolic panel had been inconclusive, along with the various random tests she ordered, trying to figure out what could be wrong. Their only clue was an unidentified agent in his blood.

What was from malnutrition? What was making him sick?

And thus, Marianne entered the cell where the Crow waited in a straitjacket. A bruise blossomed around his eyes, but he didn't react to her presence beyond a small smirk.

He was the one who kidnapped her son... And even as he lay in the cell, he held her son's life in his hands.

"Executing me, now?" he asked, rolling his eyes.

She wished. "Your death can either be painful or swift depending on your cooperation."

He shrugged. "Guess painful it is."

According to Charles's agent, he had introduced himself as Arthur. No one had managed to dig up his real name yet and with the disorder in Area Two, it could take months. She didn't even know who she had in her cell. Whether he was important or a nameless grunt guarding her son. Still, she asked, "What's your name?"

"Always the same question. I seem to have forgotten it." His bruised face stretched into a grin. "Never had an empress visit me before. You finally looking past your nose at us common folks?"

They had caught a damn extremist. They refused to break and would lie until their execution, sending OSI agents on a pointless goose chase.

This was pointless.

She should be at her son's side.

She turned around.

Hesitantly, the Crow called out, "How's Lelouch? Would've thought he'd have seen me once. At least to gloat. He won."

"Don't! Say his name." She turned around and glared at the Crow. "You're lips are not worthy of saying his name."

"How's His Highness then?" he asked and his tone was sincere. She couldn't detect a mocking lilt... He sneered. "You must be so proud, Your Majesty. Sending off your thirteen year old son to war. And he defeated the Count!"

"Yesterday was his birthday," she whispered and she wasn't proud. Her son had been hurt... because she failed to protect him. "What did the Count give him?"

The Crow tensed, an indecipherable expression crossing his face. "Give him? Why are you asking me?"

"Because we can't wake him safely! He's barely breathing and seizes every time we try to take him off the respirator."

"But he was fine during the battle." His eyes widened. "Damn it. Six hours. The tea." He groaned. "Of course she would use it. I know I told her it was for short term use only, but why should I be surprised? She obviously didn't care."

Marianne scowled. "What did the Count do to my son?"

"In my jacket, there's a sedative. She had to have dosed him... and then the Refrain would have made it worse."

"There was no Refrain." Or if there was, she was going to execute the medical team for gross incompetence.

The Crow shook his head. "Like Refrain, but not. Has a reddish hue."

She narrowed her eyes. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

He laughed. "I'm not helping you. I'm helping Lelouch. Knew I'd die if I saved him, but did it anyway. Would be a shame if it was all for nothing."

Hospital Room

Lelouch woke slowly to dim lights and the distant sound of movements. Wheels rolled over the ground. A woman shouted. Men laughed. A machine beeped. Boots struck the ground. A phone rang. Wind howled outside. No water dripped.

He lay in a soft bed with his body inclined while his right elbow felt constricted. He glanced down at the heavily taped IV. Experimentally, he flexed his right hands. His fingers were swollen... but there wasn't any pain.

No rope cutting into his wrists. No muscles burning. No bones grinding into the harsh stone floor.

He wasn't in a cell.

He hadn't dreamt his escape.

Or maybe the cell was a dream.

His memories felt detached, like the wind could whisk them away. The Count's face was a blur. The escape route he tried to memorize was nonsensical. Only one memory remained crystal clear...

The Emperor's blood spattered face staring at him

The monitor began to beep and Lelouch took a deep breath. And another one. That hadn't happened. The assassin had died by his hands, not by the Emperor's order. It was Lelouch's sword through her gut which felled her, not Bismarck's blade descending on her neck.. It had been an assassin... not an agent of the Empire intending to kidnap Nunnally.

Just a hallucination brought upon by isolation.

A nurse rushed in and began to talk. Lelouch stared out the door and spotted the guards.

Trapped.

He needed to escape.

The Count was talking to him and demanding him to obey. Her hands wrapped around his arm.

He needed to escape.

Darkness claimed him.

The next time he woke to a bright light checking his eyes and his mother waiting by his side.

"Lelouch, can you hear me?"

Was she real? Or was he in the cell?

"Yes," he rasped.

His mother reached out, but stopped short of touching him and bit her lip. "Hey. Everything is alright. Nunnally will be ecstatic to hear you're awake. Can you answer some questions for the doctor please?"

Lelouch nodded. This felt real? The doctor murmured and Lelouch responded as best as he could, not paying attention to the words. He wanted to sleep. Everything took so much energy.

"Lelouch, Lelouch," his mother whispered and touched his shoulder. He flinched. "Are you hungry?"

Hungry?

When was the last time he ate?

"No scones," he finally said.

The doctor left and passed unhindered through the door. Did that mean Lelouch could leave as well? The room felt oppressively small.

Focusing on his mother and her soft smile, he asked, "Nunnally?"

"She's still in school. She asked about you everyday."

She was fine. There was an important question on the tip of his tongue that he needed to ask. Something about the Count, yet not. His memory was sluggish. Something about fire?

The food arrived. Pureed mush in a tiny bowl. It tasted divine.

Lelouch fell asleep once more.

A bird dove through the air. The scent of blood. And the Emperor watched as people gently raised the cabinet and lifted Nunnally on a stretcher.

He sat up, his eyes roaming through the dark room and the monitor beeping. His heart rate had spiked. He needed to talk to his mother. His friends.

Three doctors attempted to calm him and convince him to lie down again. Eventually, they turned on the light and Lelouch could breathe again. They brought his mother. She looked tired with her hair in disarray, but he refused to feel guilty.

"What happened to the division?" he asked, hurriedly.

His mother waved everyone out and scowled. "You're supposed to be resting."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing yet. Calm down, Lelouch. Everyone is fine. Please, rest."

No. Sleeping meant once again seeing Edgar bleed out and die. It meant hearing the water. Smelling the mountains of dead bodies. Feeling the Count's knife dig into his neck. Seeing the Emperor's blood spattered face and purple eyes.

He swung his legs out of bed. "I need to see them. I need... I need to clean my gun. Write letters. Go to Area Seven."

"Oh, for goodness sake! Lelouch. You don't need to do anything, but rest."

He blinked. "My gun will jam if I don't take care of it."

"Please... It's three in the morning. It can wait. You just need to focus on becoming better." When he didn't move, his mother massaged her temples. "Fine. Then I'll stay with you. We can talk. Or sit in silence. But you're not running outside. Please?"

Lelouch leaned back in his bed and scratched at the tape securing the I.V. "The Count is dead?"

"Yes. All captured on tape. Charles is having a field day leaking it to the press. Everyone knows Britannia defeated the Count."

Of course the Emperor would use the situation to his advantage. Without the Count playing the media, the narrative would quickly change in Britannia's favor.

"And the division?" he asked, hesitantly.

"They defeated the Count. But, Lelouch, many of them attempted treason. I will keep my word, but if they step out of line again, there will be no mercy."

Given the circumstances, that was the best Lelouch could hope for... "What now?"

His birthday had been coming up. What role would be expected from him next? He was the Emperor's pawn.

She reached out and her fingers curled around his hand. "I'm sorry, Lelouch. I don't know... and... I know you were angry at me. Probably still are. I'm sorry for Japan. I acted too rashly. I pushed you away. If I hadn't? Then maybe we could have avoided all of this. You'd never have suffered at the Count's hands.. I love you and wanted what was best for you, but... I miscalculated. I only wanted to protect you"

If she loved him, why had she stood by? Why had she let York live so he could prowl around? York who just kept pushing and pushing until Lelouch felt like a fish, flopping aimlessly, stranded in a desert. Because of her inaction, Alex had thought it necessary to sacrifice his innocence for him and accept York's heartless tutelage. If she had done anything then Lelouch wouldn't have to stand by, unable to do anything, as Fortescue wasted their lives. He wouldn't have had to live with the terror that the next battle could be the last for him... or his friends.

And the Count wouldn't have held his life in her hands.

What kind of mother did that?

And even now... The lives of his friends were meaningless to her. She wanted to execute them for treason and if they had failed to kill the Count, to prove her death... His mother would have executed everyone.

And if she wanted to protect him then... "Why did you let me be deployed to Area Two? You had to have known I would see combat. That I could die."

"I tried, Lelouch. I really, honestly tried to get you out... but"—Lelouch prepared himself for the inevitable excuse because there was always something more important than his own wellbeing—"an assassin was targeting you."

Oh. Not only had he garnered the attention of a terrorist, but also an assassin. Someone his parents obviously were wary enough of that they considered his deployment to Area Two safer. "Who?"

"We don't know," she said, frustrated. "We've been searching, but they've been laying low. Charles discovered the plot when he noticed that others sharing your name or physical traits were dying or being sent on equally dangerous assignments. Nobody knows who you are Lelouch. And we didn't want to reveal your identity by interfering. All our power... and we couldn't do anything. I should have found another way."

Always something more on his plate, but he couldn't muster up the burning anger that always simmered within him. He was so tired.

Done.

Everything was finally over... and his mother did love him even if she showed it with force to clear his path. All of his friends would always be in danger from her brand of overzealous protection and justice.

Still...

"I accept your apology, Mother."

The answering smile was blindingly bright and she squeezed his hand. "Thank you, Lelouch. We'll be going home soon... And your friends? I may find them disrespectful, but they are loyal. They would do well to protect you." She grimaced. "Maybe even form your royal guard."

Home...

"Mother, we haven't been to the Aeries Villa in years. Not since... that night. Home,"—he paused and considered his words—"is with the people I trust. Nunnally's home is at Ashford Academy now. She had friends and a life there. One that she couldn't have had back in Pendragon. And for me? This is my home."

She pursed her lips. "You're worth so much more, Lelouch. You could change the world. Schneizel would take you on in his office and teach you the ropes. Odysseus would love your help in implementing reforms. Even Cornelia would take you under her wing and train you in the art of war... Or I could do that?"

"And Guinivere would love to sabotage any efforts out of spite." Lelouch sighed. "I know I can change things here. They protect me and I want to protect them in turn."

Hadn't he promised Art he would figure out how to bring justice to the world? He could argue for the laws to be changed, but what use was that if they were never implemented? If the people didn't care for the spirit of law? Britannia could declare all Numbers as full Britannian citizens and they would still be second class citizens, denied essentials through prejudice and the power of economics.

He continued, "The 712th is my home... And for many of the soldiers, it's their only home as well. I can at least make it a good home."

Change had to begin somewhere. He couldn't save everyone... He would have to sacrifice people. But he could start by offering a place of safety from Britannia's prejudice.

"You're too soft on the Numbers," Marianne whispered. She glanced out the window at the night sky. "I remember my first battle. Charles had declared the Ganymede would be kept secret at all costs. We ambushed Emperor Brandon's forces under the moonlight. I took care of the sentries with ease before they could sound the alarm. I didn't have the strength to finish off the soldiers after they surrendered. Then the infantry came in... and killed every possible witness. I was to be Charles's secret weapon and nobody could know. Every one of those soldiers who were following orders were executed. I never called for backup after that."

People were incredibly fragile, yet somehow, some managed to endure countless toils. They fought and fell within the same breath. Even those who surrendered were not spared. Power came in many forms, but those who refused to give up were the only ones who could survive and potentially save the powerless.

She swallowed. "The only rumors of Charles's secret weapon was the flash of light from the moon reflecting off the metal. He was so displeased. Tried painting the entire thing black, but that didn't work. Only the most trusted nobles knew... and they tried so hard to keep the Ganymede out of a commoner's hand. And I wanted them to succeed. I wanted them to pilot the cursed machine so I could finally sleep instead of spilling blood under moonlight. But nobody could do what I did."

Lelouch stayed silent as he witnessed her unusually raw moment. She always talked about the thrill of battle and the excitement. He had never thought there was something else.

Except that wasn't true… How many times had he witnessed her return from a campaign and envelop him and Nunnally in a hug, before retreating into her room and not coming out for days on end except for meals?

She had been a bastion of strength: the Flash. Foolishly, he had never dug further, buying into the story and not daring to question his parents.

But once, she too had been young. Thrust into a position above her station and having to perform or face the consequences.

"I was only sixteen. Charles was always watching. Sometimes I felt so proud to have the attention of a contender for the throne. Mostly, I was terrified. I had to learn to act and talk like a noble. If I wasn't piloting or helping Reuben run tests, I was studying history and eavesdropping. They sent assassins after me once they realized they couldn't beat me in combat. I only survived because Reuben required me to eat my food with him, without exception. We lost eight different tasters within the first half of the year. And I killed seven assassins who snuck into my tent.

"Funny enough, I was actually eavesdropping on Lord Gainberg when I heard the commotion from Charles's tent. Three assassins attacked him. He killed two of them and I dispatched the other without even thinking. I thought they were after me at first. Later, I learned the assassins killed Charles's Knight of Honor. The attacks stopped for a while after that. Maybe they were afraid of my skills? Or maybe it was because Charles had begun to seek out my company."

She giggled.

"Everyone thought we were sleeping together. Initially, he invited me to spar in secret. I kicked his butt the first time and he looked so offended. But then he ordered me to do it again. And again. So every time we returned, we were always a disheveled mess. He was so flabbergasted when Guinivere confronted him about it. Honestly, he's a little slow on the uptake at times."

"Mother, please don't," Lelouch said.

Laughing, she ruffled his short hair. "You're so cute when you're embarrassed. But don't worry, we never did anything until we married... Charles wanted to stifle the rumors and he had just declared me as his Knight of Honor, so he insisted on bringing my education up to par. After a month or so, I got fed up and gave him my hat and dragged him into a nearby town to the movie theater. It was actually Men in Black and that was the first time I heard Charles laugh." She grinned. "We saw a ridiculous number of movies that summer."

"Is there a point to this?"

"Besides watching you turn red?" she teased. "Yes. You and your father are so alike in many ways. I never bothered trying to change the world. I was a commoner and for the longest time thought that was the end of it. But Charles? He dreamt big. The Emblem of Blood... It's hard to explain. Britannia was different then and I know you see problems still, but back then we lived in a constant state of fear. Some commoners were lucky and lived on the fringe of battles, but others weren't. Nobles would storm through our fields, destroying the year's crops. Then return in the Fall and demand tribute. Other times, they would play little war games between each other and use the village as target practice. There was no Emperor. There were no rules.

"My parents ran the local clinic, but things were mostly peaceful for us and we always had money. They died when I was eight. Lord Blenford and his eldest son were assassinated in the night. Two branch families fought over who should inherit the property, our town. But they were broke. So one of them rounded up everyone in the village and forced them to pay a few thousand pounds or be indentured. My parents hid me in the closest under a mountain of clothes when they came knocking. My father was furious so he struck the lord. I heard them die.

"Charles... He was so tired of all the fighting and endless death. He tried to rationalize it. Had to because otherwise his brother's sacrifice was in vain. Thought people just had to stop lying and speak the truth then everyone would understand each other. I bought into that dream at first. I wanted forgiveness for killing all those people. Because maybe all the deaths meant something. But we kept killing, lying, and manipulating until we ensnared Emperor Brandon and forced him into an Honor Duel. I killed him and thought it was finally all over. But it wasn't. To keep order we had to keep fighting."

Lelouch resisted the urge to snort. Their dream was stupid. Lies... Lies were necessary. People lied to protect themselves and others. They lied when they were in pain to alleviate other's misery. They lied to not spoil a birthday surprise. They lied to protect lives. A lie caused just as much conflict as the truth. It wasn't better or worse. A world without lies would look exactly the same.

Art hadn't helped Lelouch because he told the truth and undoubtedly still believed in the Crow's ideology. Lelouch could argue his morals and ideals until he was blue in the face, but Art would not have been swayed. He had helped because Lelouch appealed to his own morals. Morals which were different for every person. Unless everyone was the same, experiences would influence people's values and beliefs.

"Why do you think your father arrested half of his court?" his mother asked dryly. "Your skepticism is clear. We grew out of our naivety. Running a country will do that. We ended up prioritizing stability. Our personal beliefs were second to the state of the country. An Empire serves its people to minimize the overall suffering. If the E.U. or China were to invade, then millions would die. So Britannia must continue to appear strong. We... aren't strong. An almost century long civil war ravished our economy and we were lucky enough that the E.U. and China had their own wars on the continent and in the Pacific. Reuben probably saved Britannia by inventing the knightmare. The E.U. actually tried to invade Area Two right after my wedding and we spent months covering it up."

Britannia always won. It was an unquestionable fact. Every child knew it. Every adult knew it. Lelouch had believed it. It was why he spent months setting up a hideout for the inevitable invasion of Japan.

But it was a lie...

Could the Count actually have won?

How much did it take to topple an Empire?

Only nobles could be officers. They were often promoted not based on skill, but influence. The army granted knighthood and by extension a temporary noble rank to help fill the ranks of officers with competent soldiers. It was a bandaid on a gushing wound. Lord Ashford's estates had struggled because essential trade was curtailed by jealous nobles. There weren't enough doctors. The Numbers were a primed powder keg.

If the Count had allied with the Numbers, she could have won. Her revolution would have swept through Britannia as the Numbers took up arms and started concurrent revolutions. The industries built on their oppression, crippled. Paying lip service to commoner issues like rampant crime would have bought support from the commoners. United, the military couldn't have sent in a Number division to crush the rebellious population. There would be no scapegoat to redirect anger at.

China or the E.U. would then undoubtedly have preyed on the moment of weakness. Perhaps, Britannia could have used the resulting battle ground to foster a surge of patriotism and push the invaders out. But if the Count had done it instead? There would have been no rallying cry. She would be the symbol of protection for Britannian citizens.

Even if Britannia defeated the Count afterword and all her forces, there would always be a whisper of weakness. China and the E.U. would be looking for a new opportunity to pounce. Initially, the people might be broken and compliant, but soon rumors of might would spread. All it took was someone else to step up and deliver a victory against Britannia to reignite the powder keg.

An empire was terribly fragile.

"She could have won," Lelouch whispered, "if she hadn't been more open minded. She could have crowned herself as the next Empress."

Had it been someone more... principled, would that have been better? Or would the Empire fall apart within a few years and lead to millions of deaths?

"Your father has a few more tricks up his sleeve thankfully," she replied. "But yes, we hadn't realized how out of control the situation had spiraled. There seems to be a bit of a communication problem."

"Nobody wants to be the bearer of bad news."

She chuckled. "Yes. Nunnally pointed out that shooting the messenger was a bad idea. But you understand, Lelouch? We can have ideals, but the real world is not as willing to bend. I wish that I never killed anyone, but I must. I have sent people to die to achieve a victory. It's a harsh calculus we do. My life or theirs? And you often choose yourself. But then it becomes my life or ten... or thirty... or a hundred. When should you sacrifice your life? If you live today, will you eventually save more than if you die?"

"Everyone's life is equal," Lelouch retorted.

"All men are not created equal. If you die, Britannia appears weak and thus must counter. Your death would cause millions to die. Your life can save millions. If a doctor dies, every future patient of his potentially dies. He shouldn't die to save one man."

Edgar had died to save his life…

"If a soldier dies, they prevent the deaths of their comrades and the civilians. If a commander dies, their troops will die. If a terrorist dies, they can no longer take a life." His mother paused. "The current system allows us to calculate the potential of a life. A Number will never rise above their station so regardless of skills, their life is worth the least. A commoner has a chance... but they are unlikely to save many lives. Nobles are tricky. Some cause great harm while others bring prosperity. Fortunately, there are few of them, so we make a case by case decision."

Acidicly, Lelouch asked, "And a royal?"

"Their lives have little inherent value, but their deaths are signs of weakness. As long as they stay alive, they bring security. Empress Tianzi of the Chinese Federation has no value or skills, except as a figure head. Her death would still be catastrophic so the eunuchs keep her locked away in the palace but safe, where she can fulfill her role. Charles brings actual value because he governs and forces the noble lords not to run wild. His life is therefore to be protected at all costs."

Lelouch had survived the Count due to luck, not because of his status of royalty. A stray bullet, a slip of the knife, or an insidious poison in his tea could cut his life abruptly short. His thread of fate was waiting to be snipped. The present mattered as much as the future.

Unfortunately, his parents' weighing of lives governed the world he lived in. Perhaps the world could be kinder, but it would never be granted the opportunity to try under the current Britannia.

"It's still wrong," Lelouch muttered, feeling like a child.

"Maybe," she admitted, "but it works. Britannia is recovering. Compared to the Emblem of Blood, people are happier. Most have a place to live and no longer need to worry that they'll starve. The majority have access to medical care if they can afford it. Ten years ago... that wasn't the case." She sighed. "Maybe you won't understand now, but eventually you will. Try to get some sleep."

"Mother?" Lelouch said as she turned around. "Henry… It's not his fault."

Her lips pursed, but she nodded. "I'll tell Charles to go easy on him."

That was the largest concession he would get. Henry had failed to protect him and Lelouch could only hope that his friend would escape an execution.

He watched her roll away and leave him in the empty room. At least there was light. And no water dripping.

Despite what his mother said, he refused to accept her logic. Time was a luxury that he didn't have. The Count had held his life in her hands and he was only spared because of Art's compassion.

The water was dripping… marking the passage of time.

Time held in the vice grip of the Three Fates. Time refused to wait for him to catch his breath. Time needed to change the world.

Hospital Room

The constant barrage of people moving on the floors below and above comforted Lelouch as he slowly ate his breakfast. He wasn't in the dark cell and slowly, his mind was beginning to accept the fact. Very slowly. He could still feel the phantom ropes around his wrists or the Count's knife against his throat.

If only he could actually see people, but outside of the doctor and nurse assigned to his care, his area was silent. He knew two guards stood outside his door from the clicking of their boots when they changed shifts an hour earlier, but he had yet to see their faces.

He took a scoop of his divine applesauce and let it disperse across his tongue. Food had never tasted so superb.

A surge of nausea swept through him. What if it was poisoned? Laced with another sedative? Was it safe? His food should be safe. His mother would never allow him to be poisoned on her watch.

He took another scoop. It tasted like ash. Still... he had to eat. Needed to leave. The food was fine.

He took another scoop.

At the struggle for the fifteenth scoop, the Emperor walked into the room. He stood in the doorway and Lelouch suddenly found the willpower to swallow and set down his food.

"Your Majesty."

"Lelouch." The Emperor turned around, shut the door, and sat down. The half filled container of applesauce rested on the bedside table between them. "You should eat."

Confused, Lelouch picked it up and took another bite. It still tasted like ash. He liked food... Would it always taste repulsive?

"You seem to be recovering."

Was this an attempt at small talk? Suddenly, his mother's story felt much more plausible.

Clearing his throat, the Emperor asked, "Do you need anything?"

"Did Mother ask you to do this, Your Majesty?"

The Emperor looked... annoyed? "No. I asked for her advice, but I already intended on having this discussion." He paused then boomed, "You killed the Count."

Lelouch recoiled at the sudden increase in volume, recognizing it as the Emperor's normal court voice.

"You killed the Count," the Emperor said again at a more conversational volume. "Rumors of the mysterious commander, Zero, continue to spread.. Additionally, your birthday passed."

His birthday had passed?

"You don't wish to return to court?"

"Yes, Your Majesty."

"Good."

Good?

The Emperor said, "I've informed your siblings that you missed your birthday celebration because you were fulfilling a task I assigned to you. You have two options. Either you will return to court, publicly known as Zero,"—Lelouch winced—"or you will continue to serve as Zero, my agent. You will officially hold the rank of Major General and command the 712th Division."

"Thank you," Lelouch said honestly, "I would be honored to command the 712th, Your Majesty."

"I haven't finished," the Emperor rebuked. "You will be clearing up the rest of the Crows and various terrorist cells within Area Two. This privilege is dependent on you keeping control of your men. No desertions or mutinies. Normally, the division would be dispersed and the ring leaders executed. I don't care that they ended the Count or whatever agreement Marianne made. Only their loyalty to you stays my hand. Killing the Count was luck. You will prove that it wasn't luck."

The Emperor expected results or else Lelouch would be dragged kicking and screaming back to court.

Lelouch nodded. "My answer remains the same, Your Majesty."

"Very well. You may do as you wish, but I want the last of the Crows gone by the end of spring." He stood up and turned around. "Also, you will need to make your own excuses for not attending balls. You're fourteen. There is no reason for mail not to be forwarded to you."

"Of course, Your Majesty," Lelouch said as he despaired. He wasn't out of court life completely. If he didn't reply to the invitations, he would come across as rude and potentially cause a scandal.

The Emperor's hand rested on the doorknob. "Do you have any questions?"

The orders were clear. "No, Your Majesty."

The doorknob turned and the impression of a bird sent a stab of pain through his head.

"Wait," Lelouch murmured and the Emperor paused. Waiting as if he hadn't just given the Emperor an order. "Do you remember the assasination attempt on me and Nunnally?"

The Emperor, his face impassive, stepped away from the door. "Of course."

"What is V.V., Father?" Unbidden, the last word slipped out.

He froze and his voice was low. "How did you hear that name?"

"You said it that day to the assassin."

Staring into Lelouch's eyes, he said, "No, I don't remember that."

The purple eyes bore into him, promising danger.

Lelouch swallowed. "The assassin was alive after I stabbed her. Bismarck swept in and checked on Nunnally and then you came in. She apologized because I fought through whatever drug she used... and then you said: V.V."

"Forget that name," the Emperor ordered. "You will never speak of V.V. again if you value your life."

"The assassin was an OSI agent... but not. Are they a threat to Nunnally? Will they try to kidnap her again?" Lelouch pushed on, heedless of the danger.

The Emperor's face darkened. "Kidnap again?"

"She said she only needed one of us. That Nunnally was more malleable."

He snarled.

"My apologies, Your Majesty," Lelouch whispered and ducked his head. He had pushed too far. Obviously, his questions were unwelcomed.

"Lelouch," the Emperor hissed quietly and gripped his shoulder. "You will never speak of V.V. again. You will pretend that all you remember from the attack is killing the assassin after she went to check if you were dead. No one can ever suspect otherwise. V.V. is dangerous."

"Understood," Lelouch said. He would have to do his own investigations.

The Emperor's fingernails dug into his skin. "No, you obviously don't. If you investigate anything from then, you will die... or worse. Your sister will suffer the same fate. Marianne has the tools to deal with the threat. You are defenseless."

Lelouch winced and the Emperor released his grip. He almost sounded terrified and Lelouch wondered what he had stumbled upon. But those memories had been repressed. The Emperor had known he was there... looked into his eyes. Why hadn't he expected Lelouch to one day remember? It wasn't like memories could be altered.

The Emperor must have forgotten.

"I won't investigate," Lelouch promised.

The Emperor stepped back and grimaced. "Consider the OSI compromised." A slight pause. "I'm… relieved that you are alright."

He left.

Lelouch looked down at the apple sauce. Had someone intended to use Nunnally as leverage? But then why more malleable? What had been their intentions? He needed answers, but had promised not to look. And if the Emperor was scared then Lelouch might have kicked a bigger hornet nest than anticipated. He had been nine. Nunnally five. There was nothing they personally could have done.

Was V.V. a weapon or project? Something wielded by an enemy of the Emperor?

But his mother had nearly died the night before. Was it an enemy of hers which was why the Emperor insinuated that he would send her to deal with the problem? Too many questions.

"Lelouch!" Alex cried and ran into the room. "The guards finally left and allowed visitors. I'm so glad you're okay. What was all the security for?"

Don't trust the OSI. Alex was OSI now... but Lelouch couldn't drive himself paranoid with worry. Alex would never betray him.

"Just some important people," Lelouch replied easily.

Alex shook his head. "How the hell did you pull off being Zero? Nobody can just take charge like that. But you did... People are saying Zero has to be an agent of the Emperor."

"That's true," Lelouch whispered. He was now the Emperor's willing pawn. To be free, he had chained himself. Or maybe, the chain had always been there, but now, he only realized it.

"And well, the news is saying he's some brilliant General or something," Alex continued.

Had the choice the Emperor presented him been real? Or had he known what Lelouch would choose and moved appropriately. A brilliant General? Nobody would believe a skinny brat, barely fourteen, was Zero.

"It's true?" Alex asked, confused as he processed what Lelouch had said. "But— Is it because of your parents? They do stuff with the OSI, right?"

"Sort of," Lelouch answered. "My family... is complicated. Please, drop it."

A long pause. "When can you leave? Everyone's dying to see you again. And please, oh wise one, tell me that you have some idea what we're doing. Because I'm still not convinced we aren't all gonna die."

"Cleaning up Area Two," Lelouch replied, swinging his legs out of bed. Apparently, his parents had vanished or else Alex would never have been able to enter the room. Unless he was here as a ruse to assassinate or kidnap him? No. That was ridiculous. "We succeed; we live."

Lelouch stumbled towards the door and Alex offered his arm.

Grinning, Alex said, "Well, we did the impossible once. Ya know who will be in charge?"

"Me." And that was terrifying. One battle against the Count was simple. Now. He had to manage some ten thousand men and all their supplies, while ensuring not a single one deserted. There was no room for failure. And he only had until the end of spring.

There was too much to do; too little time.

"How's that gonna work with you being a commoner?" Alex narrowed his eyes. "Or ya suddenly gonna be a noble now."

Lelouch had complete control. The Emperor had said he could do as he wished. He could prove himself and show that justice should be blind, but he wasn't foolish enough to only take one approach. The Count had fought through force and media. So would Lelouch.

According to Nunnally, Odysseus had been distraught to hear he was in the army. He would be incensed to learn he was Zero. If Lelouch directed that anger, he could find a valuable ally in reforming the Empire.

Odysseus, despite his mediocrity, was still the Crow Prince. Unlike Schneizel, he didn't covet power and was sympathetic to commoners who couldn't protect themselves.

Feeling hopeful, Lelouch said, "No. Zero is in charge. I'll still be me. We're going to do things differently."

"You're going to be two people at once?"

"At least to the public. I have permission to do what I wish as long as I bring results."

Zero would be the loyal agent of the Emperor: purging terrorism and making hard decisions. For every victory Lelouch managed, the more freedom he would have and the more power Zero would gain as a symbol. His father was gambling on him succeeding to help stabilize the Empire.

Alex said, "That's a lot of rope..."

Yes. The Emperor had given him plenty to hang himself. Recent awkward conversation aside, he did not tolerate disrespect or failure. In this game, Lelouch was the only one who could lose and his division would pay the consequences.

"Damn it," Lelouch whispered. "I need to find Art."

Art was the Count's second. He knew everything about her and if Lelouch was going to succeed, he needed every possible advantage.

"Who?" Alex asked.

Scotia General Hospital, Area Two

The execution was set in an hour. Lelouch had arrived in time. The two guards' eyes widened as he approached and they bowed deeply. He was grateful that he managed to beg Alex to fetch his paperwork. Lelouch ignored the flash of guilt at lying to his friend; he wasn't staying in bed.

"I will be speaking to the prisoner alone," he ordered.

The two guards straightened and shared a glance. Finally, the older one said, "Your Highness, I'm not sure if that is advisable."

"It is not a request," Lelouch replied and walked forward. "I have questions for him. If you followed proper procedure, then he is no threat to me." Regardless, Lelouch doubted Art would kill him, not after saving him and knowingly sacrificing his own life. If it weren't for Lelouch, then Art would still be free.

The guards remained uneasy.

"Either contact His Majesty or step aside," Lelouch snapped.

The guards stepped aside and Lelouch entered the cell.

Immediately he wanted, no needed, to leave. The smell of blood hung in the air and Lelouch could taste copper as he breathed. Art sat in the corner, a dark bruise on his face and more peeking from beneath the straight jacket. The OSI had been busy.

"You're alright," Art whispered and Lelouch flinched. "Here to gloat? You won."

No. This was wrong.

Art wasn't innocent and a part of Lelouch did want to gloat and scream because everything was Art's fault. Art had brought him to the Count, stood by and watched, and injected the poison into his vein. He wanted to reach out and kick and punch so Art would know exactly how hopeless Lelouch had felt lying in the dark in the cell.

What it felt like to wonder if the next moment would be the last.

To abandon everything to survive.

And to not be able to trust his mind and body.

"Breath, Lelouch," Art interrupted. "Take a deep breath."

He couldn't be weak. His father expected him to lead a division. To verbally spar with nobles at court. To act like everything was fine because Lelouch still had all ten fingers and toes.

There was no time for weakness.

He gagged, the half-digested applesauce rising in his stomach and only barely settling down again.

Taking a deep breath and ignoring the stench, Lelouch asked, "How are you?"

Art raised a single eyebrow.

"Is there?" Lelouch wasn't sure what he was asking. "I'm sorry."

"You're a strange prince. I knew what would happen and I've accepted it... sort of. In the end, Brie wasn't who I thought she was." Art looked away as his face contorted. "I fixed my mistakes and eventually someone will learn from the Count and finish what she started. That is enough."

They hadn't been allies because of ideological beliefs. Circumstances had brought them together, but Lelouch was still a prince; Art, a terrorist.

Lelouch lowered himself to the ground gingerly. His muscles and joints still ached from their abuse. "The Emperor tasked me with ending terrorism in Area Two."

"If you ask me, you'll get the same answer the OSI got, but your father is an ass." He smirked. "What? I'm already getting executed for treason. Bad mouthing the Emperor is hardly going to change my sentence."

"And you're content dying a meaningless death?"

Art glared. "It's not. Brie—I'm still a Crow. And I'll die as one."

Lelouch needed Art. Needed to know what he knew. Convince him somehow where every OSI agent failed—not that Lelouch could stomach using their methods anymore. Without him, the task set by the Emperor was insurmountable.

Perhaps Lelouch had the skills to fight an opponent across the battlefield and navigate armies to flank and outmaneuver. But the Crows weren't a traditional army. Without the Count, they would fracture into different factions or merge with other groups that had stood independently.

They could hide from Lelouch's discerning gaze as he sent his men on wild goose hunts through Area Two. Time was on their side and Lelouch did not want to know what he would do to protect his men. They had to succeed to prove their loyalty. Failure was not an option.

Whose life would be sacrificed next to save the division? The Emperor had given him a carte-blanche. And Lelouch would no longer hesitate to use it because of his pride.

Picking his words with care, he said, "You said it was better to try than do nothing. You're giving up."

"Ah yes, I'm about to be executed. Brie, who I loved like a sister, betrayed me. And I'm sure that you will succeed in your mission. Nothing I did had any value in the end. Oliver is dead and he would hate me..." Art looked up. "So tell me, Your Highness, what should I do?"

"You helped me, saved me and countless civilians by telling me about the ship," Lelouch whispered. He knew what he could offer, even if it would piss off both his parents. But they had given him the power and he intended to use it. "You can do it again."

"What? Spill my secrets so you can take out everything I worked for."

"No." Lelouch caught his eyes. "I will order your release into my custody and be accountable for your actions. In return, you'll help me. You were the Count's second. You know everything about the Crows, but more importantly, you helped run them and ran an intelligence network that slipped by the OSI."

"I'll never support Britannia," Art said.

"No, I'm asking you to lend me your support. I promised that I would try to change things and I will, starting with my division." Lelouch smiled. "Either you die and your dream ends there without having brought lasting change. Dead men can't do anything. Or, you help me change Britannia into a just nation."

"And betray everyone."

"I can only protect those within the division," Lelouch offered. A division filled with Numbers and former radicals would horrify the nobility which made it more enticing. "As long as I succeed, nobody will interfere with how I run things."

Art considered him, silently. His eyes, searching for something bored into him. Lelouch met his gaze passively. No longer, did he have anything to hide. Art already knew his biggest secret and had seen him at his worst.

"I won't follow another Brigit," Art warned and shook his head. "I trusted her and she lied to my face for years and I didn't—refused to notice. I'll not make that mistake again."

But Art was willing to negotiate and for his men, Lelouch would succeed. Give him a reason to keep living. Even if it meant keeping a dagger pointed at his back because Art had been willing to betray the woman he devoted his life to for his own morals and would have even less scruples in betraying Lelouch.

Lelouch answered with confidence he didn't feel. "I won't lie to you, but you also don't have my trust. The Emperor may ask me to hold information in confidence or I may withhold—"

"—No." Art glared. "Omission is lying and I know you're skilled in the art. Complete and total honesty. If you cannot say something, you'll tell me why."

"Fine. Anything else?"

Art blinked and leaned back, scrutinizing him. "I did the Count's dirty work. She'd tell me to kidnap a noble and I would. Or assassinate an officer... Hurt you. So why?"

If only Lelouch didn't have to answer. But this was a test as much as it was to satisfy Art's curiosity. His personal feelings and nausea didn't matter. The guards would enter soon to drag Art to his execution and Lelouch needed to convince him now.

"You controlled the Count's information network, didn't you? You investigated and managed to flip loyal soldiers. The OSI functions more of a deterrence: an instrument of fear. Every Britannian understands the cost of treason, but the Crows and other terrorists moved beyond the fear of execution with hope. I cannot win by threatening them into submission. My mother tried that and the Crows sprung up again the second she let, regrouping. To fulfill the Emperor's orders…"

Lelouch took a deep breath. "Either I kill every dissident until fear paralyzes them, which will cause new uprisings in other Areas when they hear the news, or I take a more targeted approach and eradicate popular support for the Crows."

Needing time to find the right words, Lelouch paused. "Your value lies in your skills and knowledge which makes the latter option possible and more efficient. I am capable of setting our history aside to not waste a valuable resource."

"And aren't you worried that I will sweep your men out from under you? Rise as the Count's successor and either kill you in the middle of the night or let your father do it for me when I help you fail spectacularly." Art scowled. "Do you value your own life so little? To trust me when I barely demonstrated a shred of human decency."

"Spare me the lecture," Lelouch grumbled. "I already received it from my mother and will undoubtedly hear it again after this stunt. With your help, I can minimize the blood that will be shed. And you only helped me before to save the civilians in Halifax, so I doubt you'll turn on me in a manner that will result in innocent blood spilled. Regardless, it's a risk I'm willing to take."

Instead of being appeased, Art looked at him sadly and sighed. "You'll be dead in a month without my help. Fine. But you lie to me or stray from the path of justice, I will kill you. That's my promise."

"Agreed," Lelouch said, not able to keep to the relief out of his voice.

"And you'll be extending the offer of clemency to all former Crows if they lay down their arms."

He grimaced. "Zero will make the suggestion to the Viceroy, but I only can offer protection to those within the division."

"Make it work," Art ordered.

"I will," Lelouch promised. He already planned to bring in his notoriously soft-hearted brother and reveal himself as Zero to defang terrorists with public reforms. An offer of clemency would complicate the negotiating table. But first... "I need your French contacts."

And Art finally relented, spousing information the OSI had been unable to acquire through hours of interrogation or rather torture.

Worldbuilding Notes:

-While a person can be a knight, Knights of Honor are a much more esteemed and trusted position, but a knight and their liege are not allowed to marry.

-The French are very eager to reclaim Area Two which has resulted in numerous failed invasion attempts.

-Gawain is the name of Lelouch's knightmare frame in canon. In the King Arthur legends, he was initially Lancelot's friend and then his bitter enemy. Ironically, it seems like Lancelot kills Gawain's brothers which starts the feud.

Author's Note:

Some much needed conversations happened and one more chapter to go.

As for the summary, between A03 and FFN, you guys managed to tie. So I flipped a coin. Lol. Summary 2 wins.

Thank you x1tears1X and Spaded Ace18 on FFN for your help with betaing

See you next week. (Or via discord: discord . gg / uSBegVj