Yami: Why does Yugi get a vacation?

Mali: Because he has the bubonic plague...

Yami: When the hell did that happen?

Mali: (Shrugs) Thanks to-

Yami: Did you leave us food? For when you go back to school?

Mali: I don't know.

Yami: But-

Mali: Thanks to the people who wrote reviews for chapter 5. You're keeping this fic from dying in the arse.

Yami: What about me? Do you care if I die in the arse?

Mali: You can't die in the arse.

Yami: You don't care at all!

Mali: Yep, you're right. (Walks out)

Yami: Hey! Come back!

Mali: Nup.

Yami: Wench... she doesn't own it, so let's all rejoice... (stalks off with pickaxe)

Cheezels!

Chapter 6 - Not So Like A Virgin

".... and then, I'm going along, it's a beautiful sunny day," Malik was saying to the people in the hallway, who were obviously bored. "And here I am, just doing nothing, minding my own business, when this guy comes up and says, "Would you like to buy some chocolate?" and I looked at him and said, "What kind of chocolate?" and he goes "White," and I said "Fair enough!" .... AND THEN I SNAPPED 'IM!"

"Malik, how many people did you snap today?" Yugi asked, trying to get him to shut up.

"Oh, about seventy-seven..." Malik said. "And then, on the way to the bus stop, this guy comes up and goes, "Your eyes look weird!" and I looked at him and said, "Fair enough!"... AND THEN I SNAPPED 'IM!"

Everyone groaned and slumped into their various chairs and carpet.

"So, then, I'm in the bathroom, then Marik comes up and says, "Hey, Seto's having a party, and he didn't bother to tell us," and-"

"You said 'Fair enough!'... and THEN YOU SNAPPED 'IM!?" asked Ryou.

Maliik stared. "No... I said, "Okay, we'll have to crash it then," and he said, "Naturally," and then we laughed evilly for about fifteen minutes, then we went to Subway for lunch...."

"Subway?" asked Jou raising an eyebrow.

"Uh, yah, the sandwichy-y place." Malik shook his head. "Dumbass."

Jou opened his mouth with a comeback, but Yugi sighed. "Let it go, Jou, you won't win..."

"Well, isn't that convenient?" snapped Mai.

Yugi blinked. "What's up yours?" he asked.

"My brother died seven years ago today..." Mai said sadly, brushing a tear from her eye.

"That mascara isn't waterproof..." Yugi said.

"How do you know?" asked Mai, surprised.

"Because it's running."

"OH MY GOD!" shrieked Mai hysterically, running off for the bathroom.

"Well, that got rid of her for a while..." Yugi said, bored out of his skull.

"Can we come back in now?" Ryou called, irritated.

"No!" yelled the three yamis in the other room.

"I'll snap yas!" threatened Malik.

"Malik, please. For the good of the world, shut the hell up." Ryou sighed, picking at his shirt.

Malik gave him the finger in response.

"Break it up..." Yugi sighed.

There was an awkward pause.

"So then, I'm at the shop, when suddenly, Russel Crowe comes up!" Malik continued excitedly. "So I went, "Hey, Rus', I liked Gladiator!' and he went "Fair enough!"... and- and then he snapped me..." he said miserably.

Yugi patted him on the back. "There, there..." he said. "Did you snap him back?"

Malik brightened up. "Nah, Marik got pissed and kinda killed him."

There was silence.

"... Marik killed Russel Crowe?" asked Jou, shocked.

"And then he dumped the body in a lake." repiled Malik, eyes growing wide with excitement.

"You know, that's the kind of thing people notice..." pointed out Ryou.

"What?" asked Malik.

"Someone's gonna notice of ol' Rus' just vanishes off the face of the earth..."

Malik blinked. "Oh, well. People die all the time." he shrugged.

"Yeah, but-" began Ryou.

"Drop it." sighed Yugi. "It's boring now...."

Malik took out a Discman and began listening to it. "This doesn't seem to be working..." he said.

Ryou sighed. "You put the CD in the Discman."

Malik blinked, uncomprehending, giving Ryou a wide-eyed stare.

"Never mind..." Ryou sighed again.

"Can we acknowledge that I'm alive?" asked Seto suddenly.

Yami Clone ran in, screaming.

Malik looked confused. "But-" he said, pointing to the dining room.

Yugi looked at him, scowled, and pointed. "You." he said acidly.

Yami Clone grinned. "Hullo."

"I'm gonna... KILL YOU!" shrieked Yugi

Ryou reached out and grabbed the back of Yugi's shirt. "Down boy."

Malik shoved Ryou. "What are you doing?!" he demanded. "I needs death! DEATH, I TELLS YA!"

"You missed about seven deaths..." Jou sighed.

"AW, DAMMITT!" yelled Malik, outraged.

"It's your fault for showing up late..." Ryou said, shaking his head.

"... Technically, we weren't invited..." Malik said, looking at his shoes. "Ooh! When did I get these?"

"Didn't you invite them, Seto?" asked Jou accusingly.

Seto blushed. "Ahaaaaa..."

"Hey, can I join the party?" asked Yami Clone. "It's just that I'm kinda lonely and STF are losers."

"Then why the hell were you hanging around with them?" demanded Yugi.

Yami Clone shrugged. "I like pity."

"Fair enough!" said Malik, drawing back his fist.

Ryou shoved him, and he crashed into the wall, head-first.

"I'LL SNAP YOU IN THE STEAD OF HIM!" yelled Malik, looking about ready to explode.

Yugi suddenly laughed. "In the stead of?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Malik glared at Ryou. "Wait there, I'll kill you in a second..." He walked slowly across to Yugi.

Yugi, however, looked at his watch, seemingly unafraid, counting the seconds. "Two, three, four..."

Marik suddenly walked in, along with Yami and Bakura. "We're done n- Hikari, what are you doing?"

"Committing murder."

"Well, don't. Save it for Anzu."

"Anzu's dead." Ryou said. "She died... let me see... thrice." He held up three fingers.

"No, Anzu died twice and Tea died once..." corrected Jou.

"Same person..." sighed Ryou.

"Aw, that's fair..." grumbled Marik. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe we wanted to join in?"

"Well, we're sorry..." snapped Yugi.

"Can I kill Yugi now?" asked Malik.

"No, leave him alone." Marik said firmly.

Malik growled.

"Down." snapped Marik, and Malik reluctantly backed off.

Yami Clone sighed sadly. "No one likes me..."

"That's not true." Ryou said blankly.

"Name one person in this room that likes me, then."

There was silence, and Yami produced a hatchet from somewhere, testing the blade with his finger.

"AHHHH!" he shrieked as blood started to flow.

"OH MY GOD!" screamed Yugi. "YAMI, ARE YOU OKAY!?"

"I'm a prisoner of society..." Yami Clone lamented.

"AND IF YOU COUNT TO THREE- ONE TWO THREE!" yelled Malik. "YOU'LL SEE THAT-"

"Shut up, Malik..." sighed Ryou.

"I'm misunderstood. Just because I was artificially created, no one will give a chance..." sniffed Yami Clone.

Yami's eyes widened. "You feel like nobody understands you?" he asked.

"Yes!" cried Yami Clone.

Yami stared. "SO DO I!" he yelled.

Yugi blinked. "But-"

"It's just so hard..." sighed Yami Clone.

"I know, people think they know you, but they don't..."

"Um-"

"But it's not like you can correct them, is it?"

"Hey, Yami Clone," Yugi said suddenly. "Do you have a criminal record?"

Yami Clone thought. "I'm wanted for smuggling drugs." he said finally. "I'm known as Zsa-Zsa Jones to the authorities..."

Yami smirked. "Oh? Excuse me for a moment..." He walked into the living room, laughing hysterically.

Malik squealed. "Oooh, he's plotting someone's demise!" he said excitedly, shaking Marik.

"I know."

Yami stared worriedly after Yugi. "He's just become insane ever since this party started." He turned to Seto. "Did you lace the Skittles with drugs or something?"

Seto laughed in a high-pitched way. "What do you take me for? As if I'd have drugs..." He shifted uneasily. "Nope... no drugs here..."

The ceiling above them suddenly made a cracking noise, then collapsed, showering them with a type of plant.

"Eee... it's marijuana..." Yami Clone said, eyes wide.

"What, this?" asked Seto innocently. "No! This isn't-"

"Yes, it is." Yami Clone said insistently.

Everyone jumped as sirens sounded.

"That can't be good..." said Yami Clone.

Malik suddenly ran over to the window. "Shiiiiinnnnyyy...." he said, eyes wide.

"What's shiny?" asked Bakura.

"Pretty lights..."

Yami Clone went stiff. "Lights? Are they blue and red?"

"THIS IS THE POLICE." said a voice over a loud speaker. "WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE, ZSA-ZSA."

"Oh, shit..." Yami Clone said, breaking out in a sweat.

Yugi strolled casually back in. "Oh, what's this?" he asked. "The Feds? I wonder who tipped them off?"

Marik patted him on the back. "You jealous freak." he said.

Yugi grinned evilly. "It wasn't me." he said.

"Yes, it was." Marik repiled, shaking his head.

Yugi paused. "Yes. Yes it was."

Yami Clone suddenly leaped through the window, and ran away.

Bakura stared after him. "He'll be back," he said in an Austrian accent.

Yami's eyes misted over. "Aw, you're willing to send someone to prison just because they're spending time with me and you're getting shunned into a corner."

Yugi nodded. "Yup."

Yami grinned hugged him close.

Ryou glared at his yami. "He hugs his hikari in public!"

"Yeah, yeah, it's all 'Yami's perfect 'cuz he acknowledges his love for his hikari!'" Bakura snapped. "Well, I'm sorry, bash me!"

"I'd stop saying that, he'll probably do it one day..." warned Marik.

"Probably?" asked Ryou.

"HE'S GONE!" yelled Jou helpfully.

The Feds roared away suddenly.

"... I can't believe they believed him..." Yugi said, awestruck.

"Why not?" asked Ryou.

"Well, would you?"

Ryou considered this. "No." he said finally.

Mai suddenly ran in. "Guys, I've gotta go!" she yelled.

"Oh. Bye." said Seto.

"... Don't you care?" asked Mai, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, seriously, what purpose did you serve?" Seto inquired, shaking his head.

"At least she doesn't look like a serial rapist!" Malik jumped in. Marik rolled his eyes and shook his head.

The serial rapist theory... Malik had been rambling continuously about it for days now, and, quite frankly it was starting to irritate him.

"... What does one have to look like to resemble a serial rapist?" asked Seto.

"You tell me." said Malik coldly.

"...Maybe you should go lie down..." said Seto, worried, instantly regretting his words. Marik suddenly shoved earplugs into his ears.

"OH, REALLY!?" Malik screeched. "LIE DOWN!? AND WHERE, PRAY TELL?! ON YOUR BED, PERHAPS!? WHY DON'T I JUST TIE MYSELF DOWN TO SAVE YOU THE TROUBLE!?"

"Malik, I don't want to-"

"OH, SURE! SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO! THEN WHY ARE LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?!"

"I have an expression of fear on my face."

"IF THAT'S FEAR, I'D HATE TO SEE PREDATO-"

"My brother's alive." Mai said, looking slightly annoyed.

"Really?" asked Malik, his mood instantly changing. Seto breathed a sigh of relief. "But you said he was dead." continued Malik.

"He just called my mobile." Mai repiled.

"... Wow." Malik said, now bored.

"WHAT?" yelled Marik.

"I said 'wow.'"

"WHAT?"

Malik sighed and ripped the earplugs out of his yami's ears, letting out a wordless scream in his ear.

Marik blinked. "I hear ring-ing..." he said painfully. "Ing-ing... ing-ing..."

Mai scowled. "I'm going to Mexico... you're stupid." She left the house.

MEANWHILE, BACK AT STF...

"Weevil, who was that on the phone?" asked Rex, snapping his fingers in front of his... associates eyes.

"The voice... the VOICE!" shrieked Weevil, huddling in his arm chair.

"THE VOICE!?" exclaimed Evil Seto, eyes wide.

"What's the voice?"

"I don't know..."

"But you just said-"'

"I know what I said." said Evil Seto impatiently, going back to the internet.

Rex shook his head, then switched the radio on, and began tuning it.

"Awwwww, truckin' hell..." he sighed as the knob came off.

"Truckin'?" asked Pegasus, confused.

"Yeah, I suggest you go run in front of one." Rex replied.

Pegasus shrugged, and opened the door, running out.

Rex flinched as there was a screech of wheels and a scream. "Oh, well."

Evil Seto looked up. "That was mean."

Rex shrugged went over to him. "What are you on?" he asked, looking at the screen.

"I'm on addictivegames.com. There's this suicide bunny and-"

The window was suddenly kicked in.

"HELLO, GENTLEMEN!" shrieked a psychotic voice.

"Hello." said Rex and Evil Seto together.

"Aw, damn, that never works..." grumbled the guy, who was dressed in a quilt and odd socks, walking out huffily.

"THE VOICE!" screamed Weevil.

Rex calmly shot him with a tranquilizer gun. "Whoops." he said.

Pegasus walked back in, bleeding. "Hi." he said.

"I thought you died."

"Naw, I just got run down by a motorbike. I saw God."

"Fun." remarked Evil Seto.

"BUNNY!" shrieked Pegasus, running over excitedly and staring at the screen.

BACK AT SETO'S...

"Fair enough!" cried Malik, drawing back his fist once again. Yugi rolled his eyes and nimbly avoided being snapped, then hid behind Yami, who grabbed him and hissed angrily at Malik.

Marik sighed and grabbed his arm. "We need to talk."

"No!"

"We need to talk." said Marik again, slowly.

Malik stared at him, then grinned. "Okay."

Marik started to lead him out of the room.

"There's something very wrong about that tone of voice..." remarked Ryou.

"..." Bakura looked at him, hurt.

"Except when you use it." Ryou added, patting his arm.

Seto sighed and smacked his forehead. "Look, at least clean up when you're done! I don't appreciate having to redye the carpet..." he called after them.

"We'd go to the kitchen, but..." Marik pointed to the anvil.

Yugi looked at Yami, confused. Yami patted him on the back. "I'll explain later..." He smirked. "In graphic detail."

Bakura looked at him, shaking his head. "Don't be like that with the virgin..."

Yugi blushed. "Um... the funny thing is..." He trailed off, looking embarrassed. Yami stared it him, looking absolutely devastated.

Ryou grinned. "Who was it?" he demanded. "Who? Tell me."

Yugi hesitated, then pointed shyly at Yami, who fell over.

"WHAT?!" he shrieked. "WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?!"

Yugi hesitated again. "You were... kinda... asleep... and you know how we share a bed..."

There was a brief silence.

Then Bakura began laughing, and Yami looked upset.

"Well, that explains where the blood came from..." he said dejectedly.

Seto shook his head. "I'm gonna have nightmares now..." he said, disgusted.

Ryou patted his friend (A/N: That's Yugi, folks, not Seto) on the back. "Don't worry." he said cheerfully. He looked at Yami. "You did have feelings for him, right? You didn't just-"

"Of course I did!" said Yami hotly. "What do you take me for?!"

Jou looked disturbed. "What do you think?" he spat.

They looked at each other awkwardly, when suddenly Malik and Marik walked back in.

"We couldn't find- what did we miss?" asked Marik. "Tell me. I need to know."

Everyone looked at Bakura, who looked annoyed. "What?" he snapped. Everyone continued their visual assault. "FINE! Come here, I'll explain..." He beckoned them out of the room.

A few minutes later...

"HE DID WHAT?!" shrieked Malik's voice.

"Yugi, I believe..." repiled Marik, sounding bored. He then began to giggle.

Yami groaned and sank to the floor, burying his face in his hands.

Marik skipped in, grinning. "What kind of dreams do you have?"

Yami calmly gave him the finger, shielding his eyes with the other hand.

Yugi was standing off to the side, looking guilty. He looked up just in time to see Jou walk over and kick Yami, and he jumped, shrieking.

"What was that for!?" he demanded.

Jou shook his head disapprovingly. "You know what."

Yami looked at everyone in the room slowly.

"It's not my fault..." he muttered. "I don't control my actions in sleep..."

Marik stared, then began laughing hysterically. Yami sighed, sinking lower, and Yugi shook his head and sat next to him.

/I'm sorry./

//Why are you sorry? It's-//

/WE CAN HEAR TOO, REMEMBER?!/ Ryou glared at them.

Yami sighed, smiling half-heartedly at Yugi. "Maybe we should... go home?" he asked.

Yugi nodded. "Yeah. The first five minutes were good, but then it just became ridiculous..."

Yami rolled his eyes. "Let's go, then."

"We're going!" announced Yugi.

Ryou looked at the clock. "Yeah, we better go too, 'Kura, Dad thinks I went to Scandinavia for a field trip... he's expecting me back... four hours... ago..." He went pale. "SHIT!" he screamed, grabbing Bakura and fleeing.

Seto looked at Marik and Malik. "You two can lave as well."

"But- but we just got here!" protested Malik.

"No, let's go, we can go to bed..." Marik said.

"But I'm not- okay." Malik repiled.

Seto watched them leave, shortly followed by Yami and Yugi, then turned to Jou.

"Uh... I have something to say..." he said hesitantly.

END CHAPTER 6

Mali: (Arm is bandaged) I think I might do a lemon.

Yami: ... No, you won't.

Mali: Yeah, I know... but it's a nice thought...

Yami: Depends on the pairing.

Yugi: (Walks in) Hi.

Yami: Wha? But you had the-

Yugi: Got better.

Yami: In the last few minutes?

Yugi: Yeah.

Yami: Okay.

Mali: Next chapter, they're going to watch the sunrise!

Yugi: Sunshine!

Mali: And we'll see where Yami Clone went... and we'll basically tie up a lot of loose ends.

Yami: (Tying up Mali's plaits and singing) It was a little Spanish flea, a superstar he-

Mali: (Shoves him) GET AWAY!

Yugi: (Points to his hair) Play with my hair.

Yami: Oh? Which hair?

Yugi: Whichever you want...

Yami and Yugi: (Go somewhere)

Mali: ... Yes... oh, well, review :)