A/N: Thank you for your kind messages! This new chapter is a big one and I´ve been sitting on it since pretty much the beginning. I hope you´ll like it!

This chapter contains some distressing scenes, just like chapter 5. Just like chapter 5 it isn´t very explicit but I´ve included a summary at the end of the chapter in case you want to skip it, feel free to do so.

Chapter 7

It was always good fun, organising and re-shelving my books. I was just putting away my first hand copies of the Jane Austen novels when I heard the bell over the shopdoor tingle its familair jingle.

I turned around just as Crowley meandered through the stacks of books. It was easy to tell he was nervous about something. Over the millenia I had came to be able to read him just by his posture alone and right now his rigidness radiated concern and nerves, He came right up to me, leaning down to whisper in my ear.

"Are we alone?"

"What? Yes of course." I said nervously. There was nothing like being near him in real life. No matter how often we touched or kissed in his dreams, that was nothing compared to how it felt to be near him in the realness of everyday life.

"I mean, are there no authorities listening in?" He raised his eyebrows pointedly.

"No, as far as I know not. I don´t have any meetings planned."

"Come." He grabbed me by the elbow, leading me to the back of the shop. With a wave of his hand the curtains closed and the sign on the door switched to ´closed´.

"Crowley, what is the matter-."

"Are you being watched?" He interrupted me, pushing me down in my comfortable chair. The same chair I often fell asleep in to look for him in his dreams.

"What?" He wasn't making any sense. "Like I said I´m not being-."

"No, not right now." He snapped. He leaned in, hands on the armrests. "I mean when you´re outside. Do you have the feeling that you´re being followed? That people are watching you?" A fierce look was fixed on me, the lines in his face hard and rigid.

I racked my brain, thinking about the past few days and weeks. Had there been people following me? Unsavoury types?

"No. Not that I can think of." Crowley breathed out relaxed, leaning back.

"You sure?"

"Yes. Crowley what is this about?"

He didn't answer me instead he went to pour both of us a glass of wine from the cabinet next to the desk. His shoulders remained clenched and his face was still lined in worry. I had only ever seen him worried like this in a couple of occasions. And all of them had had to do with his bosses.

"Do you think they´ll come for me next?" I asked very quietly, knowing he would hear anyway.

This was only the second time I addressed the nightmare with the demons. After that dream where he had found out I was there he hadn't had the nightmare anymore. Or so it seemed. I couldn't shake the feeling that Crowley was keeping me away from that particular dream on purpose. He didn´t even have the lovely flying dreams anymore. As a matter of fact, he rarely seemed to dream as it is. Often when I went to sleep I would just wake up a couple of hours later. In the dreams I did have I was alone, searching and searching but so rarely finding him. On the occasions I did however he was hungry for me, hungrier than ever. He would hardly give me time to kiss him because he would very nearly rip my clothes off. A look of longing in his eyes as he stripped me of every garment. Hungry for me he may be, but he always took his time to kiss me all over and to bring me to the brink of pure ecstacy before he would think of his own pleasure.

It was strange and endearing to come to the conclusion that he dreamed of the same moments in time that I had special memories of. For in his dreams he would pull me into his lap in the baths of Rome, steam and delicious smells around us. He would make love to me on the floor of that very ballroom we had had our drinks in after the concernt in the 1800´s. The way he treated me in those dreams made it clear that he thought I was not really there. It seemed that he thought that me healing him had only connected me to his nightmare of how he had gotten injured and molested.

Crowley handed me a glass of wine.

"I've had intelligence that they might." It was his way of saying ´yes´.

"I can handle myself, my dear." I said, taking a small sip.

"Ha!" He choked on his wine. "No, you can´t."

"I beg your pardon!"

He slapped down his empty glass angrily.

"They won´t come for you like they came for me. They´ll find something else, something just for you. Don´t you understand?"

I didn't understand. I was all goodness and light, how on earth could I envision something like those nightmares of his? Crowley grew frustrated and he stepped up to me, grabbing me by the lapels of my suit.

"Listen to me, angel." He whispered harshly in my face. "Don´t trust anyone, no human, no angel. No one. No one is safe."

"Except for you my dear." I couldn´t help but interject, a slight smile on my lips.

"Yes, all right, except for me. Just don´t let them do to you what they did to me. I just want to make sure you don´t have to do the same things that I had to do."

Those last statements didn't make sense, but one look in the distressed face of Crowley made me nod in agreement anyway.

"Of course, my dear. I´ll be careful."

As soon as Crowley left I locked the door, his nerves had rubbed off on me. It wasn't the first time Crowley had come to warn me and had prevented me from dying or embarrassment. I still remembered 1942 vividly where he saved me from the Nazi spies and that wasn't even the only time he saved me. Throughout the Arrangement we had helped each other quite often. Helping each other out was for some reason always a very intimate thing to do. Emotions often ran high at those moments, but never as high back in 1991 when I came to his rescue.

London, 1991

I ran and ran as fast as I could. The wind streaming into my face, bringing tears to my eyes. Had I been truly human I would have been out of breath by now. Worse still, I don't think my human corporation would be fit enough to run this fast anyway.

I skidded around the corner, still gaining speed as the sense of Crowley's energy became stronger and stronger. I kept holding on to that feeling. As long as I felt him he was safe. Alive. But with that same feeling came also a mounting sense of dread.

I turned the next corner and there he was: bribing police officers to look the other way as drug crime surged to a new high in the neighbourhood. He had been doing this little act for over a month now. I had let him do so, the Arrangement detailed that we should leave each other alone when it came to our assignments, but lately I had been growing uneasy. Crowley was starting to draw attention, and not just from the drug lords he was giving more leeway. Word had reached the local church that the neighbourhood was in dire need of spiritual guidance and one man in particular had taken it upon himself to root out this drug problem once and for all. It was agreed that it seemed as if demonic forces were at large here. An old paranoia had taken hold of the clergy men.

An unobtrusive stranger, standing a little to the side was quietly biding his time while Crowley was busy giving the money to the police officers.

The men left, walking away laughing happily, already thinking about the stuff they were going to buy from it. The stranger moved, one of his hands disappearing in the pocket of his coat, reaching for a weapon. No ordinary weapon. I sensed it before I saw it: holy water.

Without thinking I threw myself in front of Crowley, just as the man was about to pounce. I allowed my Heavenly force to flow through me.

"You shall not harm him!" Otherwordly wrath ringing in my voice, white light shimmering around me. It was something I never did, normally my own calm voice was enough to do the trick. But now, with fear in my heart and panic in every fiber of my being, I turned to a display of my Heavenly forces such as I had never used before.

The man froze. The white collar visible under his chin, revealing him to be a man of the cloth.

"Come to help your friend, demon?" He shouted. I straightened up, wings unfurling behind me.

"Who are you calling demon?"

With a blink of my eye the bottle of holy water shattered in his hand, the drops raining everywhere, landing on my face, chest and wings, hoping I was sheltering Crowley sufficiently.

"You shall leave now!" I allowed all my vigour to sound through in my voice, leaving no room for discussion. "You shall not bother this man any longer! This is Heaven's business here."

The man ran and as he rounded the corner I sank to the ground, completely drained. From the corner of my eye I could see Crowley, hunched over, shying away from me. I sensed terror coming off of him. He was just as afraid of me as the clergy man had been.

"What are you doing here?" Came Crowley's shaking voice, but there was no real malice in his words. I couldn't answer, still high on adrenaline. He scrambled upright and rushed to my side, hauling me up by my elbows. I saw him wincing as the Heavenly glow grazed his hands.

"What are you doing here?" He repeated, apparently ignoring the pain.

"Stopping you from getting into trouble." I mimicked his words from decades earlier. Crowley just guffawed in relief as he moved me to rest against the wall behind me. My wings disappeared and the glow dimmed until it completely faded away. Crowley touched me more easily now and his long arms went around me, holding me almost gently as I rested my back against the wall, my face buried in the crook of his neck. I was completely drained physically and needed him to hold me up. But even when on the outside I had calmed down, on the inside I could still feel a storm raging.

My entire human corporation was simultanuously exhausted and completely riled up. Even when I didn't need to breath I was panting and even if my heart didn't need to beat it was thumping erratically in my chest. Adrenaline was pumping through me, making me hyper alert of everything around me: the colours of the bricks of the wall in front of me, the slight breeze blowing down the alley, the feeling of Crowley pressed against me...

I briefly closed my eyes, willing that last realisation to go away, but it only made the sensation more intense and suddenly that was all I could feel: Crowley's body. Warm, real, safe, so very attractive. Crowley's hands tightened on me.

"Angel." Quiet, sweet. He pressed further against me, chest against my chest. Had we ever been closer? I didn't think so. One of his hands trailed up my arm, the fingers burying themselves in my hair. I leaned into the touch, completely wrecked by this combination of hyper alertness and touching. Crowley shifted, breathing quietly in my ear as he moved his nose through my hair. I whimpered at the intimate feeling it brought forth.

In my over sensitive state every little detail of him came into sharp focus: the warmth of his body, his lean arms holding me, his chest hair that this close was just visible from underneath his shirt. It seemed as if my body was turned on completely now. The adrenaline demanding for a way out, morphing into a hot desperation that surged through me. My hyper alert body wanted to be touched, my sensitive lips wanted to be kissed and I wanted it rough and demanding. Crowley breathed out shakily in my ear. One of his hands moved lower over my body, sliding, caressing to come and rest at my side, pulling our hips together. I stifled a moan against his shoulder. There was no holding back my thoughts and desires now. They were soaring, quickly taking me over completely. A wild, animalistic desire vibrating in me.

I wanted to ask Crowley to take control of that desire. It needed to be resolved, so, so badly. I desperately wanted to beg him to turn me around, to fuck me right up against the wall.

"Aziraphale." He sounded just as wrecked as I felt. Images formed in my mind:

Me bending over, my forearms resting on the wall as Crowley fucked me hard from behind. Pleasure in every fibre of my being.

I panted quietly as I felt Crowley's lips on my ear, not kissing, just touching ever so lightly.

Crowley's front against my back as he thrusted into me. A feeling of completion, of complete bliss only seconds away.

Yes! It was all I wanted, please! I mentally begged. Crowley's hands tightened on my body, pulling me flush against him.

A hand reaching around me, touching me, pushing me over that edge.

This wasn't just me, I realised through the haze in my brain. Crowley was tempting me. It was him pushing these images into my mind.

I pulled away from him. My body was screaming in anger, still so desperate to be touched. In my foggy brain finally came some more sensible thoughts:

Was he really tempting me? At a time like this? What kind of repayment was this for saving him! It took all my willpower to push him away from me. I knew I looked desperate but I tried to push that away quickly. I avoided Crowley's gaze.

"I'm still a little high on adrenaline." I laughed breathlessly. "It was a rather intense moment just now. I'm glad I managed to be here in time."

I finished lamely. It was still taking all my concentration to not grab for him again and to reign in my thoughts that were still trying to turn to fixing this tension in a very sexual manner. Finally our eyes met. If I didn't know any better I'd say he looked pained or broken. Emotions high strung between us. I couldn't admit to being tempted and neither could he admit to trying to tempt me.

"Yes it was. But don't worry it won't happen again."

This wasn't merely the previous danger he was referring to. He was referring to the tempting, I knew. Both of us held our breaths. For an immeasurable time we stared at each other. My mind skidded back and forth. I wanted to be tempted, but could never give in. I needed him to push the boundaries, because I never could. But he would only tempt me to make me fall. He would never tempt me because he wanted it. It was only just a demonic instinct, I told myself.

"Good, make sure that it doesn't." I tried to sound as strong as I could, fully aware that my sexual desire for him was still pungent in the air.

He stepped away from me and I knew something was broken. That whatever this had been, I would have to mend it. He would not make the first move ever again. After that near sunset kiss and now this it was clear he wouldn´t try something again.

"Don't worry. I will." And without even a further thank you or goodbye he turned around and walked quickly out of the alley.

XXX

After that night in the 1800´s where I had caught him with another man my sexual desire for him had been awakened. A small flame, now finally kindled that over the years after that grew to a fire. Culminating in our near kiss in the sixties and after that, in me nearly succombing to pleasure in the nineties. But after that, nothing had happened. Crowley had kept true to his word and he hadn´t inicitiated anything: barely a touch over the past years. At first, I had been okay with that, silently thanking him for accepting my boundaries. But lately, especially now that I knew what it was like to touch him, perhaps only in dreams, I yearned for it.

And now I yearned for it too. Crowley´s nerves from earlier had made me uneasy and I knew that hopefully his comforting touch was only the blink of an eye away. After I had a calming cocoa I settled down in my chair, hoping he would also get some sleep today. I really wasn´t looking forward to another dream of looking and looking for him, only to wake up feeling more lost than before I went to sleep.

I blinked.

Immediately, I noticed something was wrong. I wasn't easily sliding into a comforting dream of the park or of my bookshop, instead I was immediately sliding into a red hot dungeon. It was the nightmare, slightly altered and yet the same. The dream had been away for months, but now it was back in full force. More detailed, more vivid than ever.

The heat was suffocating, oppressive. From every side demons were crowding in on the group in the middle. Howling at Crowley and spurring on Beelzebub, who was gleefully shouting malicious things in him.

Crowley was already on his knees, bloodied, broken, his arms held behind his back by other demons.

I tried to move forward, like I had done in the other occasions, but I was once again frozen in place. Helplessly I watched as Crowley was punched in the stomach and kicked against his head.

"You've been up there way too long, Crowley. You've gotten too used to the pleasures of the flesh." Hastur shouted from the side.

With dread in my stomach I deduced what was coming next.

"Yeah, you like fraternising with the humans." Another demon chimed in.

"Humans? Oh, but what about his pet angel? He likes fraternising with him too!" Hastur added maliciously. The crowd cheered and booed.

"Aren't you happy that your pet angel is here then?" Beelzebub whispered in Crowley's ear, who whimpered in pain and defeat, trying to turn away.

"Pet angel?" A voice sounded from behind me. A voice I knew all too well. My own. I turned and there it was again. That abomination that looked exactly like me, down to every button and tartan pattern. But that wicked, cruel smile was one I knew I had never worn on my face.

"I think you have it the wrong way around. Because, you see, he is my pet demon." The demons cheered in malicious glee, parting to let him through.

Crowley had frozen up once again. Staring terrified at that vision of me.

It's not me! I wanted to shout. I would never hurt you! You know that! But I couldn´t move and couldn´t talk either. Powerless I had to watch as they were about to molest my dearest friend.

When the lookalike drew near Crowley started to struggle weakly. But he froze once again as the would be me laid a hand on his cheek, leaning in to whisper in a deadly sweet voice, one that carried all over the room:

"And you know what I do with my pet demon?"

Beelzebub snickered from behind Crowley. Licking his lips, the fake me starting to unbutton his trousers. The crowd of demons went wild. I could only stare at Crowley, at his terrified expression, his form rigid in fear.

I don't want you to see this, angel. Came Crowley's voice, though his mouth didn't move.

But he is going to hurt you! I replied desperately.

Leave, now!

The fake me drew near him, one of his hands trailing over Crowley's shoulder and sides. Crowley started to tremble.

Crowley, p-.

And Crowley rose up in one swift motion, grabbing the fake me by the arm and throwing him away from him, so that he crashed against the wall. Crowley towered over him. I had never seen him like this. Tall, red eyed, positively terrifying. The other demons moved back in fear.

"My dear boy, what are you doing?" The me asked in wonder. "You really want to hurt me? I don't think you do." He staggered upwards from the floor, pulling a flaming sword out of nowhere.

"Here, I'll hurt myself, so you don't have to do it." He put the sword against his own throat, smiling all the while.

Oh, clever move indeed! Crowley would never want to see me hurt. They knew that. He might not be able to hurt me personally but he wouldn't allow harm to come my way.

Crowley reached out, yanking the sword away from the fake angel's grip. Who smiled in victory and the other demons cheered again, obviously thinking Crowley had proven himself to be an angel lover.

But something changed in Crowley's posture, real malice, real hate showed on his face. He swung the sword, slicing the fake angel's arm.

Screaming the angel grabbed at his maimed arm.

Crowley didn't falter, instead he kicked the angel hard in his chest, so that he fell backward against the floor.

"Here's what I do to my pet angel!" His voice carried dark timbers of anger and hatred. Timbers of Hell.

Crowley spit in the angel's face, an act outrageously demeaning. Without further thinking he grabbed the sword with two hands and jammed it into the angel's lower abdomen.

The angel gasped, an expression of surprise on his face. Blood come poring over his lips and his whole body jerked in pain.

"Crowley, please!" He begged through bloody lips. Crowley obliged by pulling the sword out harshly. For a moment I thought he was going to rush to the angel's aid. I was wrong. With all the force he could muster he plunged the sword into the eye of the angel, an expression of calm, deadly rage on his face. The angel jerked again before falling still. Crowley put his foot on his chest, yanking the bloody sword out of the eye socket.

With still that deadly calm expression in his face he swung the sword around the room, pointing its bloody blade at the other demons, who reared back in fear.

"So, who's next?"

I felt just as terrified as the demons there. He had killed me, without a second thought. Angry, calm, a true demon. If he would kill me, his long term friend, was there any low he wouldn't stoop to? The other demons seemed to think the same and they scattered away from him as he swung the sword around the room. The blade of the sword came to a stop, pointing at ... me.

I looked up, meeting Crowley's gaze. A familiar, yellow gaze and a realisation dawned on me.

"Crowley." I whispered. His angry look vanished, to be replaced by a worried one. The room around us dissolved slowly. I broke free from my bounds and I rushed up to him as the room lit up around us, brighter and brighter.

A relieved expression crossed his face as I drew near him, the room turning blindingly white around us. I tripped or jumped, I couldn't tell, grabbing Crowley as I tumbled and flew upwards. The room disappeared completely the moment my hands touched his upper arms.

Pure bliss. Calm. A peaceful yellow and cloud like whiteness. A cool breeze ruffled my hair, blowing long red curls against my cheeks. Crowley's hair, wonderfully soft and long. With a content feeling I pulled him closer against me, pressing our bodies together. Through the coarse material of our robes I felt our legs move against each other.

It was hard to think about what I had just seen. In this place there was no place for violence or blood.

I'm glad you're here. Came Crowley's voice, somehow sounding much warmer than usual.

Of course, my dear. Our wings brushed each other. I shivered with the intimate sensation it created.

I tried to keep you away from seeing that. I wasn't sure you'd understand. Because that wasn't really you. That´s why I could kill it.

The word ´kill´ sounded wrong in this peaceful space. There was no place for words with a vile meaning like that.

Yes, I know. I know you. We were silent for a while. I ran my hand through his luxurious red hair. There was something off about our surroundings, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

It wasn't really me. Just like here, were not really ...us? I tried. Crowley laughed lightly against my chest.

Well, you´re really you here. As for me…This is no longer me.

What do you mean?

You really haven´t figured it out yet?

My eyes followed our wings, moving together. Something was off about them. My mind tried to take hold of the truth but it seemed to dance forever out of my reach.

Crowley…

It sounded wrong, because here, it wasn't his name. Here his name was- Crowley raised his head from my chest. And for the first time since we had had this dream together we looked at each other. Wonderful, dark brown eyes looked back into mine. Human eyes. Not snake eyes. And then I knew what was wrong. Crowley wore white, just like me. His wings were white, just like mine. A shock ran through my body as I looked into eyes as gorgeous as I had ever seen.

Angel…

Was it his voice, or mine? I couldn't tell. I jerked violently and bolted upright in my chair in the bookshop. Gasping I stood up. Heaven. Crowley dreamed of heaven. I started to pace in my bookshop, grabbing my hair between my hands. How had I not figured out that dream earlier? It was so blatantly obvious! The calm, the quiet, the whiteness not yet formed into an office. It was clearly heaven from the early days, from when Crowley had still been part of it. Crowley…It had been on the tip of my tongue in that dream, his old name. Had we known each other back then? I didn't think so.

I moved one of my hands to my mouth biting into my fist. Crowley had looked gorgeous, there was no other word for it. He had had the most beautiful brown eyes I had ever seen.

Chapter summary:

Crowley comes to warn Aziraphale, saying he has had intelligence that the demons might be after him. Aziraphale says he can handle himself, but Crowley warns that that might not be the case. He adds that he doesn´t want Aziraphale to have to do something dreadful, like he himself had to do. Aziraphale doesn´t understand what he means by that.
When Crowley leaves Aziraphale reminisces about how he saved Crowley in the nineties from a priest. After the priest has left, Aziraphale is overcome with desire for Crowley, who seems to sense it and who pushes sexual images into Aziraphale´s mind. Aziraphale pulls away, saying it was only adrenaline and that it shouldn´t happen again. Crowley agrees and never makes a move again.
When Aziraphale tries to find Crowley again in a dream he is immediately transported to the nightmare with the demons. He is frozen in place and has to watch helplessly as the demons harass Crowley. When once again the fake Aziraphale shows up Crowley demands that Aziraphale leaves, but he stays. When the fake Aziraphale is about to harass Crowley, Crowley surges up and attacks him. Seemingly without feeling he kills the fake angel and the rest of the demons flee in terror now that they know he is willing to kill his friend. Aziraphale is finally able to move and rushes up to him and together they fly away to the white dream. There, Crowley explains that he could kill the fake angel because it wasn´t really Aziraphale. Aziraphale asks if that wasn´t really him that that means that in this white dream they are not really them either? Crowley replies by asking if Aziraphale hasn´t figured it out yet and then he realizes that Crowley is wearing white and that his wings are white too. When Crowley raises his head and their eyes meet for the first time in that dream he sees that he has human eyes and he realizes that Crowley is dreaming of Heaven, of when he was still an angel.
He wakes up shocked and is left to contemplate what he has just seen.

A/N: I´d love to hear if you saw this coming and what you think of this chapter!