are you still there?

Terraqua Week Day 7: Quote
Summary: It's time to sort through Eraqus' things. There's little they know of their late Master, but they find letters - addressed to them.
Based on Jim Hopper's letter from the Stranger Things 3 finale.

It is weird going back - it's like they have their house again but not their home.

They clean up to find some closure - if they stall, if they leave the Master's things alone, they'll dread having to do it and there he will linger, like a one-ton weight that they'd have to drag by their ankles. It hurts but it's necessary, like amputating a limb beyond help before the rest dies with it. They do it start a new chapter, to let the Master move on to the next life, so they can move on with theirs.

In Aqua's opinion, it's horrible, but she continues to sort through private books that he kept in his office to see if they're of any use. Every time there's an artifact that reminds her of a specific memory, she cries, and Terra wishes he could walk up to her to wipe them away. It makes him feel helpless - it's been twelve years in darkness and he still hasn't found the courage to let her know just how much he cares, and he doesn't want to accept the fact that he's weak enough to waste more time.

For Ventus, it's a new wondrous adventure, like finding out the person he thought he knew for so long is actually someone different - for the years he thought that Eraqus was as stern and cold as a statue, he discovers an old stack of his own childish finger-paintings that prove him wrong. Why the Master was so secretive, they'll never know, but it's something Ven takes with pride. At least it distracts him from making snarky remarks about Terra's feelings - he knows he should be respectful enough among the Master's belongings.

To Terra, he's reliving an entire lifetime in a matter of minutes and where does life fly to when it flies by? It's crazy to think that someone alive used to have things until he's forced to start claiming which he should take as his.

Of course, there have been a lot of shared tears, and they all agree to take a break for dinner when a loud thud - like a bookshelf falling over - makes him jumps.

Ventus whips around first, a Keyblade in his anxious hand. "What happened?"

It was Aqua, the shelf right in front of her now opened - a secret panel in the wall.

Terra huddles close, a smirk threatening to take his face. "I shouldn't be surprised the Master had secret stashes."

Huddled in this cubby hole are journals, some in better condition whereas others are so old, their pages have been stained with exposure.

"The Master kept diaries?" Ven asks.

"He did," Terra answers, letting Aqua take the first grab. "I remember writing in one of them actually… he only writes when he's upset about something and wants to vent. I walked in on him one day and he let me sit on his lap and have at it."

"When was that?" Aqua asks, quickly sifting through pages of one before going through another. "It looks like he had a lot to be upset about."

"Definitely before you came along, but I don't remember why he was sad that specific night. I don't think he ever told me."

"So…" Ventus dawdles, his hands in his pockets. "Do we read them or trash them?"

"Trashing them feels wrong," she says.

"Reading them feels wrong, too," Terra says.

"But," Aqua hesitates, taking another. "This is something he left behind, like a legacy."

"Of his most secretive of secret thoughts," Ventus agrees, nudging Terra on the elbow.

Aqua holds up one of the newer journals. "This one is his last one… there's blank pages."

They all hold a pregnant breath. In their hands are the Master's final concerns before he was taken forever, his last rites.

She flips through anyway, and Terra nearly objects because… well, why hurt himself by reading what the Master thought of him before the Mark of Mastery? He failed, after all.

Some folded pages come out of the journal - she didn't rip them out, they were already wedged in there. "And some extra ones," she says.

Ventus helps himself to the journal, opening to the first page. The Master always had such beautiful handwriting, as though calligraphy was his art of choice.

"They're to us," she says when she opens the folded pages, reading the dates. "Letters. He wrote them while he was waiting for us to come home."

It suddenly hits them, and Ventus slams the journal tight like he's violated a boundary.

While he waited for them in those long months to come home, before the possession, the fall to darkness, the sleep…

They take turns looking at each other, two of them passing asking glances at Aqua to see if she would approve. And Aqua looks at Terra to see if he would approve.

"If he was alive, he'd never show them to us," Terra says, "but sure. Let's."

"He probably wouldn't mind," she shrugs. "The Master didn't like to dwell on something trivial."

Ventus is the first to jump onto the loveseat in the middle of the office, over a soft rug in front of the fireplace, leaving Terra and Aqua to take the couch across.

"Aqua should read them out loud," Ventus says, making himself comfortable, like he's excited to find out more about his late father, like he's not anticipating it's going to make him cry. He'll probably learn the hard way. "She's a great storyteller."

It's not really fair to put that burden on Aqua, to read the Master's words on behalf of all of them, but she smiles, accepting it. "Only if everyone is okay with it."

She's really only talking about Terra in this case, looking over her shoulder to see if he'd object again. He doesn't.

"Right." She takes a deep breath. "The first one is for Ven."

It's Ven's turn to take a deep breath. "I'm ready."

Terra holds his own, his arms crossed. It may be for Ven, but… it's like he'll hear the Master's voice again, even if it's Aqua who's reading it.

It takes a few more moments before Aqua prepares herself to read - she's probably thinking the same thing. He holds her shoulder and it wakes her up from her stupor. Finally, she starts.

My cherished Ven,

I cannot deny the horror I felt when I watched you drift away into the sky, chasing a fate I know in my heart will do nothing but grievely harm you. I have always been aware that there is only so much I can do to protect you. I have always been aware that the life you have lived here was unfair to you, and I can only hope that you understand it was for your protection. If I may be true, I am frightened - of what you will discover, of whether you would survive it. Maybe even of your own power.

You must know, Ven, that darkness speaks. It will tell you stories meant to horrify you and meant to tempt you down a path where it will take advantage of your innocence. Part of me feels foolish, and here I realize what I could have done better to prepare you. You have a strong heart, Ven, and a brilliant soul, a powerful, ancient light that has many destinies intertwined with it. It is not something I fully comprehend, and there have been many precepts that I have researched into the matter, some that I cannot decipher.

It is because of this that I do not have any answers that you seek, and thus I assume you will not come to me for them. I can vow there will be a time for you to learn about yourself, and I simply want you prepared with the proper knowledge to not only protect yourself, but to protect the worlds that you have the responsibility over, as Keyblade Wielder. You are practical and efficient, and you already know that your weapon is precious and cannot be misused. I can only pray that you come home and sleep safely.

There are sniffles, and they belong to Ven. She hands over the letter and he takes a readthrough, a small smile coming to his face.

"If I didn't know any better," he says, his voice shaking but he's trying hard to find comfort. "The Master is kind of giving me the blessing to leave… without really doing it."

They haven't set a date for when he'll leave - it's clear there are many lingering questions about Ven's past, Chirithy's sudden appearance only making it more necessary to answer them. He's talked about traveling, seeking out answers, and while Terra and Aqua think it's most helpful that Ven becomes Master first before setting off on his own journey, the final decision ultimately lies with him.

Either way, with Chirithy, he won't be alone.

"So will you leave?" Aqua asks. There are silent tears traveling down her cheeks. It's already so hard on her.

When she notices Terra staring, she actually inches closer, looking for his hand. Immediately, without even thinking about it, Terra leans forward and wipes them off her face, his other hand on her back.

He chooses to ignore all the glances Ven is throwing at him.

"Maybe," Ven says, like he hasn't been thinking about making teases towards Terra. "I feel like this advice still sticks, you know?" He folds the page. "When I do, I want to take this with me. But… precepts? Are there actually books that can help me?"

"You never know, there could be another hiding place with more stuff," Terra says, asking Aqua with his eyes if she's okay. She nods.

"In here?" Ven looks around.

"Or in the castle."

"That's gonna take forever to find," he whines.

"We'll help you find it. In the meantime," Aqua says, holding up the next letter. "This one is for me." Her voice cracks. "I'll be okay though," she says to Terra before he has a chance to ask.

My esteemed Aqua,

There is a certain cruelty to life about becoming older: with age comes conviction, and it is merely a defense against confusion, the flux of emotions that will all storm together when facing a difficult problem. I am speaking of the wave of mixed feelings that came with ordering you to chase after your friends, your closest comrades. I have conviction in my belief that it was the right thing to do - this entire ordeal was riddled of something terribly sinister that I have yet to solve. I fear for you, for my other students, for what is at stake.

At the same time, I know you. You are and will always be the element that holds this family together. I have always been impressed by your light, by your determination, and by your loyalty to your calling. And yet, you are the one most guided by the bond you share with your peers, and this is exactly why I know of no one else who has a light as powerful as yours. Your bond to them will be their saving grace, I must believe in that. But I feel I may have burdened you with a responsibility that would put these elements at war with each other, that I have asked you to put your beliefs at conflict.

I have named you Master because I believe you have the strength to see it through. I believe you have the wisdom to face darkness in its true essence and not break. Every day that passes by that I do not see either of you home yet, I get more worried. Still, I can find peace knowing you are there to look out for our family. You are still so young, the youngest Master in history, and there is a sense of guilt in knowing I have given you a burden when you should be experiencing more innocent days. I expect that you will not have to carry this burden all by yourself for long, and that you will be able to share the weight with Terra once he is ready. Until that happens, there is no one more suited to keep us safe. If you should ever falter, and I would be ignorant in assuming you would never, know to never lose faith. I have the utmost faith in you, and that will never diminish.

The letter shakes in her hands.

"I need a moment," she says, her voice cracking. Her tears get buried in her fingers as she covers her face to let it all go.

Terra brings his arm around her, going through her hair with his fingers. He's actually always wanted to do this, but not like this, not while she's crying.

"He's right you know," he whispers in her ear. "You are the glue that keeps us together."

Ven goes to sit on her other side, his head leaning on her arm, his hands around her elbow. "Yeah, you're the strongest person I know."

She nods to their words, sniffling her voice out. "I wish I had this with me that entire time," she says, "when I walked the Realm of Darkness." She smiles. "It would have been nice to read, keep me company."

Aqua has suffered for so long and she's still so hard on herself. "You did good," Terra says.

"Far better than either of us," Ventus adds in.

Her fingers finds themselves intertwined with Terra's, and she rolls her lips inward to accept their words of encouragement.

"Thank you."

She's saying it to them, and she's saying it to the Master. They take a moment in silence, for the Master, but mostly for her sake. Aqua deserves to be listened to.

Then she pats Terra's lap. "Your turn," she says with a little pep, like she's grateful that she's over with the most harrowing experience ever.

"My turn," he grumbles, instantly closing in, leaning into the backrest because he at least knows (unlike Ven) that he will definitely cry.

My dearest Terra,

I have never been truthful with you, and there are certain ethical boundaries as to why. Part of me wishes I was, to let you know why it is I expect so much out of you. You have saved my life - the moment I found you, I was still suffering certain experiences that have left me heavy and cold. Raising you had given me new purpose, and I took that responsibility as though it was breath. I am and will always be so proud of you, of how you have grown and of your gentle heart. You are meant to accomplish great things, and I believe you will go far.

There have been times as of late where I felt I could not reach you, however, when I did not have the right words to guide you. I see in your eyes your desperate need to please, to succeed. I have been guilt-ridden with failing you on the Mark of Mastery, with making you feel like you are not worthy enough. You are worthy, and one day you will see your dream realized. But there are still things your joyful, ambitious heart needs to understand. You become solemn far too quickly, and with such a powerful weapon in your hands, you will need to still that crying heart when the worst comes to haunt you - and it will, in due time. Life will always find a way to challenge and harm you, and I need to see you prepared. I want you to succeed.

I meant what I said. You mustn't be afraid of losing - -

Tears are trickling down his cheeks; they are warm before they get cold, like the exposure frightens them. The words are what he needs to hear and yet some of them he still has trouble accepting.

It's silent now, though.

Aqua is biting her lip, a smile betraying her, and Ven looks over her shoulder when he realizes she's not continuing.

"Are you not going to finish?" Terra asks, and he feels he has the right to be annoyed.

She brings the letter to her mouth. "You sure?"

"Why are you asking?"

She chuckles behind her hand. "Okay."

I meant what I said. You mustn't be afraid of losing, especially with the path I have seen you choose for yourself. I understand how devastating it is to lose to Aqua, how you hold her in such high esteem, and how terrifying it is to ponder the possibility of losing her as well. I understand more than you realize why you are obsessed with holding yourself up to her, and why you need her to do the same for you. It is not a conversation I take pride in holding with either of you - the path of the Keyblade leaves little in the way for partnerships, as it can be such a heavy strain. But if I had to give my honest opinion, I can agree that Aqua is a wonderful choice for a mate. If this dream of yours shall be realized, I offer two threads of advice: one, let her light guide you. A partnership is a mind of two, and when you find yourself struggling, you have to let her in. Two, it is now more vitally important that you understand the nature of your own light, so that you can do the same for her when she needs you. You will need to be her guardian in the worst of times, something I know you are more than capable of doing despite your failure in the exam.

I would only ask one favor: please do not exhibit anything scandalous or inappropriate in the hallways if something were to come about it.

Again, she brings the letter to her face to hide her sputtering chuckles.

Ven looks across her at Terra, his eyes wide like he's just witnessed… well, a scandal.

"You just got outed," he says.

Aqua scoffs, her tears still finding their way out and it's amazing how she can express two different emotions at once. "So you knew about this."

Terra wants to kill him.

Ven holds his hands up in surrender, getting up from the couch and walking to the door. "Whatever I say doesn't matter. Terra's still busted."

"Ven," Terra warns.

"Caught red-handed."

"Ven."

"B-U-S-T-E-D." Now he's at the door, giving a questioning smirk like he's sorry. "I'm hungry though." He runs out, like he's running away from trouble.

Terra doesn't know what's stronger now - the grief or the awkwardness making itself comfortable in the room.

"It was sweet," Aqua says of the letter.

"Thanks…?"

She chortles, bringing a hand to her heart.

Honestly, in normal times, they'd probably still be physically close. If he is to try now, though, there's all sorts of implications that he doesn't have an excuse for anymore.

She folds the letter for him before handing it over. "Here is your… um,"

"Love advice?" He's just trying to be funny, to lighten the mood and now he's probably made it worse.

At least she's laughing, but she's speechless. "Ah, yeah."

Terra fiddles with it in his hands, careful not to crease it. This is why they shouldn't pry into private thoughts.

"How are you-?" he asks.

"Feeling?"

"Yeah."

"Actually better." She sighs. "I feel a huge load off my shoulders."

"Really?" It feels like he's been slapped by an avalanche, or he's about to drown in one - it's like someone has him by the throat, and he really hates not knowing what Aqua thinks of all this.

She takes her own letter, gently folding it and he's sure that she'll keep it safe in a box in her room. "I do." She stands up, hesitating with every step like there's something she wants to say.

At least there aren't any more tears. He never expected the Master of all people would put a stop to that.

"That's good," he says, ready for the worst.

"Terra," she says, turning to face him when she gets to the door. "We should have dinner, just for the two of us."

His heart skips a beat, and if it continues to do that, then this is the worst time to die. "I'd love that," he says and immediately regrets it. That's the second time he used "love" and he really shouldn't, not this early.

It makes her laugh nervously, and she bites her lip to control it but she's doing a terrible job. "Good."

She walks backward into the door and then apologizes, extremely embarrassed.

He's never seen Master Aqua like this, and she rejects his help when he gets up and walks over to see if she's okay. It makes him feel better knowing he's not the only one this nervous.

"I'll see you tomorrow night, then?" she asks, her hand on the knob.

He has to clear his throat, because his "yes" is too scared to leave. "Count on it."

She bites her lip again and he has to remember to tell her how cute it is. When it's more appropriate. There's still so much pain to go through, but maybe they can put a pause on that?

"Okay," she whispers, unsure of whether to say something else before she finally laughs again and goes through the door.

It's quiet when she's gone, and if he lingers for too long she'll just come back to tell him that it's unhealthy to be alone in the Master's office. But it's nice for now - he thinks of the letter, thinks of it in the Master's voice as if he is there, saying those words. It isn't quiet at all. It almost feels like he has a father again, rooting for him.