JOHNNY BRAVO

I'D BEEN SEEN WITH FARAH

WRITTEN BY ZARIUS

Suzy came over with the tabloid, cute little tyke was all a jitter.

And aw man, did she have every right to be.

Her cousin had made the headline once again.

Yesterday belonged to that wacko pop king, ever other paper I read rambled on about him.

But I was counting the hours 'till someone mentioned her.

Suzy handed the tabloid over to me, a tear rolled down her tiny eye, I gathered her up in my arms and consoled her to the best of my manly but tender ability, before we turned to look at the magazine together, to read from cover to cover.

The front image was of her. Her bright mischievous smile, one finger on the edge of her lips, her teeth the purest white, draped in that alluring black dress, her long blonde hair bright as the heat of the sun.

A picture of perfect health and beauty. Just the way we'd like to remember her.

We turned the page, followed the instructions on the index listings, and marvelled at the tributes in the centre spread.

One of the testimonies was from that ditzoid security guard I'd met at Suzy's birthday party on that fateful day, he denied me not only entry, but he denied me dignity at that, but I outsmarted the little chicken mcnugget by dressing as an iconic children's mascot. Smarmy the Dino Dude.

And boy did that attract the right and wrong kind of people.

Overgrown kids scrambling for a hug, I was sweating in that furnace of a costume too.

She didn't mind that though, she took a liking to the effect I was having on the kids, and wanted to reward me.

She took notice, of me, things like that can sure humble a tall body of order like myself.

I couldn't get the damn headpiece off though, not even dynamite could pry open the door to a perfect kiss, and what a kiss it was. I could feel it through the felt.

Suzy curled up to me and told me her biggest regret of her birthday was her cousin never knew who was the man behind the beast.

By the time I got my headpiece off, and the kids were using my heavenly physique for trampoline practice, she took off.

I never saw her again.

But I'd been seen with her, as the little midget who flanked her told the tabloid, complete with a photo of her laying the big wet ruby red plantation on my felt cheek.

"She really took a shine to you that day Johnny, it's all we could talk about over the phone the next day" Suzy told me.

Aw man, that took me straight to cloud 9 right above the heavens.

And now the heavens have called to her.

Thankyou Farah Fawcett.

We'll miss you.