AN: Read A NIGHT WITH THE HIGH KING first, this follows after ;)

Prologue

I am unsure of what haunts me more as I lay here night after night in my little brother's room in Heather and Vivi's cramped apartment in the mortal world: The night I slept with Cardan. Or when we awoke the next day and he exiled me and then mocked and humiliated me in front of half the court and the queen of the Undersea.

Or perhaps-my own mortal stupidity.

I anguish at the thought that it is as if I am still the Queen of Mirth...am I not?

I vaguely am aware of Oak and Vivi's stirring in the morning as Vivi helps ready him for school. They are kind enough to speak in whispers and not draw open the curtains so that I may sleep. I struggle to adjust in keeping mortal hours and often end up not sleeping at all during the dark hours and then sleeping only once the sun rises. Often times not waking until Oak has returned from school.

Except for today. Vivi returns from walking Oak to school-glamoured as human and carrying some type of superhero backpack-to find me slumped beside the toilet and the wall of the tiny bathroom. I have wretched and wretched until nothing but froth comes up from the pit of my stomach.

And I am sitting here not in dismay at my current misery but instead am musing over the clever convenience I find in a mortal bathroom. One of the only things I distinctly remember from my time here before Madoc took us away to Elfhame. How clever these toilets, much more favorable over chamber pots, I think to myself. My eyes slide over to the sink and the shower, how clever the plumbing, hot water at your command.

But of course if I actually were folk I could enchant the water in my basin to heat as Tatterfell could...There are many disadvantages to living in Faerie as a mere mortal: not possessing any magic for one. These are the ridiculous musings I consider through my dizzying discomfort.

I am still frustrated over all the suffering I endured of my mithridatism for nothing, the tolerance I had built up in my system now wasted in pains of withdrawals. I shudder at the hells at which I suffered under Orlagh's capture beneath the sea.

I have spent nearly each day like this but have mostly been able to keep my suffering to myself until now. In one distraught and shamefully embarrassing moment of desperation, I briefly considered combing the wood near Vivi's apartment in hopes I could find blusher mushroom, maybe even wraithberry here in the mortal world-it may be possible to find. Definitely not any faerie fruit though. I thought surely if I could just get the smallest doses of the poisons I had been taking back into my system I would feel better.

Vivienne comes to a stop when she spots me here on the tiled floor, her face frozen in a look of surprise or horror or something in between. "You are still ill..." She mostly says rhetorically.

I wasn't in the most healthiest state when I first arrived at her doorstep: a sodden, dejected, and defeated mess, still thin and wrought by Orlagh's relentless torments. Vivi attempted to nurse me back to health in the weeks following. Which mostly consisted of what she called trash TV and greasy, heavy foods and sweets. Which I quickly realized were favorites of hers and not mine.

She helps me up and urges me to the room I share with Oak, I sit on the edge of the bed kicking Oak's discarded pajamas out of the way and a few scattered toys. Vivi offers me a glass of water. Her gaze settles on me in an uncomfortably calculating manner, she nibbles at a fingernail-a habit that started after Heather left, "Jude...did you sleep with Cardan?"

I choke on the water, it dribbles down my chin. And quickly becomes my feigned distraction from having to reply. What?

"I know you and Cardan exchanged vows as you've told me, but was it also in earnest? Was the night before your exile the only time?"

"In earnest?"

"Jude. You know what I mean. I just refuse to use that ridiculous faerie term."

The vows must be bound by consummation, Cardan's voice echoes through my head. The wound of his betrayal and my shame is still so fresh my grip tightens on the glass cup in my hand. I straighten my back and try to compose myself.

But Vivienne sidles up next to me and knocks her shoulder against mine with a small empathetic smile and the comfort of her gesture softens my resolve. "I could kill him for you but I wouldn't want to take that from you." She says lightheartedly.

I lean my head against her pointed fur-tipped ear. I'm not one to cry, mostly there's just some tears and maybe even a sob. General's daughters who desire and train for knighthood do not cry. Vivi knows that and so we just sit quietly together in companionable silence.

Why couldn't it have been me who was Madoc's true daughter, why couldn't I have been born half Faerie when it's Vivi who'd prefer to be human? I draw back from her and smudge my hands over my face. Looking up into her cat like eyes, Madoc's eyes, I ask her, "Why did you ask me if Cardan and I...if we...slept together?"

"We weren't exactly raised here amongst humans but I've spent more time here than you. And I've also spent a considerable amount of time in front of the television and well...I've learned a lot and…" she turns to me and looks into my eyes, "I think that you might be pregnant."

I pull back from her and scoff, "Don't be ridiculous, Vivienne! Those things take years."

Vivi stands then and paces between the bed and the dresser, she chews her thumb nail again, ignoring my outburst. "Time passes differently in Faerie but you've been here for how many weeks now? Over a month, surely? And I know how fertile you mortal girls are with living with you and Taryn. And...Heather." Her voice catches at Heather's name. Heather has still not returned any of Vivi's calls after finding out that Vivi glamoured her to forget Taryn and Locke's wedding and that disaster. "Have you had one of those monthly cycles since you've been here? What about the time before that? After the Undersea or before?"

She pauses in front of me, waiting for an answer.

"I don't know...My time as Orlagh's prisoner was...time was different, I was at my breaking point, I remember being so cold." I suppress a shudder, trying not to allow those tormenting memories from the Undersea resurface. "And I don't know much about these things. You really think it's possible?" I feel my face heat in a blush. Images of Cardan and I alone in the quiet of his room flash through my mind. I stand up quickly and fuss with the peculiar window coverings-white horizontal slats that can open and close by a plastic stick.

"I can't believe this either." Vivienne shrugs, "Pregnancies tend to be so rare in the folk. Oriana has never carried in the ten years she has been married to Madoc. But I guess I just didn't really consider the fact that you and Taryn...well—"

"What? That we humans breed like rabbits? Goodness, Vivi! And I'm not surprised about Oriana, I highly doubt they even...I mean they don't even share a room—"

"Ugh, stop. I can not think of Madoc and Oriana like this."

We both laugh but quickly compose ourselves and the room falls silent. My mind wanders. Suddenly Vivi sighs, "I know that look. You are scheming! Tell me what is going on inside your head."

"If it is really true, if I really am, you know," I gesture toward my midsection not wanting to say that word aloud, "...what could this mean for me?" I feel my face flush again, these words too foreign to me. I never once thought I could be in this type of situation, especially with Cardan. I hadn't ever thought that far ahead, I've always been so focused on my sword training and what that could bring me. I never really contemplated marriage...or children.

And I had gotten so far.. More than my dream of knighthood. A seneschal. A queen.

An exiled queen.

And quite possibly carrying an heir of the high king.

Vivi starts rambling on affectionately about things in the human world that I don't care for like she does-something about corner stores, and a device that uses your urine to tell you if you are pregnant or not. And how she'll glamour more leaves as money so we can buy one. I only nod noncommittally. I don't have the energy for this conversation any longer. I have too much I need to process. My mind becomes a briar of dizzying thoughts.

But I know this for certain: I will get back what I have earned.