Oh no! This is the second to last chapter... at least until Unlocked comes out! Which is...

*Looks it up because I'm too lazy to do the math*

EIGHTY DAYS AWAY!

Okay, that feels like a lot.

(Sigh.)

KOTLCgirlSoKeefe forever: Thanks!

L: Great! Thank you, thank you. Haha, Tam and Keefe are totally best friends (or, cough, something more, cough). Ahem. Poor Dexy. Yeah, that's true. I feel like the first three books were well paced but then Neverseen actually should have wrapped things up, and not all of the subplots were at all necessary.

Okay, enjoy!

The loading sign swirled around and around, taunting Sophie with its slowness. Finally, the screen morphed into that of a typical Zoom meeting.

Well... typical except for the fact that three people were missing.

"Where are Keefe and Fitz?" Sophie asked, beginning to hyperventilate with worry. Her two boyfriends! The loves of her life! They were missing! Had the Neverseen kidnapped them? Had they gotten the fintonavirus- sorry, coronavirus? Was Grady trying to murder them? Were they dangling off a cliff until November seventeenth? The world may never know.

Unless Biana knew, considering she and Fitz were siblings. And she was a Vanisher who probably invaded Fitz's life more than necessary.

But instead of answering Sophie's question, Biana raised an eyebrow and said "And Dex? I haven't seen Dex yet?"

Sophie examined the tiles on her screen. Tam, Linh, Biana, Marella, and her. No, Dex wasn't there either- how had she not noticed?

Marella answered Biana's question. "Dex said he was sick of being irrelevant and decided not to come, instead focusing his efforts on getting the triplets' assistance in revenge on us all."

Oh. Well. They were all doomed. "How about Fitz and Keefe?"

"Oh, they're dueling," Biana answered casually.

Sophie was less casual about it. "WHAT!?" she shrieked.

"So, Flashback is the book where you and Fitz get together, right? Chandelier Head was being obnoxious about it, and Keefe was jealous, so they decided to duel each other for your hand."

"I should be the one choosing!" Sophie exclaimed. "Why do they think they can decide this for me?"

"Well, Sophie, it's been eight books-"

"Plus Swan Song!" the ultimate fangirl interrupted, gleeful at her shameless self promotion. "That counts as a book!"

"Fine. Sophie, it's been nine-but-actually-eight books, and you still haven't chosen, so they're taking matters into their own hands. Also, there's a song."

"A song?"

"Yep! I have a ten duel commandments songfic! It's on my profile page!" the ultimate fangirl said, continuing to promote her own works nonstop. (WHY DO I WRITE LIKE I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME? PROBABLY BECAUSE I PROMISED MONTHLY UPDATES AND IT'S THE TWENTY NINTH!)

Everyone dexed her- ignored her, that is.

"Well," Sophie said, thinking of the two boys she was head over heels for- the first time she was head over heels in her life, she was usually clumsy enough to be the other way around. "I guess we'll have to- sniff- START WITHOUT THEM!"

"Oh, how tragic," Tam deadpanned, rolling his eyes.

Missing his sarcasm, Sophie wailed "I'm glad we agree!"

As she began pulling out her eyelashes with fear that Keefe or Fitz were gonna get SHOT (Burr check what we got, Mister Hunkyhair, pulls pranks with gulons a lot, I think Fitz's eyes look [gag] hot, Dex has a chance- I THINK NOT,) Tam decided to take matters into his own hands and start the book club. The sooner they got this over with, the sooner he could roll around in his pool of salt. I MEAN, UM, THREATEN ANY BOY- OR GIRL- WHO DARE DATES LINH!

Clearing his throat, Tam opened a new tab on his (STUPID!) computer (THAT NEVER LISTENED!) and opened the KOTLC Wiki, going to the Flashback page. He had read the book, but had no idea what to ask about, so just decided to get a summary made by other people and comment on it when neccesary.

"Okay, so, the book starts with Alvar's tribunal," he said awkwardly.

"That part was sad," said Biana. "I know the book was from Sophie's perspective, but I could remember from mine. It was like a flashback! Haha, see what I did there?"

Marella sighed. "Biana, you're better than this."

"I know. Temporary insanity brought on by the ultimate fangirl."

All eyes turned to the ultimate fangirl's Zoom tile. She was laughing at her own "hilarious" joke and looking not at all guilty about what she did to Biana. "Oh. Sorry," she said, very convincingly.

Ignoring the pun-ulous chaos around her, Linh said "I liked the parts with Ro. She's funny."

"HECK YEAH SHE IS!" the ultimate fangirl cheered. "If you want to read more about Ro, go read my-"

Sophie muted her, having composed herself. "Okay. The next plot point is the attack with the Neverseen. Thoughts?"

"Unfortunate," said Linh.

Tam rolled his eyes. "Not at all predictable."

"Alvruy forever!" Marella cheered.

Biana frowned. "Rulvar?"

"Alvruy?"

"Rulvar?"

"Alvruy?"

"Rulvar?"

"Ruler?"

"Definitely not that one," the two said in unison.

"Anyway," said Sophie. "Next is the Great Fitzphie Sleepover."

Everyone made various noises of disgust, from Biana's "BLECH!" to Tam's "Ugh" to Linh's "Um, it definitely wasn't the best." Blushing, Sophie contributed her rather unpopular opinion. "I sort of... liked it?"

"Come on!" Marella exclaimed. "It was the most boring part of the series!"

"It wasn't boring! There was a lot of romancey stuff!"

"Yeah, and zero plot development! The whole part was like three hundred pages of filler chapters!"

"I see this is a... controversial topic," said Linh. "Shall we move on?"

"Yeah, okay," said Sophie. "Next part is training with the new bodyguard squad. Plus, BoRo."

"Which you can read about at-"

To the ultimate fangirl's dismay but everyone else's relief, Marella interrupted. "I liked that part. It was fun. The bodyguards are cool. Except Bo. But the Ballad makes up for him." This topic seemed to be less controversial, as everyone nodded and moved on.

"Should I even mention the Fitzphie confession?" Sophie asked.

"NO!" shouted everyone, included the ultimate fangirl.

"Okay, um, moving on... alicorns! Baby alicorns!"

"Eeeeee!" Linh squealed. "ALICORNS! AAAAAHHHHHHHH! SO CUTE!"

Next to her, Tam scowled and tugged his bangs over his eyes. "Eh."

No one else shared his apathy. Marella, Biana, and Sophie all squealed over the baby alicorns with Linh, "EEEEEEEEE"ing until Tam muted them all and moved on to the next topic: The hidden troll hive.

"Again, I didn't really like that part," Biana said, playing with her chocolate brown curls. "It gave me too many flashbacks to the real thing. No pun intended."

"Personally, I found it a little bit of a letdown," said Marella. "Since there was this whole big thing about the Vacker legacy and then it was... trolls?"

"But Umber died, Ruy lost his powers, and Alvar almost died," Tam pointed out. "That's good, right?"

Sophie shrugged. At the same time, Linh smacked his shoulder (they were in the same room). "It's never good that someone died!"

"Okay, Linh," sighed Tam.

"The next big thing is Tam's capture. We can all agree that was bad, right?" Marella said. Everyone nodded.

"And finally," said Biana. "Sophie going to the matchmakers."

"That part was upsetting," Sophie exclaimed. "I can't believe I was unmatchable! That was so traumatic!"

Tam raised a salty eyebrow. "More traumatic than almost dying?"

"Well, I'm fairly used to almost dying."

Linh interrupted the conversation. "I was a little disappointed that you chose to focus on matchmaking rather than the Neverseen, but in the end, it's your life and I don't control it."

"We should control it!" Marella exclaimed. "Honestly. You had a lot of more important things to do, but you chose to do something you didn't even want to just 'cause you thought you had to do it to stay with your boyfriend? Very disappointing."

"Honestly, agreed."

Sophie sighed. "Well... at least it led to the plot development of me figuring out who my biological mother is?"

"HEY! That's not until next book, and by extension, next month!" the ultimate fangirl yelled.

"True," said Sophie. "So, we'll meet back here-" her voice died in her throat. Joining the Zoom meeting was Keefe and Fitz, captured by three figures in Neverseen cloaks.

"THE NEVERSEEN ARE INVADING OUR BOOK CLUB!" Marella shouted. She paused. "Okay, that's a really weird sentence."

"Agreed," Tam muttered.

"THEY HAVE MY BOYFRIENDS!" shrieked Sophie.

Dex's face popped in front of the horrifying image. "Like my new Zoom background, guys?"

Sophie clutched her chest, still in a state of minor panic. "That wasn't funny, Dex!"

"I thought it was," Dex grinned, flashing the ***dimples***. "And this is only the first in a series of pranks. BE WARNED, PEASANTS! MUAHAHAHA!"

The meeting ended.

Heck yeah, Dexy! Take revenge on those losers!

Well, not Biana. Biana is a queen. And Marella. And Linh. And Tam is cool.

So I guess just take revenge on Sophie. She's the one who ignores you all the time anyway.

And, because I was sick of Keefe and Fitz, they're doing that Ten Duel Commandments songfic. Hopefully neither of them die! :P

Okay, please review!