There's no more light.
As much as she tries to get around it, to go past it because she knows damn well Chloe needs her, she can't.
Beca freezes in the doorway, her heart sinking to the bottom of her stomach.
There's no more light.
Instead there's darkness and uncertainty, two things that don't add up when it comes to Chloe Beale, the sunshine in Beca's life.
It's been a running joke among the Bellas over the years, that Beca is the grumpy, asocial one while Chloe has the more positive, bubbly persona.
All teasing aside, Beca truly believes that if the sun was a person walking on Earth, it'd be Chloe.
There's always been something about her eyes that seems to captivate Beca. She noticed it the moment she first fell into them that day at the activities fair. It's as though brightest star in the universe somehow toppled down from the sky and made a home right there in the clear blue of Chloe's eyes.
As they grew closer over the years, from acquaintances, to teammates, to best friends, Beca started craving that unwavering and contagious light.
It pierced through all the bad in her life and all was well again.
It chased her doubts away and soothed her soul.
And now… it's gone.
Beca has been awake for more than thirty hours when she steps inside Chloe's hospital room that night.
She was on a Californian tour with DJ Khaled when Amy called her, tone uncharacteristically clipped, to tell her that Chloe had been in an accident. Even if Amy assured her Chloe's life wasn't in danger over the phone, Beca jumped on the red-eye right after the concert, barely taking the time to explain to Theo what was going on before tearing out of the venue.
She rushed into the hospital, where a doctor met with her to tell her about Chloe's condition.
Her head hit the pavement after she was hit by a car earlier that day, and the injuries to her brain left her without sight.
Chloe can tell light from darkness. That's all.
Beca takes a deep breath, attempting to fight against the nerves rooting her feet to the floor, and steps fully into the room, letting the door flap behind her and cut through the deafening silence.
Chloe's head immediately twists towards her at the sound. "Amy?"
"No, it's me," Beca croaks, tone strained with emotion when Chloe's gaze can't find hers.
"Bec," Chloe's own voice breaks over the syllable, and it's enough to have tears prick behind Beca's eyes. She pushes them away and takes quick strides to the bed, engulfing her best friend into a tight embrace. Chloe clings to her shirt, a string of sobs tumbling out of her lungs as she angles her face into Beca's neck.
Beca spends the next few minutes whispering reassuring words into Chloe's ear, repeatedly smoothing her palm over Chloe's hair, careful to avoid the bandages covering her head wound.
When after a long stretch, Chloe's distress quietens down to sniffles, Beca pulls back gently, the pads of her thumbs wiping Chloe's tears away. She doesn't know what to say; doesn't know if she should address the subject or let it rest and let Chloe speak about it first.
So she goes for the only thing she's certain of, and hopes it's enough for now.
"I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere, I promise."
Chloe's hand finds Beca's, still resting on her cheek. "I'm sorry you had to rush back here during your tour."
Beca shakes her head, only to remember a few seconds in that Chloe can't see that. "You're more important to me than any tour, Chlo. You know that, right?"
Chloe nods faintly, fresh tears filling her eyes to the rim. "I didn't see the car coming. I didn't and now – now I can't see at all. I-I can't see –" Chloe draws in chopped breaths as her features crumble. "Beca."
"I know," Beca murmurs, leaning in to press her lips across Chloe's eyebrow. "Whatever the outcome, we'll find solutions. One step at the time, together."
Chloe's condition is not operable. She's blind and most likely to remain that way for the rest of her life. She stays in the hospital for observation another few days, which Beca spends hanging with her in her room from the start of visiting hours until she's nicely asked to leave by one of the nurses on call at night.
Beca takes the week off work to help Chloe when she gets home, telling Theo she has a family emergency. It's not exactly a lie; as far as she's concerned, Chloe is her family.
"Alright, for dinner tonight we either have, pasta with... pickles, a jar of olives or... ketchup." Beca lists off the items in the fridge, slamming it shut dejectedly when she's done and whirling around to face Chloe. "Take-out?"
This draws the first laugh from Chloe ever since her accident four days ago. She nods from her spot on her bed. Amy moved out after the USO tour and Chloe took her bed when Beca insisted she was fine with the pull-out. "Take-out sounds good."
"Thank God." Beca grabs her phone off the counter and sits on the edge of Choe's bed. "How does your head feel?"
"It's okay," Chloe replies quietly with a shrug. "I'm just sleepy."
Beca hums, setting a hand on Chloe's shin. Her thumb grazes the denim repeatedly. "Did you talk to your parents? Or Chicago?"
"My parents, yeah. They wanted to fly out here but I told them in a little while, I... I still have to wrap my head around it, first." Chloe replies, turning her head towards Beca. Beca has yet to get used to the fact that Chloe's eyes rarely meet hers anymore. It makes her heart ache terribly. "I, uh, I haven't told Chicago, yet. I'm scared that he might... dump me when he finds out."
Beca's teeth clench at the mere thought of it. "If he does, then he's simply not worthy of your heart."
Chloe doesn't say anything in response to that, instead finds Beca's hand and squeezes her fingers. "I'm glad you're here. You make it seem less... scary, somehow."
"Like I said, I'm not going anywhere."
Chloe's lips curve into a small, gentle smile. It doesn't reach her eyes, but it's the first one Beca's seen in four days and she'lll take anything at this point. It lifts off some of the weight pressing on her chest.
"I know."
/
The following days home are brutal. Chloe has to learn to live a different way, to guide herself mostly with her touch as opposed to her eyes. It results into a lot of bruises and occasional breakdowns because Chloe gets understandably frustrated over things that seemed so easy before the accident: taking a shower, finding which clothes to wear, but mostly, entertaining herself.
She can't read, or watch movies, or interact with people on social media like she used to. Beca reads aloud the messages of encouragement sent by the Bellas on the group chat and helps her reply and or download podcasts on her phone.
After eleven days without taking a single step outside of their studio and laying in her bed, either sleeping or staring into space, Beca knows she has to somehow bring Chloe's spirits up before her will to live speeds away and disappears around the bend of the tumultuous road ahead of her.
Beca comes home from work at the end of day thirteen post-accident, arms laden with groceries, to find Chloe in the same position she was when Beca left for work this morning. Her guess is that Chloe hasn't moved all day and probably skipped the meal Beca left for her in the fridge for lunch.
"Hey," she greets her roommate, kicking the door shut with her foot. She sets the bags down on the table, then walks to the bed. Chloe is laying on her side with her back facing her and Beca sighs. "Come on, get up. We're going for a walk."
Chloe frowns, turning onto her back. "To where?"
"Anywhere you'd like. You need to go out and get some air."
"I don't want to." Chloe mumbles with a curt shake of the head.
Beca crosses her arms stubbornly and stands her ground. "I'm not taking no for an answer, Chlo."
Chloe rolls back onto her side, tucking her hands under her cheeks. "Go away."
"Nope. I'm not going to let you wallow in your misery another day. I know what you're going through is incredibly tough but letting it take over your life is not going to make it any better."
Chloe remains silent for nearly a minute, and Beca is close to giving up when Chloe agrees, her shoulders dropping in resignation. "Okay."
From that night on, they take walks everyday around their neighborhood, Beca entertaining Chloe with tales from her day while Chloe listens to her with rapt attention, clutching Beca's arm to let herself be guided.
They go to the store and get a completely voice animated phone that will read Chloe's text messages for her. They get a radio, too, and Chloe signs up to braille class, as well as therapy to help her through the life-changing transition.
It's a slow process, but two months after the accident, things are finally looking up. Chloe's parents came to visit and spent a week with their daughter, showering her with love and support.
While Chloe's spirits are slowly rising to the surface, her handicap is still very much present and toying with her ability to engage in simple tasks, and Beca is reminded of that very fact when she comes home one night.
"I'm home," she announces as she steps inside the studio, freezing by the door at the sight of a pot turned upside down on the floor, water and spaghetti spilled on the tile. "Chloe?"
After checking that the stove is turned off, Beca gives the room a quick scan, walking towards the bathroom when Chloe isn't anywhere in sight. "Chlo? You in there?"
She only hears a sniffle in reply and after another beat of hesitation, tugs the curtain open. Sadness swirling in her chest, she sits down by Chloe's side against the wall and gently takes her wrist.
"Let me take a look," She examines the burn on Chloe's hand and rises to her feet to get the aloe balm they have tucked somewhere on one of the shelves. Crouching down in front of Chloe, Beca applies a generous amount to the side of her hand. "It's not too bad. Should heal fine with this."
"I just wanted to do something nice for you," Chloe offers quietly after a stretch of silence, eyes fixed on the top of her knees. Beca sits back on her heels and smiles sadly. "You've been so amazing and I wanted to thank you somehow but..." A sob barrels out of Chloe's throat, echoing against the apartment walls and between Beca's ribs, rattling her heart. "I can't even make you dinner."
"Hey," Beca says gently, attempting to keep her voice steady despite the storm of emotions starting to spin inside her chest. She can't bear the sight of Chloe crying. Never has, and probably never will. She cups Chloe's face tenderly, lifting her chin. "Do you even realize how much you've already achieved in the past month? You lost your sight , Chloe." Reminding Chloe of that is not necessarily the direction she wants to take, but she needs Chloe to understand from how far she has come since the traumatic experience. Besides, it's not like she can forget she's blind. "That's not something you get used to overnight, or within a couple months. You are already doing far better than I expected, and I'm blown away by how fast you are adapting."
Chloe sniffles, shaking her head faintly. "I almost blew up the apartment."
"I think that's being a little bit over dramatic, Chlo." Beca snickers, her other hand reaching out to squeeze Chloe's knee as she sobers up. "I was scared at first. For you and for me, of not being able to help you through this. But you proved me wrong by being your determined and strong self and each day I see a little bit more of that happiness that was so Chloe Beale surfacing."
Chloe is silent for a little while, as though letting Beca's words sink in. "Yeah, maybe I feel it too."
Beca slips her hand into Chloe's. "Come on," she rises to her feet and grips Chloe's other hand, helping her up. "Let's go make dinner."
Beca puts on a playlist as they cook, and the sight of Chloe shimming her hips to the rhythm makes her grin so wide her cheeks start hurting.
As she observes Chloe, Beca tells herself that the light hiding somewhere under the layers of doubt and sorrow will somehow surface, no matter how long it takes.
/
It's on their way back home after a gig in Manhattan that Beca realizes how terrified Chloe is of being around crowds. They are on their way down Times Square, Beca's hand clasped around Chloe's as they walk towards the subway station.
It's rush time on a Saturday night and most people aren't really looking at where they're going, either eyes cast down on their cell phone screen or too much in a hustle to pay attention. Someone twice her size bumps into Beca and makes her stumble back and let go of Chloe's hand momentarily.
"Sorry," he mumbles over his shoulder, but Beca doesn't really register it. She's too busy looking for her best friend in the crowd, her heart leaping to her throat when she spots Chloe about a dozen feet away, completely frozen in the middle of the frenzied bustle, getting knocked into occasionally.
"Chloe!" Beca shouts, taking quick strides to reach her as fast as possible. Chloe is struggling for breath when Beca gets to her, blue eyes filled with fear as they frantically fleet to nothing and everything. She gently wraps both hands around Chloe's wrists, making her jump in fright. "It's me. I'm here, it's okay."
"Out," Chloe whispers so quietly that Beca only sees the syllable shaping her lips. She takes a deep breath but it doesn't seem to quite reach her lungs. A half-sob worms its way out of her parted lips as her hands begin to shake uncontrollably. "I want – out."
Beca nods, only to remember Chloe still can't see that. "Okay, okay."
Beca powers through the current of people, fingers woven with Chloe's so tightly she can feel Chloe's increasing panic through the link of their hands. It doesn't get much better when they step out into an adjacent street. Loud music is drifting from somewhere and cars are honking every other second.
It makes Beca antsy, and she can't imagine what must be going through Chloe's mind; her senses being assaulted by so many things coming from everywhere at once, without being able to anticipate or identify them.
Beca manages to find a corner more or less secluded and tugs Chloe to stand between the wall of a building and her own body, shielding her as much as she can.
"I- I can't – " Chloe stutters, mentioning towards her rapidly heaving chest. "B-b-bre - " A sharp intake of air cuts through her already broken speech. "Breathe. I c-can't – "
"Chloe, sweetie," Beca tries softly, squeezing Chloe's hand. "You're safe."
The sob that rings in Beca's ears and painfully tugs at her heartstrings. She draws Chloe into the mending warmth of her embrace, whispering sweet nothings into her ear.
"Focus on my voice, Chlo," she murmurs, her hand tracing soothing circles over Chloe's spine. "I'm right here and I won't let you go again. I promise."
She feels Chloe nod against her and after a couple of strained, irregular breaths, registers the tension easing off Chloe's body and subsequently, her own.
"Let's take a cab home, yeah?" she suggests as she pulls away, cupping Chloe's face gently as she nods again. "We need to step closer to the curb for that but I won't let anything happen to you. Not again."
"I know."
Chloe is still too wired to go to sleep when they get home, so Beca makes them some herbal tea and joins Chloe in the living-room. She sets both steaming cups of tea on the coffee table before settling down next to Chloe and coaxing her to lie down, her head in Beca's lap.
"I'm sorry," Beca eventually says quietly, fingers raking against Chloe's scalp, the ultimate method to calm Chloe whenever she's stressed out about something.
Chloe frowns up at her. "What for?"
"Going to that gig was my idea and I feel like I pressured you into going out before you were ready and..." Beca sighs, closing her eyes for a beat. "I'm so sorry."
"It's not..." Chloe falters and lets out a sigh of her own, grabbing Beca's hand. "It's not your fault. I felt ready. You didn't ask me to do anything I didn't want to do. I need to get back out there at some point. Go to concerts, have drinks, party. I just... It's going to take more time than I thought to get used to the fact that I can't see. I'm... I'm terrified about getting lost out there and never finding my way back. Of not knowing what to do with my life, again , now that I don't feel like I can be a vet. Of... always having to depend on someone because I can't take care of myself."
Beca gives her hand a soft squeeze. "You'll find your way, Chloe. You just need to give yourself some more time. The progress you've made so far is already incredible."
There's a sparkle in Chloe's eye that Beca thought she would never see again. "You have a lot to do with that, you know. And I had a good time tonight, in spite of... that ordeal. Thank you for dragging me out."
"You're welcome. I enjoyed it, too. I've missed going out with you."
"Me, too." Chloe smiles. "One day I'll be back on the dance floor, promise."
Beca grins, brushing her thumb over the scar on Chloe's forehead. "I'll hold you to that, Beale."
/
"I think you should have a dog." Beca says a month later as they're unpacking their groceries. Chloe takes them out the paper bags while Beca puts them away in their rightful spot. "Like a guide dog. It would help you with everyday tasks and I think it could play an important role emotionally, too."
Chloe remains silent but Beca knows from the slight tilt of her head that she's listening.
"It's not an easy process, that's why it's best to start early. You have to apply, then they set up a phone interview, have you fill out some more forms and make a home visit to attest your capacity to work with a dog."
"How – " Chloe blinks and shakes her head, eyebrows knitted together. "How do you know all this?"
Beca shrugs. "I've been doing some research online and called a few organizations. I'll help you apply if that's – if you think it's a good idea."
Tears pool in Chloe's blue eyes and Beca inwardly panics. She doesn't do well with tears, happy or sad. They make her uncomfortable because she has no clue how to handle them.
"Chloe?"
Chloe feels around for the counter-top and follows it until she grips Beca's shoulder. Wordlessly, she pulls Beca into a warm hug that stuns Beca into silence. She's gotten used to Chloe's forcing hugs on her after all this time, but there hasn't been that many since the accident and Beca didn't realize until now that she was craving it.
A rush of warmth seeps into bones as she sinks into the embrace.
"How did I get so lucky?" Chloe breathes into Beca's neck, tightening her hold slightly. Beca chuckles and blows out a breath just before Chloe pulls back. Her hand finds Beca's jaw and Beca inhales sharply. "I hope you know how thankful I am for you. Ever since I met you I've been so grateful to have you in my life. I really won the best friend lottery."
Beca clears her throat to keep her emotions in check. "Right back at you, Chlo."
Chloe's hand falls back to her side and she steps away, much to Beca's relief. It's getting harder and harder not to act on her feelings, especially when Chloe gets to close.
She's still trying to figure out where the line blurred between friendship and crush, to falling head over heels for her best friend. It's not like she woke up one morning and realized, oh shit I wanna be with Chloe . It crept up on her slowly and without her really acknowledging it. Her heart had probably already leapt out of her chest and into Chloe's hands way before Beca even started to suspect where it lay.
"I too think a dog would help but... this place is too small to have one."
"That's, uh, that's the other point I was aiming for. Since I'm starting to make a fair amount of money with DJ Khaled I thought we could, um, move?" Beca prompts, shrugging. "To something bigger, with our own bedrooms. Something on the first floor of a building so you don't have to take the stairs or the elevator and close to public transportation for you to get to places more easily."
"Bec," Chloe whimpers, shoulders falling. "I can't... ask you to do everything according to me."
"You're not. I'm offering. Unless – unless that's weird and I'm overstepping boundaries."
"No. It's not weird. I... I think it's a good idea. We can't live in this studio forever, it's worse than a bachelor pad, Bec." Chloe snickers. "We have no bathroom walls ."
They share a laugh and go back to taking care of the groceries, humming and swaying to the song playing on the radio.
/
Chloe bounces back on her love for literature and writing a few weeks down the road, securing a part-time job for a women's health magazine as a columnist.
They find a new apartment the following month after many visits and settle for a two bedroom apartment in a lively, upcoming neighborhood in Brooklyn, close to amenities and a direct subway line to Chloe's workplace.
They move in just a couple days afterwards and welcome a golden retriever that goes by the name of Joey. He and Chloe bond right away, accompanying her to her appointments, work or anytime she needs to go out and Beca is unable to come.
Everything seems to be falling into place, Beca progressively letting go of her anxiety as Chloe's bubbly persona breaks a little bit more to the surface with each passing day.
"I need a favor," Chloe says one Saturday morning over breakfast. She's biting on her bottom lip like she's hesitating over it and Beca laughs, rolling her eyes affectionately.
"Just spit it out, Chlo."
"Will you go dress shopping with me?" Beca groans and lets her head drop back dramatically. "I'm sorry! It's just, you know how my cousin's wedding is coming up in a few weeks?"
"Yeah..."
"I need a dress and I can't exactly... judge what's pretty or not anymore." Chloe says, her tone free of the sorrow that had been tainting it the couple months following the accident.
Four months months later, she has now accepted the fact that she's blind, and takes it all in strides. Amy told a blind joke that Beca found pretty offensive the other day and Chloe actually cracked up.
"Why can't you wear something you already have? You own a gazillion dresses, Chloe." Beca whines, standing up to clear she and Chloe's bowl from the table and wash them.
"I know, but Chicago is coming with and I wanna, you know, wear something nice."
Beca tries not to set the bowls down too heavily in the sink at that. She can't help it; any mention of Chicago makes that uncalled-for jealousy swing right back to hit her in the face from wherever it has been lurking.
She freezes as Chloe's arms slip around her waist and her chin rests on her shoulder. She wills her body and mind to remain strong, but she knows deep down it's a lost battle. She'll say yes in the end. She'd be naive to believe she can say anything but yes when it comes to Chloe. It's always been that way, regardless of feelings. "Pretty please?"
Beca closes her eyes and sucks in a quick, grounding breath. "Fine."
While Chloe's cheer makes her decision worth it, Beca knows she is in for a dreadful afternoon; dress shopping to impress the boyfriend of the girl she's in love with.
Yikes.
/
It all comes crashing down a week before Chloe's cousin's wedding, when Beca comes home to find her curled up on the couch with tear-stained cheeks.
"Hey," she rushes to tug her messenger bag off her shoulder and kneels on the rug in front of the couch, laying a hand over Chloe's shoulder while assessing her body for any sign of injuries. Joey's sat by the couch, his nose on Chloe's leg. "What's wrong?"
"We broke up," Chloe croaks out and sniffles. "He- he doesn't want to be w-with me. He said the distance was too complicated to handle but I know it's a lie. He's been - it hasn't been the same since the accident."
"Jesus fucking Christ," Beca mutters under her breath, her teeth grinding together so hard she's concerned they might break. Anger seeps into her veins at an incredible pace. "That fucking asshole, I swear I'm going to give him a piece of my – "
"No," Chloe cuts her off, sitting up slowly. "It's – he's right. It's better that way."
Beca gapes at her wordlessly. " Chloe ."
"I don't want to be a burden to anyone. To him," Chloe clears her throat, eyes fastened to her lap. "Or to you."
" What? " Beca asks incredulously. "Chloe, did he say that? Did he say you were a burden?"
"No, he... he didn't use those words per say but I could feel that's what he was implying and... I can't blame him. Just like I wouldn't blame you if you... if you wanted to, um, spend less time taking care of me."
Beca feels like she's been slapped in the face. She blinks, trying to string a handful of appropriate words together, a task rendered difficult when all she can hear are Chloe's words echoing in her mind.
"Chloe, whatever you may think about yourself is not true. You are not a burden. Being blind… it doesn't define you." She speaks firmly and slowly to make sure her words get imprinted inside Chloe's brain. "You are an incredible human being. That's the first thing that pops into my mind when I think about you. Kind, selfless and more determined than anyone else I know. And if Chicago can't see that, then it's his loss. You deserve so much better than him, trust me." Beca clears her throat, weighing her next words. "As for me walking out of your life, that will never happen, as long as you'll have me. You take care of me, too, in more ways that you believe and I'd be kinda lost without you."
Chloe chokes on another sob, flailing for a bit to find Beca's hands and grasp them tightly. "I love you, Bec."
"I love you, too, Chlo." Beca smiles gently, reaching out to brush Chloe's hair away from her face tenderly. "And when you're ready to throw yourself out there and date again, there will be people lining up for you. No question about that."
Maybe, possibly - someday Beca will have the guts to stand in that line before it's too late.
/
She volunteers to be Chloe's "friend date" at the wedding. Chloe didn't ask her, or wouldn't ask her, for fear of asking too much out of Beca, maybe. It leads Beca to sputter it out awkwardly over a walk back from a small gig they attended at a nearby bar.
"I, uh, I've been thinking since, y'know, the wedding is in a few days and, y'know, you're, um, single," Beca screws her eyes shut, wishing she wasn't so damn awkward all the freaking time. "I could, um, be your date?" Said eyes pop open at her own wording. "I mean! Not like a date -date, obviously. Like a friend date or... whatever."
"I'd love to," Chloe says, the softness and certainty in her tone chasing any ounce of doubt and mortification away from Beca's being. She squeezes Beca's forearm for good measure. "Thank you."
"No – no problem," Beca stutters, trying to get rid of the sudden flush coloring her face.
They fly down to Florida a few days later. It's hot and humid and sticky and Beca's natural curly hair acts up the second they step out of the airport.
"Ugh," Beca grunts as she flops down headfirst on the mattress. "I hate this weather. I'm going to look like an afro in about two hours."
Chloe giggles as she feels around for the bed before sitting on the edge. She's now comfortable around their home, but new places naturally have her more cautious and hesitant until she has more or less gathered her bearings.
"We can go for a swim to cool down. The ceremony isn't until six."
Beca isn't sure seeing Chloe in a bikini is going to help her cool down in any way. She makes a sound that doesn't commit her to anything; it's not a yes or a no, it's a tired grunt that could translate to 'whatever Chloe wants to do'.
After an hour spent at the beach (aka an hour of torture in the burning sun), they shuffle back to the hotel room and get changed for the ceremony.
"Bec?" Chloe calls out from the room as Beca finishes sliding her earrings on in front of the bathroom mirror.
"Yeah?"
"Can you help me with my make-up?"
"Totes."
After smoothing a wrinkle on her jumpsuit and making sure her own make-up isn't too terrible, Beca steps out of the bathroom and drags a chair over to sit in front of Chloe by the vanity.
It's not the first time she's done Chloe's make-up over the last few months. While Chloe doesn't wear anything else besides mascara at work, she usually asks Beca to help her out when they go out, especially with the eye-liner.
"The usual or do you want something special?"
"Can you do something kinda smokey?"
Beca laughs. "I think you're confusing me with an actual make-up artist there, Chlo."
Chloe giggles, and the sound, just like every time it fills the room, never fails to make Beca's heart flutter. God, she's really fooling herself if she thinks her feelings are ever going to go away, especially when Chloe does adorable things like that. "Anything you do will be fine. Just don't make me look like a clown, please."
Beca huffs, rolling her eyes. "I'm pretty sure I can manage that ."
"Is my hair okay?" Chloe asks when Beca caps the eye-liner a few minutes later. It's done in soft curls that are pinned back on either side, pulled away from her face.
Beca smiles, unable to resist tucking a runaway strand behind Chloe's ear. "It looks very nice."
There's a glint that lights up Chloe's eyes and Beca's smile morphs into a grin that makes her cheeks strain. "Thank you."
Chloe's nerves start to grow more noticeable when they get to the lobby of the hotel where the wedding ceremony is to take place. Beca knows she's nervous about seeing people from high-school, who unlike her close friends and family, have no idea about her lack of sight.
"Hey," Beca says softly, bumping her shoulder with Chloe's as they wait in line to be seated. "Who cares about them? If they think less of you because of this, screw them. I'll even punch them, or... or, throw a drink in their faces if they pick on you."
Yeah, the last option makes more sense given her lack of actual muscles.
Laughter bubbles up Chloe's chest as she slides her hand down the inside of Beca's arm to wave their fingers loosely.
"What's so funny?"
"You're adorable."
A string of huffed grumbles leaves Beca's mouth, her face getting ridiculously hot as Chloe leans in to press her lips to her cheek. Beca pushes her away, tsking. "And you're a pain in my ass."
"Nah, you loooove meeee," Chloe singsongs, and Beca wants to retort with a snide comment, but it gets lost under the warmth spreading in her chest upon witnessing Chloe being Chloe . It was a long time coming, but she's back to enjoying life as she used to before.
"Whatever," Beca mumbles under her breath, squeezing Chloe's hand to make sure Chloe knows she's only teasing.
It took her a while to make a habit out of it; being careful to use words or touches to convey her emotions or moods as opposed to simply making facial expressions that Chloe isn't able to read anymore.
Later at the reception, Beca watches as Chloe dances with her brother, laughing gleefully as he playfully twirls her around.
"She seems happy huh?" Beca jumps, apparently too enthralled in observing Chloe to notice the person who took a seat next to her. Chloe's father sends her a sheepish smile. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya."
She likes Chloe's dad. They met on a few occasions; at graduation, over the summer Beca spent down in Florida with Chloe and when they came up to NYC after Chloe's accident. He's the opposite of Chloe; calm, quiet and cool-headed. Chloe gets her dorky humor from him, as well as her blue eyes. She gets her energy, unwavering sunshine and fiery red hair from her mother, whose hugs Beca tries to stay away from whenever they see each other.
She doesn't do hugs except for Chloe's, anyway.
"It's okay," she assures, smiling. "I was just daydreaming."
Daydreaming about dancing with Chloe, dipping her and kissing her with all the love she holds for her.
Beca downs her drink in an attempt to drown her thoughts.
"I wanted to thank you," Chloe's father follows up a few seconds later, and Beca turns her head to see he's looking at his dancing children with a fond smile. She raises a questioning eyebrow at that. "For being Chloe's rock since the accident. Her mother and I... we were devastated when we found out, especially when Chloe said she didn't want us to come up."
"She needed time to um, adjust. It was hard for a while." Beca states matter-of-factly.
"I know. There's just... no worse feeling for a parent than not being able to help their children when they're going through something as tragic as Chloe did." He says sadly, then takes a sip from his drink. "But when we visited a couple months ago, we realized that it wasn't us she needed the most. It was you and, unlike that Chicago guy, you helped her through this hardship and for that we are beyond thankful."
"She's the most important person in my life," Beca replies quietly, cursing under her breath when stupid tears begin to sting behind her eyes. Beyond her romantic feelings for the girl that stole her heart, Chloe is her best friend first and foremost, someone she would die protecting if she had to. Still, she'll blame her emotional spout on the champagne she has been sipping since late afternoon. "I wouldn't let her go just like that."
"We know," The older man murmurs, laying a hand on her shoulder. His blues eyes are gentle and sparkling. "You're important to her, too. She can't seem to stop speaking about you whenever she calls us."
Beca's eyebrows lift in surprise and her heart does a backflip in her chest. "Really?"
"You seem surprised," He eyes her for a couple seconds, then glances back to his daughter.
Would someone talk non stop about their best friend to their parents? Beca doesn't have a clue, because she sucks at picking up signs! "I – uh... yeah. Kinda."
Chloe's dad laughs lightly at her flustered state and Beca wants to prod for more, but Chloe interrupts.
"Marco," she calls out.
Grinning, Beca replies with a "Polo." as she watches Chloe approaching, hand curled around her brother's elbow.
It's something goofy they also took habit of doing back in NYC, whenever Chloe gets home and wants to locate Beca.
Chloe extends her hand, waving her fingers towards herself in a beckoning motion. "Dance with me."
"Ugh."
"I'm not taking no for an answer."
Beca's eyes roll towards the ceiling, but it's mostly just for show. "Fine. "
Chloe's arms fall to her waist so naturally it's like they were meant to be there, while Beca's hands flutter at her back because she's not sure where to safely place them. She settles for the small of her back, hoping Chloe doesn't feel how clammy her palms are through the material of her dress.
"Thank you for coming tonight," Chloe murmurs, the ghost of her voice tickling Beca's ear. Beca hums, unable to get rid of Chloe's father's words as they spiral around and around in her head. Naturally, Chloe can tell. Beca doesn't know if it's from the stiffness in her spine or the shallowness of her breath or the fact that it's Chloe and she seems to have a sixth sense whenever it comes to figuring Beca out. "You okay?"
"I'm good." Beca says, somehow managing to keep her tone light. "You having a good time?"
Chloe hums. "Except that I feel like I barely saw you though and I don't like it," Chloe often says that kind of stuff seemingly without realizing the weight of her words or how they're slowly wreaking havoc in Beca's chest.
Following a few more drinks and way too much dancing, she and Chloe stumble into their hotel room, all laughter and happiness as Chloe hangs onto Beca both for directions and steadiness.
"I can't reach," Chloe whines, then turns her back to Beca as the brunette struggles to take off the heels that have been torturing her feet all night long. "Unzip me?"
Beca gulps. "Y-yeah."
She rises to her now bare feet and shuffles to Chloe. She undoes the zipper slowly, her breathing hitching as Chloe's strapless dress pools to the floor. Chloe lets out a quiet thanks and turns around, possibly not realizing how close she's standing to Beca.
Beca's fingertips burn, itching to trace Chloe's every dip and curve, to run over smooth skin. She catches herself at some point, slapped back to immediate soberness when she realizes what she's doing; appreciating Chloe's body without her even being aware of it.
Beca swallows, feeling like she just took advantage of Chloe. She staggers back, away from her best friend, as though afraid of what she might do if she doesn't put any distance between them. Beca's knees tremble in sync with the rampant thudding of her heart as her eyes tear themselves away from Chloe's body.
"Beca?" Chloe's tone leaks with confusion. "What's wrong?"
"No- nothing," she stutters, gripped by the sudden urge to flee out of the rapidly shrinking room as fast as she can. It's not right. She shouldn't be experiencing this; the burning need to kiss Chloe until she's out of breath, of pushing Chloe against the wall and mapping every inch of her body with her lips. "I think I drank too much. I'm gonna – I'm gonna go get some fresh air." Beca walks to the door, pausing with her hand on the knob as she turns back to Chloe. "Will you be okay?"
"Yeah," Chloe's voice is strained, like she doesn't understand what went down, why Beca is running away from her. Beca hesitates a second longer, before pulling the door open and stepping out.
The room is dark when she comes back. Beca is only able to outline Chloe's form as she lies on her side in bed. Beca changes quietly and washes up before slipping under the covers. Chloe rolls onto her back, head twisting towards her.
"Are you okay?" She asks for the second time that night and guilt coils in Beca's stomach because she feels like she's ruined it for Chloe.
"Yeah," she replies uneasily, folding her hands over her stomach. "You?"
"I don't know." Chloe says quietly. She stirs onto her side, tucking both hands between the pillow and her cheek. "Will you tell me what's wrong? Did I do something wrong?"
"No, no," Beca rushes out. "It's just work stuff," she lies, turning on her side as well. She cups Chloe's face tenderly and presses her lips to her forehead, reveling in the fact that the simple show of affection has Chloe relax instantly. "Nothing big, promise."
"Okay," Chloe seems to accept. "Goodnight, Bec."
"Night, Chlo."
/
Beca knows today marks six months since Chloe got her job, and while Beca isn't big on anniversaries and stuff, she knows Chloe likes to celebrate them.
As she walks home, Beca reflects on how far Chloe has come after this huge curve-ball was thrown at her. She once more showed Beca how strong, resilient and driven she is and how this life-changing incident wasn't going to mess with what she envisioned her life to be.
Beca herself, hasn't made much progress since the wedding, six weeks ago. She's still very much in love with her best friend and Chloe is still very much unaware. Beca told herself she would have made a move by now, but it's harder than she thought. The thought of Chloe rejecting her and walking out of her life makes Beca want to crawl out of her skin.
"I'm home!" She announces as she steps through the door, Joey making the short distance from his bed to greet her. "Hey Joey. Where's your Mama?" Beca sets the bottle of champagne and the two bentos she picked up from Chloe's favorite sushi shop as celebration. "Chlo?"
"In the bathroom! I'll be out in a minute!"
Beca grins to herself; that's just enough time for her to pull out two flutes and fill a bucket with ice. Chloe is just rounding the corner of the hallway when Beca turns around, and she lets out a low, impressed whistle. Chloe is all made-up, clad in a yellow summer dress that Beca has seen her in on a couple occasions, a light blue denim jacket and white sneakers. Her hair is flowing over her shoulders in natural waves and her makeup is kept pretty simple but man , she looks absolutely gorgeous and sexy and... yeah.
"You look great," Beca says instead, her best friend filter kicking in just in time. "Going somewhere?"
Chloe smiles and nods, easily weaving through the apartment now. "I, uh, I have a date, actually."
There's a beat of silence because Beca doesn't know if she'll be able to keep her voice from shaking. A storm of emotions hits her square in the chest the second following the news; disappointment, sadness, frustration. She attempts to stomp on them, to feel proud instead. Chloe is finally getting back out there, and Beca shouldn't feel anything but pride and happiness.
It's just... too much to ask of her right now, and she can't hide it from her features, but it's not like Chloe can tell. Guilt grasps her insides when she finds herself thinking that she's glad Chloe can't tell.
"That's," Beca swallows the acid taste settling on her tongue. It slides down her throat and burns her insides. "That's awesome, Chlo. Who um – " She hurries to put the bottle back in the fridge and clears her throat, hoping her voice doesn't betray her. "Who is the lucky fella?"
"This guy from work. His name's Jeremy."
"Cool. Cool cool cool." Okay Beca, chill. That was probably one too many cool's. "Joey going with you guys?"
"No, Jeremy's picking me up. It'll be nice for Joey to have a night off from having to drag my butt around." Chloe jokes as she crouches down to give her dog a belly rub.
"Right. Dope. Well, give me a call if you need anything," Beca says. She would really prefer if Joey went with her, in case something happens and the guy ends up leaving Chloe in the middle of the date. "I mean that. Anything."
Beca's hopes to focus on a mix while Chloe is on her date are short-lived. Her mind keeps wandering to whether Chloe might kiss him or worse, fall in love with him. She knows that's most unlikely to happen after one date, but Beca's jealousy-tinted brain tends to come up with overly-dramatic scenarios. She checks her phone countless times, hoping to see a text message from Chloe asking Beca to bail her out because the date is awful.
She gives up on work when it pushed nine pm and grabs a beer from the fridge, settling down on the couch to watch something dumb on TV and drown her sorrows in alcohol. (Did she mention her tendency to get over dramatic? Right.) Joey shuffles to lie down at her feet, heaving out a deep sigh.
"Yeah, love sucks, huh?" He lifts his head and tilts it to the side, making Beca glance at him. "What would you know?" She grumps. "You're a dog. Everyone loves dogs."
The sound of keys twisting in the lock jolts Beca out of her reverie a half-hour later. She twists her head over her shoulder to see Chloe come in.
"Hey," she calls out softly, Chloe's head twisting in her direction. "D'you have fun?"
"It was nice," Chloe replies, following the back of the couch with her hand until she rounds its corner and sits beside Beca. She shrugs, toying with her keys. "He's just... kinda boring."
Beca snickers. "He looked boring." Chloe laughs brightly at that. "Want a beer?"
"Sure." Beca stands up and makes the short distance to their kitchen, retrieving a bottle from the fridge. "Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah dude, anything." Beca takes Chloe's hand and wraps it around the bottle as she sits back down. There's a mask of nervousness on Chloe's usually confident features that makes Beca straighten. "What is it, Chlo?"
"You remember the night Chicago broke up with me?"
Beca's head tilts inquisitively. "Yeah."
Chloe's fingers fiddle with the label stuck to the bottle as she finds her words. "I-I wasn't upset because he left me- I mean, it was kind of a blow but... I thought you might need an out, too, and that terrified me, that's why I was such a mess." Beca reaches out, laying her hand atop Chloe's wrist as wordless confirmation that such a thing would never happen. Chloe flips her arm, slotting her fingers with Beca's. "That night, you- you mentioned something about people standing in line for me and - I remember wishing you stood in that line."
Beca's breathing stutters along with her heart and it takes her a while to find her voice. "Chlo - "
"I've always felt something for you that I could never really place, probably ever since we met. That night it just... clicked." Chloe lets out a stunned sort of chuckle. "And I thought you'd never feel that way for me so I didn't mention anything but then... then at the wedding, my brother asked me if we were together… something about the way you looked at me that made him think that."
This is definitely the worst moment for words to fail Beca, and she remains dumbstruck for a beat longer before forgetting about her fears altogether. Setting her beer down on the coffee table, she takes Chloe's from her and does the same, before leaning forward to brush a soft kiss to Chloe's lips, her hand drifting up to cradle her jaw tenderly. Beca feels Chloe's hand wrap around her wrist gently, her thumb grazing Beca's skin. The move encourages Beca to press her mouth to Chloe's more fully, parting her lips just enough to capture Chloe's bottom one.
Tiny bursts of joy go off inside her belly and her brain feels like it's floating on a cloud of bliss as Chloe kisses her back without hesitation. Chloe makes the softest of sounds, something between a whimper and a moan and Beca's lips stretch into a smile before she tilts her head to deepen the kiss.
The need for oxygen eventually sets in and has Beca pull away reluctantly. She rests her forehead against Chloe's as they trade the same air, swallowing heavily.
"I'm in the line," she tells Chloe, in case her intentions weren't clear enough.
Chloe shakes her head faintly. "There's no more line, Bec."
The grin that graces Chloe's face is brighter than Beca remembers, and Beca feels her soul beautifully ache, the warmth emitting from Chloe's features putting Beca back together after the challenging year following Chloe's accident.
Unparalleled happiness bubbles inside her chest, because it seems like in that moment, not only the sun, but all the stars from the universe light up Chloe's eyes.
Beca has never witnessed anything more beautiful.
A/N: the title is meant for Beca, just for those of you who think it might be weird given Chloe's condition.
Thanks for reading, comments are always appreciated xx