"I don't believe the Order, Yukio," The corner of Rin's mouth twists up, a smirk that can only be interpreted as mocking, dark blue eyes glinting as he looks away. "We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far."

It's just an irresponsible offhand remark, like how a person would hate their younger brother's boss if the boss overworked his workers. But the words said after the remark really catches Yukio's interest. He hears them somewhere before.

"H.P. Lovecraft," Yukio realizes. "Nii-san, I don't know you like literature."

"Ah," Looking bored, Rin casually responds, "I used to tell you stories, remember?"

Yukio doesn't. The past years have felt like a blur, to be honest. Time always move too fast for him to catch up. Always filled with Not strong enough and to protect.

There are memories of his training, the man he proudly calls father fighting by his side, and a whole of of demon exorcism, but no matter how hard Yukio digging it up, the precious moments he spent with his family is more like a stain in the paper. Even his childhood is fading away, and Yukio right now is nothing like the kid he used to be, who easily cried and hid behind someone's back.

(He does remember Rin's broad shoulder, from the eyes of a little kid. To protect.)

Yukio examines Rin, who sits in front of him, struggling and failing to focus on his homework. He tries to picture it in his mind, two little kids in the corner of the room, the older brother telling a story and the younger brother listening with wonders in his eyes. Sounds like a good memory.

But, this is Rin.

"I thought you only read mangas," Yukio speaks bluntly.

Rin's bored expression doesn't change, shrugging it off. It irks him off. It's as if Rin has gotten this reaction a hundred times already.

"You especially liked Alice in Wonderland."

Yukio likes Alice in Wonderland. It's actually quite embrassing, though, so he doesn't tell it to anyone. Out of habit, Yukio ends up blurting, "I don't. Didn't, I mean."

Rin stares at him.

Yukio stares back indignantly.

"Well, it's fine if you don't want to admit it," Rin chuckles. He does some scretches and jumps to his bed. "I am done with the homework today."

"Nii-san, you've only worked on it like, ten minutes."

Another chuckles. "Yukio, how long is forever?"

Ah, a reference to Alice in Wonderland. Yukio sighs in defeat. "Sometimes, just one second."

"Good night, Yukio."

A few minutes of silence, then Rin already goes to the land of dreaming. Yukio watches him.

"Good night, Nii-san."

Unlike Rin, sleep doesn't come easily for Yukio. Especially on nights like this, when his mind is wandering everywhere, to Wonderland, to Land of Cthulhu, to the past that must be still restored somewhere in his mind.

He only sleeps for three hours that night. He dreams of a white bunny carrying a clock, falling head first into a black sea, Rin's voice carrying over, "Wish good-bye to the poor hare, and come and look for blackberries."

When he wakes up, Rin is already awake, eyes half-lidded as he sits down in his bed and stares into space.

"Nii-san."

Rin glances at him, then smiles, not a particularly happy or cheerful smile. If Yukio has to describe it with one word, it was 'vacant'.

"I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then."

If Yukio is nothing like the kid he used to be, he wonders how it is with Rin.